going to crack, but at what expense..

[Dblock10]

Basically i cant handle no contact. i don't want this girl to become the past. i don't want her to move on from me or visa versa.

 

she wants to be free whilst travelling and have no relationship label or stresses incase it ruins her once in a life time experience..

 

i had no choice but to respect her decision and i do realise 6 months is a long time and staying with someone you had only been with for 6 months is a lot to ask. its a shame though as i had deep feelings for her and still think about her a lot. probably too much.

 

this sunday will be two weeks of no contact.

 

 

i know nothing i can say or do is going to change her mind, so im not even going to try. but i just feel a bit used in all honesty.

 

she never told me before that she had done two LD relationships yet they "never work" and she is so bad at communication etc.

 

she doesnt know what she wants or wants to do when she is back so staying with each other "isnt practical"

 

 

so obviously she is wanting to move on now judging by her actions and lack of any form of communication between her and I.

 

I am struggling with it though. and dont want to move on or forget about her. i have tried to be strong and kept NC in order to see if she would txt or call but nope...

 

literally everyone says dont contact her. but its different when its you wearing the shoes.

 

she wanted to be on good terms with me. fair enough. but as soon as she gets a bf or starts seeing someone, thats obviously going to cause pain to me and thus sooner or later unless we reconcile we wont be on good terms..

 

 

yeah im going mad.

[amethyste]

How many times are you going to post the same thing?

[Dblock10]

I know, i'm going in circles. need to stop posting the same thing over and over. just shows how much of a mess i really am

[olivec]

Listen bro i was in the same situation as you a few months ago and it was a experience i will never go through again. Your feeling soo much emotional right now its off the charts you probably can't eat or sleep and constantly thinking about her. Heres the thing man and your not gunna want hear this but "its over". This girls is not the one for you and all shes doing to you right now is stressing you out and your giving her all the power. Plus when shes travelling around you think shes not gunna be on other guys doing her thing. ofcourse she is which is why you must regain your selfrespect back and continue NC. You must do this to continue to move forward and to eventually meet someone worthy of you because clearly this girl is not worthy of you and is not worth stressing over. Bottom line your young and got plenty of time to meet somebody else. Hell i'm in my 30's and have gone hearbreaks on more than one occasion but it doesnt stop me for long to regain myself and get back out there. I know it'll take time because every relationship is different. However the fact is you will recover from this and meet somebody else. In the mean time keep your head up man and dont let this girl get you down.

[Dblock10]

Listen bro i was in the same situation as you a few months ago and it was a experience i will never go through again. Your feeling soo much emotional right now its off the charts you probably can't eat or sleep and constantly thinking about her. Heres the thing man and your not gunna want hear this but "its over". This girls is not the one for you and all shes doing to you right now is stressing you out and your giving her all the power. Plus when shes travelling around you think shes not gunna be on other guys doing her thing. ofcourse she is which is why you must regain your selfrespect back and continue NC. You must do this to continue to move forward and to eventually meet someone worthy of you because clearly this girl is not worthy of you and is not worth stressing over. Bottom line your young and got plenty of time to meet somebody else. Hell i'm in my 30's and have gone hearbreaks on more than one occasion but it doesnt stop me for long to regain myself and get back out there. I know it'll take time because every relationship is different. However the fact is you will recover from this and meet somebody else. In the mean time keep your head up man and dont let this girl get you down.

 

 

thanks man, gave me a bit of strength. yeah i'm living well apart from the mental torture i bring upon myself.. eating and sleeping fine, its just in the morning and throughout the day i think about her and want to reach out.

 

i feel that if i see her moving on and or if she ends up with someone else thats probably when it will really hit me to the point i wont be able to sleep or eat and i really dont want to be in that place.

 

yeah she probably will be on other guys doing her thing. i dont think i gave away my self respect, but obviously i'll loose that if i contact her now.

 

staying strong has to be the right thing. what other choice do i really have?

 

why cant i realise she is not worthy of me? why do i feel like i must hold onto her with everything i've got?

 

would it be worth writing a list of the things she did that got to me or annoyed me or what ever?

