Author drews14 Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 WOW never thought id had to bring this back from the dead.. So she contacted me again and we have been texting on and off for a few weeks now. she moved to Florida by her self, she left the other guy and shes on her own now. ( or so she says). Shes basically saying that after being separated for almost 1yr she realizes that im the one she wants. She doesnt expect me to ever take her back after all she did, but she wants me to know that shes sorry and realize that she should of stuck it out with me. I thought my feelings towards her were almost fully gone.. but now since she has been around, it seems like its not totally dead. One part of me cannot forgiver her for what she has done to me, i dont want to be the safe guy or the guy to fall back on. She should of never left in the first place... another part of me misses her and us and what we had. i have been dating but i havnet found anyone to keep my interest for more then 2 weeks. Ive been very emotional unavailable.. I Cant trust her.. i dont know if what shes saying is true and genuine or is she confused as always . Maybe because she has moved on her own shes just looking for a shoulder to lean on esp. since that other guy is supposedly not in the picture. I wish i could believe she was tru and she really realize that im what she wanted.. but idk. Is this a possibility that shes genuine? Or is she just giving me the same b.s. that shes does because shes lonely?? once again confused.. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Well if you want to try again you need to gather that information yourself. Find out when her relationship ended, if it was a short time ago then odds are she is looking for someone to lean on. If she truly wants any sort of reconciliation then you need to make her prove to you that she has matured enough to make this relationship work. Ask her what she saw as the issues in your past relationship. Ask what she would suggest as options to get through those past issues. Offer your own past issues and ask her what would be the right path on navigating through those issues. I'm not saying don't offer your own path of navigation, but ask her to provide hers first as she would be able to answer such things if she has taken the time to mature properly and has given the relationship proper thought. Ask her whatever you need to allow yourself to feel confident in a second chance with her. After all of this you must explain that this needs to be a slow process and there will be no jumping into what you had before. In this time apart you each have had new experiences and have grown as individuals. As so, you must learn about one another all over again and develop a successful relationship dynamic. If you choose to give her a chance I wish you the best, but do not follow the same path you did before with her as that ended in failure. Make sure to take this as a new relationship with no expectations from the past. If you choose not to give it another chance, then I wish you the best on your life's journey. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 i have a strategy for u,make sure she has cut all ties with that guy and test her resolve make her work hard to come back to u.Example test her see that will she keep coming to u for 2 whole weeks.Slightly open up to her whenever she does something touching remember words means nothing,action shows all gl! TD Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 WOW never thought id had to bring this back from the dead.. So she contacted me again and we have been texting on and off for a few weeks now. she moved to Florida by her self, she left the other guy and shes on her own now. ( or so she says). Shes basically saying that after being separated for almost 1yr she realizes that im the one she wants. She doesnt expect me to ever take her back after all she did, but she wants me to know that shes sorry and realize that she should of stuck it out with me. I thought my feelings towards her were almost fully gone.. but now since she has been around, it seems like its not totally dead. One part of me cannot forgiver her for what she has done to me, i dont want to be the safe guy or the guy to fall back on. She should of never left in the first place... another part of me misses her and us and what we had. i have been dating but i havnet found anyone to keep my interest for more then 2 weeks. Ive been very emotional unavailable.. I Cant trust her.. i dont know if what shes saying is true and genuine or is she confused as always . Maybe because she has moved on her own shes just looking for a shoulder to lean on esp. since that other guy is supposedly not in the picture. I wish i could believe she was tru and she really realize that im what she wanted.. but idk. Is this a possibility that shes genuine? Or is she just giving me the same b.s. that shes does because shes lonely?? once again confused.. This is actually true, its the year mark of a GIGS breakup. She is off on her own. What she saying is true and genuine, it probably has to do with that shes lonely too. Even though she was with someone else, your are typically lonely and lost and she had to find her path to find herself. Everything that you have expressed in this thread, would be a good thing to express to her, if you wanted a reconciliation. This would be the first step to setting boundaries towards this new relationship. Good Luck on what you decide to do Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 wow it does sound like gigs. The year mark and all! I had a similar situation. Let me ask you when you were supposed to reconcile that first time after 5 months she probably thought you had a girlfriend and then found out that you didn't right? I had this happen with me after 5 months but I was seeing someone she sucked me back in and after I stopped seeing the new girl she lost interest again. My ex is approaching the 10 month mark and she seems to be showing a little bit of interest. However as far as your relationship. Ex and I broke up after 2 years got back together after about 4 months were together for 3 more years and then she left me out of the blue again. The second time was worse. But I do have to say that if I didn't give her that second chance I might have always regretted it. I dated 18 girls after my ex and they all made her look better and better till that 19th girl. I hit the jackpot. Its funny I was on here ever day and when I came on just now the computer didn't even remember my password and neither did I. I don't think I have posted here in a while so I must be better now! Keep taking care of yourself man and hopefully you will find that one girl that takes your breath away! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 You really have to let them sit out for a year. They have a lot of introspection to do. There are some cases where they come back earlier but anything earlier then 10.5 months, I'd be a little sketchy of. There are questions you can ask to test them out. Ask them if they learned anything? The biggest thing that people in GIGS learn is "To Look Before You Leap" They quit chasing infatuation. The inlove feeling. It repulses them and they can choose to look carefully before they decide to take the leap. They learn to look for red flags and set boundaries with those red flags. They value the friendship first then the emotional love in love feeling afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 wilson I can't tell you how much you helped me you are a wise man! I am now in a situation where I am indifferent and I never thought I would be. I hope things are well with you! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Anytime, I learned on the go just like you did =) Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Yeah at first I was in complete denial like no way can she possibly live without me. then in a panic(I feel this stage is what makes us really lose them) then finally came on here and told my story and you and a few others told me to grow a pair because she was rotten I finally manned up and said that I didn't need her was doing great and then she started sniffing around at that halfway mark like you and others said she would and what did I do? I fell for it! Pushed her away again and now I am actually pretty good. Funny thing she didn't say happy bday to me no merry christmas no happy new year but hmmm all of the sudden the happy valentines day email comes! lol Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Didnt she ask you recently if you were dating someone? Next time she asks you this, ask her nicely, why do you want to know? (I know the answer) Link to post Share on other sites
Author drews14 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 thanks for all the advise. i think as of now im just going to steer clear of her. If she really wants me and wants me to be in her life id expect her to show it. If she doesnt then im ok with out her.. We spoke, she came to NY to handle some things, she wanted to see me i didnt go and see her. Before she left i told her to go back to FL and dont look back.. Not to call me or txt me anymore. it was nice talking to her and i did/do miss her but alot has happened that as of now i cannot look past... and ive gotton used to being single i dont have time as of now for a relationship or the stress that comes with it.. hopefully this is the end. -btw GIGS thing is spot on. amazing how females can be similar wow.. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
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