MW seeks from single OM

[sass]

I started a FWB situation with a single younger man about 6 months ago. I would like to know from other single men who are involved with MW or were involved with MW. How do/did you really feel about the woman you are/were involved with? and what emotional toll does/did it take on you.

[linwood]

I started a FWB situation with a single younger man about 6 months ago. I would like to know from other single men who are involved with MW or were involved with MW. How do/did you really feel about the woman you are/were involved with? and what emotional toll does/did it take on you.

 

 

That would depend on the level of emotional investment the OM has in you.

 

I always knew I was just an outlet for the MW and never became emotionally involved so I never experienced any trauma during or after those relationships.

[spice4life]

I started a FWB situation with a single younger man about 6 months ago. I would like to know from other single men who are involved with MW or were involved with MW. How do/did you really feel about the woman you are/were involved with? and what emotional toll does/did it take on you.

 

Well, you came to the right place. I'm not an OM, but I think it is all relevant. The majority of people posting here are S OW/OM. All you have to do is read through the pages and pages of stories here to see the pain and anguish it causes. It causes A LOT. I went NC with my xMM and he kept breaking it and not letting me heal and move on. I knew I couldn't handle an A and I cared enough about him to acknowledge it and let him go. I didn't want to cause him anymore pain either...he has a family for goodness sake. The fact that he constantly broke NC made me feel like he didn't/doesn't care about me at all and is only concerned with his own needs.

 

It's a very painful situation to be in, for sure. I wouldn't wish this anguish on my own worst enemy. I accept that he is staying where he is and there was never a chance for us to truly get to know one another, and all I want now is peace. I want to move on and find someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I look at it this way, I didn't get divorced years ago to settle for being someone's side dish. I don't want to sit on the sidelines waiting for what ever crumbs he has to throw at me. What kind of respect would I be showing myself by accepting those terms? He is living his choice, so let me go to live mine.

 

Hope this helps.

Edited August 21, 2011 by spice4life

[Woman In Blue]

I've heard an awful lot of guys over the years remark that marrried women are the best ones to get NSA sex from because they won't hound the guy to commit to a relationship or try to get him to marry them, etc. Heard it more times than I can count. You're perfect for him.

[TurboGirl]

I've heard an awful lot of guys over the years remark that marrried women are the best ones to get NSA sex from because they won't hound the guy to commit to a relationship or try to get him to marry them, etc. Heard it more times than I can count. You're perfect for him.

 

Until the MW gets a little too emotionally involved... or, heaven forbid, the single guy is sleeping with alot of other women too and brings the gift of love to the MW, in the form of an STD... just sayin'

[SoMovinOn]

When I was single and involved with married women, my attitude was always that it was just a temporary relationship based primarily on sex. If she started to talk about it being anything else, I was gone.

[spice4life]

It depends on the guy. There are plenty of guys posting here where it was not just about sex and it was a painful situation...east7, morningcoffee, circular, confused88 etc. To the OP, why do you ask? Do you have feelings for him and are you worried about hurting him? If you are not in a position to give him more then be honest and up front about it. Don't string him along by dangling fake carrots just to keep him in your life. Being open and honest about what you are able to give is extremely important. It gives him the choice of whether or not he wants to continue. If he wants more than you can give and decides to leave, respect him and don't break NC.

Edited August 21, 2011 by spice4life

[whichwayisup]

Take some time to read in this section so you can see what you're up against when choosing to have an affair.

 

Also, read in the infidelity section so you can see what you'll be dealing with when you get caught, when your husband finds out the truth.

 

Why are you seeking out an affair? Why not divorce and then go off to do whatever you want?

[East7]

Sass, I suggest you this :

 

- Take a daisy flower

- Sit on a swing

- Take away the daisy's petals one by one saying "He loves me".."He loves me not"....At the last petal you will have the answer

 

 

My radar is warning t-r-o-ll

[sass]

That would depend on the level of emotional investment the OM has in you.

