It never really gets better you just learn to live with it

[willowthewisp]

Thanks Jamone and I am sorry that you too are going through this. It is difficult to be encouraged though, in fact I have another question for everyone, but first I will try to explain some back ground to it.

 

There is one guy who asked me out recently at my highschool reunion. This guy is known for being a bit "odd" and he really isn't my type at all and so I have been trying to let him down gently, I don't like to hurt peoples feelings. Anyway, last night I thought I made it clear to him that I do not want to date him, yet he is STILL persisiting and trying it on with me, putting his arm round me etc. I even went to talk to some guy at the bar, he kind of winked at me and motioned me over and I liked him, but then got interupted as everyone wanted tot go on to the club, but the guy who wants to date me was all like "who was that guy you were talking to"!

 

I'm going off subject a bit here. So one of the other guys is stood with us and he starts telling me how him and 6 other guys, the guy who wants to date me included, had had an orgy sex party with two girls some years back, in his words "we decided to destroy them". I made it clear I would NEVER date someone with this attitude, someone who would do that, think nothing of having an orgy.

 

Now, my question is this, am I naive? The thing is, I was with my ex from highschool, I am not a "sexually liberated" person. I have strong moral values and for me, sex is something shared with someone you know, trust and love. Now, I don't expect any guy I meet to have been a monk, but by the same token I don't really want to date someone who has banged everything in sight. Am I being unrealistic here? Am I abnormal and everyone else has been having orgies whilst I have been committed to one man for two decades? Like I said, I do not have a lot of experience and so I am asking in all innocence here, I would like to here what others have experienced. Aside form this I have only met guys who it has turned out that they have had extensive sexual pasts (in my opinion at least) and one who was into BDSM and told me he liked being cut with a scapel.

 

The thing is, I find it all really depressing. I just keep thinking how I don't want to be with someone like that and how I may have no choice if this is what is usual now days and in fact I am the unusual one. So not only do I not get hit on much, but when I do it is by guys that are into this kind of thing. It has gotten to the point where I am crying myself to sleep at night because I KNOW I am never going to feel comfortable with this and so I am going to have to remain alone for the rest of my life. I cannot change who I am. Is there anyone out there for me?

 

Thanks.

[doublerince]

Willow, I have read through this entire thread, and while I feel similar frustrations as you, I have some questions. You clearly feel like you want to meet someone and have a relationship. Where are you going to meet these men? Is it always at clubs or bars? I am getting close to start dating, but I think my focus will be getting fixed up by people who know me, or maybe even through some of the dating websites. At least you can get a preview there, some info on his interests, etc. Are you near or in a large city? There are always adult activity groups, and many are filled with single folks, divorced, etc. Just some thoughts. Hang in there, it does feel like a long haul through sludge many days...

[willowthewisp]

Willow, I have read through this entire thread, and while I feel similar frustrations as you, I have some questions. You clearly feel like you want to meet someone and have a relationship. Where are you going to meet these men? Is it always at clubs or bars? I am getting close to start dating, but I think my focus will be getting fixed up by people who know me, or maybe even through some of the dating websites. At least you can get a preview there, some info on his interests, etc. Are you near or in a large city? There are always adult activity groups, and many are filled with single folks, divorced, etc. Just some thoughts. Hang in there, it does feel like a long haul through sludge many days...

 

I wish you the best of luck with those ideas, I have tried all of them, dating sites (that's where I met the guy into BDSM, as well as numerous others who, well frankly were single for a reason!), joining clubs, even took up a new sport and non of my friends have any single friends, they are all married with young children at my age. I haven't met anyone through work either, all married.

 

That just leaves clubs and bars. Unless anyone has any other suggestions because honestly I am at a complete loss and am almost resigning myself to being alone for the rest of my life.

[itllgetbetter]

Willow: Sorry you're still having a rough time.

 

In a previous post to this thread, I suggested joining your local bar association & church or another religious organization. Is that possible?

