mario23 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Almost 13 days now that my life changed forever. Our 8 years of marriage damaged most likely beyond any possible healing. I was sleeping in our bedroom, he was coming to visit from another state, got in late and I guess him and my wife had been drinking all night...I wake up, it was 2:15 am that Saturday, they had given a busy bone to our dog so he won't disturb, I started hearing their noises while I was getting closer to the guest bedroom area, the door was open and I saw them in an image that will forever stay in my brain... I could have taken a picture of them or even a video with my phone, but my heart was pounding so hard in my chest, my head was turining so fast that all I could do was to scream at him to leave our house, grab my car keys and left myself...Stayed in the hotel for the rest of that weekend and filled divorce the next Monday. Now, I am back in our house that I put for sale this week but still don't know or feel a thing...I am still numb and don't know if I'll ever recover from this...have been reading lots of books, browsed the web for sites and content that I would never thought I would look for...and waiting to wake up from what feels like the worse nightmare one could have...the kid (her 2nd cousin) is in his early 20's, my wife turned 36 this year, she will graduate as an RN in December and that is how our life together is suppose to end??? we got a counselor last Monday (which we should have done way before as our communication was shutting down) but I don't think this will solve anything or allow me to forgive what she did...I don't feel like I could come back on my decision of getting divorce (she wants us at least to try to fix this) as I don't know if I'll ever fogive her...it wouldn't be fair if we do stay together and I use this against her one day over a stupid random argument...I don't know if my heart which a big piece of it decayed on that Saturday August 6th 2011 (this is our anniversary month!!) will ever have the same place for her ever again...I know I still love her but I just can't look at her the same way...those noises of them in our guest bedroom, on the first bed we ever owned as a couple, are still in my head... I don't know, where and how to get help...or if this would ever be possible... Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Wow, that is quite the tale. I think you are on the right track, file for divorce. This woman has some serious issues if she is not only cheating on you but with her own cousin. That is honestly repulsive. You did the right thing, absolutely. A lot of us here share your pain as we have had similar incidents with our spouses. Keep posting here and we will give advice as best as we can. In the mean time, try to focus on yourself, talk to family, friends and a counselor/therapist as soon as possible. Don't try to handle this all on your own or you will explode. Best of luck man. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Reading that made me sick. Yeah...I think you're better off getting the divorce. I doubt you'll ever be able to forgive her for this, no matter how much you love her. That's disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 (she wants us at least to try to fix this) .. Good for you divorcing her, it's beyond fixing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Honestly... cheating is bad enough but with a relative, that just shows another level of crazy she has. Yikes. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 OP, welcome to LS and please accept my sympathies. Get the filing done and make at least one appointment for some individual counseling. You've experienced a traumatic event, on a number of levels, and professional help can assist with next steps, both to end the M, if that is the path, and to recover your emotional health. Burn the bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 She doesn't deserve a second chance. If she is doing her cousin, she is probably doing other guys too. The best thing she can do for you is to give you the gift of her absence from your life forever. Get the divorce asap before you end up deciding against it and being cheated on again later. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 EMDR therapy greatly aided me in getting rid of images and trauma after my husband's infidelity. And unless you live in Kentucky, that behaviour is bordering on mentally ill. Of course just after I post that, I notice banjo spam. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 catching a SO in the act of cheating is an image that will NEVER go away. This might be a lost cause. Let me guess, her excuse is that they were drunk and things got out of hand? Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 I only caught the Ex kissing the OM, but that was enough, my mind filled in the blanks, and I knew that I would be stuck with the mental images possibly forever. Curious, in that I met two of her previous bf's and I knew that they had mixed it up and those thoughts never entered my brain. One thought, if you do decide to give it a try, she must agree to never have contact with that cousin, his siblings and possibly his parents for the rest of her life. That would mean that neither of you will ever attend any large family functions, Christmas, Thanksgiving, B-Day' parties, weddings, reunions, unless you can be assured that none of the above will not be attending. To do so will cause you to have a trigger. A trigger is something that will cause you to relive that episode of your life all over again. I have not seen my Ex in 30 plus years, and other than on this board I never think of her. I have driven past our old apartment nundreds of times with never a thought of her. But, still two holidays back, on a rainy day, the radio played one of our songs. just as I drove past, and in a flash I triggered back 30 years, to our first Christmas. It was so bad that I had to pull off on a side street, to get my bearings. They can last a life time Link to post Share on other sites
Mauschen Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Wow, That is an extra-special kind of twisted betrayal. If you don't have children, I'd suggest moving on. If you do have children, then visit marriagebuilders.com since they have a lot of information on healing from infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I have driven past our old apartment nundreds of times with never a thought of her. But, still two holidays back, on a rainy day, the radio played one of our songs. just as I drove past, and in a flash I triggered back 30 years, to our first Christmas. It was so bad that I had to pull off on a side street, to get my bearings. They can last a life time I am always struck by how much trauma these events cause us and how years later we can still be affected by a betrayal, even if it for a moment. I felt a little heartache for you, OWL, and I guess for all of us who have felt betrayal like this. It may not be in our minds all of the time, but it changes us, nevertheless. Link to post Share on other sites
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