I Still Love Him and I Am Working On Not Being The Other Woman

[istilllovehim]

Dulce, thank you for pointing out the obvious. After I read what she wrote, I was thinking about not posting anymore. But you are right, it is the whole point of this board. It is therapeutic for me. I write my feelings here and I read them over and over during the day trying to figure out what to do. I am just going to stay away from her and let her deal with her own troubles. He needs my support right now and that is what I am going to do. Hopefully things will work out in the end.

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

After I read what she wrote, I was thinking about not posting anymore. But you are right, it is the whole point of this board. It is therapeutic for me.

 

I'm glad that you didn't stop posting. Just because someone doesn't like the situation you're in doesn't mean that they have to be rude about it. Obviously anyone and everyone here is seeking feedback knowing that it maybe both positive and negative but I feel once you express yourself someone can chose to take it or leave it but no need to "pounce" on them and continue to put someone down.

 

If you feel that it's worth it to stick it out then I say go for it! He doesn't seem to be leading you on..she knows now he wants you and she is getting help. Through no fault of anyone she may have emotional problems either slight or severe but there is no reason why your MM (who has left her) unlike many MM anyway there is no reason why he should be forced to be with her just because he feels sorry for her she needs to be strong for herself and move on. It is NOT his responsibility for her emotional sanity no person has that responsibility towards another person. We all have to take care of ourselves and she has to realize it isn't healthy for herself or anyone else for her to "cling" to him and try and force him to stay with her due to threats!

 

Anyway I hope you keep posting and I'm sure many other people will be here for you including myself. Make sure to keep updating.

[istilllovehim]

Update...

 

Well we are still together. He and the kids spent the whole weekend at my house. My aunt came to visit and she and I had a long talk. She is the single most intelligent person I have ever met in my life. She brought to my attention a lot of things...

 

1. Why do I need to talk to her? I don't. I haven't all weekend and my stress level is way down. If she is going to threaten me, then she is. I don't have to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I cant make her stop and talking to her is only feeding her desire to cause drama. She actually told my MM, "I know how to mess with her head now". That draws me to the conclusion that this is indeed a game to her and I simply am not going to play it. If she wants to kill me, fine, whatever. I think she is full of s*it and is just trying to scare me. Besides, I am capable of protecting myself. I have taken precautions in case this crazy nut is actually planning something but my instincts say she isn't.

 

2. They did not separate because of her infidelity. Many marriages survive infidelity. They separated because he is not in love with her anymore. I cannot justify that we are together because of her actions. We are together because we choose to be together. We will be together until we choose to no longer be together if that is the case.

 

3. She probably just checked herself into the hospital for sympathy. She is the one paying for those consequences. She hates it there. But she says that she is not going to come home until my MM agrees to come back to her. She wont even come home to her kids unless she has him. If it was me, I'd say oh well, you don't want to come home to me, I am still going to be the best mother that I can to my kids. She isn't even thinking about her kids, she is only thinking about herself and what she wants. She wants him and if she cant have him, she is going to hurt everyone til she gets what she wants. What a selfish person. I see why he isn't in love her anymore.

 

I love my MM and I will continue to be supportive. I will not be bullied or scared. What kind of life would you have if you let everyone bully you into a corner. I have been told on here that I am selfish because I wont leave my MM and am putting myself in danger, or my child. I guess if I am going to live like that I should have never left my ex-husband who said he would kill me if I ever left. I was taking a risk then. But I stood up for myself and my child and I got away from an abusive situation. I took a chance then and I have a much easier life now. I am going to take a stand again....

[miz_barby]

I'm glad to see that you've come to the point of making your choice. I agree that I think she is just playing on his sympathy and trying to bully her way into having him!She knows she has lost and doesn't want to accept that!

 

It is sad that like you said she doesn't say "okay f*ck you MM I'll be a good mother to our kids and you better be a good dad or else" and then move on!

Why hang on to someone who so clearly doesn't love you? I guess I'll never understand that one!

