Metis Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Scottishguy: I am a bit late to this thread, but you are absolutely right to take a sober, practical approach to the divorce and to accept the inevitable. Let me guess, she was a housewife? Unfortunately, the price for having one's spouse stay at home and be a full-time spouse and parent is that they are entitled to half of what you've earned in the event of a divorce. It's rather less costly for couples where both partners work and are self-supporting. As for why this happened after 22 years of her doting on the kids? I have heard from a number of middle-aged women who spent their lives taking care of others and doing household chores that they dream of just dropping everything and walking away. Some actually take the plunge. I also knew a very dedicated mother of six who, when diagnosed with Stage IV cancer, told her family that dying was a relief and joked that it was the first time in almost 30 years that she could sleep past 6 in the morning. The daily grind, the constant laundries, the cleaning, etc. can eat away at one's soul. It doesn't mean you are a bad husband (in fact, I am sure you are wonderful), it's just that it's one of those vocations in life that tend to leave a lot of people questioning whether they haven't simply become a human appliance. And with that in mind, I think she is unlikely to change her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 finally took the plunge and after asking her to take her name off the mortgage and got a lawyer who opened my eyes to a few realities of separation divorce etc. The main positive is the fact the children can stay with me (if they want) without the threat of the family home being forced to be sold off. According to advice,I am almost certain legal custody of the children , and the fact that i can demonstrate i have never stood in the way of them seeing mum has also worked in my favour. I was also surpised to find out that any money etc i save or acquire after the date of seperation cannot be claimed by her even while we are still married. In Scottish law, i can get a divorce in one year of seperation as long as we agree the terms and have the custody and finances agreed. I was advised to only use the adultery card if she shows signs of being unreasonable on the "uncontested" route, as the courts would then get invovled , which at the end o the day only benefits the courts & law firms pockets(the solicitors words, not mine) On the minus side, it is going to cost me big time to pay her off. Half of The difference between the value of the house and the outstanding mortgage. half of the cash in value of the endowment policices that were set up to cover the interest only part of the mortgage. Half of the pool of our pensions ( I can argue down some of the percentages but 50-50 is a baseline) it was also annoying to hear that my work pension can be raided by her, just becuase she wouldnt take one out herself as she preferred to have the extra cash in hand to spend, and then some!. Unfortunately i transferred a lot of the credit card debt she accrued into my name to try and pay it off at a lower rate. This was when i thought we were still a couple trying to work through things together. There is no way i can prove why we moved debt about the way we did, so i just have to accept that. Overall i felt much better for getting the ball rolling. Again to all the people on here, a huge thank you for not letting me burying my head in the sand and pretending it will all go away. Good for you mate.... keep posting and we'll keep helping Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 who spent their lives taking care of others and doing household chores that they dream of just dropping everything and walking away. The daily grind, the constant laundries, the cleaning, etc. can eat away at one's soul I know what you are saying but it's just another BS excuse wayward spouses use. Everyone has choices. I manage to take care of my kids, school runs, cooking, cleaning the house, laundry, and run a successful business and still find the time for some good nights out. If I can do it, so can anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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