 

i hope when uni starts again and everything is flowing, that hopefully ill be able to knock it on the head and put it behind me.

 

right now i am living in fear of the unknown, fear that there i will not get better than her. fear that she will move on and it will hurt me as i will be left lonely!

 

i am debating about removing her and her friends from my facebook but not sure... everything has consequences.

[smudge21]

Don't think about hearing about her and what she's up to. It really is best if you cut all contact and never see or hear from her again. Don't even go looking for info. Trust me, despite what you may think, no matter what you hear will only ever hurt you. I know that for a fact.

 

Concentrate on your own life and what you want to do with it. She's made her choice so let her go. Please don't try to follow her...

[Dblock10]

smudge you are right.

but..... as much as id love that to be the case honestly, i want there to be a door left open so to speak. I cut the first ex out of my life for good and it took an awful long time to let go of her, obviously she got into a re with some else though so it was impossible to get her back.

 

so I feel i cant cut all my ties completely with this one. obviously this is living with hope but i like the small glimmer of hope as no one knows the future, cant always be pessimistic. obviously i am a realist though. Im not going to turn down chances with women whilst pinning for her, of course i am a young male and have needs just like everyone else and who knows who i might meet...

 

im sure she wont be turning anything down on my account for sure.

 

its very tempting to delete her and her friends off my facebook. or to make a new account and leave that one for the time being..

Edited August 19, 2011 by Dblock10

[olivec]

smudge you are right.

but..... as much as id love that to be the case honestly, i want there to be a door left open so to speak. I cut the first ex out of my life for good and it took an awful long time to let go of her, obviously she got into a re with some else though so it was impossible to get her back.

 

so I feel i cant cut all my ties completely with this one. obviously this is living with hope but i like the small glimmer of hope as no one knows the future, cant always be pessimistic. obviously i am a realist though. Im not going to turn down chances with women whilst pinning for her, of course i am a young male and have needs just like everyone else and who knows who i might meet...

 

im sure she wont be turning anything down on my account for sure.

 

its very tempting to delete her and her friends off my facebook. or to make a new account and leave that one for the time being..

 

I can tell with how strongly you feel about her the only thing you want from her is a relationship to continue and nothing else. Which is fine if she wanted that to. However this is not the case shes clearly moved on man and you gotta do the same. And I had my glimmer of hope to that i held onto for months but it only made things worse because when we finally did talk on the phone it was not the answer i wanted to hear and it hurt even more after that. And the thing with woman sometimes they'll say i wanna be friends because they take pity on you and you dont want that at all. and i can tell your a "all or nothing" type guy so being friends is not gunna work. So this is the reason you must continue nc and i would deleat her from your facebook actually block her from your facebook. Two reasons because it'll get her out of your head faster because there well be no triggers to make you contact her and also it will lessen the pain when eventually a new man enters her life which will happen. So you gotta ask yourself do you really wanna go through that added pain? I can tell your a smart guy so you know deep down its the right thing to do and only way to move forward from this person.

[smudge21]

Totally agree with Olivec - that small bit of hope is a nasty thing to have and can really cause you problems if you feed it. Seriously, if you can, block all contact. If you really want to know how hope can hurt, just look for my post earlier in the week. Seeing an update from an ex's sister actually stating the date for my ex's wedding - yeah, that cut deep and I even thought I was fine with it all. It had been 6 months NC.

 

Until you cut all contact you are not moving on...

[amethyste]

Don't get me wrong, but by over-analyzing this situation you're not doing yourself any good. Peoeple around here gave you some great advice, so I think it's time to listen to what they've said.

[Dblock10]

so in a way, all i am trying to do is avoid hurt.. by going nc and removing her from out of my life.

 

i actually dont 100% want the relationship to continue right now as i know it cant, being apart for 6 months would always fail given the time frame we had together before this obstacle came up.

i wish she wasn't going of course, but these are the facts, i need to take responsibility for my own actions. i still feel some resentment for how she put me in this situation despite being open about the travelling. i was under the impression it would only be 3 months. not 6..

 

what i do want however is to be able to not think about her as much, move on with my life, enjoy my friends and go out and be happy. then in the future id very much like to see her and see how things go if this was at all possible.