 

You do deserve props for leaving your ex and that whole "if you leave me I'll kill you" situation......goes along the lines of "when this relationship is over...so is your life"

 

But anyway I think it takes a real woman to realize that you don't have to sink down to an immature level to "fight" for your man. He is with you because he chose to be you didn't make him or bully him or force him to feel sorry for you so therefor he made the choice.

 

When you said that you are feeding into her game by speaking with her you couldn't have said anything more true! It's good that you no longer want to talk to her...why should you have to listen to her? Most of what she is doing is to gain sympathy and is a very sad manipulating type of game....hopefully before she gets into her next relationship she will realize she has to love and trust herself before someone else can love and trust her as well!

 

Anyway I'm happy for you guys and hope things to continue to work out!

[istilllovehim]

Update 5/21/04

 

I haven't seen him since Monday morning. I talked to him on the phone Monday night and he told me that his wife met a guy from the hospital and that she was planning on leaving the kids with MM and moving off with this guy about 2 hours away. My MM asked her what kind of guy he was and she said he wasn't crazy, he was just a cutter (on himself when upset) and was a heroin addict who has been clean for 2 weeks now and he is living in a boarding house. Yea, whatever, doesn't sound crazy at all to me...!! That really freaked my MM out. He didn't understand how she could just ditch the kids. Well then Tuesday she called and said that they both were being released on Thursday and that they were going to move into the house with the kids and that she expected MM to move in with me. He told her that he was NOT going to allow him in the house with the kids. So Wednesday she called and said that she was absolutely being released Thursday but they wouldn't let her boyfriend out too because the hospital found out about the relationship. So she was needing to come home for a few days until he was released and then he and her would find a place to go. She also told her sister that no one had custody and that she was planning on stealing the kids. This was Wednesday night, I was upset. I asked him if he was planning on getting back with her and he said he didn't foresee it. What kind of answer is that. If he loves me the way he says he does, the answer would be no, I am going to find a way to make things right with you, but he basically said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't know what to do. I told him he really only had 3 choices:

 

1. Get back together with her and raise the kids. That way he can watch her crazy self around the kids all the time.

 

2. Divorce her and get custody of the kids and allow her visitation or joint custody.

 

3. Divorce her and get her help so that she can raise the kids and he can get visitation or joint custody.

 

I don't see any other choices in this situation. I wonder if he thinks he has another choice of "having the wife and kids at home and girlfriend on the side". But that isn't an option. He asked me what I would do. I told him that I did go through this and you see that I am divorced and I have custody of my kid. I didn't play games! I knew what I wanted and I was not going to accept any less. My ex-husband knows I am a wonderful mother and that our child's place is with me. (He is really going to be ticked at me though for allowing this crap to go on.) I finally had enough! I told my MM that I was not going to be calling him and that I was going to go on with my life. That I didn't really expect him to call me anymore since she was coming back home. If he wanted to call me, then fine but I didn't know how much more of this crap I was going to take.He said "You know I am going to call you tomorrow". I also told him that I was going to miss him and he said he already missed me. I told him that I was starting to realize that I was always going to come second to her. I even made the stupid stupid stupid comment (that I didn't mean) that it would be funny if he continued to run to her every time she threatened suicide and if I finally snapped and he came home to me being dead from suicide. That really shocked him and me as well. I cant believe I said that. But anyway its just words and they cant be taken back. So I ended the conversation with "I have to go, just say goodbye to me". He responded with "Are you okay?". (Honestly I think that is the first time he has asked). I said "Yea, I'm just tired, just say goodbye to me". So he said bye and I quickly said bye and hung up.

