How do I stop waiting for her

[JohnEl]

I keep thinking shes going to call me or something. I still can't believe she broke up with me after three years. We had so much going for us and she ended it. She's dating someone else, a guy she started dating a few days after we broke up. I hear she really likes him. I want her to come back but I know she won't. How do I stop thinking that she's going to call or come running back at some point. Shes happy to not be with me even though I didn't do anything so bad for us to end it. We had a few fights, especially recently but it wasn't enough for her to end it. I don't know what I'm gonna do without her. I can't stop thinking about her and keep thinking she will come back eventually. I don't think I'll be able to move on til I get the idea of her coming back out of my head. How can i do that? Been NC for like 11 days and i feel like the NC will make her miss me and want to come back but it will probably just make it easier for her to move on even more...I try to stay busy but i think about her no matter what I do...

[Yuzuki]

Time is really the only thing that's going to change that.

 

I used to get really frustrated myself because I kept thinking of him 24/7. Sometimes I even had to pause the movie I was watching or the game I was playing because the thoughts became overwhelming and I just had to think it through before I did anything else.

 

Even now he's still in my thoughts almost all the time, but there are sometimes little breaks of a few minutes when I don't think about him. I know - it sounds ridiculous, but it just proves that although it's a very slow process, it's eventually going to change.

[Steven T]

You have to get it into your head that she is not coming back...

 

If you dont then your going to be very unhappy and you will never move on and your life will be very miserable. Do you really want that? Or are you going to be strong and get back up and have the courage and strength to move forward?

 

You cant keep hoping, get on with your life the best you can and what will be will be.

 

A person on this forum once told me "You need to give up on her, just like she gave up on you."

 

Why should you let her make you feel this upset? If she really loved you then she wouldnt have done this.

 

Try to move on the best you can, keep NC and TIME will do it's thing.

 

Give up hope and live you life my friend you deserve better.

 

Steve x

[clovess]

I keep thinking shes going to call me or something. I still can't believe she broke up with me after three years. We had so much going for us and she ended it. She's dating someone else, a guy she started dating a few days after we broke up. I hear she really likes him. I want her to come back but I know she won't. How do I stop thinking that she's going to call or come running back at some point. Shes happy to not be with me even though I didn't do anything so bad for us to end it. We had a few fights, especially recently but it wasn't enough for her to end it. I don't know what I'm gonna do without her. I can't stop thinking about her and keep thinking she will come back eventually. I don't think I'll be able to move on til I get the idea of her coming back out of my head. How can i do that? Been NC for like 11 days and i feel like the NC will make her miss me and want to come back but it will probably just make it easier for her to move on even more...I try to stay busy but i think about her no matter what I do...

 

I'm going through the exact same as you are right now. a lot of good luck, I would love to help you but I'm just as desperate as you are.

hope really hurts the most, the hope of him coming back someday, that he will realise he lost the best. you never know, maybe she will.

if it's meant to be you will be together eventually, but first try to heal yourself I can't do it either, but try, ask yourself if you really want to be with someone like her? the pain she put you through.

 

I know this is the hardest thing ever, if you ever need to talk to someone who goes through the exact same, you can contact me. I completely understand how you feel. good luck and take care of yourself!

[ScienceGal]

Keep staying busy. If you can, exercise. Not only will you feel good, but you will hopefully exhaust yourself into some good sleep.

 

I'm on week 10. Still love him and miss him, but the hope that he is going to call fades everyday. Dont want for someone that doesn't want you... And by that, I mean do all you can to hold yourself together. You will miss her, but you have to realize you're missing someone that chose to be with someone else. If she wanted to call she would, and there is nothing that you can do about that. Maybe she will maybe she won't. Either way, for now, you need to let go.

 

Get tough with yourself. She is not coming back- say it out loud. Say it everyday until you don't have to say it.

[JohnEl]

I got it bad. This is horrible. I can't stop thinking about her. I cry all the time. I had her, and I blew it. I lost her. She left bc she felt unloved. I didn't show her how much I loved her. But it was hard bc it was long distance for 6 months. She broke up with me two weeks before she was going to move home! I don't feel like I'll ever get over this. I need her back. But she won't come back. I'm devastates. It really is all my fault too. She tried to make it work. I think she gave up too easily but she tried. I ignored all the warning sings bc I was unhappy about being long distance. I just wanted her to move home and never thought we would break up so I ignored the warning signs of her feeling unloved. I figured it would all be fine once she moved back.

[Chi townD]

okay, you've been in this funk for too long. You need to go see your doctor and get placed on some anti-depressants. Nothing wrong with that. Chances are you're not sleeping all that well either. See your doctor and get a sleeping aid as well. You need to start taking care of yourself. Try to eat something.

