Author FL510 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 whatever works for you sport. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Fine. For anyone interested....she had a major long term affair that lasted 2 years (probably). During that same time she slept with 2 couples (threeways), her old boss, at least 2 younger guys in her office after hours. Had at least 5 other one night stands at last count....it probably does go on, but who cares. This was a period before and after we were married spanning a period of years.....from 97-2002 to be exact. There ya go, take it or leave it. Have you read about female sexual addiction? I assume you know the basics considering the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Fine. For anyone interested....she had a major long term affair that lasted 2 years (probably). During that same time she slept with 2 couples (threeways), her old boss, at least 2 younger guys in her office after hours. Had at least 5 other one night stands at last count....it probably does go on, but who cares. This was a period before and after we were married spanning a period of years.....from 97-2002 to be exact. There ya go, take it or leave it. :eek::laugh::lmao::sick: Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 If it's addiction (and you're probably correct about that) and she never had intensive therapy from a qualified sex addiction therapist then the problem was never solved and it very likely means she has continued cheating since 2002. I didn't see OP post anywhere that she was ever treated by a qualified sex addiction therapist. The best odds are with a sexual addiction therapist BUT other proven methods if recovery have worked for different individuals. The above statement would not make for an open and shut case by any means. In fact my own sexual addiction has been in check for over two years (with the exception of lone self-stimulation, considered acceptable in SAA, but not SA.) I have only received very limited treatment for that addiction BUT I have applied many recovery principles into my life and managed to rewire some crucial areas to the point where I am very rarely triggered. I have not stepped out. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Obviously you didn't because you would have simply provided a quoted post in support of your claim. And you completely evade the issue that you insulted the OP with no basis to do so. Your only justification for your insults was that you are a supposedly equal-opportunity gender neutral insulter. Even if you could prove that, it would just prove that you insult everyone, regardless of gender, not that your insults of the OP were warranted. Obviously. :lmao:You are the one who needs to be right. Evade what issue? Sport? :lmao:And yes I do insult anyone regardless of gender. Sonny. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FL510 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 no sport, you are little off....It does work and it has worked. Very well. A well oiled machine. It is not sustainable. Hell, if I pushed it I could probably do this for YEARS. Will the other woman find someone else? She is most definitely in that environment, and is attractive, sexual, smart.... a part of me hopes this happens. Seriously hopes this happens. She deserves to live this period of her life in a normal way. I won't lie, a part of me also shudders at the thought of it. It really would be the path of least resistance. She finds another, I re-bury this and move on. Tell the wife or not....can be decided later. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 That's because you're a boor. Hello pot, my name is kettle. :lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 no sport, you are little off....It does work and it has worked. Very well. A well oiled machine. It is not sustainable. Hell, if I pushed it I could probably do this for YEARS. Will the other woman find someone else? She is most definitely in that environment, and is attractive, sexual, smart.... a part of me hopes this happens. Seriously hopes this happens. She deserves to live this period of her life in a normal way. I won't lie, a part of me also shudders at the thought of it. It really would be the path of least resistance. She finds another, I re-bury this and move on. Tell the wife or not....can be decided later. Sure it can. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I was of the belief that you never cheated on your husband and so whatever your SA/SAA issues might be they are unlikely to be comparable to OP's wife's. Actually she sounds like she is probably what used to be known as a "nympho." I have not cheated. The issues regarding promiscuous activity were confined before I met him. The issues regarding my pornography usage have been contained for 2.5 years, I had a much longer stretch trying to contain that. The only relevance my example provides is that myself and others have recovered and rewired some of the crucial pathways without having to visit a CSAT or an ATSA. Estimating the group population, I would say maybe one quarter to one third have seen a CSAT. there is only one ATSA in Calgary in the private field. My best guess would be that 2/3 of those have achieved regular recovery. For the remaining group, perhaps 1/2 to 2/3 on any given night. Of course I cannot PROOVE that beyond the shadow of a doubt. My estimate stands when I take into consideration the amount of lying many do to themselves and others. Btw, IME, there is rarely a issue with just one spouse where SA affects a relationship. Although, they tend to be the best option. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 no sport, you are little off....It does work and it has worked. Very well. A well oiled machine. It is not sustainable. Hell, if I pushed it I could probably do this for YEARS. Will the other woman find someone else? She is most definitely in that environment, and is attractive, sexual, smart.... a part of me hopes this happens. Seriously hopes this happens. She deserves to live this period of her life in a normal way. I won't lie, a part of me also shudders at the thought of it. It really would be the path of least resistance. She finds another, I re-bury this and move on. Tell the wife or not....can be decided later. Have you thought about an open marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Have you thought about an open marriage? That would require she be given a choice. I don't think he feels like she deserves one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FL510 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 Telling the wife may make no logical sense, and yes, she certainly was what is still known as a nympho....in her early 20's for sure. Now she literally goes to church, acknowledges her affair and is extremely embarrassed about it and tries to uphold a decent lifestyle. She may go back to her ways down the road...who knows? She may very well not. Cross that bridge when/if I come to it. I'll tell you one thing...my eyes are wide open now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FL510 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 Have you thought about an open marriage? Brought this up tactfully and gently, and it's a no-go. She said she would be willing to be with another woman to spice things up but that would be about it. I know what some of you are thinking, and no....even though the OW thought it would be unbelievably exciting to be with my wife and I (without my W knowing of me and the OW's past).....no way. too screwed up even for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 So...honest question. Are you good with what you're doing? Figure its "owed" to you in some fashion for what she did to you? If so...point blank...why are you still with her? If the marriage is that hosed...why not move on and end it? Why keep doing the same thing that you hated that she did to you? I get that her cheating was horrible...don't take me wrong. But what makes yours any better? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 BB07- Thanks in part for reminding anyone reading this after 250 post that the Wife is a reformed person. To BNB- John 8:7. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 FL..........all the terrible and vile things that you've thought/felt about your wife when you found out her affairs, well you aren't any better and you aren't justified in spite of these nut cases patting you on the back. Neither is his wife for tricking him into marriage and having 7 kids. From your account your wife has reformed and is living a good life, so you have no excuse nor reason for what you are doing right now.Incorrect. A serial cheater does not "reform" and just because she decided to keep her legs closed for a while does not mean she has changed nor that she doesn't deserve some form of consequence for her callous actions. She will be devastated when she finds out and will blame herself.No she won't. Most likely she won't even care and like all cheaters, she'll probably use his cheating as an excuse for her disgusting, repetitive acts against him. Your kids will most likely repeat your mistakes and will be screwed up on some level more than likely because of YOU.Incorrect again. Firstly what he did was not a mistake, it was a conscious decision. Secondly those kids will have problems because of both of their parents, not solely because of HIM. Your sexism is showing "loud" and clear "through your posts." I also still think that you've acted predatory toward this young ow. You yourself said she had issues, probably foo issues right? Also I bet she is in love with you, right? You've got her eating right out of your hand and like the rest of your family she will be forever warped by your selfish choices. It's all about you and what you feel you deserve, you don't seem confused one bit and damn the destruction that you are causing to so many lives.^^ Pure sexism at it's highest. As if a 23-year-old grown woman cannot make a decision for herself. Yea he's a "predator" because he's older than her and he took her "innocence" and manipulated her mind. Yea all young 23-year-old women who have affairs with older married men are somehow helpless and confused. Blaming him as the only wrongdoer solves nothing. Yep.........I'm a xow,Exactly which is why you have absolutely no right morally and logically to blame this man for all of the destruction that has occurred in his marriage when you know that is not true. but more importantly I'm the daughter of a father who was just as much or not more of a selfish ass than you are.So if you're former cheater/OW and OP and his wife is a cheater, then from what you stated earlier about his kids cheating when they grow up because of their parents' cheating-your daughter will cheat on whoever she's in a relationship with because you cheated and because your father cheated. So you just stated that cheating is hereditary. You do not comprehend the damage you are creating to yourself, your wife, your kids and your ow. The only ones who will be hurt out of all this is those kids. Not his wife, and not his OW. Both of those women, especially his OW are not innocent as you try to make them out to be.Oh he knew full well beforehand that having an affair will take away his moral high-ground. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 BB07- Thanks in part for reminding anyone reading this after 250 post that the Wife is a reformed person. To BNB- John 8:7. Thanks Tayla. Read the rest of the chapter. All the way to v. 11. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Brought this up tactfully and gently, and it's a no-go. So you wouldn't have a problem if your wife slept with others again? She may have had a different attitude about the open marriage if she knew you were in love with another woman and having an affair. Your wife has a high sex drive and she is keeping it under wraps to hold on to her marriage. That "nymph" is still there lying dormant and if she knew your secret, I'm sure it will rise again. Why not just tell her the truth? Another thing is we don't know this young woman you are having the affair with. She may love you truly and age doesn't matter and never will when it comes to her love for you. Only the two of you know this for sure. What are you afraid of losing? Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Ok, let's get this straight... Your wife acted inappropriately years ago, but you don't want to divorce her. You want to keep screwing the OW, but you don't want the mess that comes with it. So how specifically can LS help you? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 He didn't like being a cuckold the first time around. Why repeat the experience? Don't repeat the experience, just let his wife go so they both can enjoy great sex! Link to post Share on other sites
Sh0t Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Stories like the OP's are why it's generally a good idea to divorce cheaters. Imagine if he was divorcing when he met his other-woman. He could have had her with no guilt. Shame for the children, but the wife is to blame there. OP, dump your wife and give the other woman a real chance to be #1. it might work out. As other's have mentioned, your wife is more than likely a serious serial cheater. She will cheat again. Other woman might be just crazy enough to be faithful. Don't reward the cheater because she had your children. You might get financially hosed in the divorce, which might impact how well you can treat the other woman. But I doubt your marriage will be enough for you to have a happy life. You have a great opportunity now to do what many men in your situation would love to do: start again with a new, young, presumably pretty woman, that cares much for you. You should have been divorced 5 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Sure he's better than her. He's only had a single affair, it's long term and relatively stable, and it was obviously a response to what she did to him by her compulsive cheating earlier in the marriage. I think this is the source of some of the disconnect here. I think that many of us (myself included) feel that affairs are kinda like dog poop in brownies. Not thinking that it's any better to only have 10% dog poop in the brownie than 25%. It's still dog poop. Better off having no affairs, rather than patting someone on the back for only having one. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 My opinion/judgement is every bit as valid as anyone else's, and I'll post it as freely as anyone else does. I really couldn't care less if you agree/disagree....that's the beauty of LS. I don't feel that the OP is anymore "right" for having one affair after his wife had several...both cheated, and at this point they both should recognize that fact. His affair is no "better" than hers...they're both destroying whatever "relationship" they share. They should either re-negotiate the arrangements of their relationship, or end it. Your opinion may vary... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 So...honest question. Are you good with what you're doing? Figure its "owed" to you in some fashion for what she did to you? If so...point blank...why are you still with her? If the marriage is that hosed...why not move on and end it? Why keep doing the same thing that you hated that she did to you? I get that her cheating was horrible...don't take me wrong. But what makes yours any better? So...wanted to bring this back so that FL didn't miss it in all of the....fun...and could hopefully consider it and respond. FL...what's the 'plan' from here? What's your goal for your future, your marriage? What can we here at LS help 'support' you with? Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Oh the humanity of it all.... Link to post Share on other sites
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