 

however i totally get where everyone here and my friends at home are coming from about forgetting about her and moving on, and i know you are right, if i did see her in a relationship with someone else it would hurt a lot cause she would have chosen them over me... of course id feel like death.

 

but that drives you to move on more so, as apposed to giving up almost in order to save yourself from hurt... ultimately i will want to communicate with her further down the line so this is the dilemma i face. as you can see.

 

when im heavily emotionally involved with a girl whom i like to this extent, i am very much so an all or nothing type guy.

 

i also know the face book thing should be done. because ultimately i will see photos of her having the time of her life without me with other men..

 

what gets to me though is how she said she didn't want to have to worry about me and what i was up to whilst she goes and how she would worry about hearing from me and mentioning parties and worry that i would get hit on. so i said, yeah but you trust me and you know i wouldnt be doing anything.. she said, i know but i would probably still be worrying and i just dont want to be whilst im away i want to be enjoying myself with my friend.

 

so not being together would make her not have to worry about me...? how! surely it works both ways, she is still on my facebook, so how is she going to deal with seeing stuff from me. i just dont get this situation at all. Im not with her but im still going to worry about what she is up to, if not more so now... sigh

 

exactly, by having contact you are not moving on. i dont want her to move on..

 

i want to take this advice and what everyone has said so much. but cant bring myself to do it. major problem

Edited August 19, 2011 by Dblock10

[smudge21]

You never forget an ex, you just no longer have the same feelings for them; the same desire to be around them. They just become like any one else in your life, any other friend (unless of course the break up has been bad).

 

Block on Facebook and she won't see you, you won't see her. If it helps, tell her you're doing it. Tell her you'll be fine but you need to do this to help you move on. To break the emotional attachment you have to her.

 

You know what you must do, but it's actually doing it. Yeah, that can be hard...

[giuliano-3]

Its hard when a breakup happens for a dumpee who doesn't want to end things. Fact. In all cases.

 

Some say its harder when the dumper lives nearby and there is much opportunity to see/interact with her again. Others will say its harder when the dumper takes off to a foreign land with no contact. I was in your shoes. I spent my time looking at websites where I hoped to catch a glimpse of what my ex was up to. We were FB 'friends' for a few months while she was gone, but she didn't update much - all I got was her new BF's name.

 

Using the name I found I did searches, trying to ascertain where they were. After dozens and dozens of hours searching I came across a video clip where my ex appears from the back for 10 seconds. Couldn't see her face, but knew it was her. I watched this 10 second clip probably a few hundred times in the span of a few weeks. Torture. Absolute gut wrenching, non-productive stuff. Meanwhile I developed an unhealthy obsession with this new guy. Why him? What does he have that I don't? I made him into the source of my pain. It was his fault, he's a wealthy elitist d-bag etc etc. Didn't do me any good. He turned out to be a decent chap when I wrote him finally after 8 months.

 

I would advise you to stay away from FB for awhile. My case is well documented regarding e-stalking and I still slip from time to time. But I've taken breaks which did me a lot of good. At this stage you're in, it won't help you to realize she's having fun with other guys. It will only bring feelings of jealousy, inadequacy and shame. If I saw a picture of my ex and her new dude now it wouldn't phase me. Acceptance is something you're a long way from, believe me I know.

[giuliano-3]

You never forget an ex, you just no longer have the same feelings for them; the same desire to be around them. They just become like any one else in your life, any other friend (unless of course the break up has been bad).

 

Block on Facebook and she won't see you, you won't see her. If it helps, tell her you're doing it. Tell her you'll be fine but you need to do this to help you move on. To break the emotional attachment you have to her.

 

You know what you must do, but it's actually doing it. Yeah, that can be hard...

 

Great advice. She gave you fair warning so it doesn't qualify as a "bad" breakup. I would agree that telling her you're about to block is a good way to go in your case. We all knew what we had to do, some of us have to live with the fact that we didn't do what we should have done and it cost us. Do as we say, not as we did.

[Chi townD]

so in a way, all i am trying to do is avoid hurt.. by going nc and removing her from out of my life.