[JohnEl]

I'm eating and sleeping alright. Im working out too. I feel fine physically. It's just the mental part that messing me up. I can't get past all these thoughts.

[Dblock10]

good advice.

 

john i really dont know what else to say, everyone has given you sound advice, unfortunately nothing anyone can say or do will make her come back to you. i know that isnt what you want to hear. but we can all certainly help you stay on the right track to recovery.

 

you will get there man. it will take ages. it will hurt. you will be sad. you will feel lonely.

 

but pick yourself back up, soldier on and just know it can only get better. even if it takes ages, it will...

 

you sound like you are having it very rough mate. like for me, i'm sleeping fine, don't tend to dream of her too much, sure its not as hard for me, she didn't leave me for another man. i know what that feels like though, honestly.

 

and this self blame **** your doing, wont help. think about it, we are human beings, we can only act how we feel in a given situation. how were you to know she would leave 2 weeks before coming back.. i bet you didnt ignore these warnings on purpose that you talk about..

 

you didn't!

 

you weren't a bad person. I have forgotten the nitty gritty details of your break up but i swear you said you weren't happy...

 

long distance re are the hardest, everyone knows that. i was going to embark on it, but didnt get the chance, kinda feeling good now as it would be so difficult esp as it wasnt work related for her.

 

anyway, ive been in your shoes, many others have to. Trust me you will get better, you will meet someone else, you probably dont want to and guess what, thats fine! but one day when the pain has gone, you will be in a place to be very much open to something new, something fresh, you will have learnt from previous experience how to be a better person.

 

the list goes on!

 

you love/d her very much so. you will constantly think about her for a long time, get used to it! try and put her in a different place within your mind.

 

try and find happiness somehow. we all know nothing lasts forever. if you truely love her, no doubt at SOME point in time she will be single. if you still want her back by then, then what would be stopping you trying?

 

for now she has chosen this path in life. you need to follow and find your own... stop mulling over what you had/didnt have. technically we never have anyone, they choose to be moving in the same direction as you. as soon as situations change, often people move on.

[DarkPrince]

you gotta start working out. And I dont mean going to the gym for a couple days a week and going through the motions. I mean taking your physique to the next level! It will give you a goal to meet, and it is a hard goal to meet that will require all your mental and physical energy to meet. You wont have any time to think about her anymore, and in the meantime while your too busy and tired to think of her, you'll be building a new you. Im telling you its the best addiction out there! And if you stay a soldier and stick with it despite the inevitable setbacks, good things will happen to you, without you even trying. You'll get a good girl and start having fun, and before you know it, she'll be just a distant memory with very little meaning.

[JohnEl]

thanks for the replies. i know im having a really hard time with this, maybe harder than most people. dont think im not taking all your advice, its just really hard and ive never dealt with this before and i dont know what to do. im lost. right now, i feel like ill never meet anyone like her again. i dont see how im going to be happy without her. i feel like she was the best i could do. its weird, when we were together, i started looking at other girls, and getting a little cocky thinking that i could get anyone. maybe i fell victim to GIGS or something. i thought i could do better or something but now that shes gone, i feel like that was the best i could do. things were just getting bad bc of long distance. our relationship wasnt going well and we were fighting all the time but thats bc we werent able to see eachother and she took it as if i didnt care about her but i did. we just needed work and were gonna work on it when she moved back. i just couldnt handle the long distance any longer.

 

i wasnt planning on breaking up with her or anything tho. i was just sick of the long distance. i put my life on auto pilot during the long distance time and it ruined us. i didnt pay as much attention to her bc i hated long distance. i hated it and just wanted it to be over so i ignored the whole situation. she thought i was ignoring her but it was just the situation.

 

im dwelling too much on the past and worrying about the future. i feel like ill be alone forever or have to settle for someone that im not going to like as much as my ex. i think i would be taking this better if i didnt know about her being with someone els. that just adds a lot of jealousy and more anger into the whole situation. i know what i need to do in order to get better but its just so hard doing it. i was feeling alright last week but had a big setback this past weekend. a lot of friends were busy or out of town so i was alone and spent a lot of time thinking about everything and i couldnt go anywhere bc me car was in the shop so i was stranded. i imagine her being so happy now that shes getting all this attention from people. she didnt get as much attention for the last six months and shes on a high right now and lovin life. its so weird to me that she can just change over night. thats messing with me too. one day she wanted to marry me then the next day she doesnt want anything to do with me. its confusing me a lot. thats what makes me think she will come back eventually. she loved me so much and i didnt do anything that bad for her to not love me anymore. i just dont get it and my mind is running in circles trying to find answers. im going to stay NC, even tho i want to text her SO BAD. but i cant bc that will make things worse. i just want to know if she misses me at all or not.