 

Finally, you won't be alone for the rest of your life.

Edited September 5, 2011 by itllgetbetter

[Tayla]

Willow, I was taken aback when you equated being alone with being un-lovable. Its rather an odd way to think of things and draw such a summation. Many of us "single" by choice folks overcame that silly concept that having a mate is the only way to be love-able. We can support you in your feelings and certainly identify your plight in putting yourself out there. Its a huge step to undertake. Where we can also support you is in letting you know that you have all the love within you to sustain you. Another forum thread talks about finding the "right" person, and the bottom line to the article was simple- Are we ready (prepared) for the person who is right for us. I can say undoubtedly that with ten years of being social I am not prepared for MR Right or MR Rightnow. I applaud you for coming here for support. Count your blessings on other matters, Health, home, achievements. Accentuate the positive when enduring the setbacks life has bestowed you. I sincerely admire your honesty.

[willowthewisp]

Willow: Sorry you're still having a rough time.

 

In a previous post to this thread, I suggested joining your local bar association & church or another religious organization. Is that possible?

 

Finally, you won't be alone for the rest of your life.

 

Thanks, I remember. I lost my faith a few years ago so CHurch is a no go for me now. There isn't a bar association here, I was a member of Junior lawyers but that is no longer running and in any case the vast majority were too young for me, 23 or 24 years old.

 

Willow, I was taken aback when you equated being alone with being un-lovable. Its rather an odd way to think of things and draw such a summation. Many of us "single" by choice folks overcame that silly concept that having a mate is the only way to be love-able. We can support you in your feelings and certainly identify your plight in putting yourself out there. Its a huge step to undertake. Where we can also support you is in letting you know that you have all the love within you to sustain you. Another forum thread talks about finding the "right" person, and the bottom line to the article was simple- Are we ready (prepared) for the person who is right for us. I can say undoubtedly that with ten years of being social I am not prepared for MR Right or MR Rightnow. I applaud you for coming here for support. Count your blessings on other matters, Health, home, achievements. Accentuate the positive when enduring the setbacks life has bestowed you. I sincerely admire your honesty.

 

I would like someone who loves me, I want to feel desired, needed, appreciated, cared for, loved. I can do, and do all those things for myself but it is not the same as having someone who you can trust and be open with, share things with, share your troubles with, to cuddle up to when you have had a bad day or to share fun with. Someone who cares about what you have done with your day, where you are, what you like or dislike, who wants you to be happy and someone I can love in return, accept for who they are, all that they are...someone who is completely on your side. From my experience with my ex and from others experiences here on this forum, I realise now that there are two types of people, those capable of loving in this way, as if the two of you are one, one union, it's not about what they do or don't do or how they make you feel sometimes and what else might be out there and those who wnat a realtionship to provide them with their needs and wants being met ALL the time. I think it's great that you are happy single, it is not what I want for my life though, I want what I once had because I know how wonderful it was, until it was cruelly ripped from me that is...life alone pails in comparision to true intimacy.

[itllgetbetter]

How about attending a continuing legal education seminar - they usually have half day or one day courses - it's not necessarily the case that you'll meet MR. RIGHT, but, you might meet someone who knows someone who'd be suitable.

 

Your wish to find someone who loves you, desires you, needs, appreciates and cares for you is not unreasonable. It'll happen when you least expect it.

 

Please try to feel better soon.

[itllgetbetter]

... And another thing: If you review Seraph1's post #16 and Trippi's post #21, would you rather be on a date with a jerk or spending time with friends?

 

If you wanted to be on a date with someone that you're not interested in, that could easily happen - ie: the "odd" (as you put it in your post #26) guy at your reunion who wouldn't leave you alone. However, you're being choosy and avoiding going out with guys that you have no interest in - isn't that a good thing - you're not wasting time and money (if they want you to pay for your meal, as did Seraph1's date)?

