Oregon native Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Hi im Levi. Im 20. I broke up with my ex about 3 months ago after a long 12 month up/down relationship and now im just trying to get back to being me. Throughout my teens i've had a few girl friends, non of them lasted more than 2 months, i just wasnt ever able to fully commit to being in a relationship, i wasn't able to find that middle ground with myself, able to hold up solidly enough. Id go quiet some days, didn't want to talk, cocoon, read philosophy, take psychedelics, make music, drink, bs with my buddies. I've never had that "im a tough guy so come here honey, ive got it together" attitude, perception, realization. I feel it starting to come along now, VERY GRADUALLY. I work full time and i have to talk to people, my work social skills are decent, my outside of work social skills are still pretty crap[y. Background about my last relationship. I dated an attention whore, this emotionally unbalanced gal id known on and off. Her dad was my dads preacher. She's pretty good looking but she started having sex at a young age(14), been with many guys, even two married couples. Shes pretty out there as far as her sex life goes(even managed to obtain herpes). She went on a missions trip for 4 months around the world, and when she got back she tried to ween off of her sexual/attenion seeking desires. She was pretty much straight edge when we started hanging out. We got drunk at my house one night and i told her how much i liked her. Shes spontanious and very honest, nice to talk to. We hit it off, fell for each other. Went on trips into the woods, fished, floated the river, went to movies, all sorts of fun activities. Loads of sex, she was hot. She'd have VERY LOW lows though at times, questioning herself. It finally hit me about 4 months into it that i couldnt handle her emotions after she said she wanted to commit suicide and see me one last time so i went to her mom and we talked for a bit, her mom told me that these young men she brings over just cant handle her, we're killing ourselfs trying. I agreed and let the family take control. After a few days of her texting me, it stopped. We parted for a few weeks then i caved in. Im a soft guy, whether it a blessing or not, im very concious of others and i try to see life through others eyes. I felt bad, i knew she was in a sad state and that she was trying to better herself but had a rough past. I started it back up It went on for 4 months but it was different, she didn't show her commitment to me as much, said i'd hurt her real bad and her mind had thrown me in the gutter. Now where am i? Just a friend with benefits, still love the girl, god she's so spontanious and honest about everything, nothing id ever had before, i felt that i loved her. We'd hang out just about every day, on and off throughout the week, smoke cigs in a parked car, talk about each others lives, have sex then really deep conversations. She'd always talk about how she was gonna move soon, go off with one of the guys from her missions trip(Sam) or maybe her girlfriends from the city she was once living in and do what she felt she was called to do, experience life, meet people and learn. I'd have a fit, i loved her. Id tell her it hurt she wanted to leave me. She said this is the her that i love, if she changed she woudlnt be the girl i loved. Deep down inside i knew this **** was killing me and that it'd never have a future so i broke it off. We parted for a few weeks, then met up to talk a few weeks later. She'd been whoring around, screwed 3 different guys a dozen times, i was sad. We kept talking then had sex. I told her how hurt i was that she could just fling herself out there after we'd had such a bond. I asked if she used a condom every time, she said she didn't once(shes not on bc either) I told her i wasn't going to have sex with her again and share my support if she was going to do that. She said she would tell me. We had sex a few weeks later, i asked her if she'd had sex with anyone else after and she said yes. I was so ****ing pissed, i told her that was the coldest **** ever, she tried to back herself up but couldnt and agreed it was ****ed up to go from me to another then back again and not tell me. Its all broke now, im slapping myself out of it, yes slapping. See, shes got a few things on my weak sweet(and horny mind). Beautiful, shares a deep friendly connection with me and kinky as it gets in bed. IT KILLS ME. Ive gone 3 months now without seeing her, we txt each other for a whole week last week, she wanted to see me. I finally told her to piss off, im trying to let these emotions fade and talking to her just brings them back. Now im just trying to get my head on straight. Im getting my gym membership back, working as hard as i can at work, socializing with people. Its just easy to tell myself that im a piece of **** at getting to know girlsa dn im weak. Im my own worse enemy, all through out high school and this relationship. Any advice to keep me strong and stable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon native Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Ok i am pretty much over that whole scene, moving on. I just felt like writing it all down, id never wrote it all down before. Its a mess, it was helpful to see it all laid down REALY, i put myself in the situation, and i do feel im accountable. Now ive got a new problem. Expressing myself fully. Any advice, directly to me? Should i just stay friendly, keep getting over this and NOT LOOK FOR A NEW RELATIONSHIP? I dont feel ready for one, THATS FOR SURE. i shouldnt? I just want to be accertive about what im doing, maybe hearing others views will help me? Much thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