 

Well yesterday at work I got a call from a woman claiming to be a nurse and she said that she was just required to let me know that wife was making homicidal threats against me and that she was being released. I don't know if it was the hospital of if wife had someone call. It doesn't matter really. So she's out. My ex-boyfriend had to pick my kid up from day care and take him to t-ball practice yesterday. I told my MM about it Wednesday night and he didn't seem too happy about it but I told him to get over it. My ex and I are just friends and since MM was too busy with the wife I had to find someone to count on for help. (My ex-bf calls my son his son and they are really close. However my ex is only 19 and I am 26 so I didn't get too serious with him. He's too young and hasn't went through his wild stage yet.) I went to to T-ball practice and my ex stayed there with me. Then he came back to my house with me and sat around for about 20 minutes. He is so supportive of me and my son. He left and I left to go see my mom who just go in from Indiana. I stayed at my grandma's until 9 and came back home. My MM's number was on the caller ID. I missed his call. I also thought I seen him driving out of my town to his town last night. I wonder why he is trying to get a hold of me. It may have even been her that called. Who knows? Well my MM's cousin called me late last night and said that he went by there and that MM, wife and kids were leaving to go to the store. Cute, a family outing! I can either look at this way, they went together because they are a family or he took her because he doesn't want to leave her alone with the kids because she is threatening to take them. The cousin also told me that MM is supposed to take her to another hospital today because they don't think the last one helped. I guess I am just going to keep myself busy and get out of this situation. He will never truly be mine anyway!

[jmargel]

I agree with Debster, even though we had our differences in the past. Most schizo's don't feel pain or remorse. You should consider your life in danger. Is this situation really worth putting your own life & the life of your son at risk?

 

Where I am from, this one woman drove a distance of about 100 miles to kill all three of her children. All in different locations because not only was she mentally unstable, but a custody hearing was starting up. She proclaimed that she had everything to lose, and she was going to heaven with her kids. The story is here:

 

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04125/310816.stm

 

You can't even trust this guy and you are giving EVERYTHING you have for him. To his wife, YOU are the destroyer. You are the one who caused this. You took away HER husband and HER kids. She has nothing left to live for. Why would she even care if she killed you? She doesn't have any rational throught processes right now, and probably won't. If you decide to stay with him, YOU will have to endure this for your entire life.

 

I'm sorry but with this relationship I don't see any fairytale ending. You might love him but this relationship is lacking so much more that will make it a successful & rewarding one.

 

You have posted so many red flags on here, it's not even funny. When one's life is endanger you need to take a very serious look at what is best for you & your son.

[istilllovehim]

That is one of the saddest stories that I have ever heard. I hate to think that she is capable of something like that but I guess I am going to have to believe that she is. She can just decide to kill me after 10 years because she can. So even if everything works out now and it all seems bliss, I still will have to worry. I am not going to ever forget that story. I have to get away from this whole situation!

[jmargel]

I did a bit of research about schizophrenia a few years ago, and one thing that I read stands out in my memory more than anything else. One very common symptom of schizophrenia is hallucination, and I was a bit surprised (although I immediately realized that I shouldn't have been) when I read that hallucinations can involve any of the five senses, or combinations of them. Tactile hallucinations are quite common.

 

Anyway, the thing that stands out in my memory was a schematic diagram of the brain that had two boxes, each with arrows pointing to a third box in the center. The two boxes were labeled "SENSATION" and "THOUGHT" and the third box in the center was labeled "INTEGRATION". The narrative on the opposite page explained that you can think of the brain as an integrator of thoughts and sensations, and that hallucination represents a "crossed wire" in the integration center so that the brain perceives a thought as a sensation. For example, a person may think of spiders crawling on their skin, but the brain interprets that thought as the actual sensation.

 

With schizo, she may have had this in her genes, but I don't know if the affair triggered it inside her. He would know best if she acted schizo before all this started with you & him.

 

There are meds to surpress schizo, but the disease is hopelessly irrational, and it hijacks the brain completely. In fact, it becomes your brain, in a manner of speaking. How can you use your brain to supress something when it's your brain itself that needs to be supressed?

 

This woman has very many problems, something you don't want to get involved with. Trying to be her friend, was her thinking this was your way to get to her & ruin things. Why would a wife be friends with the mistress? Don't you see?

 

Please consider this as your warning. She isn't acting this way to get him back. No person would torture themselves into faking they were schizo. If they were to do that, then they are mentally unstable to begin with.

