MM filed Informal Marriage for Medical Insurance Purposes

[carrie999]

You used 'pot' and 'kettle' already, so I'm stuck for a reply. {/quote]

 

LOL! That happens a lot here, huh?

 

Yeah, I'm building to a really angry rant, just v-e-r-y slowly. And a quick tip - never trust my maths.

 

Keep building towards that rant, SG, and practice your multiplication tables. We as OW are the angry and stupid ones here

[carhill]

I'd like to address the 'family member' thing with a couple of examples of why I don't believe men should be 'responsible' for an ex-spouse, regardless of what offspring they share. As is usual in my life, this was taught to me by women.

 

My best friend had part of his colon removed a few weeks ago, very serious cancer surgery which left him in serious condition and in the hospital for over a week. His daughter, from his first marriage, was by his bedside throughout. His exW? Nowhere to be seen, as has been consistent since they divorced 28 years ago.

 

Myself, when my mother died, I picked up her remains from the crematory on the very day my ex-wife and I filed our final paperwork for divorce. Her response when I pulled into the crematory parking lot...' why are we here?' 'Well my mom died and I'm picking up her remains' 'Oh, sorry to hear that', then later she segued right into a business deal she wanted my advice on.

 

That, in my life experience, is how women are. I cannot think of one cogent example of an exception within my social circle or life experience.

 

To me, that's instructive. A man owes his former spouse/partner just as much and not one iota more, IMO.

[woinlove]

I'd like to address the 'family member' thing with a couple of examples of why I don't believe men should be 'responsible' for an ex-spouse, regardless of what offspring they share. As is usual in my life, this was taught to me by women.

 

My best friend had part of his colon removed a few weeks ago, very serious cancer surgery which left him in serious condition and in the hospital for over a week. His daughter, from his first marriage, was by his bedside throughout. His exW? Nowhere to be seen, as has been consistent since they divorced 28 years ago.

 

Myself, when my mother died, I picked up her remains from the crematory on the very day my ex-wife and I filed our final paperwork for divorce. Her response when I pulled into the crematory parking lot...' why are we here?' 'Well my mom died and I'm picking up her remains' 'Oh, sorry to hear that', then later she segued right into a business deal she wanted my advice on.

 

That, in my life experience, is how women are. I cannot think of one cogent example of an exception within my social circle or life experience.

 

To me, that's instructive. A man owes his former spouse/partner just as much and not one iota more, IMO.

 

My parents had nothing to do with each other after their divorce. Then 15 years later, my father was dying, and my mother literally dropped everything and spent the next six months at his side, nursing and comforting him. He wanted to die at home and toward the end, she slept on the couch in his one bedroom apartment, to be there for him. I also spent a lot of time with him, but I was working and living in my own home. It gave me some comfort and peace, to have my mother describe his last words and breaths to me, as she described him dying in her arms in the middle of the night.

 

I was amazed that these two, who had been apart for so many years and had little good to say about each other for all those years, reunited at the end of my father's life. It was not any kind of romantic reunion, just one of caring and support.

 

Not everyone can do this. Not everyone should do this. But in some cases, it is a great tribute to the compassionate humanity that can live within us. When it is possible, extending unselfish kindness and care to someone who you once shared a life with, who you created new life with, can be a wonderful thing.

Edited August 26, 2011 by woinlove

[MorningCoffee]

My parents had nothing to do with each other after their divorce. Then 15 years later, my father was dying, and my mother literally dropped everything and spent the next six months at his side, nursing and comforting him. He wanted to die at home and toward the end, she slept on the couch in his one bedroom apartment, to be there for him. I also spent a lot of time with him, but I was working and living in my own home. It gave me some comfort and peace, to have my mother describe his last words and breaths to me, as she described him dying in her arms in the middle of the night.

 

I was amazed that these two, who had been apart for so many years and had little good to say about each other for all those years, reunited at the end of my father's life. It was not any kind of romantic reunion, just one of caring and support.

 

Not everyone can do this. Not everyone should do this. But in some cases, it is a great tribute to the compassionate humanity that can live within us. When it is possible, extending unselfish kindness and care to someone who you once shared a life with, who you created new life with, can be a wonderful thing.

 

I find myself amazed at this wonderful story. For whatever their earlier problems, sounds like forgiveness and compassion had been achieved. Thank you for sharing.

[Mimolicious]

You used 'pot' and 'kettle' already, so I'm stuck for a reply. {/quote]

 

LOL! That happens a lot here, huh?

 

 

 

Keep building towards that rant, SG, and practice your multiplication tables. We as OW are the angry and stupid ones here

 

 

Uuummmm, sorry to say but WOMEN (period) who stay in these kind of situations are "stupid" period! The BW, the OW, the OOW, the OOOW...

I've had my share of stupidity. A time comes that we must put ourselves first and not allow someone to treat us this poorly. It's not that hard, you just got to do it. Like they say, "we only live once, but a life lived right, one time is enough". Of course, this "right way" is not universal. One thing that we all have in common is "pain", ironically mostly caused by the same common factor. We are our worst enemy though.

 

To the OP- What are you going to do? Now you know this dude is "married". However way you want to put it, but he is. Are you still going to string along and waste your time?

[Disillusioned_Wife]

Nope, I don't buy it. The insurance story sounds like BS to me. When my H and I got married, we still had different last names (and my kids different from both of us) AND H and I lived in separate states for the first six months. Meaning, when he signed up for the insurance, he listed his address and doctors in GA, and me and mine in TX. The insurance company NEVER questioned whether or not we were married. I've been through similar situations changing insurance companies, etc over the years and have never had any issue as to whether or not I was legally married.

 

Regardless, he's complaining about her and wanting to end things, but yet he marries her. Doesn't that seem backwards to you? I wouldn't put a lot of faith in him at this point. Sorry.

 

I concur because when I was common law with H years ago they put me on his benefits right away (well as soon as he was eligible after the 3 mo probation). I was 100% covered. I wonder what state this is in (I didn't catch which) because different states also have different common law legislation. In Ontario, common law is considered married so that might make the difference but I doubt it. I've seen BF\GF that aren't common law be allowed to add each other as medical beneficiaries from work benefits too.

[carrie999]

 

 

Uuummmm, sorry to say but WOMEN (period) who stay in these kind of situations are "stupid" period! The BW, the OW, the OOW, the OOOW...

I've had my share of stupidity. A time comes that we must put ourselves first and not allow someone to treat us this poorly. It's not that hard, you just got to do it. Like they say, "we only live once, but a life lived right, one time is enough". Of course, this "right way" is not universal. One thing that we all have in common is "pain", ironically mostly caused by the same common factor. We are our worst enemy though.

 

To the OP- What are you going to do? Now you know this dude is "married". However way you want to put it, but he is. Are you still going to string along and waste your time?

 

I agree with some of what you're saying, but there are two points that are too general: one, it's not only women who are in this situation; and two, not all OM/OW are stupid enough to trust blindly, and aren't actually treated poorly.