dizy Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 After reading your story, I feel like you didn't have your own life/not being yourself when you were still in contact with her. Obviously it's not easy to cut the ties but I believe thats what you should do. Don't wait until she cuts them because you will feel like s*** and worthless. I was in a relationship with my ex for 2 years and he was my first love. It was really intense, we were very attached to each other, but he was a control freak and very possessive, I couldn't have any male friends. When we broke up (he cut the ties because I wasn't able to), I just realized that my life was completly broken, no self-esteem, no friends, poor academic/job performance, I couldn't even recognize myself. I took sleeping pills because it was during exam sessions and I just couldn't handle all that emotional distress. My story seems different except the fact that we both know the relationship is not going to work since the person has very different values (for my ex, he was anti-social when I am a super sociable person/ for your friend, she is behaving like a whore when you obviously value loyalty) but we both had a hard detaching ourselves. Don't make the same mistake as I did. Get over this s*** before it destroys you completly. I don't suggest you to have relationships. Just take the time to get to know yourself again and to understand what kind of person you are truly looking for =) Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 My friend, you sound like you're making all the right decisions already. Spontaneous and free loving girls are great to have spontaneous free love with but, as they live in the moment, they will have spontaneous free love with whoever is available at that moment. You were upset by that, which says to me she doesn't fit what you want or need from life right now. Horny goldfish are fun, but terribly forgetful. I also note you didn't say you had other lovers in this period either, and I assume you didn't. Am I right? I'll assume I am, and take that to say you're more a one-woman kind of guy. Going with that idea, think of your experience with this girl as a great training ground, a learning experience: you're now a much more experienced lover, which is a great quality to take to your next relationship. Don't be sad that it's over- be happy it happened. Delete her contact details and change your phone number. You're just mugging yourself if you keep those channels open. I don't know if you're the kind of person who can separate having sex and having a relationship. If you can, sleep around if you like, but don't get too emotionally invested in anything right now. One night stands can scratch an itch, but don't confuse them with finding a life-partner. Not just now. I like hearing that you've renewed your gym membership. My advice is to take up some form of moving meditation such as yoga or a martial art. The combination of mind, body and soul is breathtaking. Try it. Tell me more about this problem you're having expressing yourself. Is there any physical manifestation to this? I felt a very tight chest and like there was a brick in my throat when I had trouble expressing myself, for example. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon native Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 My friend, you sound like you're making all the right decisions already. Spontaneous and free loving girls are great to have spontaneous free love with but, as they live in the moment, they will have spontaneous free love with whoever is available at that moment. You were upset by that, which says to me she doesn't fit what you want or need from life right now. Horny goldfish are fun, but terribly forgetful. I also note you didn't say you had other lovers in this period either, and I assume you didn't. Am I right? I'll assume I am, and take that to say you're more a one-woman kind of guy. Going with that idea, think of your experience with this girl as a great training ground, a learning experience: you're now a much more experienced lover, which is a great quality to take to your next relationship. Don't be sad that it's over- be happy it happened. Delete her contact details and change your phone number. You're just mugging yourself if you keep those channels open. I don't know if you're the kind of person who can separate having sex and having a relationship. If you can, sleep around if you like, but don't get too emotionally invested in anything right now. One night stands can scratch an itch, but don't confuse them with finding a life-partner. Not just now. I like hearing that you've renewed your gym membership. My advice is to take up some form of moving meditation such as yoga or a martial art. The combination of mind, body and soul is breathtaking. Try it. Tell me more about this problem you're having expressing yourself. Is there any physical manifestation to this? I felt a very tight chest and like there was a brick in my throat when I had trouble expressing myself, for example. Thanks for the reply both of you. Im not going to try to scratch the itch, im just not wired that way and ive no intention to rewire myself, just sounds addictive once i get the hang of endulging in it so casually First day in the gym today, was nice to shred some muscle. Even went to a young church group after just be around easy going people. I'll keep talking to people im fond of and keep my cheery side going strong. Ive thought about a martial arts class, that might just hit the spot. Ill look into it. Thanks again for the replys, real nice people on this site! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 You're welcome! Keep on keeping on... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 If you haven't already, get tested for STD's. Lord only knows where the people she's been with have been. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oregon native Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 If you haven't already, get tested for STD's. Lord only knows where the people she's been with have been. I should i ill Link to post Share on other sites
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