[istilllovehim]

They haven't diagnosed her schitzo. They diagnosed her manic depressive or bi-polar. I know that isn't better but they say she isn't schitzo. She has no hallucinations. It doesn't matter anyway, I can never be the woman of his life. He is tied to her and she will never let him have a normal life with me. She will always be causing us problems. Who wants a life like that? Not me.

[miz_barby]

I hope that you can get out of this whole mess.....in a better world maybe things could have worked out but realistically it doesn't seem that it will. After reading several of these responses to this post I agree that maybe she isn't faking. She is unstable in some form...I can't see anyone enduring a mental hospital and now maybe 2 mental hospitals just for the sake of show. I think you deserve better. I can see how he can feel confused at his "obligations"

I can see how he wouldn't want that man coming into his home and no matter what has happened between them I can also see him really caring about her well being and not wanting her to run off with a recovering addict who cuts himself. Both of them would be a sad dangerous combination! Their kids deserve so much better than what they're going through now....sadly they will probably be messed up when they remember back to Mommy going nuts and acting psycho!

Even though I was pulling for you two in the beginning I now think you deserve 100% better! He is coming with way too much baggage.....I agree she will probably never leave you alone, hopefully with help from your friends and family (and maybe even your ex bf) you can move on and be strong.

However if even after all this it's meant to be then no matter what it will be, just keep your head up and do the best you can to continue to move your life in a good direction!

[istilllovehim]

Update 5/24

 

It's officially over!!! I am no longer the other woman! Here's how the ending goes...

 

As you all know I talked to him last on Wednesday, the night before she came home. He called Thursday and I missed his call. Well I didn't hear from him on Friday or Saturday. So I get a call from his grandma on Saturday telling me that my MM wanted me to bring his cell phone to her house. He wanted her to tell me that he would call me when he gets his head straight. So I said okay and hung up. I called him and asked him what was going on. He was very vague so I just started asking all kinds of questions. I asked him if they were going to get back together and he replied "We talked about it". So that jerk talked about getting back together with his wife but didn't even have the decency to call me and tell me. I told him that he was a big coward and that I was fed up with this crap and that I was DONE! He didn't even act like he cared. How he could be so cold, I don't know. He just kept defending himself saying that the only people he is worried about right now is himself and his kids. I told him that wife is a taker and he is a giver and if that is how he wanted to live, then live that way. I told him that he had his chance with me but he screwed that up. I told him that we messed up even talking again. He said that he just wanted to be fair to her since she is back in the hospital. I said how cute, being fair, but couldn't even make a simple phone call to me to tell me that it was over. I cried and screamed and finally told him goodbye. Well I really didn't want things to end that way. I finally called him back and told him that I was sorry for being so mean but I was done. I asked him how he planned on getting his things. He said he could come get them or I could just take them to his grandma's. And that was that. I was so upset and depressed all day. I ended the night with a horrible migraine. Luckily my ex-bf's mother brought me a pain pill so I went to sleep. I woke up Sunday feeling great. My migraine was gone and I slept like I hadn't slept in years. I took my ex-bf his books that he left over at my house Friday night and he and his mother told me that they were having family dinner at 3 and that they wanted me and my son there. So I spent the morning with my family and then went to their family dinner. They always make me feel so loved and they absolutely adore my son. The ex calls him his son and his mother calls him her grand baby. I went home and my mom who is visiting from Indiana told me that MM's wife called and wanted to know if I had taken MM's stuff to his grandma's yet. So I called MM and told him that his wife had called and that I really didn't want her calling my house. I told him "There is nothing between you and me, we are done so she does not need to be calling my house". I told him that he never told me to take his things to his grandma's so I didn't. I asked him what he wanted me to do with them and he said he didn't know. He was so different. He asked me what I had been doing and I told him that I had been spending time with my family and my ex and his family. I could tell it bothered him but I was glad that it did. I want him to know what he screwed up. I told him again that I was sorry for the things I said the day earlier. I told him " I feel at peace today with this whole situation, I am glad that we decided to part ways. I love you and I am sure that I always will but its better this way". He seemed so different then, all of a sudden caring and I could feel him reaching out for me to take care of him. But I didn't. I told him I had to go and that he could call me whenever he decided what he wanted me to do with his stuff. I told him I have half of it already packed up for him.