[Tayla]

Willow, I can see how well you express your desire for intimacy and that you are strong in such a goal. I dare you to find any poster here who expereinces that which you describe on a 24/7 basis. Its just not realistic or life. Sure there are moments that I envy with my married friends. That certain look or the fact they can go home and be comforted, but then I also realize they have the "report for duty" stance as well, They cant just up and fly off to Rome or head out for a dinner without 20 questions being asked...Your preference is to be in a committed relationship as you have much to offer. I hope it comes about for you in due time. For now I will hope that even if its temporary that you find some freedom and positives that come with being single.

[itllgetbetter]

Willow: I had a BRILLIANT idea on how to meet a man - do they have Habitat for Humanity anywhere in your vicinity? Maybe there won't be one in your small town, but perhaps not too far away? They often have "build events" where groups from a particular organization, as well as other volunteers, work on a project. Male/female ratio may be good and you'd be working on a good cause.

 

I understand that you'd like to meet a man, but, please don't feel that you have to meet a man to be happy - sometimes it happens when you least expect it. I think I mentioned previously that I know I man who met his future wife in an elevator because they worked in the same bldg. I also know of another man who met his wife on a train.

[willowthewisp]

Thanks itllgetbetter for the suggestions, I don't think we have that here in the uk though. I was right not to date that guy it turns out he has gone to orgies in the past. Not for me, not at all!

 

I just don't think there is anyone for me out there. See the thing is, I am very traditional with strong moral values. I was with my ex for two decades, I am have not dated, EVER! I'm also not the type to just sleep someone, for me I have to be in a committed relationship to have sex with someone and it seems today that most, if not all men expect a women to have sex with them really quickly.

 

For example, last night I met a guy at a bar. I was on the dance floor and I literally got knocked off my feet, up in the air by this idiot next to me and this guy caught me, literally! lol. So we started chatting a bit and my friend started "selling " me, very embaraessing. Up until this point though he had been dancing round my friend! Anyway, he asked to buy me a drink but I was already quite drunk and so I said no thanks as I had had enough already. He left.

 

Later we went up to the top bar VIP room and he was there, he started talking with me again, it was quieter up there and as we got talking it turns out he is the older brother of someone I used to know. Long story short, as this is getting long...he asked me out. The problem is this though..he also tried to get me to go home with him, kept asking me to go back for a drink. Like I said, I don't do that and to be honest, I don't want to date someone who does that either. I realise though that this means that I will probably always be single now as most people do do this! I cannot win, I cannot change the way I feel, I need to be with someone who shares my values, yet it seems I will not be able to.

 

In addition he has a son but did not marry the mother of his child because "it wasn't right" and yet he was with her for many years. This is a huge issue for me. I would not want to be treated by a man this way and I don't really feel I can date him knowing he treated another women like that and that he thinks that is OK. Am I being too harsh?

 

Where do I go from here? I am lost.

 

I have a blind date next weekend as well, a double date with a friend and her boyfriend and it's his friend. I know nothing about him accept his age at the moment and the fact he has one grown up daughter and is divorced. I'm excited but also a little nervous.

 

What do I do? Do I have to accept that I must put my morals and feelings aside to be able to date someone? Do I compromise myself on a most fundemental level for me? Do I change who I am so that I can find a partner, even if that makes me uncomfortable and unhappy? Where do I draw the line? Help!

[LifesontheUp]

No you should never compromise your morals. If it were me then I would look at it as going out and having some fun. By that, I don't mean sleeping with the guy, just hanging out with some friends, hopefully having some good conversation and an enjoyable evening.

 

I thought that I'd never meet anyone again - was with my xH for 18yrs from young and didn't know anything else. I was happy going out with friends, got back into a lot of hobbies and enjoyed a good social life. Then I met my OH and we just clicked. It was unexpected. I've not had to compromise any of my morals for him.

 

Good luck.

[Steadfast]

You've asked a lot of good questions about dating willow. I don't mean to side-step them but IMO a bars is probably the worst place to meet the kind of man you desire. So while pubs are a common social hangout and meetup place, any environment laced with alcohol is going to have a certain element of disingenuous action and seediness. You can do better. That's my 2-cents.

