superchiefs Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 My fiancee and I broke up 4 months ago from a 5.5 year relationship. 2 months after she dumped me, I met someone else that I connected with better than anyone I have ever connected with before. I posted about my new relationship on here and several LS posters said I was in a rebound relationship. I have now been with my new girlfriend for 2 months and we have spent a lot of time together, including me going on a family reunion vacation with her for 5 days. I have begun developing relationships with her family, and she has begun developing relationships with mine. At what point will this new relationship I am in not be considered a rebound? Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I wouldn't worry too much about it. If it works, it works. As long as you are cognizant of the risks and you care enough about this person's feelings and aren't using them... carry on! Link to post Share on other sites
Spices Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) It'll work as long as you're over your ex. If you're still in love with your ex there could be a problem down the road. Right now you're in the infatuation stage of the relationship & it may be distracting you from the pain you feel from your breakup. You'll only know for sure once the infatuation stage wears off. Edited August 23, 2011 by Spices Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 I wouldn't worry too much about it. If it works, it works. As long as you are cognizant of the risks and you care enough about this person's feelings and aren't using them... carry on! So far, it has been working really well. And I certainly do care about this person's feelings. Of course, I would have to say that I am using them, but I have used every person that I have been in a relationship with. Just to explain, I love to go to football games. I enjoy going to games by myself. However, I find the games to be even more enjoyable when I have a girlfriend that enjoys going with me. If my current girlfriend suddenly decided she hated football and started refusing to go to any football games with me or would continue to go but would be a real witch, then my relationship with her would not work. There are several things such as this that are important to me and those are things that I want to get for myself out of a relationship. If I didnt get any pleasure out of being in a relationship, then I wouldnt be in one. Hopefully this is ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 It'll work as long as you're over your ex. If you're still in love with your ex there could be a problem down the road. Right now you're in the infatuation stage of the relationship & it may be distracting you from the pain you feel from your breakup. You'll only know for sure once the infatuation stage wears off. I am definitely not in love with my ex. But I am hoping that my infatuation with my new girlfriend is not distracting me from pain from my breakup. How long does it typically take for the infatuation stage to wear off? Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Semantics, semantics. Link to post Share on other sites
FinOuch Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I would say on average probably anywhere from 6 months to a year. I've read two years for emotionally clingy people. It really depends on the persons involved for how long infatuation lasts. You'll know when it ends. Link to post Share on other sites
jchips Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I've heard that infatuation can last anywhere from 6 to 18 months. I think if you can weather the first few disagreements well, there's a good chance it's more than infatuation. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
FinOuch Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Since it does seem like people have a pretty negative opinion of rebound relationships, I think I will chime in with a story about one of my ex's. After our decade long relationship (I left him) he rebounded to a new girl after a month. It was fairly clear to everyone (me, our mutual friends, etc) that it was a rebound, and it was just assumed that it wouldn't last long. Long story short: the infatuation did eventually wear off. He found certain cycles repeating, at which point he had no other choice than to face his demons - his emotional dependence on other people, regrets about our failed relationship, changes he need to make... You know. All the stuff that people work through when taking time off from relationships. So, he didn't avoid the underlying issues that caused our breakup. He just put them off a little while. And, just because the issues finally surfaced doesn't necessarily mean the rebound relationship was d*mned. He worked through them. A year and a half later he's still with the rebound woman. It looks like a potentially healthy relationship could sprout from all of his for him. Then again, it could fall apart. Who knows? The point is...just because a relationship is a rebound doesn't necessarily mean it can't work. It's just that it, too, takes work once the infatuation fades. Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 I've heard that infatuation can last anywhere from 6 to 18 months. I think if you can weather the first few disagreements well, there's a good chance it's more than infatuation. Good luck! We actually had our first disagreement this weekend. My sister was having a cookout, I told my girlfriend about it last week. What I failed to mention was that my parents were going to be there. My girlfriend had only met my parents one time before and that was only for about an hour. 3 hours before the cookout, I mentioned my parents were going to be there. She got pretty angry. However, the next day, she apologized for getting mad at me and asked that in the future, I please give her more notice if we will be hanging out with my parents. Link to post Share on other sites
cowboysmavs Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Sounds to me like everything is fine. Who cares if it started as a "rebound". As long as you're not having feelings for you ex, missing her etc. You said it was the best ever with the new girl. Just roll with it and stop worrying about that from your end. Link to post Share on other sites
jchips Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I had a rebound relationship that lasted 7 years in my younger days. I met him the same day as the day I broke up with the other guy. So rebounds can last. Bottom line, is it a healthy relationship? The 7-year rebound I was in was definitely not a healthy one for me but it sure had staying power. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Superchiefs why are you questioning it, if it works it works. The more you think about "being a rebound" the more pressure you are putting on your subconscious and telling yourself you are a rebound. I have 2 sets of friends that are both now married, one has a kid with a second and on the way and houses and both were rebound relationships. A lot of people worry too much about being a rebound but if its working, it works. My friend that's married said to me one day, if you keep dwelling on the past, you might miss the right one thats staring at you in the face. Rebounds are dangerous in the fact that a lot of people do not know what they want after a relationship ends and they settle just for the comfort and not being alone. This is where rebounds are extremely dangerous Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 Superchiefs why are you questioning it, if it works it works. The more you think about "being a rebound" the more pressure you are putting on your subconscious and telling yourself you are a rebound. I have 2 sets of friends that are both now married, one has a kid with a second and on the way and houses and both were rebound relationships. A lot of people worry too much about being a rebound but if its working, it works. My friend that's married said to me one day, if you keep dwelling on the past, you might miss the right one thats staring at you in the face. Rebounds are dangerous in the fact that a lot of people do not know what they want after a relationship ends and they settle just for the comfort and not being alone. This is where rebounds are extremely dangerous I am questioning it because a lot of people on here got in to my head several weeks ago and told me that I was in a rebound relationship. I dont think I am, but those people's voices are still echoing in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Here's the thread Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Both of the guys that BROKE UP WITH ME and immediately left me for someone else (not the current one that i am completely enamoured and heartbroken over) eventually came begging back! My sons father (with him for 3 years) who left me for a girl he had a childhood crush on came back and tried to plead his case around 3 months out or so (LC obviously because we have a kid). I wasn't with anyone but I NEVER took him back! My other X who left me for another woman came back after 4 months (STRICT NC) trying to beg me back. I was talking to someone else, but I hated him for leaving me. My current X, who left me for the girl he was "messing" with before me has not called me at all. So I am not sure if he will come back or not. But I know a LOT of people say this and Im sure they feel this way, but I really was the best woman to ever happen to him so far. He just mistreated me, took me for granted & betrayed me for so long that it became a lifestyle I guess... sigh Anyways, do you see a pattern? I keep getting left for another woman, FML! *I do think it has A LOT to do with the types of BOYS i date though.. =/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 Here's the thread Hi Carhill, just to give you an update on that thread. I have discussed marriage with my new girlfriend in more detail and she said that she would not be comfortable with getting engaged before next Easter because she does not want to have anything in common with my ex, such as being engaged to me in the same year. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 My now ex g/f left me for her ex b/f, We lasted 9 months. She was still in love with him Link to post Share on other sites
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