 

I know that I am holding on to his clothing for all of the wrong reasons. I have decided that today when I get home from work that I am going to take all of his stuff to his grandma's house. That way we have nothing left to talk about. I feel so much better being out of this situation and there is NO way that I am going back into it. I know most of you don't believe me but I am done. I much rather be the love that he lost than the love that he has and abuses. I want him to look at me for the next couple of years that I am here and wish he had me. I want to be the one to walk away! I hope that he calls me and asks for me back so I can tell him no. I want him to see what a real woman I am. Up until this point, I have been so proud of myself. I was in an abusive situation with my hubby and I walked away after years of my hubby telling me that I would come back, that I couldn't do it on my own. But I showed him and I am about to show my MM. I am just going to smile and walk away. That is what I do best anyway, I am good at walking away. I am a strong woman and do not need any crap from any man. I want a real man! Not a coward! So today is the first day of the rest of my life and I am sitting here with a smile from one ear to the other. It feels great!!!!!

[jmargel]

I'm glad you are finally leaving the situation. He & she will continue to play the head games as long as you let it. So any contact with him should be very limited. Talk to him like a business partner. Otherwise it'll start all over again.

 

Anyway, we wish you the best & glad you came to us for help.

 

[Chrissy21]

Istilllovehim:

 

I cannot believe that it's really over. It's kind of hard to believe, actually. I've read all of your posts up until this point and I always felt as though the two of you were going to make it. It always gave me the courage and hope to go on in an otherwise bleak situation. Our relationship(my MM and I) is somewhat dissipating into nothingness. Maybe that is for the best, but it doesn't make the hurt feel better and certainly doesn't make the pain go away. I guess that I will probably stick it out to the very end.

 

You sound really happy with where you are right now. I'm happy for you. I'm sure that he will probably call you several times in the next few weeks. He's going to wake up one day and realize what he threw away. It is obvious that he is never going to be happy with his wife. He will know how special you were one day and I'm proud of you for knowing that you deserve better.

 

Please don't stop posting, I still want to hear about how you are doing. Hug

[istilllovehim]

Well, I know that most of you are going to tell me that I messed up but I called him last night. I needed closure and I got it! Let me explain...the last time I called him he was cold and more or less treated me like I was nothing to him. I felt so discarded, used, hurt and worthless! I didn't understand how he could be like that. I just wanted to know that all of what I went through wasn't for nothing. So I just called to let him know that I took all of his stuff to his grandmothers. He thanked me and told me he was sorry for all that I had to go through. I didn't talk about much other than casual stuff but he would say things that made me feel so much better. He told me he knew he was making a mistake but he had to do what was right for his family. I told him that I understood and although I will always love him, I was a lot less stressed now that he is gone. He did say that "if its meant to be for you and me, it will happen". I told him that I didn't see a chance of that happening because I refused to go through this again. He asked me all about my marriage to my ex-husband and how I found the courage to leave. I told him that I had fallen completely out of love with my husband about 2 years into the relationship. I wanted him around because my ex was my rock but when I hugged and kissed him I didn't feel anything. He said that is exactly how it is with his wife. Then I told him after about 6 months of soul searching I feel madly & passionately back in love with my husband. I didn't leave my husband because I didn't love him, I left because he became mentally & physically abusive and he found the love of his life, heroin. So I pointed out to him that it is possible to fall back in love with someone. I did pick up on some things that he said about her like... she doesn't believe that he and I are over, she gripes at him every day because he stuff was still at my house. He is trying to make her happy! That is why he is being so vague to me. Now I have the closure that I wanted. I wanted to walk away from him knowing that he loves me! Now I can and when I think about this whole situation, I wont feel like the whore that came between them, I can feel like the woman he loved and lost. I wanted to be the one who walked away. And now I am because he hinted on getting back with me if its meant to be and I told him no! I did! I told him NO! I stood on my own two feet again! I haven't done that in a while.

