Is there a reason Some dudes easily get Attractive girls(includingas friends)

[ThsAmericanLife]

There are billions of people on the planet, all living their lives. Describe what an 'average/below average girl' is. I struggle to assign such labels to any of the women I've known as friends or lovers. Perhaps that is part of the formula.

 

 

To the OP... listen to what Carhill says. He is dead on. Outward appearance may have some bearing on whom you become romantic with are attracted to... but it should have zero bearing on whom you call friends or invite into your life.

 

One of my best male friends is much older than me and objectively (no offense to him) not physically attractive to me for lots of reasons. He, is, however, THE most intelligent, intellectually stimulating, and thoughtful person I've ever met in my entire life.

 

I do believe people see us together and sometimes wonder 'WTF!!' Including his former boss who wanted a romantic relationship with me and was objectively... supermodel material AND annointed as next in line for company VP. Big F-ing deal. I told my buddy that if I had to choose between him or his boss for a life stranded on a desert island, I'd choose him. No ****. Ok, I guess I value intelligence and thoughtfulness more than looks. Silly me.

 

I wouldn't have coffee with his boss, but my buddy?? Anytime.. and yes, I do reciprocate.

 

We both have the benefit of being able to get past each other's outward appearances and developing a wonderful friendship.

[ThsAmericanLife]

For women to be attracted you need to show a good social standing, the more women are around you the more other women perceive you as having a good social standing…. They tend to think that if other women are interested in this guy it must be for a reason….. So they want to get to know you….. And that I’ve proven that to myself in the past year…. It doesn’t mean that you sleep with all these women but the more women you have around you the more women you will attract. Get out there smile and be positive and look like you are someone that people want to be with (interesting)

IMO

 

I personally resent this approach... and have actively avoided men who have lots of women in their 'corral' for the purposes you believe it achieves. It works on stupid women, I suppose. Ones who need approval by others and are like sheep.

 

The men I choose as friends have a balance of both male and female friends.

 

one should actively develop themselves for themselves only. Not for 'effect'. You can't fake passion.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Newsflash: If you are AVERAGE looking, where do you get off feeling that you deserve and only deserve a hot woman? Don't you think they're also playing the game - surely they're aware of their 'level' and know that they could get a better-looking guy. Is it shallow? Yes.

 

But seriously, sure, I see women here and there who are average who think they deserve a supermodel, but it's nothing like the amount of men here who feel that they deserve the hottest chick on the block regardless of what they look like.

 

You're in your early 30s. By now, the effects of gravity are coming into play and nothing is going to last forever. Sure, as a man you have the advantage in that many women are more concerned about a man's financial stability/security than his looks (although looks still matter), women outnumber men, and men can typically shop for younger (and I'd presume, 'hotter') women.

 

But it's time for you to start deciding what's really most important to you and making some sacrifices. I want to do 4 supermodels every single day. But you know what? It's not going to happen, so I sacrificed some traits I wanted and made out with others that were more beneficial. You can't have it all. So when it comes down to it, do you want a relationship or a bed buddy? Because it certainly seems you're more focused on bed buddies.

 

As for why the hotties won't be your friend - like others have said, they can probably see right through you. Judging from your posts, there's an evident shallowness (..you CARE what your female friends look like?) in your dealings with women. Do you ever start conversations with these 'hot' women, or are you pushy (i.e., trying to move the relationship along faster than you would with an 'ordinary' woman?)?

 

Exactly!!!!

[quietGuy13]

Well you guys don't really read me correctly cause i'm a bad writer.

 

Anyways, I don't go out there and follow the hotties. They happen to be in the bus stop where i'm at so I try taking to them. I also talk to the ones that are more average.

 

I'm just looking for friendly talk. And when i talk to the hotties i talk about the same things i talk to the others. Just friendly smalltalk.

 

As for a relationship, i just want a nice girl. But well i'm attracted to hotties. There must be some reason i've been attracted to hotties since i was a kid. If you think i'm stupid then tell it to the lesbians. Why don't people ever say the same thing to lesbians and gays

 

"making some sacrifices.

You can't have it all. So when it comes down to it, do you want a relationship or a bed buddy? Because it certainly seems you're more focused on bed buddies"

 

That's just unfair.

I should have the right to like the girls i like.

 

But anyway, I'm not even saying that I want a relationship just with hotties!!!! I'm just noting that in smalltalk in a bus stop , i say the same thing to a hotty and a not hotty girl and the hotties are never interested and the others are interested. I'm just telling you that i find that interesting.

 

In fact i already told you guys I have a nice friend who's not a hotty. And my online friends are also not hotties and they're great people.

[Easyguy14]

Well you guys don't really read me correctly cause i'm a bad writer.