 

i actually dont 100% want the relationship to continue right now as i know it cant, being apart for 6 months would always fail given the time frame we had together before this obstacle came up.

i wish she wasn't going of course, but these are the facts, i need to take responsibility for my own actions. i still feel some resentment for how she put me in this situation despite being open about the travelling. i was under the impression it would only be 3 months. not 6..

 

what i do want however is to be able to not think about her as much, move on with my life, enjoy my friends and go out and be happy. then in the future id very much like to see her and see how things go if this was at all possible.

 

however i totally get where everyone here and my friends at home are coming from about forgetting about her and moving on, and i know you are right, if i did see her in a relationship with someone else it would hurt a lot cause she would have chosen them over me... of course id feel like death.

 

but that drives you to move on more so, as apposed to giving up almost in order to save yourself from hurt... ultimately i will want to communicate with her further down the line so this is the dilemma i face. as you can see.

 

when im heavily emotionally involved with a girl whom i like to this extent, i am very much so an all or nothing type guy.

 

i also know the face book thing should be done. because ultimately i will see photos of her having the time of her life without me with other men..

 

what gets to me though is how she said she didn't want to have to worry about me and what i was up to whilst she goes and how she would worry about hearing from me and mentioning parties and worry that i would get hit on. so i said, yeah but you trust me and you know i wouldnt be doing anything.. she said, i know but i would probably still be worrying and i just dont want to be whilst im away i want to be enjoying myself with my friend.

 

so not being together would make her not have to worry about me...? how! surely it works both ways, she is still on my facebook, so how is she going to deal with seeing stuff from me. i just dont get this situation at all. Im not with her but im still going to worry about what she is up to, if not more so now... sigh

 

exactly, by having contact you are not moving on. i dont want her to move on..

 

i want to take this advice and what everyone has said so much. but cant bring myself to do it. major problem

 

 

First, that's BS for her to turn things on you like she did. About her not having to worry about YOU while she's traveling...Really?!?!

 

She told you she broke up with you because SHE wants to be free while SHE'S traveling! Translation? I want to hook up with as many people as I want and not feel guilty about it. I want to party it up as much as possible and not feel guilt about it or worried about what you'll say about it. Her breaking up with you was driven by her selfessness. It wouldn't surprise me that once she returns from her travels that she would want to get back with you if nothing from her travels pans out. And you can;t get mad at her about what she did while she was gone! Because "you two weren't dating!" Don't you love technicalities!!

 

This may or may not happen. But if it does, do you want to be her second choice?

 

Yes, de-friend her and anyone else traveling with her, she may not post pics, but her friends will and that's going to cut deep with you.

[Dblock10]

chitown,

 

yeah pretty much mate. also she said she doesn't want to feel guilty about meeting new people as when you are with someone you act differently. she doesn't want to feel like what she does "if it would be ok with me or to worry to what i'd think" she added, not that i want to be getting with people...

 

well i cant see her actually developing anything serious with anyone but sure as hell she will hook up with people. and no i dont want to be her second choice at all. im annoyed that she didnt want to give it a go. and im annoyed with all the stuff she said which seems to have been empty words almost hence why ive not heard from her since.

 

yeah exactly thats the issue really, if she did come back, then i would always feel like that... its not fair on me at all.

 

de-friend or block? what is the difference... and what do i tell her. dont you think she will think i am being immature?

 

yeah it was driven by her selfishness. i am gutted ive not heard from her since i saw her the ball has to be in her court for sure. the fact that she knew about my nan to and i heard nothing and that i drove down to see her.

 

i really want to contact her and talk about stuff tbh. i dont want it to get nasty though. I know i have spoken to her, but just seems if those were the reasons why she doesn't want it, why have i not heard from her now...

 

so annnoying, what would it achieve though by txting her. if i txt her saying hey not heard from you in a while, you still alive etc? she would probably just say something like same to you, not heard from you in a while either...

 

it seems like i want to talk to her about everything she said and tell her how it doesn't add up.

 

but she has me in a corner, because her argument is that she doesnt know what she wants to do when she's back.