One thing I take pride in is being strong and with him I am not strong. I am weak. He brings out the best and the worst in me. I want someone who only brings out the best in me! God has a plan for everyone and as much as I desire to be loved by and to love a man, I know God will give that to me. I want to be a loving wife with a gentleman who takes pride in me. I want someone who will love my child as theirs and who would not do anything to risk me or my child's love or safety. I will find that when I least expect it. I am not going to go out looking for a man. I will let the right one find me. I am going to concentrate on Nursing school that I start in July and on my son. I have put my son on the back burner through this whole situation and that is not me. That is why my ex-husband let my child go so easily, because he knows no one even comes close when it comes to loving and caring for my son. Not even him!

So I have decided not to call my MM again. I got the closure that I needed. If I talk to him again I take a chance of feeling rejected again which will start this whole mess all over again. Right now I am where I need to be to heal and move on. I am still smiling today, but a much bigger smile!

[miz_barby]

I'm glad to hear that you are being strong! I hope that things continue to go well for you. It is good that you are feeling strong enough to work through this and move on from a toxic situation.

I admit that I thought like Chrissy21 I thought you two would make it. I see I was wrong. I don't doubt he loves you but obviously he isn't strong enough to get himself and his children out of the toxic situation with his wife.

 

You'll find someone who is great to you, someone who'll love you and treat you right. You know everyone says "you'll find your Mr. Right when you least expect it"

So good stradegy not to go out looking, you'll bump into him when the time is right!

 

I too hope you keep posting on here so we know how you're doing!

[istilllovehim]

Time to go home from work... ugh! I, like an idiot, have checked my answering machine about 5 times today and nothing. I dont want to talk to him, I would just love to hear from him that he is miserable without me. That would be nice, you know what I mean. Thats bad that I wish pain on him, I'm supposed to be in love with him. But I really dont have time to type now, I will when I get home. I am sure that NC night # 2 will be lonely and sad but I am making it.... :)

[istilllovehim]

His wife called me at 8 PM exactly. I missed the call but I called right back, I knew it was her calling. I asked her, "Did you call me?" She said "Yes, MM was aggravating me and I told him I would call you but he didn't believe me". I said "Aggravating you about what?" She said "He is about to go to Larry's house (his uncles) and I asked him if he was going to call you when he got there and he told me yes because you are pregnant with his child. We were just messing around with each other". She was laughing her ass off. She was rubbing the pain in my face. I instantly became a bitch and I told her to never call me again. I told them that they were screwed up people who did nothing but play games with peoples lives and emotions and that I was not about to play along. So she asked me what was going on anyway. I told her "He chose you". She said thats what he told her but she didn't believe it completely. I told her he don't have a choice no more that he is an a**h*** and I am done with him. So she said to him "Hey, she says you're an a**h***". I heard him say "I am not an a**h***" in a half joking kind of way. She wanted to know if her and I could still be friends and I told her NO. She said but the kids will want to see each other, and I said they are young, its better to stop everything now. She agreed. So that was it. It was all a joke to them. I am nothing but a stupid whore and a fool to them. How could I let myself do this. What is wrong with me. I am so stupid. They think it is so fu*&ing funny but her I am sitting her bawling my eyes out. It is not funny. It hurts like hell. It hurts so bad. I cant stand it!

 

Well I did take the rest of his things to his grandma's house. This was before they ripped my heart out. A few minutes ago, I called back over to his grandma's house to talk to his uncle Larry. Larry told me that he talked to MM earlier and told MM that I had been by and brought his stuff. MM told him to tell me hi. He told him he was going to call me but he couldn't. I guess because of the wife, hell I don't know. I don't want him to call me. I hate him. He is so cruel. I am sure me calling him an a**h*** and telling them to leave me out of the equation and their conversations, he knows I am done. You see he had this conversation with Larry before she called me.