 

I always knew I was just an outlet for the MW and never became emotionally involved so I never experienced any trauma during or after those relationships.

 

Thank you.....I know when this started that was the attitude was as long as we are honest with each other and careful we could have some fun.

[sass]

Well, you came to the right place. I'm not an OM, but I think it is all relevant. The majority of people posting here are S OW/OM. All you have to do is read through the pages and pages of stories here to see the pain and anguish it causes. It causes A LOT. I went NC with my xMM and he kept breaking it and not letting me heal and move on. I knew I couldn't handle an A and I cared enough about him to acknowledge it and let him go. I didn't want to cause him anymore pain either...he has a family for goodness sake. The fact that he constantly broke NC made me feel like he didn't/doesn't care about me at all and is only concerned with his own needs.

 

It's a very painful situation to be in, for sure. I wouldn't wish this anguish on my own worst enemy. I accept that he is staying where he is and there was never a chance for us to truly get to know one another, and all I want now is peace. I want to move on and find someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I look at it this way, I didn't get divorced years ago to settle for being someone's side dish. I don't want to sit on the sidelines waiting for what ever crumbs he has to throw at me. What kind of respect would I be showing myself by accepting those terms? He is living his choice, so let me go to live mine.

 

Hope this helps.

 

 

the reason I asked this here is because I have looked around and this is the only place where people were honest without being outright mean to the person asking a question. I have never done this before and neither has he.....but the biggest thing for me is that I know what this cannot be and we do have fun together but I never want to see him hurt. And I know he cares about me, no we dont say I love you or talk about feelings but he shows me he cares and I show him I care I think we both try to be careful of the lines. Thank you very much for you candid and honest answer and I will remember what you said Good luck to you may you find true happiness!

[sass]

It depends on the guy. There are plenty of guys posting here where it was not just about sex and it was a painful situation...east7, morningcoffee, circular, confused88 etc. To the OP, why do you ask? Do you have feelings for him and are you worried about hurting him? If you are not in a position to give him more then be honest and up front about it. Don't string him along by dangling fake carrots just to keep him in your life. Being open and honest about what you are able to give is extremely important. It gives him the choice of whether or not he wants to continue. If he wants more than you can give and decides to leave, respect him and don't break NC.

 

The reason I ask is I am worried about him getting hurt. The thing is when I think about this situation, I realize it's not fair for him at all.....I mean how fun can it really be to be involved with someone who can only give you little bits of time and even that has to be when it works for her so you both dont get caught ......and while people tend to act like guys just like sex and will do whatever to get it I believe guys do have feelings and that those feelings are important. And this guy shows me he cares for me, he will ask me how I'm doing, if he hasnt seen me in a while he will tell me he misses me and he has told me he dreams about me. When this started he said "no strings because I know you cant be that" and the subject hasnt come up again but the longer we continue well lets just say I'm not stupid and I know that just means we get deeper in, right?

[stressed7]

And this guy shows me he cares for me, he will ask me how I'm doing, if he hasnt seen me in a while he will tell me he misses me and he has told me he dreams about me.

 

That's it. This guy is going to be in tatters. One request - when this ends, please explain it to him and then end it. Don't just go silent and change your numbers.

[eleanor01]

Hi, Sass--

 

My perspective is that of an OW and MM and I were emotionally involved long before we were physically involved, so maybe this isn't quite analagous. But, here's how I feel about your situation, for what it's worth:

 

Please be careful of his heart. It sounds to me like he's starting to think of you as more than a booty call. If you end it, tell him why, be kind, and then go no contact. Be honest with him, even if it's hard to do so.

 

In the meantime, I have to say that what is most difficult for me is coping with the loneliness and the longing for my MM. I suspect that this is at least starting to become the case for your boyfriend/FWB, too.

 

Good luck to both of you.