Edited August 19, 2011 by Dblock10

[giuliano-3]

She told you she broke up with you because SHE wants to be free while SHE'S traveling! Translation? I want to hook up with as many people as I want and not feel guilty about it. I want to party it up as much as possible and not feel guilt about it or worried about what you'll say about it. Her breaking up with you was driven by her selfessness. It wouldn't surprise me that once she returns from her travels that she would want to get back with you if nothing from her travels pans out. And you can;t get mad at her about what she did while she was gone! Because "you two weren't dating!" Don't you love technicalities!!

 

This may or may not happen. But if it does, do you want to be her second choice?

 

Amazing analysis, but I take issue with that which I bolded above. She was up front about the trip - I believe, right D-Block? It was a selfish act, but also a realistic one. If she's going on a trip to Europe, for 6 months? Umm, sorry but that ain't working out with an LDR. I've witnessed way too many teary-eyed skype chats while I've been overseas. I've seen life-long soulmates cheat on the other for some cheap fling with a local. Its apparantley a very hard temptation to resist, the air alone can be quite intoxicating. So, she made the right call.

 

The problem is my man D-Block fell for her knowing what he knew. It looks like we got a friggin romantic over here. Sucks to be one, I know.

 

The best way to go with FB would be to keep the status quo and just never check her profile page. I believe you can disable the feature that updates her status on your home page. But if you, like me, can't resist then I'd say block her for awhile - don't even neccesarily need to tell her either. If you're not attached to FB and the people you'd otherwise not be in contact with - delete your account. You can always reactivate it. It will help, and for God's sake please don't obsess over where she is/what she's doing. Now would be a good time to start a new activity of some sort. I started reading religously, dabbled in some working out, played a lot of hoops. It gets your mind off her, it works.

[Chi townD]

Amazing analysis, but I take issue with that which I bolded above. She was up front about the trip - I believe, right D-Block? It was a selfish act, but also a realistic one. If she's going on a trip to Europe, for 6 months? Umm, sorry but that ain't working out with an LDR. I've witnessed way too many teary-eyed skype chats while I've been overseas. I've seen life-long soulmates cheat on the other for some cheap fling with a local. Its apparantley a very hard temptation to resist, the air alone can be quite intoxicating. So, she made the right call.

 

The problem is my man D-Block fell for her knowing what he knew. It looks like we got a friggin romantic over here. Sucks to be one, I know.

 

The best way to go with FB would be to keep the status quo and just never check her profile page. I believe you can disable the feature that updates her status on your home page. But if you, like me, can't resist then I'd say block her for awhile - don't even neccesarily need to tell her either. If you're not attached to FB and the people you'd otherwise not be in contact with - delete your account. You can always reactivate it. It will help, and for God's sake please don't obsess over where she is/what she's doing. Now would be a good time to start a new activity of some sort. I started reading religously, dabbled in some working out, played a lot of hoops. It gets your mind off her, it works.

 

Well, the reason I say it was selfish is because she was telling HIM that she would worry about the parties HE would go to, or the girls HE would meet while she was away. Making sound like he was going hog wild while she was going to stay at a convent. Which isn't the case.

 

I still say de-friend her from FB. If she asks be honest. We're not together anymore and I'd rather not hear that you're having an amazing time in Spain or wherever the hell she's going to. It would hurt to know that our relationship ended over this trip, so why would I need a play by play?

[Dblock10]

yeah basically her trying to turn it around on me at first, trying to make her seem like the innocent one. she did say she didnt want me to worry about her either and to be moping around after her whilst shes gone... she wants me to move on and fully enjoy uni like she did..

 

yeah she was upfront about it all giuliano-3. she mentioned doing them before and they dont work. she is bad at communication. doesnt want it to ruin her trip. she knows its selfish.. she was sorry for putting me in this situation.

 

exactly no doubt she would get drunk and at least pull someone and then feel terrible. and it would totally destroy me and us for good... where as if we ended it now and didnt try and struggle through it who knows what may happen in the future...

 

she said it isn't like a holiday... its being away for a long time. Yeah thats the problem i did fall for her knowing she was going travelling. couldnt help it. and now look where it got me.