 

Wish I could take back time. And by the way, I never told him I was pregnant. I guess that he just thought it would be a funny joke to his wife. I don't think I am pregnant.

 

So I am sitting her broken hearted, by myself, and the tears are running like a river. And I am one of those people who can never cry no matter how hard I try. Am I healing? NC day #2 was hard. I hope they get better than this.

[jmargel]

It'll get easier. You'll go through the five stages of grief. If she calls back tell her to leave you alone, and then get a protection order against her. Once they truly know you are done with them, he'll just go onto the next person. They are the true fools.

 

One thing to learn from this is to never get together with a married person.

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by jmargel

One thing to learn from this is to never get together with a married person.

 

 

Amen, Jmargel, amen.

 

 

 

istilllovehim, stay strong. change your phone number, get caller blocking, change the locks on your door, etc... Do everything you possibly can to enforce the NC rule.

 

 

Good Luck.

[miz_barby]

His wife needs to GROW up! He needs to do the same! What are they getting out of that? Why would it be funny to them....maybe the were high or something! I agree you should stay away from both of them and not respond to their calls (though that's easier said than done) he is feeding into her rediculous behavior! Why would he tell someone so unstable (supposively) something that would cause so much pain?

What was his motive did he:

 

A) want her to say "go back to her she needs you" (knowing she would never say that)

 

B) send her into another psycho rage where she wants to hurt or kill you again (which would be insane on his part)

 

C) Just say it out of pure ignorance

 

Any of these things are sad...no matter what he should have never said that and if she is making that up she needs to get a life! He's back with her why do they want to continue contact with you? That isn't normal if my BF cheated (I'd leave his butt) but assuming I didn't and took him back I would have NO contact with the one he slept with or want him to contact her either! I can't see any reason (any sane reason) why she would keep calling you!

[istilllovehim]

I know for sure that he told her that because he was standing right there when she called me and told me what he said... Bastard!!! Why would he even be thinking about me being pregnant. Do you think he is scared I am or something? What was his motive to say that? Does he hope I am? I don't understand him.

[Debster]

about what he says, thinks, feels. If you find yourself wondering about his thoughts, feelings and comments - stop yourself. He doesn't deserve the time it takes to think about him (or her).

 

I urge you: Cut both of these people out of your life.

Avoid contact. Block their phone number.

 

Don't let them get you back into their tangled web of a relationship.

 

You deserve better.

[cherished]

I'm new to this board and your's is the first post I've read. I must say that OMG what a messed up situation. I'm wondering if maybe he wants you to be or like Miz_barby said maybe he thought she would tell him to go back with you so that he would have an excuse. Maybe he is too much of a COWARD to totally leave his weird wife because maybe he won't be able to forgive himself if something happens to the kids or her! She is a nutcase! Maybe he thought telling her you might be prego would give me an 'excuse' to call you to 'find out' I say he needs to grow some b@lls and either leave you alone totally 'not let his wife call because afterall that is contact' or he needs to give his s*** together!

[istilllovehim]

You're right Debster. I can't move on if I sit and think about him all the time. I can tell you that my mood switches from one minute to the next because I am sitting here right now thinking..."Haha, he has to deal with that b&*ch and I don't. He has to put up with her **** and hear her mouth from this point on about me...haha. Screw them and the ship they floated in on." Mom called me earlier and she is all about revenge. She said "think of it this way, they hurt you back in 95 & 96 and now you have revenge on them both. She is going to go crazy wondering if he still loves you and he is going to be sad because he does and he cant have you". I know thats mean but its true. I do have the upper hand now. She is the one living with a man that she knows loves me. She will be the one laying in the bed next to him wondering if he is thinking of me. I know that I have nothing and at least she has him, but she doesn't have all of him.

[Debster]

What you have

- regained self respect

- desire to have a relationship with a man who 100% loves you, and only you

- opportunity to build a stellar relationship

- freedom to move on

 

And (to make you smile)

- desire to prove me wrong!