 

Spirituality is not (just) church. Again and IMO, 'church' these days is more often a structure designed by men and working under the assumption of serving God. Your right of opinion and choice cannot be addressed by me and it isn't within my rights to comment. That said, please consider many feel let down by a 'God' that is supposed to rush to our aid when called upon but scripture does not support this as fact. We need to go where He is.

 

Always amazed and encouraged by your excellence in expression willow. You deserve happiness and I truly believe you will find it. More later! =)

[tojaz]

Willow, first off, and I'm going to scream it!

CHANGE NOTHING! SACRIFICE NOTHING! SETTLE FOR NOTHING!

You shouldn't have to, you DON"T have to.

 

Dating stinks Willow, at least for me, I hate it, always have. It was worse after divorce because I was over a decade behind the times and dating in my 30s when all i had to go on was dating in my teens was a joke. I've met a lot of losers out there, looking for the free meal, the free ride, one that just wanted to cheat on her husband! (Yeah women do that stuff too!) I met a lot of great ones too Willow, unfortunately, as much as I wanted to be and tried to be, I wasn't ready for them.

 

I gave up and just quit looking, I don't mean that I quit looking in the hopes that love would find me, or that I would trip over my dream girl at the market. I was so disgusted with the whole thing that meeting someone just stopped being a goal. I went about my life, and I was actually pretty happy with it. The fact that I was alone never really escaped me, but I was OK in spite of that fact and realized that whatever happened, I could be happy, even if it was alone. I wasn't complete, but I was still very content.

 

A little over a month ago I agreed to have a friendly dinner with a girl I have known since high school. Just to catch up, she was never anyone I would ever have considered dating the whole time I've known her, and she has since confided that she had felt the same way about me. Neither one of us had felt the pressure or the tension so common on a "date" because neither of us were looking. We were just two people being ourselves and learning about each other, and we both liked what we were seeing.

 

After a month as an official couple, all i can say is that it is so easy!

Since things were so laid back from the start there is no pressure to impress or make points, we just have to be ourselves and thats plenty.

 

Since I now know that i can be happy by myself, I'm not worried about trying to make the relationship go the distance, if it doesn't I'll be fine.

 

I guess what I'm trying to lay out here Willow, is that I don't know if this is going to be the start of Tojaz's success story where I come back and post about how great my new life and new relationship is, I don't know if this will be another disappointment either. Whats different is that I don't really care. It will be whatever it turns into and i know I'll be fine either way so I'm just living in the moment and seeing where it takes me.

 

Your not just looking for a man Willow, your looking for a partner. You may find that in a pub or the dance club, but the chances are slim. Just get out and live your life the way you want to live it, do what you want, do what makes you happy, have fun, LIVE LIFE, even if you are alone, for now.

 

Think about it Willow, a guy who shares your interests, your morals, and your values is probably going to be in a place you yourself would like to spend your own time, makes sense doesn't it? Unfortunately if your in a pub waiting for Mr. Right to spill a drink on you, your probably going to miss him.

 

TOJAZ

[jeff2321]

Willow,

 

Whatever you do, don't change yourself or compromise your moral values! I am 31 years old and have adopted the same basic moral values that you have described in your post. I don't have casual sex with women and at this point when I go out on dates I don't even talk about sex until either they bring up the topic or something else triggers it. In fact I try to avoid the topic early on because I consider sex to be a risky endeavor with someone i don't really even know that well.

 

As a guy, getting someone pregnant or catching an STD is a serious deal and I am not willing to risk either of those situations for a night of fun. Granted, if I get to know the person over a specific period of time and I develop a relationship with them and I feel I can *trust* them then I change up my game a bit -- ( sexual compatibility and all that ).