 

yeh i havent checked it since we removed the relationship status..

how do you disable the feature? i think you need to click on a status update. im not friends with her friend that she is travelling with but would probably still see "x" tagged "yz" in photo album "travelling"..

 

blocking means they cannot add you back or something? if i deactivate my account, she has the opportunity to have bliss, not even having to see photos of me having fun..

 

i might contact her and ask why ive not heard from her in a while. as she knew about my nan's condition...

 

i mean are we meant to be friends now? even though she isnt being one with the above case? what am i supposed to do knowing it ended because of the travelling..

 

do i try and be some kind of person that stays in touch with her knowing i cant be with her, how is that fair for me at all to sit there and watch her move on and not have to worry about me. does she even want to stay in contact? seems i need to ask her really..

 

if she does want to be friends or does want to stay in contact i will need to ask her how is that going to work given that she will probably hook up with people on her travels. .

 

 

 

 

orr do i not need to ask these things and just go with it.. let it go, dont delete her from fb. and just wait until just before she goes, or wait a few months and txt her then?

 

this is so hard. really confused by this.

Edited August 19, 2011 by Dblock10

[giuliano-3]

i might contact her and ask why ive not heard from her in a while. as she knew about my nan's condition...

 

Don't. It can only annoy. Sorry dude, but your nan ain't gonna be on her mind very much. Its a thrill ride she's on right now. 6 months in Europe? Single? Fuggitaboutit.

 

i mean are we meant to be friends now? even though she isnt being one with the above case? what am i supposed to do knowing it ended because of the travelling..

 

Maybe. Depends on you. And her. Are you gonna be cool with her getting the attention of a bijillion different men while seeing things infinitely more amazing than she could ever imagine? You cool with her transforming into a different person? She will never be the same after this trip, more than likely anyway.

 

do i try and be some kind of person that stays in touch with her knowing i cant be with her, how is that fair for me at all to sit there and watch her move on and not have to worry about me. does she even want to stay in contact? seems i need to ask her really..

 

No. Maybe, not now. You don't need to ask her. You already know. No, she doesn't want to communicate with you right now. If she does communicate with you its probably because she just got used up by a sweet-talking Romeo who she thought was the "real deal." This happens alot to American girls overseas. It is known.

 

 

if she does want to be friends or does want to stay in contact i will need to ask her how is that going to work given that she will probably hook up with people on her travels. .

 

Uhh, dude. That is a given. The part about hooking up with other guys. You need to accept this. Now. Sorry, really I am. 99.9 percent certitude. R2 says the odds of her spending 6 months in Europe and not hooking up at least once is approximately 30,000 to 1.

 

orr do i not need to ask these things and just go with it.. let it go, dont delete her from fb. and just wait until just before she goes, or wait a few months and txt her then?

 

this is so hard. really confused by this.

 

? In her mind its over right now. You are not in her thoughts. She succesfully threw you out of her mind once her airplane crossed that ocean. That first building she sees, that first new person (male/female) she meets, the first beer in a foreign pub. Done-zo. Over. Sorry bro, I know its tearing you up.

 

I will say I met a girl when I was in Spain (we didn't hook up) and got to know her a bit. She had an arrangement with her fiance back in the states where they took a "break." While in Spain she took a break alright, like every night. He didn't ask any questions when she came back, neither did she. They got married soon after. But they were in a long-term relationship before she left, the guy knew she would be hooking up with other guys and she knew he'd hook up with other girls. They were fine with that. This works for some people.

[Dblock10]

Yeah she goes in 4.5 weeks time so hasnt left yet and isnt blinding by all the amazing things and people... and she is travelling the world, as in america, hong kong, malaysia, etc and she is english.

 

not kool with any of that stuff. in what way would she transform do you think? never be the same in what way? obviously its an eye opener i guess.

 

do you think she could be thinking well he hasnt spoken to me, type attitude? or do you think she is just working all hours and has put me to the furthest part in her mind and probably doesnt want to talk to me :S..

