Re: Nothing makes sense...(Looking for anyone's advice, esp Tony's!)

[Tony T]

When you fall in love, it can really put our whole being out of balance. You are just confused because you have all these guys hitting on you, you are being tempted, you are putting all kinds of crazy stuff in your head to make yourself not trust.

 

I just finished writing about a guy in the last post who has a problem with relationship phobia. You may have that too. But doing a number on your imagination, it is possible to screw almost anything up.

 

You are an amazingly powerful creature. By the flick of a switch in your head, called a "DECISION", you can decide to trust or not trust someone; to cheart or not to cheat; to love or not to love; to trust yourself or not trust yourself; to have will power or not to have will power; etc. Yes, you have the power. Many are just too lazy to use it and cave in to temptation rather than flick the switch.

 

All Dorothy had to do was click her heels three times to get back to Kansas but, instead, she went through the whole ordeal of going to see the fake Wizard and dealing with all the crap in between. So all you really have to do to get where you want is to click your heels and flick the switch in your head.

 

To answer your questions, you don't trust men because you made the decision not to trust them. Now make the decision to trust men until they give you a reason not to...the write their butts off.

 

Does enjoying the attention of other men mean you are not in love?HELL NO...it means you are a healthy, human female with a normal functioning ego. Until you die, you will enjoy the attention of people. Some people's desire for attention is so great, they go into show business so they can get it from as many people as possible.

 

Does your mistrust of men have something to do with your mistrust of yourself. Could be. This is called projection. We tend to project our qualities onto others. That's why many honest people get taken advantage of and lied to...they think that because they are honest that everybody else is too. Fat chance! That's why many opposites attract...because we often feel other people are just like us when they are far from it. So yes, you may not trust yourself but only because you have not yet learned to flick the switch and make the decision to be trustworthy.

 

A part of you feels your relationship is not for real...that's because there's a part of you who feels you don't deserve it. It doesn't have anything to do with you not feeling that way in the past. The first time you drove a car on the expressway...did you feel it wasn't real because you had never driven that fast before? When you finally accept that you are deserving of great happiness, not only will you feel a lot better about your relationship, but more money, more opportunities, more of everything will flow into your life.

 

But you finally, in your last sentence, gave yourself away. You are afraid of real love. Yes, it can be scary as all get-outs. If you lose a lot of money, it hurts but in a different place and you can get more by working for it or investing. If you lose love, it hurts lots worse in a lot more places. There is no other thing we do in life where we stick our neck out more and put our whole being on the railroad track trusting the train won't come by than in love.

 

So if you can't get over your fear of real love, then just forget about love and go on to something less risky, like....TAKE A NAP!!!

[munchkin]

You don't say how old you are in your posting, but I'll bet you're a ways off from 25. If you have feelings now that you're likley to cheat, guess what? You probably will. Save him the hurt and yourself the anguish and guilt. Make your feelings known (or some watered-down version that won't totally crush him) and go on from there. It doesn't sound like you're anywhere close to being ready to settle down, with him or anyoe else. So don't rush into it. Too many people do that already. Ever been to Family Court? It's full of people who were probably once in your shoes. Only now they have kids and property together that come into play. Listen to your intuition and act on your curiosities now before you promise to forsake all others. Trust me, once things like mortgage payments and visits to the in-laws place additional stress on your relationship, those feelings will only seem magnified, making the grass greener on the other side of your little white picket fence, past the scattered Fisher Price and Teletubbies paraphernalia.

[Confused]

Tony,

 

Thanks a bunch for the clarification of things, that helped me ALOT! My mind was a total mass of confusion, but I feel much better now. :-)

 

When you fall in love, it can really put our whole being out of balance. You are just confused because you have all these guys hitting on you, you are being tempted, you are putting all kinds of crazy stuff in your head to make yourself not trust. I just finished writing about a guy in the last post who has a problem with relationship phobia. You may have that too. But doing a number on your imagination, it is possible to screw almost anything up. You are an amazingly powerful creature. By the flick of a switch in your head, called a "DECISION", you can decide to trust or not trust someone; to cheart or not to cheat; to love or not to love; to trust yourself or not trust yourself; to have will power or not to have will power; etc. Yes, you have the power. Many are just too lazy to use it and cave in to temptation rather than flick the switch. All Dorothy had to do was click her heels three times to get back to Kansas but, instead, she went through the whole ordeal of going to see the fake Wizard and dealing with all the crap in between. So all you really have to do to get where you want is to click your heels and flick the switch in your head. To answer your questions, you don't trust men because you made the decision not to trust them. Now make the decision to trust men until they give you a reason not to...the write their butts off. Does enjoying the attention of other men mean you are not in love?HELL NO...it means you are a healthy, human female with a normal functioning ego. Until you die, you will enjoy the attention of people. Some people's desire for attention is so great, they go into show business so they can get it from as many people as possible.

 

Does your mistrust of men have something to do with your mistrust of yourself. Could be. This is called projection. We tend to project our qualities onto others. That's why many honest people get taken advantage of and lied to...they think that because they are honest that everybody else is too. Fat chance! That's why many opposites attract...because we often feel other people are just like us when they are far from it. So yes, you may not trust yourself but only because you have not yet learned to flick the switch and make the decision to be trustworthy. A part of you feels your relationship is not for real...that's because there's a part of you who feels you don't deserve it. It doesn't have anything to do with you not feeling that way in the past. The first time you drove a car on the expressway...did you feel it wasn't real because you had never driven that fast before? When you finally accept that you are deserving of great happiness, not only will you feel a lot better about your relationship, but more money, more opportunities, more of everything will flow into your life. But you finally, in your last sentence, gave yourself away. You are afraid of real love. Yes, it can be scary as all get-outs. If you lose a lot of money, it hurts but in a different place and you can get more by working for it or investing. If you lose love, it hurts lots worse in a lot more places. There is no other thing we do in life where we stick our neck out more and put our whole being on the railroad track trusting the train won't come by than in love. So if you can't get over your fear of real love, then just forget about love and go on to something less risky, like....TAKE A NAP!!!