Lynnette Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 I want to know, 1) Why is it ok for men to want and atempt sex, but if a girl does she isnt taken serioulsy or respected? 2)Could there be such a thing as a sexual relationship with someone but also be cared about as a person? Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 1) Why is it ok for men to want and atempt sex, but if a girl does she isnt taken serioulsy or respected? Eh?? Men in general? Or one in paticular? Could there be such a thing as a sexual relationship with someone but also be cared about as a person? Of course there is, you just gotta know who you are sleeping with. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Originally posted by Lynnette I want to know, 1) Why is it ok for men to want and atempt sex, but if a girl does she isnt taken serioulsy or respected? It's okay for women to initiate sex too. If her partner does not take her seriously, then perhaps he is the wrong partner for her. 2)Could there be such a thing as a sexual relationship with someone but also be cared about as a person? OF COURSE! It happens all the time, that is called a relationship. Maturity and experience play a big part in how we build relationships and how we treat ourselves and our partners. Respect has to be there, and good communication. A teenage couple is more likely to be focused on themselves and their own needs and put their partner's feelings second, whereas a more mature couple who have been together for a while and love each other is more likely to put the other persons feelings first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynnette Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 O.k. I guess then I asked the wrong question. If you do enjoy sex more than most. How do you get to the relationship level. All of my relationships have been based on sex, they knew my favorite positions but didn't even know my favorite color. So I took a year or two off but know i keep running into the same problems. But if i do decide to have sex with them right away then its like the lady side of me is destroyed. Just because i like sex doesn't mean that i don't want to still be treated like a lady. I know the answer is self control and the right state of mind but i have needs too!! I just have to figure out how to balance them! Does this make since at all? I am really bad at writing down how i feel. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Wait a while to have sex with a new guy. Talk with him. Ask questions. Set goals, boundaries, and priorities. Get to know someone's likes and dislikes first and let them get to know you. If they are not interested in getting to know you, dump them and move on. If you keep running into the same problems, then maybe its the way you choose your boyfriends. What are your priorities? What do you look for? How do you decide whom to date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynnette Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 "Get to know someone's likes and dislikes first and let them get to know you. If they are not interested in getting to know you, dump them and move on. " How do you get them to want to know that much about you? I have this great time with someone, then never hear from them again! Of course I take it personal but this has happened like 4 times in the past 3 months!!! "If you keep running into the same problems, then maybe its the way you choose your boyfriends. What are your priorities? What do you look for? How do you decide whom to date?" Thats the sad thing. I don't have any methods for any of it. I can watch a movie and be like "I would never be with someone like that!" But in real life i am more surprised by the fact that someone is interested in me! I am pathetic I know. Thats why I know I need to be by myself and work on me inside but thats were the sex problem comes into play. Thats why i want a "friend" ,but i cant because i also want them to care for me as a person. Its hard to build up a self-esteem especially when I am shy (diagnosed social anxiety) ,and co dependent. Things arnt looking up for me huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Dulce_Angel_Whispers Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Sounds to me like "as you mentioned above" you need to take some time to yourself! You are looking for "self worth" in these guys and are sleeping with them in hope that something will come out of it. (or so it sounds) It is more than self control it is about self respect...ask yourself what do you have to give to these guys other than your body? Maybe you are attracting the wrong kind of man because they can probably sense the desperation. Being alone is never easy but you owe it to yourself and your future to get yourself together because how are you going to feel once you've reached such a high number of partners....what you're doing now will always affect your future. When you do find someone to settle down with are you gonna be able to be honest about your past? Do you think a good decent man is going to want to be with a woman who has had a bunch of different partners? But apart from that you owe YOURSELF more than that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynnette Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 what do you do when you get lonely? Link to post Share on other sites
Dulce_Angel_Whispers Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Everyone gets lonely but if you are happy with yourself as a person you can deal with it. Don't you have friends that you can go and hang out with? If not try looking for a hobby (as cheesy at it sounds) you should NOT use "sex" and the attention of the male species to feel the void that you feel in your life! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynnette Posted May 6, 2004 Author Share Posted May 6, 2004 Yeah I know ,but thank you for reassuring me! Now I just have to figure out how to be self assured. If they only had a bad self esteem anonymous class I would know how to start!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dulce_Angel_Whispers Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 Is there any kind of group for people with codependency or low self esteem that you could attend in your area? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynnette Posted May 6, 2004 Author Share Posted May 6, 2004 I dont think so. I dont even know how you would find that out! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 There are some really good self help books on the market. My favourite is Overcoming Low Self Esteem by Melanie Fennel. I'll PM you a link with some reviews. PS addition: oops you have no PM facility. Apologies if commercial links are not allowed: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/081472714X/qid=1083883033/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_2_2/202-6903929-4067835 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynnette Posted May 6, 2004 Author Share Posted May 6, 2004 Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
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