 

I recently had to reject a girl that was constantly trying to seduce me all the time. During the week I'd get phone calls and text messages from her asking me to sleep over at her house ( booty call ). She also had a 3 year old daughter from her past relationship sleeping in the next room on the same nights she extend the invite (or seduction) to me.

 

Most guys will probably read this and think I'm completely mad for not jumping right on that ( pun intended ), but I just didn't feel right about it. In fact if a girl gives it up too easily to me these days I see it as a red flag. These days I value my sanity, integrity, and my health over casual sex. I feel that building a long lasting relationship needs to stem from gradual building of a relationship trust and that just won't come with sex being thrown in the mix right away.

 

So I'm not sure how many guys are out there like me, but we do exist. Just keep your eyes open for it

 

Jeff2321

 

 

I just don't think there is anyone for me out there. See the thing is, I am very traditional with strong moral values. I was with my ex for two decades, I am have not dated, EVER! I'm also not the type to just sleep someone, for me I have to be in a committed relationship to have sex with someone and it seems today that most, if not all men expect a women to have sex with them really quickly.

Edited September 12, 2011 by jeff2321

[2.50 a gallon]

Way to go Tojaz! Your are there, my friend, just let it happen.

 

Willow, listen to Tojaz!

 

Do not change to try and meet somebody else's expectation's, just be yourself. I know you are lonely, as most on this board, we have all been there at one time or another.

 

I know it sounds counter to what you want in life, but the key is to say to heck with it, I am going to enjoy my life even if I am alone.

 

I am going to celebrate life and all that is has to offer, what ever that might be. Good food, Good friends, good music, pets, dogs, tropical fish, plants, orchids, roses, rock climbing, dancing, race cars, concerts, where ever your heart leads you, follow and enjoy.

[willowthewisp]

Thanks for the replies. Jeff it's good to know there are guys out there like you!

 

I turned the guy I met on Saturday night down, he contacted me yesterday. I don't know if I did the right thing? I feel I am being judgmental, on the other hand, I just don't think I could bring myself to feel happy with someone who had a child but did not marry the mother, stayed with her for years, but did not marry her. What if I never meet anyone though? It's not like I am asked out very often.

 

Be happy on my own? I don't think that is really possible for me. Someone suggested a few posts back seeing the benefits in being single, being able to jet off to Rome or have a last min dinner. Um, who does that????? I couldn't afford to jet off anywhere or even a last min dinner, that is if I had someone to have a last min dinner with! Most of my friends are married and I work really long hours for very little pay, I commute over 3 hours a day to work because I cannot afford to live in the city that I work, unless I want to share with 6 others and one bath, one kitchen.

 

I fail to see where I would meet anyone other than in a bar? I am at work all week, I get home late so don't go out in the evenings, there is no where to go anyway. Besides which I enjoy going out for a drink and a dance, it's the only fun I have all week. I work really hard, in a very stressful and hectic job and sometimes I sit there and think that I wish I had something in my life, that made me happy, that made it all worth while.

[andyg99]

I guess what I'm trying to lay out here Willow, is that I don't know if this is going to be the start of Tojaz's success story where I come back and post about how great my new life and new relationship is,

TOJAZ

 

of course it's not the start of your success story - from what I read you have your stuff together so your success story has already started! it didn't depend on meeting anyone...

 

and to anybody who is reading this you can start your success story at anytime!

 

dating? just have fun with it... laugh about the bad ones and enjoy the good ones and don't ever get ahead of yourself...

[karnak]

 

After a month as an official couple, all i can say is that it is so easy!

Since things were so laid back from the start there is no pressure to impress or make points, we just have to be ourselves and thats plenty.

 

Even without knowing, you've really helped me with this comment Tojaz. You managed to make me remember something very, very important, that I had forgotten during the last 7 years.

 

GOD BLESS

[trippi1432]

Willow - I don't think that you are being too judgmental, if those are your standards, then they are also your boundaries. It's not like you are walking around with a 5 page list of requirements, you are looking for someone of good character and integrity and when that right person comes along, you will be ready for it.

