sinkerswim Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 I cant believe today is the 3 month mark since I have seen my fiance. Its not getting any better... I miss him terribly. Some days are better than others...but its the pain of missing him. I cannot stand the fact, that I may never see him or talk to him again. Weve been together for 8 years and have done everything together. I trusted him, I gave myself to him....he told me he would never leave me. One day after a fight...he needs space for a few days... a few days turns into 3 months now. I want to send him a letter because I never got closure. I am on 3 medications and seeing a therapist...it does help. But, its still the fact that Im not with him. Everything I do or see reminds me of him in some way. I love him very very much. I always will. he was my first real love...my fiance. I only dated a couple guys before him..but nothing serious. But my boyfriend was special..I knew we were going to be together for a very long time. I wish I can turn back the clock to the night he asked me to marry him. I was soooo happy..I couldnt wait to tell everyone. I cant believe its come to this...he said I blow things out of proportion way too many times. Which is true..because I have OCD. But I am getting help for it. Anyway..none of this seems real to me. I still think he is coming back. I cant imagine us being with anyone else. I just cant. Its hell...pure torture. Link to post Share on other sites
worriedinside Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Sinkerswim, I totally understand how you feel ! Although I have not been seperated as long as you it hurts ! But I have to wonder with your situation , Do you have any idea as to what he has been doing for the 3 months you have been apart? I really look up to you for what you have done , you are a strong brave woman , and I hope you realize that quality that you have in yourself ! You have give me hope that I can overcome this and that I can too be strong! I would like to keep updated on how things go for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 Sinkerswim; I know what it feels like to miss someone ssooo much and wonder if it will ever get better. My ex left suddenly almost a year ago (May 19th, 2003), with no real explanation except that he was going on a roadtrip with some friends. I later found out that he was trying to reconcile with his ex and their two children. I was devastated after that. I am still hurt by it....but now it is giving way more to anger. I am now learning to move on with my own life. It hasn't been easy as we had great plans of "happily ever after". I feel like a fool for falling easily to his words and ignoring the signs. But I have learned alot about myself, what I want, what is acceptable to me. I am much more wiser and aware. Like the cliche...it takes time. Based on the posts, you are taking care of yourself and issues involved. That's awesome. I have done that as well. Can't say that I am 100%, but well on that way. Remember that you shared 8 years with him....it is going to hurt for awhile. Keep the faith and believe in yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 Thanks for replying you guys.. Worried--I have NO clue what he has been up to..other than his sports and leagues he is in. I doubt he is with anyone else. I wish I knew what his problem was. Its not like him to do this to me. I just miss him soooo much I can scream. Just Visiting---I am very sorry what happened to you. I am glad you are getting by better than you were. You are very strong. ANyway..I wish I can just pick up the phone and say "Hey..whats up? Want to go out for dinner tonite and put this all behind us?" God..I wish I had the courage to do that. Anyway, I would dread his response though. Hes been cold to me on the phone and thats what I cannot figure out.. hes running from me. Does he hate me? Link to post Share on other sites
Lonelystar Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 You deserve someone better. I know it gets hard, but here is something my friend wrote and it makes a lot of sense. Life is full of twists and turns... we trip and sometimes fall... but the paths are there for a reason... we suffer, get back up, and learn... no reason to put ourselves down... we deserve happiness... we just have to learn to strive for it... even if our faces are shoved into the dirt... Goodluck Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 I broke up with my guy after months of hell... Though I ache, I have made peace with myself in that... if my time with him was not the 'him' I thought him to be, then all that time was wasted.. if this man wanted me to uproot my life move in with him out of state.. and he was not the 'him' I thought him to be, then he saved me grief.... Bottom line is that whatever went horribly wrong to make that 'disconnect' in the relationship, aren't you somewhat grateful you saw those 'colors' now.. instead of much later... Also, though my situation is fairly new, and I'm not ready to date again, someone I cared about long ago heard about my 'break-up' news and has been calling.. and though I'm not ready, I will say it's amazing that his calls ease the pain... make me feel like it's not me with the problem.... This may sound cold, and I apologize if it does, but if I could make a wish for you to ease your pain, I would say (1) try to see the him as not the 'him' you thought him to be... (2) let yourself be liked by someone new... See, If your mind stays in that world of 'when it was great'... you will be forever tortured... God Bless you.. rose Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Hey all... Boy, it isn't easy, is it? There must be something in the air today because I'm missing my ex more than I have lately. Drat! I am trying to let it go...phooey. I didn't have that much time committed, or any kind of engagement going, but it definitely is no fun when everything reminds you of the past. I try to remember that even though in my case I'm darned sure it's over, I have learned things about myself I would not have learned any other way, and these lessons will serve me well in the future. So...look hard for the silver lining...try to occupy yourself doing good, fulfilling, healthy things, and all of a sudden you'll notice an entire 5 minutes have elapsed without you thinking about your situation. I'm personally grateful that it's spring and all my favorite things are here...the birds, the dragonflies, the frogs, the butterflies, all the flowers...somehow it really keeps my spirits up. Sinkerswim, I can't believe it's been that long w/no real reply. I am sure you deserve more courtesy than that...but then, as I seem to say all the darned time, things don't always work out the way they should. But keep taking good care of yourself. Does anyone have any other suggestions for treating a case of "the lonlies"? Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Sinkerswim, Three months is a good trial period for any couple. Maybe you can make this the period in which you wait for him. For three months, you've waited. He hasn't said a word, or come around at all, and when you finally called him, he was rude to you. Where is your anger? You sound like a warm and loving person, full of faith in this guy (and eight years probably gave you a firm basis for that faith). But he has failed you. Whatever his reasons, he has abandoned you. And the rude treatment when you called him--acting irritable, as if you were calling him all the time--is unforgiveable. Anger is a legitimate response to this kind of betrayal. When do your sadness and longing give way to anger? It might help you heal. No, I don't think he hates you. I think he's a wimp and a loser, who couldn't bring himself to hurt you face-to-face by telling you he's no longer interested in a relationship with you. If he were conflicted, he would have called you long ago to see how you are, or to apologize, or to see if a friendship was possible. His behavior shows no signs of movement at all in your direction. Why not write to him? You don't need to send the letter, at least now. You must begin to let go of him if you're going to heal from this. And try out a little anger. Say it out loud. Start with a whisper, if you have to. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 Thanks for the responses...It helps!! Yeah..I am being "tortured" by memories...I keep thinking of all we did over the years.. all the times I helped him during his toughest times..etc. Its all too unreal for me. Velveteel...Yeah, that is one of my biggest fears..is that he DOES hate me. Because hes not interested in talking to me. But, I guess you are right...he is running away from it because he cant face me I guess. Im very dissapointed in him. It is so unlike him to do it this way. I KNOW one day, he is going to regret his decision..he has always told me I was sooo good to him and nobody else would treat him like I do. I KNOW that is true. I guess I can live with that. Its all just very sad what has happened...never in my wildest dreams did I think this would happen between us. Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 How come you stopped writing? Did he call??? Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 coming up will be 3 months since me n my ex broke up and its so hard to get over. wow 8 years...thats a long time! Well i know my ex is the love of my life, but i cant make him see that tho. I guess he has to find out on his own. I keep having feelings that my ex is going to come back...kind of like intuition...just that good gut feeling. Have faith and keep your head up. Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Originally posted by meanttolive4ever coming up will be 3 months since me n my ex broke up and its so hard to get over. wow 8 years...thats a long time! Well i know my ex is the love of my life, but i cant make him see that tho. I guess he has to find out on his own. I keep having feelings that my ex is going to come back...kind of like intuition...just that good gut feeling. Have faith and keep your head up. Believe me, I AM the worst in the case of hopelessness, however, I DO know he already wasted enough of my life.. that my sitting around hopeful will only waste more of my life.. Please, be good to YOU for once .. especially as he sure as hell ain't!!!!!!!!!!!!! rose Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Originally posted by aroseInLove Believe me, I AM the worst in the case of hopelessness, however, I DO know he already wasted enough of my life.. that my sitting around hopeful will only waste more of my life.. Please, be good to YOU for once .. especially as he sure as hell ain't!!!!!!!!!!!!! rose i have a lot of hopelessness...i mean i'm moving on with my life...but in the end dont guys see what they did and regret doing it? i mean cmon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted May 6, 2004 Author Share Posted May 6, 2004 I know what you guys totally mean.... I hope they regret it. Anyway..Overseas.....I just wrote you an email....Im sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Originally posted by sinkerswim I know what you guys totally mean.... I hope they regret it. Anyway..Overseas.....I just wrote you an email....Im sorry. The way I see it, they're gutless.. heartless.. inhumane.. to literally 'use' some of us for any reason ..which is the equivalent to their wasting OUR lives for one second they weren't in it 100% as we thought them to be.. Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 guys are just stupid Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Originally posted by meanttolive4ever guys are just stupid and the majority of the bad ones run our country Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Originally posted by aroseInLove and the majority of the bad ones run our country yep yep... Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Sharing from my other post in case you're wondering why the new avatar.. Imagine, this smaller 'camel spider' hissed fiercely at my son-in-law in Baghdad, Iraq as he tried to step on it while it was attempting to bite and kill him.. 'camel spiders' numb the skin with first bit of their injection so the person attacked won't know it if they were bitten.. especially dangerous while sleeping.. .. only bullets or being thrown into a fire can kill these 'camel spiders' ..They sting and shoot fatal venom in their effort to draw massive amounts of blood that they live on.. He says they're plentiful and they're called 'camel spiders' because they attack the bellies of camels to draw the most blood in one object. God Bless them all.. rose Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by sinkerswim I know what you guys totally mean.... I hope they regret it. My friend sent this to me.. I just had to share.. please.. no offense.. just smiles intended.. Rose For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you...... > Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize its not worth buying an entire Pig,.... just to get a little sausage.. Bye now, I Hope you're feeling better... Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 hmm... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted May 7, 2004 Author Share Posted May 7, 2004 The thing is...my boyfriend is a good person... I know in MY heart..that he is. He just took the cowards way out..sad enough. PS: Those camel spiders are soooo nasty!! YUKKKKKK! Link to post Share on other sites
aroseInLove Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by sinkerswim The thing is...my boyfriend is a good person... I know in MY heart..that he is. He just took the cowards way out..sad enough. See, my thing is.. why.. in the first place did he WANT out.. and at what point in time in the relationship.. The fact that your ex or my ex ended up to BE a coward is a mute point in my mind.. it's the wasting of my time and your time BEFORE that way out incurred... Maybe in MY heart, my ex is a good guy too... but to bring ME peace, I have to convince myself that there certainly WAS a side to him I thought I'd NEVER come to see.. and that's his side of 'removal' .....'absence' ... 'silence'... in MY world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted May 7, 2004 Author Share Posted May 7, 2004 I see what you mean... This does all suck though...its very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 hmmm my guy took the cowards way out too Link to post Share on other sites
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