 

used up by a sweet talking romeo, and thus comes to find comfort from me.. hmm yeah well i hope she realises im not a dick. she isnt stupid though she knows what most men are like anyways.. most of her mates are male..

 

yeah i have accepted that. i just dont want it to happen. but yeah it will. so depressing this whole situation. totally brutal.

 

Yeah its over in her mind for sure. funny how she never seemed bothered really.. but then she knew it was more likely to come to this than i.

 

at one point it seemed like she hadnt thought about breaking up as an option, as she mentioned people can stay together whilst travelling and how shes worked abroad for 3 months or so before etc so its not totally new. but she never seemed sure about staying together she was always like well i'll think about it. and when asked it was "ive not thought about it" had other things on my mind like my nan and graduation etc"

 

but then once i said i wasnt sure it would work (based on the fact she wasnt given me any indication she wanted it to work and didnt sound keen at all about me coming out to australia to meet her at x mass) when asking her she would always say hows she hasnt thought about it etc so it was in my mind she didnt seem bothered as its all i ever thought about.. and if you dont want to loose someone you would just instantly know right?

 

i also told her i was or had fallen for her, how do you feel about me? " i really like you ". ok well is liking me enough to stay with me... she didnt really reply or jump in and say yes.

 

she completely switched and must have given it serious thought, realised her mistakes in the past and how she wouldnt want history to repeat itself. she then told me when i had spoke to her about it, she realised how long six months really is and how we would just argue. etc and she wouldnt want stress whilst travelling, ties etc and how it would ruin it for good between us if we struggled and it fell apart or we drifted apart

 

 

which is basically what i told her to start with. i was scared of staying with her and thinking to myself she would probably change her mind whilst on the travels about me, and then id have put myself through being faithful to her and waiting for her to come back, only to be let down or worse told of how she had got with someone etc.. so i was always in a tough situation

 

i explained to her how it was my insecurities that made me say those things to her, and how she never gave me reassurance. it wasn't what i wanted to happen. she said she knows but its still a long time, then went on to add about the wanting to do a ski season once back hence not wanting to keep me hanging on when we probably cant be together anyway once back..

 

thus its not practical to stay together.

 

 

yeah everyones situation is different i guess. dont really know how id feel if the time ever came around that she came back and wanted to meet me, and knowing she hooked up with x amount of guys.. dont think it would gel to well for me.

 

 

quite frankly i need to move on. forget her and start seeing someone else who will treat me well. or just to start dating at least.

 

she never bothered.

 

like when it was my birthday she was just starting a new job, didnt know if she was working my bday, turned out she wasnt, but didnt come and see me or plan to do anything since she had work the next day... yeah she lives 2 hours ish away but still..

even after that she promised to book something for us like a weekend away.

 

but then claimed i never told her when we could it? yet she was the one working all hours under the sun to save for the trip. she told me she couldnt get days off or wouldnt get half as many hours from the manager..

 

yet 3 days before i went to see her for the last time on her "day off" (convenient for her), she had told me how she had booked days off here and there for her mates before she leaves...

 

thanks, that gutted me tbh. I told her, "but thought you said you couldnt get days off? cant you get days off to see me before you go? she said. no not now, i booked those off ages ago. you didnt give me enough notice/time...

Edited August 19, 2011 by Dblock10

[giuliano-3]

Sorry, I know I got some facts wrong and this no longer applies - but I saw this picture and thought of you. http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/american-girl-italy-60-years-later-221005987.html Apparantley this is nothing new.

 

If you have 4.5 weeks before she leaves then that changes things a bit. You could tell her these things in person it would seem. Or move on, better yourself in a few ways and see what happens in that time.

[Dblock10]

thats ok man! ha like the photo. yeah looks familiar. and is certainly nothing new!

 

well i doubt i can see her in person, it would involve me driving 2.5 hours to see her, and would involve me "asking" to see her..

 

after the last time i saw her i doubt she would want to meet again. pretty much said our good byes.

 

but yeah i could txt her/call her?

 

i just dont know how to word what i want to say or what it would achieve, would it be worth it :S guess i wont know unless i do it. dont want to feel stupid for doing so though...

 

perhaps it could provide more closure for me, on the other hand it could feed my addiction for her.

