How straightforward to be?

[rme]

Hi. I've been dating a wonderful man for three months now. Both of us have been in significant relationships before, and both of us feel we've found someone extraordinary this time.

 

I do want to get married, without a doubt. Marriage, to me, represents a level of committment on both our parts which I aspire to.

 

I'm not sure what his views on marriage are. He's said he loves the idea of a lifelong partner, and he also talks about his married friends who seem "chained" to their routines, their jobs, and their wives. So I think he's of two minds about it.

 

My question is this: how soon and how forcefully should I express my definite desire to be married? Much as I love this man, I won't stay with him if he ends up not wanting marriage, and I wish I knew for sure if it's a possiblity with him. On the other hand, I don't want to rush things, and I know we both need more time to get to know each other.

 

Or, should I take a less direct approach, and when he makes comments about marriage, or about wanting a partner, take the opportunity to initiate a kind of impersonal conversation about marriage?

 

I'm kind of overfocussed on the whole thing, and nervous about it, so it's hard to behave naturally and trust my instincts.

 

Thanks for your feedback.

[tattoomytoe]

3 months! you know him in 3 months?

 

well i would think you could at least wait another 3. have you even discussed it with him, like in future planning, i.e.-so should i make plans for next years awesome _______ ?

 

that is kinda subtle.

[gaia]

In my opinion, three months is too soon to know whether you want to stay together forever. You may well still be in that intoxicated infatuated stage. That's not to say it won't be the one, but I would be inclined to wait a little longer before deciding on my future.

 

As Tat says, a few subtle comments thrown in hypothetically won't hurt.