Ellie

[Gentlegirl]

Well, you came to the right place. I'm not an OM, but I think it is all relevant. The majority of people posting here are S OW/OM. All you have to do is read through the pages and pages of stories here to see the pain and anguish it causes. It causes A LOT. I went NC with my xMM and he kept breaking it and not letting me heal and move on. I knew I couldn't handle an A and I cared enough about him to acknowledge it and let him go. I didn't want to cause him anymore pain either...he has a family for goodness sake. The fact that he constantly broke NC made me feel like he didn't/doesn't care about me at all and is only concerned with his own needs.

 

It's a very painful situation to be in, for sure. I wouldn't wish this anguish on my own worst enemy. I accept that he is staying where he is and there was never a chance for us to truly get to know one another, and all I want now is peace. I want to move on and find someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I look at it this way, I didn't get divorced years ago to settle for being someone's side dish. I don't want to sit on the sidelines waiting for what ever crumbs he has to throw at me. What kind of respect would I be showing myself by accepting those terms? He is living his choice, so let me go to live mine.

 

Hope this helps.

 

You have put your feelings, and I am sure those of many others, very eloquently,

 

Gentlegirl

[Memphis Raines]

well I've never been with a MW, but I imagine if I was, it would be because I could get sex without worrying about commitment. no strings booty calls perhaps.

 

thats if I was that way, which I'm not.

[y2k]

The reason I ask is I am worried about him getting hurt. The thing is when I think about this situation, I realize it's not fair for him at all.....I mean how fun can it really be to be involved with someone who can only give you little bits of time and even that has to be when it works for her so you both dont get caught ......and while people tend to act like guys just like sex and will do whatever to get it I believe guys do have feelings and that those feelings are important. And this guy shows me he cares for me, he will ask me how I'm doing, if he hasnt seen me in a while he will tell me he misses me and he has told me he dreams about me. When this started he said "no strings because I know you cant be that" and the subject hasnt come up again but the longer we continue well lets just say I'm not stupid and I know that just means we get deeper in, right?

 

It sounds like you're really falling for him too. Why couldn't the option of leaving your husband and potentially dating him in the future exist???? Why isn't it something you can ponder for now???

 

I've seen a few couples where the woman was older than the man and those couples looked great (see Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore).

 

You obviously don't love your husband and there is nothing wrong with it. People divorce and re-marry all the time. In your life, you should follow your heart. It leads to a healthier life.

 

Good luck.

[spice4life]

The reason I ask is I am worried about him getting hurt. The thing is when I think about this situation, I realize it's not fair for him at all.....I mean how fun can it really be to be involved with someone who can only give you little bits of time and even that has to be when it works for her so you both dont get caught ......and while people tend to act like guys just like sex and will do whatever to get it I believe guys do have feelings and that those feelings are important. And this guy shows me he cares for me, he will ask me how I'm doing, if he hasnt seen me in a while he will tell me he misses me and he has told me he dreams about me. When this started he said "no strings because I know you cant be that" and the subject hasnt come up again but the longer we continue well lets just say I'm not stupid and I know that just means we get deeper in, right?

 

Yup, it will get deeper. It's impossible not to if you really like the person, are attracted to them and enjoy their company. You are asking a lot of yourself and him by asking to keep the feelings under wraps. It just not natural. The heart wants what the heart wants. If the two of you are burying your feelings they will end up coming out in some other way, like effecting your home life for instance. There will come a time that these feelings build up and they will end up putting you in a fog where he is the only thing you think about. What would that do to your home life, your kids (if you have thm) and family and friends? They will pick up that something is not right.

 

Just some stuff to think about.

[half_ofa_heart]

Well, you came to the right place. I'm not an OM, but I think it is all relevant. The majority of people posting here are S OW/OM. All you have to do is read through the pages and pages of stories here to see the pain and anguish it causes. It causes A LOT. I went NC with my xMM and he kept breaking it and not letting me heal and move on. I knew I couldn't handle an A and I cared enough about him to acknowledge it and let him go. I didn't want to cause him anymore pain either...he has a family for goodness sake. The fact that he constantly broke NC made me feel like he didn't/doesn't care about me at all and is only concerned with his own needs.

