She Left Me and I Can't Go On

[Bankster]

I need some help. This is a rather long post, so I appologise in advance.

 

My ex and I had been going out for almost 4 months (today would've been our 4-month anniversary) and in that time we grew extremely close. We went to school together, had a few classes together, saw eachother everyday, almost every other weekday, when I'd come over after school, every weekend for at least 2 nights, sometimes all three, and talked to eachother on the phone or on MSN almost every moment inbetween. I truly fell in love with this girl, and I know a lot of you are going to say I'm young (grade 11, 17-years-old) and I don't know what I'm talking about, but that's ****ing ridiculous. Love is something you feel, and know, through and through... and she loved me too -- still does, infact.

 

The problem is this... we fought... quite a bit. Not over anything too special, just little things I'd say, which she'd argue, which I'd argue back, which would start to explode into huge scream fests, which eventially ended with me appologising, and us working out some sort of compromise for one another... and I was okay with this. They had decreased in severity over the course of the relationship, and I still saw the good outweighing the bad. I'd do anything for this girl... I still would. We've broken up once before. I had said something about her calling me dumb, and how it made me feel worthless... after that she was very choosy about everything she said, and began to feel somewhat like a prisoner in her own speech. I understand this, we're both very outspoken people (we're about as blunt as wooden cooking spoons, both of us) and feeling that way is intolerable. So she left me. Sometime afterward, perhaps a week later, everything was back to normal, we were still hanging out, and she didn't feel bad speaking her mind anymore... so we got back together. Sometime after that point, the fighting began again, and eventually she just got completely fed up with it. She left me this tuesday, and I've been crying myself to sleep every night. Or at least last night I did, prior to that I was using sleep aids to bypass that state before you fall asleep... those 30 minutes it takes to fall asleep. Worse than that, everytime I see her at school something swells up inside me and I feel like crying, when I try to hold it in, I begin to hyperventilate... and that's not fun either.

 

She still wants to be friends, claiming that "this whole relationship all we've been is best friends who fool around... so why don't we just remove one aspect of that, and keep the rest?" and I do want to be friends with her.. more than anything, I don't want to lose her completely. We've been trying to be normal at school, but it's like a ****ing rollercoaster. One minute I'm back to normal-ol'-Banky, and then other times, I'm propping myself up against a wall, staring off into space, realizing the depth of all that I'm losing.

 

The worst part is that the one person who could make it all feel better is the one person who caused it in the first place...

 

Will this pain ever go away? Am I doomed to slip into the background and be the guy who secretly loves his best friend and can't do anything about it? What do I do? Can I get her back? Is it too late? Is there any hope, or is this really unrequainted love at it's finest?

 

Please, someone offer some advice... even if you have to lie...

[iceprincess]

Hey, there. Young love can be...very confusing and very emotional because everything is so new and going so fast at the same time. She obviously wants to move on and you should accept that fact. You should move on and do other things to occupy yourself...i'm sorry if that's not helping but that is the best way that I can put it. By dwelling on thoughts about her...and reminsicing about the good times will only bring more hurt to your heart. You for her a lot, but if you care about her...you must be able to let her go. Things may seem like they'll never get better, but trust me, they will. and you will move on to find someone else who'll love you just as much as you love her. I know it sounds kind of cliche, but only time will heal your pain. But you have to want to move on in order for you to stop hurting. You have to have a positive outlook, think about your future, your college years...do you love this girl enough to make her her wife? Can you imagine yourself coming home to her everyday? Can you both handle the stress of arguing when you both are fighting? Consider these things.....good luck. This is a *hug* for you.

[tom_gbr]

mate i know exactly what you are going through.....i was with my girlfriend for 6 months...i am 20 and she is 16...she was my first love and we were so close and the contact between us was amazing....i took her to paris and everything...i treated her like a goddess.

 

when she finished it two months ago i was devasted...i cried every night looking over photos of me and her and listening to music that reminded me of her...i kept think about the past and what i wasnt going to have anymore. iwe still had contact with each other for the first week and a bit but it starting getting thinner on her side as she was getting annoyed with me trying to get her back.

 

a month of being apart from her i thought im being stupid...i need to move on...i started to eat properly again and joined a gym...ive never looked so good.

 

the best advice is take one day at a time...dont look back to the past or forward to the next month or whatever....live for the day....you can look back at all that you have had together..all those great memories later in 3 or 4 months or so when you have moved on....think of it as your life is a book and you have just finished a chapter and another one is about to began.

 

yeah i know this all sounds easy enough but it isnt...it will take time....we have been apart for two months now with contact about once a week...i spoke to her two wednesdays ago...it went ok.

 

im not in love with her anymore....im over her...ive waited for this day for a long time.

 

i went to the coast at the weekend to stay with this girl that i used to work with..we are just friends...the ex girlfriend texted me last night and basically without actually asking wanted to know what i had been up too. i know she has moved on as i found out she met this guy when in a bar one night and they have been talking alot.

 

i think its fizzled out between them thats why she texted me..and she knew that i was moving on and she didnt like it...she was trying to seem like she didnt care in the text messages but u could tell that she did....i said to her i hope that this guy can appreciate u and care for u as much as i do and she replied with "well u dont have to worry as he doesnt care and he doesnt even know me"

 

she moust of been jealous about me staying with this girl as she texted me saying "so hows the single life treatin u? x" .... the night i get back from the coast,.....if she didnt still care she wouldnt of texted me in the first place.

 

i know we are over but i dont think she likes the idea of me moving on....but i want to....i know that i can find someone that will love me as much, and even more than she did.....and so will you mate.

 

look after number 1.....go out and buy some new clothes....get a new haircut or something....there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

being friends with this girl will take time....believe me.....me and my ex have been speakin every two weeks or so and it hurts both of us......try being friends after a couple of months or so without contact. it will be july before i make contact with her again....i am over her but still not ready to be a friend to her.

 

i feel so happy now....happy that i can meet someone better...and you will too....hang in there buddy!

[Karlise13]

Nothing burns like first true love gone awry.

 

Hey, it feels like hell. I know. You will survive.

 

You take one day at a time. You realize that over time, feelings change, hurt heals. I know it sounds impossible right now.

 

My BF had such an intense relationship during his HS years he seriously considered suicide at one point....just driving his car into a tree so that she'd 'realize' how much she'd hurt him.

 

Well, thank God he didn't 'cuz we're together now and it's SUCH a great relationship.

 

Best thing for you to do is immerse yourself in social activities and keeping busy. Avoid looking at her pictures, try to keep contact to a minimum. Don't give away your power.

You don't NEED anyone. Not to be cold, that doesn't mean you can't have feelings. But the truth is, you don't NEED anyone to survive. You can survive and develop new relationships and move on to something better.

 

The first one hurts the worst simply because you haven't yet developed the skills to handle certain things yet.

 

Trust me, you will be OK