 

Anyways, I don't go out there and follow the hotties. They happen to be in the bus stop where i'm at so I try taking to them. I also talk to the ones that are more average.

 

I'm just looking for friendly talk. And when i talk to the hotties i talk about the same things i talk to the others. Just friendly smalltalk.

 

As for a relationship, i just want a nice girl. But well i'm attracted to hotties. There must be some reason i've been attracted to hotties since i was a kid. If you think i'm stupid then tell it to the lesbians. Why don't people ever say the same thing to lesbians and gays

 

"making some sacrifices.

You can't have it all. So when it comes down to it, do you want a relationship or a bed buddy? Because it certainly seems you're more focused on bed buddies"

 

That's just unfair.

I should have the right to like the girls i like.

 

But anyway, I'm not even saying that I want a relationship just with hotties!!!! I'm just noting that in smalltalk in a bus stop , i say the same thing to a hotty and a not hotty girl and the hotties are never interested and the others are interested. I'm just telling you that i find that interesting.

 

In fact i already told you guys I have a nice friend who's not a hotty. And my online friends are also not hotties and they're great people.

 

why is it so important for you to have a beautiful female friend then if you dont want to date them? Im finding your reasoning strange and confusing.

[betterdeal]

I think he's just confused as to why ordinary girls are friendly back and pretty ones aren't.

[quietGuy13]

I think he's just confused as to why ordinary girls are friendly back and pretty ones aren't.

 

yea that's right

[Ddeepprreesseedd]

And some of us, like me, always meet and end up befriending average or below average

 

well i know i know, I just meet one girl at a time so what do i expect, right?

 

SO far in my life i've made(temporary by the way cause they disappear after a while) friends with like 15 girls (some of them being online and penpals) and they've all been average. (i'm early 30s by the way).

 

Well maybe it's a combination of not going out AND talking to the girls i like/not mingling/and NOT being attractive myself.. maybe that's the reason i never have female friends who are hot/attractive.

 

 

Also, seems the ones i'm attracted to are picky and Never are attracted to me.

 

Yes, there is a an answer to you question. In short: dudes who get pretty women are smooth talkers.

[AHardDaysNight]

I am average looking, and generally find that pretty girls are shyer than ugly girls.

 

Ugly girls have come to accept that they're not attractive, so they don't feel as much social pressure to 'conform.' But beautiful girls? They have SO much pressure on them, from day one, that it's hard for them to meet all the people's ideals.

 

Perhaps the less attractive girls just feel more comfortable around you for some reason?

[ChessPieceFace]

It is a shame that people have to resort to such devious methods, but your alternative is to be a nice guy. We all know what happens to nice guys, right? They finish last. Why? Because the women they are with get bored and eventually leave.

 

Depends what your goals in life are. If you give a crap about women and dating, and believe that your self-worth is based on how many holes you've had your !@$# inside, then yeah.

 

Your list of garbage men have to do to get women has helped me to remember why I stay single. Thanks!

[Easyguy14]

Depends what your goals in life are. If you give a crap about women and dating, and believe that your self-worth is based on how many holes you've had your !@$# inside, then yeah.

 

Your list of garbage men have to do to get women has helped me to remember why I stay single. Thanks!

 

you really dont have to do a lot to be with a woman. its all about security and making her feel safe, special, and wanted. if you can accomplish this I think you and other normal men will be fine. I noticed I've become more at ease and comfortable in my skin where I have no problem talking to girls. if I see a woman act weird and reject simple conversation with me, I know a problem lies within them not me. I still think the op and other average joes need to steer clear of beauty queens and pursue the okay-looking women that are fit, sweet, and sexy in a classy modest way. as of now Im trying to find her and Im confident I will because my vibe is sincere about it.

[Peitho]

Is there a reason Some dudes easily get Attractive girls(includingas friends)

 

I think the reason is that those hotties are exactly like you – they want to be friends with hot males.

Just put yourself in their shoes and everything will be clear.

 

Also, seems the ones i'm attracted to are picky and Never are attracted to me.

Again – this is very logical.

You are not attracted to average, they are not attracted to average.

You should understand - you are just like that!

[ThsAmericanLife]

Here's the deal... above average women with any integrity are hit on constantly by mostly s**t-heads that don't give a crap about them as human beings.

 

They aren't going to necessarily respond to ANYONE striking up random conversation at the bus stop because THIS IS THEIR WHOLE LIFE...

 

Assuming others have innocent intentions... wanting to get to know them as human beings... but then not really.

 

Just saying whatever they have to say to get their dick inside them.

 

I'm not gorgeous, but I am well above average. Call me a late bloomer. A woman who was 'ugly' by some standards when I was much younger... and now considered a 'hottie' by many.