 

It's a very painful situation to be in, for sure. I wouldn't wish this anguish on my own worst enemy. I accept that he is staying where he is and there was never a chance for us to truly get to know one another, and all I want now is peace. I want to move on and find someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I look at it this way, I didn't get divorced years ago to settle for being someone's side dish. I don't want to sit on the sidelines waiting for what ever crumbs he has to throw at me. What kind of respect would I be showing myself by accepting those terms? He is living his choice, so let me go to live mine.

 

Hope this helps.

 

 

OMG Spice... I couldn't have written it better if a programmer hacked into my brain!!! This has been more painful then leaving my husband!

 

The bolded above is the part that is pushing me towards hating him. Fine, you made your choice now let me go to find MY own happiness! Why is that too much to ask???

[Calif_hope]

The reason I ask is I am worried about him getting hurt. The thing is when I think about this situation, I realize it's not fair for him at all.

 

Intresting....at first glance just by asking the question and having concern for an other human being would indicate that you are an honorable person, but putting it in context your concern is more selfish than honorable.

 

Are you worried or concerned at all about your husband and if you have them your kids getting hurt. Shouldn't they be your primary concern.

 

How is this anyway fair to your husband and your family.

 

Your actions and selfishness will soon cause great deal of pain to your family AND your OM.....damage all around with you at the center.

[spice4life]

OMG Spice... I couldn't have written it better if a programmer hacked into my brain!!! This has been more painful then leaving my husband!

 

The bolded above is the part that is pushing me towards hating him. Fine, you made your choice now let me go to find MY own happiness! Why is that too much to ask???

 

Thank you half_ofa_heart, I'm glad you it helped. I totally hear ya..why is it too much to ask?! I mean really, why do they feel it is okay to try and force us to fit a situation that we don't want?! It's so mind boggling. It's pushing me toward resentment as well. I just want to heal and move on already. Everytime he breaks NC, it turns my life upside down and I'm tired of it. This last go around made me understand the meaning of"A fog". Like an idiot I responded and it submerged me right back into the fog. I couldn't think straight, couldn't concentrate- it totally distracted me from my life again! And I was starting to feel good too!

 

I want to say to him, "Go and fix your da*n marriage and leave me alone"...ya know? I have no desire to be a part of this crazy triangle anymore.

[half_ofa_heart]

I want to say to him, "Go and fix your da*n marriage and leave me alone.

 

I finally said these exact words to him this morning. Along with "if you don't want to hurt me then stop contacting me." I was on Day 3 of NC but alas, I will start over. I want out more than anything this time. Hating him actually helps!

[spice4life]

I finally said these exact words to him this morning. Along with "if you don't want to hurt me then stop contacting me." I was on Day 3 of NC but alas, I will start over. I want out more than anything this time. Hating him actually helps!

 

Good for you half_ofa_heart! Taking the opportunity to tell him that is worth starting NC over. "Good on'ya mate!" I'm right there with you too. But it's definitely back to NC!

[sass]

That's it. This guy is going to be in tatters. One request - when this ends, please explain it to him and then end it. Don't just go silent and change your numbers.

 

I have too much respect for him than to just cut and run....but I thank you for pointing that out. One question for you, if he wanted to end it would he tell me?

[sass]

Intresting....at first glance just by asking the question and having concern for an other human being would indicate that you are an honorable person, but putting it in context your concern is more selfish than honorable.

 

Are you worried or concerned at all about your husband and if you have them your kids getting hurt. Shouldn't they be your primary concern.

 

How is this anyway fair to your husband and your family.

 

Your actions and selfishness will soon cause great deal of pain to your family AND your OM.....damage all around with you at the center.

 

first I don't claim to be honorable at all and I don't pretend this is right or okay in any way shape or form. I simply asked a specific question for this specific area of the site. Just because I didnt ask about my family doesn't mean they aren't my primary concern. Calling me selfish is 100% accurate though, but I am definately not proud of it. I do appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts because it definately is relevant.