 

i know ultimately i wont get her back. but that isnt the aim now. i guess i want to know why we dont talk and if she wants things to be this way now, i guess just read into where she is at now as apposed to flying in with all the drama..

Edited August 19, 2011 by Dblock10

[olivec]

thats ok man! ha like the photo. yeah looks familiar. and is certainly nothing new!

 

well i doubt i can see her in person, it would involve me driving 2.5 hours to see her, and would involve me "asking" to see her..

 

after the last time i saw her i doubt she would want to meet again. pretty much said our good byes.

 

but yeah i could txt her/call her?

 

i just dont know how to word what i want to say or what it would achieve, would it be worth it :S guess i wont know unless i do it. dont want to feel stupid for doing so though...

 

perhaps it could provide more closure for me, on the other hand it could feed my addiction for her.

 

i know ultimately i wont get her back. but that isnt the aim now. i guess i want to know why we dont talk and if she wants things to be this way now, i guess just read into where she is at now as apposed to flying in with all the drama..

 

 

Dblock "do not contact her" I mean it. Your making a huge mistake. This girl is clearly no good and selfish to boot. You don't need a person like in your life man trust me. Just delete her from facebook, block her number and move on period!

[Dblock10]

yeah deep down i want to contact her, but seems like there could be more to loose than gain realistically :S at this point in time at least i dont know anymore. i am massively confused with my emotions and rationale. this is the problem.

 

everyone knows that if you leave a girl be, they are more likely to want to speak to you than not or if you pester them it makes them completely go off you, on the second hand it could just be helping her, she is perfectly content that she exited the relationship, didnt piss me off and doesnt feel guilty for her actions...

 

if she has emotionally moved on and what not, which is kind of the vibe i got when i went to meet her as in at night she didnt kiss me good night or anything, when i asked for my birthday kisses she just air kissed at me.. then me contacting her isnt going to strike up emotions from her i would doubt. it would have happened when i went to see her.

 

i guess ultimately you are right, contacting her would be a mistake as she wont feel any of the words, she wont really care or give it thought. id prob get a poor or standard reply, maybe not even get a reply, just dont know...

 

she always spoke to me as a friend in a way through txt's i mean. maybe i was being naive that she is like that to everyone, she was never a big txter if you know what i mean.

 

i dont think it ever took off properly for her with me as she knew it was a means to an end although i think she put the trip far to the back of her mind also, and was mainly concerned with her exams.

 

she enjoyed the company and good looking chap that i am, she enjoyed the regular sex and that at the time for her i was convenient, i could take her mind off exams and stress of it all and thoughts of her ex whom she was with 6 months or so before me, but now she has moved back to her original home, the place where i live is no longer her home, all her friends have moved on so i am no longer convenient in her life more of a burden and baggage she doesn't want whilst travelling....

 

do you really think she is no good and selfish? or are you just saying that to make me feel better?

 

ill prob remove her from fb once she leaves if iv'e not heard from her.. would be the best way to move forward no doubt.

 

however burning the bridges could potentially stop something down the line.. :S

 

 

just remembered this, but before i went to see her that day she had off, i hadn't contacted her for 4 days and id not heard from her, so i called and spoke to her, told her i purposely waited to see if she actually bothered talking to me. she said i was really immature for doing so and if i wanted to talk you know i always reply. but i was like yeah but i shouldn't have to request to speak to you, you should want to contact me because you want to. not because i prompted you.

she laughed saying how she was sorry she doesn't keep a diary of when she talks to me. then said "see your like this after 4 days how would you cope me gone for 6 months"

 

then another time, i was awaiting for her to contact me about the sunday (her day off) so that i could go see her and we could actually see each other.. first time in 5 weeks or so.

 

well she didnt inform me on the day she said she would, i had to ask and she just said, yeah have sunday off. prob working monday though.

 

i said oh right so do you want to do something then?

 

she said, its up to you, if you want to

 

i said, ok well makes sense would be good to see you

 

she didnt reply. so clearly didnt want to meet.

 

 

but yeh. fml

Edited August 19, 2011 by Dblock10