 

I might get thumped over the head for this, but it does seem that men are a lot more "casual" in what they are looking for in a relationship...their needs are pretty simple. Most will tell you they don't know what they want, when you clearly do know what you want, you just don't know or have access to the "who" that will fulfill that. The guy that will eventually fulfill that will be someone that earns your trust, doesn't play games and speaks from his heart...

 

I asked my boyfriend last night what he thought "living in the moment" meant when it came to relationships or dating....and he said that it all sounded very casual to him and that when you are with someone...you are just with that person, then he went back to strumming his guitar, and just being himself. I don't make him something he isn't..nor does he do that to me. His first step in proof..he took his dating profile down after our first date....he got that date because he took a chance and asked to talk to me after my "friend" laid a social dating card on him and he wanted to let me know that he was not interested in her. I could have harbored judgement on him at that time...I could have closed myself off as an easy answer to refuse to let him in. I could choose today to not see him as a amazing and wonderful man that I keep discovering every day, much like someone I thought at one time I knew.

 

Those men are out there Willow...ones that you don't have to compromise, change your values or yourself for. The ones who want real intimacy without you having to be vulnerable to your demise or compromising your principals. They don't happen when you are looking for them..they happen sometimes when you stop and know that you don't need someone in your life..you want them there.

Edited September 13, 2011 by trippi1432

[tojaz]

Thanks for the replies. Jeff it's good to know there are guys out there like you!

 

I turned the guy I met on Saturday night down, he contacted me yesterday. I don't know if I did the right thing? I feel I am being judgmental, on the other hand, I just don't think I could bring myself to feel happy with someone who had a child but did not marry the mother, stayed with her for years, but did not marry her. What if I never meet anyone though? It's not like I am asked out very often.

 

Thats one of the things I was talking about. Its not my place or anyone elses to say if you did the right thing or not. Instinct has a lot to do with it Willow, and if you don't feel good about it, then there is probably a good reason. Is settling for someone your not 100% about worth it over the unlikelyhood that you will never meet anybody else? There are lots of people on this forum who found themselves here by settling out of fear of being alone. Which leads into your next paragraph....

 

Be happy on my own? I don't think that is really possible for me. Someone suggested a few posts back seeing the benefits in being single, being able to jet off to Rome or have a last min dinner. Um, who does that????? I couldn't afford to jet off anywhere or even a last min dinner, that is if I had someone to have a last min dinner with! Most of my friends are married and I work really long hours for very little pay, I commute over 3 hours a day to work because I cannot afford to live in the city that I work, unless I want to share with 6 others and one bath, one kitchen.

 

Being able to be happy on your own does not mean forever. It doesn't mean jet setting or being anything other then yourself, just being confident that you don't need someone else to complete your life, that you can exist, without being with someone. The plus side, it makes you more attractive! Nothing scared me more then meeting someone who seemed so driven to find a relationship. I don't want to be with someone to define their life or control their life, but to compliment and be welcomed into someones life and to welcome them into my own.

 

 

 

I asked my boyfriend last night what he thought "living in the moment" meant when it came to relationships or dating....and he said that it all sounded very casual to him and that when you are with someone...you are just with that person,.

 

Don't remember looking for critique on my relationship, but I'll play along. Is it casual? yes as in it is easy and zero stress. I am not casually dating though, on the contrary I have no interest in dating anyone else and have told her so. Living in the moment is just as it sounds. I am with her to enjoy the moment and the next, and the next. There is no time line, no rules, no road map to cohabitation or marriage. The relationship grows organicly. I don't have to worry if I say the right thing, have planned the perfect date, hold her hand long enough, kiss her often enough. Our time together is 100% about each other. Without defining perfect, weve managed to create our own.

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

Tojaz, my remark about "living in the moment" wasn't directed at you, it was for Willow.

 

 

Most of my friends are married and I work really long hours for very little pay, I commute over 3 hours a day to work because I cannot afford to live in the city that I work, unless I want to share with 6 others and one bath, one kitchen.

