AndyHope Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Hello, I thank you for taking some time out of your day to read this. I've never been good in talking to other people. And I haven't ever been able to understand how people feel about me. So it makes things very difficult when I think I have a new friend. And even more difficult when a friend I have seems friendlier than the others. I met a girl on the internet eight months ago through another friend, and we started talking simply because our mutual friend was often busy and would leave us alone together. She likes the same television shows that I do, the same music, the same foods, movies, outdoor activities, and even seems to type like I do. She understands my humor and has the same type of humor herself, she's smart, really cute, and the type of girl I can't stop myself from thinking about. But she was involved, and I don't believe in trying to break up other people's relationships. Plus she lives six hours away, and we've never even talked on the phone. She's also nine years younger than I am. -_- This probably sounds like I'm a stalker, but I want to say that while I really like her a lot, I know my place. I don't think of her as my secret girlfriend or think I have any right to pursue her. Plus I'm way too old for her. I am confused, though. She says things like "You are so awesome", "I can't wait to talk to you again" and "I love talking to you", and mentions me coming with her to events. Of course I assume her boyfriend would be coming, too ( She doesn't mention either way, but honestly, I doubt he would go for her going off with some dude she met on the 'net to something a few states away ). And I'm probably friend zoned so badly that she sees me as a brother type or something. I guess I'm mostly curious about if this sort of thing is normal for friends. I've had girls in the past seem to get so incredibly attached to me, but if there was ever a chance of us getting closer, they always pull back and end up avoiding me if I say anything about it. Am I just picking up average friend signals as interest? I can't tell the difference and it's driving me nuts. I'm not getting any younger, and as the years go by, my inexperience in dating is becoming a worse and worse problem. Especially considering that I don't want to be the "student" when dating somebody. I don't like that submissive role. But women my age are already hitting the point where if they haven't been dating for a while by now, they probably have some sort of drama that keeps them from finding a successful relationship. And yeah, I'm aware the same is pretty much true for me. -_- Link to post Share on other sites
Badenov Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Yeah, it sounds like friendship to me, but hey, what's wrong with that? How about asking her if she has any friends or relatives she can fix you up with? Someone like her, but older & available? Ask her for dating advice. Tell her about women you're interested in. If you pick up on any jealousy (and be careful not to over-analyze her reactions), then at least you'll know. But you could do a lot worse than having a younger woman who thinks you're awesome as a friend willing to go to bat for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Joci Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 I wouldn't let age be a factor in the decision making its really in the approach as far as seeing if she is interested in more then just friends its hard to say not knowing the person if the invites are platonic or not for myself personally it would depend on the destination like if its a trip where you would be sharing a hotel room its most likely more then platonic but again every girl is different i completely understand the confusion as far as interested or not i am on the other side most of the time though because i am or try to be really nice and friendly and people misconstrue it as me wanting me and avoid me so yeah i get it but like i said its all in the approach to the situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyHope Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 Yeah, it sounds like friendship to me, but hey, what's wrong with that? How about asking her if she has any friends or relatives she can fix you up with? Someone like her, but older & available? Ask her for dating advice. Tell her about women you're interested in. If you pick up on any jealousy (and be careful not to over-analyze her reactions), then at least you'll know. But you could do a lot worse than having a younger woman who thinks you're awesome as a friend willing to go to bat for you. Oh there's certainly no problem with friendship. I'm very happy to have such a close friend. I just wish I didn't get so closely attached to friends like her that I start to feel a bit jealous and bummed out when her boyfriend makes an appearance. I can't tell if I'm being protective or possessive. It does help to hear that it sounds like she's just being friendly. It's hard to fight off the feeling that I'm ignoring the obvious sometimes. lol I wouldn't let age be a factor in the decision making its really in the approach as far as seeing if she is interested in more then just friends its hard to say not knowing the person if the invites are platonic or not for myself personally it would depend on the destination like if its a trip where you would be sharing a hotel room its most likely more then platonic but again every girl is different i completely understand the confusion as far as interested or not i am on the other side most of the time though because i am or try to be really nice and friendly and people misconstrue it as me wanting me and avoid me so yeah i get it but like i said its all in the approach to the situation I'm pretty sure if we went anywhere together it would be in separate rooms. But then again I can't really guess with her. We've never even spoke to each other outside of text, and she wants me to come with her to New York for a convention, and then move into the same apartment building as her so we can grill barbeque chicken together on the balcony. ^^ The age thing ... I guess I can't get past the fact that when I graduated high school, she was in third grade. lol ( Anybody reading this who might be getting uneasy, I'm 29, she just turned 20. Those events were over a decade ago. And typing "decade ago" is now depressing. I feel old. ) In all honesty if I truly thought there was a spark there, I wouldn't avoid a relationship with her just because some other guy started dating her first, but I'd just feel like a dirty old man with that age difference in place. I just have to learn how to figure out when a woman is interested ... and probably how not to get so attached. lol ^^ Thank you for the replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyHope Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 I'm starting to wonder if my friend secretly has an account here and saw my post, then put two and two together. She's been mentioning her boyfriend a lot when we talk now, and when I say stuff like "I wish there were people around here like you. This city is so boring." ( Which is true. ) She changes the subject where she used to do things like try to get me to move to her town so we could hang out. It's not so much that she's stopped being as friendly as before as it is that she is doing what every other woman I've known has done. Suddenly starting to act like they caught me rummaging through their garbage or something. This is why I wish I knew how to read cues. I think I get too friendly and that drives women away. What if I actually meet somebody one day I do have an actual chance with? I'm just going to lose them too if I can't ever dig up the root of this problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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