Munchkin Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 So after being MIA for almost 4 months my ex decided to tex me out the blue to see his son. It has now been 3 weeks and I have to say that things have been going well. I wanted to give him the opportunity to be able to spend time with his son if he was serious about it this time around. he has come to see his son from 2 to 3 times a week. At first I wasn't sure if he was contacting me for his son or because he wanted to get back with me. As of now I don't see any intentions of him even trying to get back with me which is cool with me. I cant lie that I still care about him very much but in reality I know things will never work out. I could see that he feels extremely comfortable around me and sometimes I feel him flirting with me and there has been some type of physical contact (not sex but more like tickling). we used to fight a lot all the time but somehow I see him trying to be a good dad and agreeing to a lot of the things he would refuse to do before. I think that sometimes I'm getting mix signals or maybe its just me looking too much into it. I would love to work things out because I still care and love him and because I would love for my son to grow up with his two parents. Not sure what to think of this situation and don't want to do anything that might jeopardise what could happen. Am i looking too much into this? should I just move on? should I wait? not sure what to do. I need some advice. Perhaps someone has been through a similar situation. He has messed up big time but I am willing to give him an opportunity if not to be in a relationship then to at least be a good father to our son. Link to post Share on other sites
luvsickpuppy Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Take it slow, play it by ear, get to know eachother again. Don't try, just see what happens. At least he's back for your son, who knows where life will take you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 I would focus on him being a father to your child and allow him to get to know his son. Don't rush into a relationship and don't get physical with him either. Take it slowly and see how things go..Though I DO think you need to talk to him about if he is going to stick around and be part of his child's life or if he is going to leave again. This isn't about "you and him", it's about stability and him being there to rely on as a co parent. Don't be afraid to be honest and up front! I mean if you are worried having a serious conversation and scared he'll disappear or back off. Does he pay child support? Link to post Share on other sites
LAMARQ Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 What were the dynamics of your relationship before he went MIA? How long were you together? Did you live together? How old is your son? And most importantly, why did he disappear? I agree with the others to take it slow in regard to you and the ex. A good co-parenting relationship is what I'd strive for right now for your son. Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 I think you should forget about him for yourself and seek child support for your baby. This man has completely disrespected you in all ways, and he will not settle down with you. Did he offer to take you and the baby out to a pricey restaurant the way he did your best friend? Is he still pursuing her? After 11 years together and he still does not want to marry you and make all of you a family, I just don't see it happening. However, if he is now man enough to be a father to his baby that is more than you can hope for and I hope he does for your child's sake. Don't be fooled to think he is going to start treating you better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Munchkin Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 I would focus on him being a father to your child and allow him to get to know his son. Don't rush into a relationship and don't get physical with him either. Take it slowly and see how things go..Though I DO think you need to talk to him about if he is going to stick around and be part of his child's life or if he is going to leave again. This isn't about "you and him", it's about stability and him being there to rely on as a co parent. Don't be afraid to be honest and up front! I mean if you are worried having a serious conversation and scared he'll disappear or back off. Does he pay child support? I have been thinking about having that converstaion with him but its hard to do it because he gets upset and every conversation ends up in an argument. I do hope he is here to stay to at least be a good father to our son. I'm not sure about that though. He was ordered to pay child support which wasnt much because he is currently not working. He has no money at all to even pay that little. Maybe that is why he is back. maybe he thinks im going to remove the court's order. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Munchkin Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 I think you should forget about him for yourself and seek child support for your baby. This man has completely disrespected you in all ways, and he will not settle down with you. Did he offer to take you and the baby out to a pricey restaurant the way he did your best friend? Is he still pursuing her? After 11 years together and he still does not want to marry you and make all of you a family, I just don't see it happening. However, if he is now man enough to be a father to his baby that is more than you can hope for and I hope he does for your child's sake. Don't be fooled to think he is going to start treating you better. I agree with you 100%. the problem is sometimes believing that mybe he is going to change. im sure he is still talking to her and he cant no longer go to restaurants because now he is broke and has NO money at all. I was thinking that maybe that is the reason why he came back. He probably things im going to ask the court to remove the court order of the little he has to pay each month. I am the one that has been providing for my son for months. He left our apartment 4 months ago with about $10,000 in the bank and now he has nothing left. A few days ago he said that he wasnt sure when he was going to come see his son because he had no money to travel... Its sad that I knew this was going to happen, I just didnt know is was going to be this soon. Now im thinking about what's going to happen when he gets his settlement. Once he has money again im thinking he will walk out again. At this point im just taking it one day at a time. I am giving him the chance to be a good dad this one time but if he walks out again i will never allow him to see his son ever again. I dont want him playing these games. Now im the pne providing for my son and he is giving nothing just a few hours of his time 2 times a week and now god knows when he'll be coming...beause he's "broke"... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Munchkin Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 What were the dynamics of your relationship before he went MIA? How long were you together? Did you live together? How old is your son? And most importantly, why did he disappear? I agree with the others to take it slow in regard to you and the ex. A good co-parenting relationship is what I'd strive for right now for your son. Best wishes! Things were ok until I went back to work from having my son. We were together for 11 years and yes we lived together. We had just moved to a bigger and more expensive apt since we knew the baby was coming. Our son is 10 months old. he left when our son was 3 months old. I think he couldnt handle the whole being a parent deal so he chose the easy way out. He was still living at home when he started moving on. We would argue about anything and everything before he moved out. I guess any excuse to walk out. Now im on my own paying for a more expensive apt, taking care of our son, and dealing with my ex's effed up mind. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 He probably things im going to ask the court to remove the court order of the little he has to pay each month. Don't remove anything. You are probably right. I've known women whose babies fathers tried to smooch their way back into their lives only for a moment to try to erase orders to pay child support. Is there anyway you can get a large chunk of the money from his settlement? I hope so. He should be man enough to go to work and support his baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Sorry to be negative but my sense is that he wants to come back to you.. for security sake. Make alternate arrangements when he comes to get his son in order to test him out. I mean, like not be present and see what he does. To me, he sounds like he needs you to be there primarily because he is immature. I would be PISSED about the money he has spent in his absence. I don't know why you are not angry. .. Then again, I reckon you will go back to him and live life according to his rules as you don't seem to have anything going on for yourself. I am not trying to be dismissive but you have permitted so much previously that he will find turning you to back to his ways as probably a 4-6 week venture. Tak care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
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