 

My younger life as an 'ugly' girl gave me some empathy and a sense of humor. I'm not (usually) mean when men hit on me... my later life as a suprising hottie' has forced me to put walls though.

 

Put yourself in their shoes.

[Easyguy14]

Here's the deal... above average women with any integrity are hit on constantly by mostly s**t-heads that don't give a crap about them as human beings.

 

They aren't going to necessarily respond to ANYONE striking up random conversation at the bus stop because THIS IS THEIR WHOLE LIFE...

 

Assuming others have innocent intentions... wanting to get to know them as human beings... but then not really.

 

Just saying whatever they have to say to get their dick inside them.

 

I'm not gorgeous, but I am well above average. Call me a late bloomer. A woman who was 'ugly' by some standards when I was much younger... and now considered a 'hottie' by many.

 

My younger life as an 'ugly' girl gave me some empathy and a sense of humor. I'm not (usually) mean when men hit on me... my later life as a suprising hottie' has forced me to put walls though.

 

Put yourself in their shoes.

 

I do sense some issues with you from alot of different posts you wrote but am still curious as to what can make a man break down your defenses?

[AHardDaysNight]

Here's the deal... above average women with any integrity are hit on constantly by mostly s**t-heads that don't give a crap about them as human beings.

 

They aren't going to necessarily respond to ANYONE striking up random conversation at the bus stop because THIS IS THEIR WHOLE LIFE...

 

Assuming others have innocent intentions... wanting to get to know them as human beings... but then not really.

 

Just saying whatever they have to say to get their dick inside them.

 

I'm not gorgeous, but I am well above average. Call me a late bloomer. A woman who was 'ugly' by some standards when I was much younger... and now considered a 'hottie' by many.

 

My younger life as an 'ugly' girl gave me some empathy and a sense of humor. I'm not (usually) mean when men hit on me... my later life as a suprising hottie' has forced me to put walls though.

 

Put yourself in their shoes.

 

This is very true.

 

Women that have been hit on for sex daily have to put up some sort of bitch shield, to protect themselves.

[tonyp56]

I'm sorry but first mistake you are making is saying you can't find the hot women... Like every woman is not beautiful in her own way. First thing, you've got to admit you can't find women who meet your expectations on what YOU think is attractive not that they themselves are not attractive...

 

Do you even try? Or do you just think "she is too beautiful and she'll never be friends with me." Maybe you tried a few times in the past and it failed so now you never try. Sorry, if you tried you would make friends with many women that you thought were beautiful/attractive. I am not mister universe and certainly not self esteem central, but I've met and made friends with many women that I thought were attractive with no problems. Now, being more than just friends??

 

I've had many that flirted with me and made me think they liked me. I was married of course (maybe thats why?? LOL) and I did not return those and walked away from them in that regard. But yes, you can make friends with almost anyone. I'd say any woman, but some are stuck up and if you aren't rich or mr universe they don't give you the time of the day, but those are like 5% of women out there.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Not asking for sympathy here... but imagine for just a second...

 

Walking down the street with my dog. No makeup. Jeans and Tevo's. I'm thinking 'what a beautiful evening'... my dog is happy. Smiling and trotting along. Not a thought in my head really except how good the wind feels on my face.

 

Random guy drives by with his buddy in the car. Slows down.

 

He says...

 

"Can I take the place of your dog?? Just for a little while?"

 

Ok, my first thought is... hmm.. that's creative. I kind of chuckle.

 

My second thought is... hmmm... is anyone else around? Is he going to keep driving? Does he look dangerous? Do I have my cell phone on me??

 

Why do I have to worry about this S**T? all I want to do is walk my damned dog.

 

These are things I'll be happy to complain about when I'm 80 though. I do appreciate the irony.

 

When I was younger, I had a guy drive by on his bicycle and grab my ass as I was running. I picked up the pace, chased him down, and pulled his skanky little ass off his bike and kept running.

 

Now, I have a PhD. I'm hated even more now. Great. But this isn't about me... this is about the OP, right?

 

What does it take for a man to get past 'my' defenses? That's not important.

 

If you want to know how to make friends of all kinds... Carhill said it best. Treat every woman like a human being. None of us can help how we are born. We can make the most of what we were born with though. Learn how to appreciate THAT. Learn how to see beneath the surface of things... You will find yourself successful in more ways than one.

[tonyp56]

Not asking for sympathy here... but imagine for just a second...

 

Walking down the street with my dog. No makeup. Jeans and Tevo's. I'm thinking 'what a beautiful evening'... my dog is happy. Smiling and trotting along. Not a thought in my head really except how good the wind feels on my face.

 

Random guy drives by with his buddy in the car. Slows down.

 

He says...

 

"Can I take the place of your dog?? Just for a little while?"

 

Ok, my first thought is... hmm.. that's creative. I kind of chuckle.