[jeff2321]

Well you have two options... be depressed and a complete mope like I did or just make the decision to move on and start getting back to normal life. I realize that after a 3 year break up you might not even know who YOU are at this point and that is okay. Now is your chance to go out and do some wild **** you've never done before. I started sky diving, salsa dancing, rock climbing, and snow boarding. I have made a commitment to myself to get in the best shape of my life and to start living for me again. It took me a YEAR of severe depression and suicidal thoughts (which I no longer have) to get where I am now. Every day that goes by is another day you have survived man... each day it gets easier even if it just seems very slight.

 

Avoid getting into another long term relationship if you can. You may wake up one morning and not even realize what you're doing because you were dating women (any woman that would give you attention) to keep from feeling alone and to replace that gap of loneliness. If you are comparing your ex to a new girl, you aren't ready -- if you're comparing someone new to your ex, you're not ready at all and you could end up hurting someone down the road.

 

Because of the amount of pain you're in... you need to go completely NC man. I'm talking get off face book, cut out mutual friends that just won't shut up about her, and definitely cut her family out of your life. Everyone you know that is connected to her aren't bad people, but you come first dude and so for now you need to give them the boot until you heal. Being surrounded by her friends, family, facebook messages, email, even mutual friends that are hazards is not in your best interest right now. Remember dude, you come first and sometimes you need to cut out the bad to bring in something good (i.e. cancer is a good example). You can reconnect with some of these people later, but for now, you need to go full contact dude. NO CONTACT whatsoever or you will have a lot of pain ahead of you. Women are better conditioned to be friends with their ex, MEN SIMPLY ARENT (my apologies to guys that disagree with me)

 

So let's say you take my advice and completely go NC. You're now going to be alone and have a lot of time on your hands. You need to get busy and do stuff. Go to the gym, get some new hobbies, move to another area, start making some new friends. I have found meetup.com invaluable and I have met a lot of people from just a few meetups. Here in colorado I have met a ton of people rock climbing, running, and snowboarding. You simply just need to go through the pain and learn to deal with it. Keep family around you and let them know to shut up about your ex unless you bring it up.... surround yourself with people who care about you. I personally worked a second job for awhile just so that I wasn't at home around ready to jump out of my window.

 

I am a year after a 4 year split man and my ex is now remarried to someone else. If I can get through this, you can as well. I am here if you want to chat or email or whatever... Be good to yourself and know that you're going through a trauma and that you won't likely be even normal for awhile. i am a vastly different guy then a year ago.

 

 

Be good to yourself,

 

Jeff2321

 

 

 

I keep thinking shes going to call me or something. I still can't believe she broke up with me after three years. We had so much going for us and she ended it. She's dating someone else, a guy she started dating a few days after we broke up. I hear she really likes him. I want her to come back but I know she won't. How do I stop thinking that she's going to call or come running back at some point. Shes happy to not be with me even though I didn't do anything so bad for us to end it. We had a few fights, especially recently but it wasn't enough for her to end it. I don't know what I'm gonna do without her. I can't stop thinking about her and keep thinking she will come back eventually. I don't think I'll be able to move on til I get the idea of her coming back out of my head. How can i do that? Been NC for like 11 days and i feel like the NC will make her miss me and want to come back but it will probably just make it easier for her to move on even more...I try to stay busy but i think about her no matter what I do...

Edited August 23, 2011 by jeff2321

[california15]

someone's tagline on here was

 

if they are dumb enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let them go.

[D-Lish]

John, you simply have to keep pushing through these initial days. Right now, you are in the hardest stage of your break up. All any of us can assure you is that it does get better.

 

I was right where you are 4 months ago- in a state of shock, disbelief and extreme sadness. I'm not anywhere close to being healed, but I am much better. I still think of him, and engage in some self blame sometimes- but this extreme sadness you are feeling right now will dissipate with time.

Edited August 23, 2011 by D-Lish

[JohnEl]

i know i gotta just keep going. i know im gonna have thoughts and im gonna feel bad but i need to understand that im hurt right now and this is just temporary. things will get better eventually. its still a fresh wound. id be heartless if i didnt feel anything right now. these emotions show that i do care and have feelings. thanks for all the replies. you all are helping a lot. i really appreciate it. its good to talk with people are are going thru or have gone thru the same thing im going thru right now.

 

ive been in the gym a lot. i was lifting like crazy for about a year. then, when we broke up, i stopped working out for a month. i didnt eat and everything and i lost like 20 pounds. ive been back in the gym for the last two weeks, lifting pretty hard and eating well. i gained back about 6 pounds in about 10 days. so i am making progress physically. i think im okay with that. just this stupid mental aspect of it all. the thoughts and emotions running thru me are killing me. the lonliness, anger, sadness, scared, confused, lost, and so many others are just exploding out of me. its really hard to handle it all. so thanks again for the replies. ill be posting more on here as i go thru all this and hope that i can eventually help others on here who need help.

