Tony, Am I bad person also?

[Joe]

You are totally right. This was my first real relationship so I'm kind of new at this. Truly I didn't use her for sex. I loved her company and her. I knew she was cheating on me but didn't know what to do about. I keep praying that she would stop because I had so much loving feelings toward her. I should have confronted her but I let it go because she was good to me when she was around. We hardly ever argued, etc. I'm a very passive person, I let a lot of things go. I kind of have mixed emotions a part of me loves this girl and another part feels I kind of used her back. I really did fall head over heals for this girl but we rushed the relationship way to fast. She tried to be someone she wasn't and was not ready to settle down. A lot of it was pressures from both of our parents. We both kind of acted like something we weren't. I still have a lot of feelings for this girl and wish sometime down the road like a year or two we could get back together and be "real" with each other. This stuff about me using her isn't all true. Ya I knew she cheated on but didn't do anything because I liked having her around so much. And I think if she knew this her feelings would change because she thinks I'm a saint and when she sees me she feels like crap, like she could never be good enough for me. Her knowing this might change her feelings toward me, hopefully, because nothing is going to change how I feel about her. I would just like to start over from scratch with her. Our relationship was doomed from the beginning from so many outside pressures that influenced us. Who knows we might end up hating each other or it might work out. I just feel since we both kind of acted through our relationship and didn't express our needs and wants, we really didn't have a fair chance for each other.

 

Joe

[Tony T]

It sounds to me like you have learned a lot from this. But this post has a much different tone than your last.

 

One thing you have to understand about love is that you have to let people go when they want to leave. That's what love is all about. It doesn't have anything to do with what YOU want, it's what BOTH OF YOU want.

 

From your description, it was a pretty sorry relationship, riddled with dysfunction of every kind. I mean, here you are worried about whether or not she may have given you aids from the unprotected sex she had with other people which you didn't even confront her about while the two of you were in a relationship. YUK!!! This is not even in the textbooks.

 

You are seeing a counsellor and hopefully learning how a healthy relationship is conducted. You have come out of this experience a better person, you a learning well. My guess is that you grew up in a really screwed up home environment that did not encourage its members to express themselves.

 

There is no point in trying to get this girl back and spending years trying for form something healthy out of it. Give yourself time to grow and you will find precisely the right person for yourself, someone who feels she deserves love and respect...and someone who will give the same to you.

 

Doesn't that sound nice?