SillyS Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I was just talking about my ex to a friend last night, and I noticed something that was less obvious to me while I was with him. He sleeps a lot, he usually don't have a lot of energy and generally a lack of pleasure alongside a very glim outlook on life. He always thinks he will die very young and never be truly loved, he doesn't have a lot of friends or is close to his family and while being with me and talking to me temporarily helped...these were always predominant problems in our relationship. He didn't think he was worth much at all, and would attempt to do things for me to prove his love even though he couldn't do most of these things. Here's my problem. I suspect that he should talk to a therapist or seek medical professionals, but we broke up about a month ago and his way of dealing with this has been to paint me black and make himself and his family hate me. I realize now that as one of the only people that knew him so well, that I have to say something but how? Anyone have any ideas on how I can help him without offending him or alienating him further? Link to post Share on other sites
Badenov Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Sounds like he has low self-esteem & probably depression. He should try medication combined with counselling. I know. I have the same problem. All you can do is be honest & let him know your advice comes from a good place: because you care. If he's not ready to accept it, nothing you can say will change that. The best you can do is plant the seed for later. I would suggest writing him a letter. No e-mail or text; too impersonal. He needs to feel that he's worth the effort. Don't get drawn into a conversation, as he'll probably get defensive. Send it with a thoughtful card. After that, don't coddle him. He may want your attention as a substitute to make him feel better--think of it as a drug addiction: You want your ex to get help, not get high. All you can do is give him moral support if he decides o help himself get better. I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SillyS Posted August 20, 2011 Author Share Posted August 20, 2011 It ended really badly, and he hurt me a lot. I would like to help him, but that's always been the problem. I'm always trying to help him, make him feel better, make his life easier and then he ended things in such a drastic fashion with no disregard for me. Thus I will first work on myself, and understand why I was that way with him in the first place. I mentioned once that I wanted to have babies someday, I'm 23 and in school so down the line and for the last year he has been telling me that he might not be able to have them since he's diabetic. Just so simply to get tested if you are scared or to not worry about something that is down the line in 5 years or so. I just didn't understand, and I guess now I'm trying to figure things out or see things more clearly. Thank you for your letter suggestion. Once I have my own emotions under control and give my self some time, I will attempt to write the letter and make the suggestion to him in a few months. Link to post Share on other sites
Badenov Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 It ended really badly, and he hurt me a lot. I would like to help him, but that's always been the problem. I'm always trying to help him, make him feel better, make his life easier and then he ended things in such a drastic fashion with no disregard for me. I'm sorry. I didn't take into account the possibility that he just might be an assclown. You're right, of course. Work on yourself first. Just don't beat yourself for the things he's done. Link to post Share on other sites
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