[citrusdrop1688]

I understand exactly where you are. My ex ended things 6 weeks ago. NC for four weeks. Not to be with anyone else but because he felt like things werent right (we had had some problems) and because he didnt think this was the right time for us. That he would always be open to trying again but that we had to be over the old relationship.

 

Which leaves a lot of room for me to hope that he will call and tell me he made a mistake.

 

I also honestly think hes the best ill ever have. We had everything in common, we were prefect together. Ive been in love three times, married once and this is the only person that made me wonder if there were people that really were meant to be together. It sounds cliche but I felt like we were soul mates. Unfortunately we both had some emotional stuff from our past that was coming up and eventually ripped us apart. You know what they say, your most attracted to people who bring up unresolved issues from your childhood and you could really see that in us.

 

Maybe ill meet someone else some day... actually im certain I will, ill even probably fall in love again someday. But I dont think itll be like that. I think most people arent lucky enough to find that and i did. So the chance of finding it again is unlikely.

 

I hope it gets better for both of us. But I do have to mention i dont think getting addicted to anything, even exercise is a good idea. Potentially when you do meet someone else an addiction like that can realistically ruin it. Good luck

[D-Lish]

i know i gotta just keep going. i know im gonna have thoughts and im gonna feel bad but i need to understand that im hurt right now and this is just temporary. things will get better eventually. its still a fresh wound. id be heartless if i didnt feel anything right now. these emotions show that i do care and have feelings. thanks for all the replies. you all are helping a lot. i really appreciate it. its good to talk with people are are going thru or have gone thru the same thing im going thru right now.

 

ive been in the gym a lot. i was lifting like crazy for about a year. then, when we broke up, i stopped working out for a month. i didnt eat and everything and i lost like 20 pounds. ive been back in the gym for the last two weeks, lifting pretty hard and eating well. i gained back about 6 pounds in about 10 days. so i am making progress physically. i think im okay with that. just this stupid mental aspect of it all. the thoughts and emotions running thru me are killing me. the lonliness, anger, sadness, scared, confused, lost, and so many others are just exploding out of me. its really hard to handle it all. so thanks again for the replies. ill be posting more on here as i go thru all this and hope that i can eventually help others on here who need help.

 

Yes, you will get to that point.

 

I found that I moved from the break-up forum, to second chances, then on to coping... Once I began to accept my relationship was over, things started looking up a little.

 

I myself find solace in helping others when I am down. It's a distraction that gives me a little bit of respite from how bad I am feeling. I'm still sad over my break up- but I enjoy posting in your thread, and similar threads because I know I enjoyed and benefitted from the support of others when I needed hep

 

Someday you will look back and realize how wrong this relationship was for you- it might seem foreign to you now- but you will get there.

 

Don't beat yourself up over how long this is taking, because in the grand scheme of things, this is still fresh for you. You're taking on all this blame for the demise of the relationship and not seeing the very real part she played in it. You will at some point, that day will come.

 

You just have to trust some of us that are at the later stages of our break ups that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Keep talking to us, we're hear for you and happy to listen.

Edited August 23, 2011 by D-Lish

[JohnEl]

I feel a little better this morning than I did last. I'm still upset tho. I just keep thinking why this happened. Why did she do this to me? There were things she did which bothered me but i didn't run away. I moved on from this things and stayed with her. She bails on me when things aren't perfect. I just hope that one dy, she will realize that she should have handled things differently. I know she won't come back, but i hope she at least understands that she gave up too early and that the way she broke up with me was immature and very wrong. I didn't do anything to make her leave me, ignore me and start dating someone else. She's acting like I cheated on her. It was just an argument and she thinks it's the end of the world. I think I'd be taking this better if she didn't start dating someone the same week we broke up. Thats salt in the wound. Someone please give me something positive to think about for the day.

[Nohbody]

[clovess]

I feel a little better this morning than I did last. I'm still upset tho. I just keep thinking why this happened. Why did she do this to me? There were things she did which bothered me but i didn't run away. I moved on from this things and stayed with her. She bails on me when things aren't perfect. I just hope that one dy, she will realize that she should have handled things differently. I know she won't come back, but i hope she at least understands that she gave up too early and that the way she broke up with me was immature and very wrong. I didn't do anything to make her leave me, ignore me and start dating someone else. She's acting like I cheated on her. It was just an argument and she thinks it's the end of the world. I think I'd be taking this better if she didn't start dating someone the same week we broke up. Thats salt in the wound. Someone please give me something positive to think about for the day.

 

I read all your posts and I'm going through EXACTLY the same right now! please contact me if you want

[JohnEl]

Yea I'd like to contact you. How can i do that on here?