Help! my ex is coming to pick up his stuff today, do i leave?

[molly]

my ex is coming to most of his things today at 5pm. i'm torn. part of me feels like being here when he comes, the needy codependent part of me. but given several hateful emails he has sent me in recent days, essentially critiquing every aspect of my character and blaming me for every problem in our relationship (he dumped me), i'm reluctant to be here. i know the right thing to do but just need that extra boost. i don't think i'm ready to face him yet, the pain is still too fresh and i've actually been feeling a little stronger lately (the hateful emails are making it easier to let go). but i'm not looking forward to coming home after he has left to a house devoid of any memories of him. help!

[magda]

Don't be there. You don't need to take his abuse. Distract yourself - treat yourself to a manicure or something.

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

I say be there so he doesn't steal any of your stuff! Or just so you can have "closeure"

[magda]

Good point. (Although I think closure is over-rated). Ask a friend over, perhaps?

[hurtingandconfused]

kick him on his way out.

[sassygal]

If it were me I would rather not be there when he picks his stuff up!! This way you can avoid any confrontations you might other wise have with him. If you feel like you should be there maybe asking a friend over to be there with you when he arrives isn't a bad idea. Good luck!!

[Just Visiting]

Do what I did when my ex came to get his things. I had two of my friends hang out with me while he came. When he showed up, the three of us were being our funny, crazy selves and had each other in stitches while he walked in and out loading up his stuff. I can tell it bothered him seeing me having a good time. When I had to talk to him, I was matter of fact and showed no emotion. Good luck.

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

I like the kicking him on his way out idea but all of them sound like good options....

[sweet-n-sexy]

Same thing just happened to me a few weeks ago. I actually packed his stuff for him and had it waiting at the door. I didn't want him taking stuff that wasn't his or snooping around. I also had a freind come over cause it made me feel less nervous. If you pack things for him and put them at the door he has no reason to bother you and it shows your wanting to move on. Maybe then he will think about how he has been acting sending you all those hurtfull e-mails and he can feel not wanted for once. Good luck let us know how things worked out.

[moimeme]

Here's what I did: I rented a locker. Put his stuff in it. Left the key at the office of the storage place and told them to get it back from him when the thing was empty. Didn't have to see him at all. It was great.

[sportsloving]

Could always set his things on the lawn and hope it doesn't rain. LOL.I would be there personally, but with a friend, then act as if he isn't there so nothing is said that you later regret. Best wishes, not so fun I know~

[molly]

Update:

Thanks for all the suggestions. I felt 50/50 myself as to whether or not I should be here when he arrived to get his things, but in the end I decided not to be here, and left his things in the living room. One ugly nuance to my situation is that we are still sharing a lease until the end of the summer. He was the one who ultimately ended the relationship over a month ago and since that time I have paid all the bills, including the rent. My question is, since he's the one who left, should I be stuck with paying rent by myself until the lease runs up? This question is a great source of confusion for me. I ask because along with his things I left him a note asking him to please contribute financially (he promised when we broke up that he would, but he hasn't yet). In response he left a wad of cash that added up to about 1/5 of one month's rent. I feel really betrayed. What's the breakup "etiquette" here? Also, when I got home tonight I noticed that he had left a flyer for the party where we first started dating on my computer keyboard. Ugh.

 

All in all I feel good about not having been here when he picked up his things. I'm still way too emotionally fragile right now to have any nasty confrontations. I get the sense that he wants me to chase after him and I'm frankly not the type. That's not to say this doesn't hurt, IT DOES! But I refuse to play into that trap. Had I been here I'm not sure I could've controlled my emotions. The road ahead is a long and sad one but I can feel myself getting stronger already. This board has been a lifesaver, as many have said before. But any advice on how to handle the financial obligations we both signed on for and that he's now neglecting would be appreciated. Thanks!

[sweet-n-sexy]

Well I wouldn't bother him for rent money since he isn't living there anymore. Anyways can't you keep the security deposit when you lease runs out? That's what I would do and screw it! I hope you got the key from him too. What's up with leaving the flyer? Was that left to upset you? Goodness i'd tear it up and go throw it on his lawn lol ( I can get mean like that sometimes but makes me feel better!)

[dink]

you both signed the lease?

[molly]

Yes, we both signed the lease and it doesn't end until august. Frankly, I can't afford to pay the rent and bills on my own. Let me emphasize that he's the one who initiated the breakup and moving out. I am trying not to feel this way, but I can't help but feel abandoned. I also know that he has a great deal of disposable income now because he moved back in with his parents. I know that he's drinking regularly, purchasing new cd's and guitar-related accessories. I'm sure you can sense my bitterness. For some reason an episode of Judge Judy sticks out in my mind in which one housemate was suing another because he had bailed on the lease, leaving the other guy to pay for everything. Judge Judy ruled in the plaintiff's favor. Do I have a similar case here or are romantic relationships "different"?