 

I fail to see where I would meet anyone other than in a bar? I am at work all week, I get home late so don't go out in the evenings, there is no where to go anyway. Besides which I enjoy going out for a drink and a dance, it's the only fun I have all week. I work really hard, in a very stressful and hectic job and sometimes I sit there and think that I wish I had something in my life, that made me happy, that made it all worth while.

 

Willow - I missed this part on the house-share, was hoping some good things would break there for you soon. I know that long commute can get exhausting. I do think that will be the key to finding good ground to moving forward.

 

Something else, as much as we try to move forward with our lives after so much emotional pain and time has passed, is the ability to look back with love. Part of healing is the ability to look back with love, to quote from John Gray: "When we can look back on a relationship and remember a loving act from our former partner, we know our heart is open and we are ready for a new relationship."

 

We do remember some of the things we miss from our former relationships, the good things of course. And when your heart is open, we are open to experiencing that with someone new and attract that to our lives. I know you and I have talked personally about that before. You are doing the right things and not settling, turning that guy down based on your values, is doing what's right for you. In time, a person who respects you and values you will come along...and you will be ready for it.

[itllgetbetter]

Willow: Is there a law library in the city you work in? If so, can you do some of your firm work there and perhaps meet some new people? While I appreciate that being the low person on the totum pole means that you have to show some face time at your firm, maybe sometimes you can get your work done elsewhere.

 

Just a suggestion.

[willowthewisp]

Willow: Is there a law library in the city you work in? If so, can you do some of your firm work there and perhaps meet some new people? While I appreciate that being the low person on the totum pole means that you have to show some face time at your firm, maybe sometimes you can get your work done elsewhere.

 

Just a suggestion.

 

Hi, thanks for the suggestion but unfortunately not, my work all has to be done at work due to needing to work with files and in the database system at work. My job is mostly administrative given I am at the bottom wrung, lots and lots of paperwork, drafting contracts etc.

 

I am beginning to think I made a huge mistake in turning down the guy last weekend. It is so rare for me to get any attention from a man, let alone a man whom I find physically attractive. I had noticed this guy on the dance floor long before he caught me when I got knocked off my feet. Then of course he left and I ran into him again upstairs in a room which I did not have membership for and was only in there because whilst I was waiting for my friend to come out of the ladies room, I was chatting to one of the doormen (not trying to get in, just being friendly) and he asked if my friend and I would like to go up?

 

I don't know, it all seems like it was a bit fated and then on top of that my horoscope (yes go on laugh all of you, but this guys horoscope is so spookily accurate!), said that true love would soon enter my life this week. What if I sent it away?????????

 

On top of these thoughts I got to see a picture of my blind date, not my type at all I realise I am sounding shallow talking about looks and maybe that does make me shallow, but I do think there has to be some level of physical attraction to begin with? Or am I wrong?

 

Any advice on what to do would really be appreciated, I deleted the first guys number but (and again this seems fated) my friend is able to get it (probably) because she knows his brother. Then again, after I turned him down, he may not even want to date me now anyway, will probably think I am a flake or a mess or something.

 

Urgh, I am really not used to all this, dating, I have no clue at all, I spent 20 years with one guy from highschool. Please help, I am completely lost!

[2.50 a gallon]

Willow

 

Maybe he will look at it like you were playing hard to get

 

Women and their horoscopes. Every Sunday, when we divide up the Sunday paper, the first section my GF wants is the Living Section so she can check our horoscopes. I occassionaly will try to with hold and joke that maybe it will say we are going to break up this week

 

When I was a player, I used to be more up on the traits of the signs, as it was a good lead in to get a converstaion rolling with somebody new. From what I remember, and is confirmed by my GF, is that according to the our signs we are a mismatched pair. And if I remember correctly my Ex and i were perfectly matched.

 

I understand why you are trying so hard, but I still say, try to be patient and just let it happen. That is when it is most likely to happen