 

My second thought is... hmmm... is anyone else around? Is he going to keep driving? Does he look dangerous? Do I have my cell phone on me??

 

Why do I have to worry about this S**T? all I want to do is walk my damned dog.

 

These are things I'll be happy to complain about when I'm 80 though. I do appreciate the irony.

 

When I was younger, I had a guy drive by on his bicycle and grab my ass as I was running. I picked up the pace, chased him down, and pulled his skanky little ass off his bike and kept running.

 

Now, I have a PhD. I'm hated even more now. Great. But this isn't about me... this is about the OP, right?

 

What does it take for a man to get past 'my' defenses? That's not important.

 

If you want to know how to make friends of all kinds... Carhill said it best. Treat every woman like a human being. None of us can help how we are born. We can make the most of what we were born with though. Learn how to appreciate THAT. Learn how to see beneath the surface of things... You will find yourself successful in more ways than one.

 

Truth is, we live in a sick society and no matter how attractive a woman is or not or whatever, every woman is in danger of being attacked by sick people... There is no excuse for it and it is a shame any woman has to even worry about it. I understand what you are saying, and that is why I've always tried to be friendly, never saying anything about how nice those legs look or whatever when meeting a woman. The OP I feel most likely comes off differently, perhaps talking to these woman he finds attractive and never looking at them in there face always looking down, and know from many woman, you all hate that more than anything constantly being looked at in a sexual way. But who knows, I do know I'm not the best looking and never had a problem finding woman that I thought attractive and becomming friends.

[Cracker Jack]

Not asking for sympathy here... but imagine for just a second...

 

Walking down the street with my dog. No makeup. Jeans and Tevo's. I'm thinking 'what a beautiful evening'... my dog is happy. Smiling and trotting along. Not a thought in my head really except how good the wind feels on my face.

 

Random guy drives by with his buddy in the car. Slows down.

 

He says...

 

"Can I take the place of your dog?? Just for a little while?"

 

Ok, my first thought is... hmm.. that's creative. I kind of chuckle.

 

My second thought is... hmmm... is anyone else around? Is he going to keep driving? Does he look dangerous? Do I have my cell phone on me??

 

Why do I have to worry about this S**T? all I want to do is walk my damned dog.

 

These are things I'll be happy to complain about when I'm 80 though. I do appreciate the irony.

 

When I was younger, I had a guy drive by on his bicycle and grab my ass as I was running. I picked up the pace, chased him down, and pulled his skanky little ass off his bike and kept running.

 

Now, I have a PhD. I'm hated even more now. Great. But this isn't about me... this is about the OP, right?

 

What does it take for a man to get past 'my' defenses? That's not important.

 

If you want to know how to make friends of all kinds... Carhill said it best. Treat every woman like a human being. None of us can help how we are born. We can make the most of what we were born with though. Learn how to appreciate THAT. Learn how to see beneath the surface of things... You will find yourself successful in more ways than one.

 

Yeah, stuff like that sucks. I've seen my fair share of things like this, too. I remember when one guy verbally insulted this woman for about 20 mins because she didn't want to hang-out with him.

 

But hey, at least you got revenge on the biker...

 

That's one of the things that makes it tough when it comes to approaching women. You want to show them you're different, but when stuff like the above happens to them continuously, it's hard for them to think otherwise. I dunno.

[giuliano-3]

OP, you should look into this dating service - they might be able to line up some "friends."

 

Honestly, I get what you're saying but it still doesn't make sense. As people have said most women need to put up a barrier from all the hollering at them which goes on throughout their lives. Within less than a second they will size up if you're a threat, perv, d-bag or any combination of those. I would recommend having guy friends which you can go out with (not to clubs) and try to meet some people. Conversations get started, different people walk up, lo and behold you might get to talk with a "hot" girl.

[betterdeal]

I do sense some issues with you from alot of different posts you wrote but am still curious as to what can make a man break down your defenses?

 

If you're seeing it like that, you'll get nowhere.

[AHardDaysNight]

Girls can smell inexperience and anxiety on a guy a mile away, and honestly it turns them off.

 

Especially the hot ones, who are probably so used to guys being suave and experienced around them, that they get nervous when approached by one of those unlucky few that hasn't gotten a girlfriend by their 30's.

[betterdeal]

Not necessarily. If you're fun and respectful and willing to make a bit of a tit of yourself, inexperience can be charming. I was 23 when I was deflowered by a much more experienced woman. She was the same age as me and saw I was a virgin straight away.

 

As long as you're yourself, you're nice to them and you have fun together, someone will want to show you how to bone her senseless soon enough. The little boy lost look is appealing if you're a little boy lost. It's just creepy and inauthentic if you're not. Don't be afraid of who you are. If they like you and you like them, it will happen.