I'm in a horrible place

[mike999111mo]

Well, here it goes. I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years recently. I know this is not like the last 6 or 7 times we have broke up (I know I'm an idiot) I just cant beleive this is happening to me again. I really wanted to get married and settle down. I'm getting old (just turned 29 two days ago) and its starting to seem like I wont ever have a wife and family.

 

I AM REALLY PISSED OFF.........................................

 

I mean I am really, really, pissed off.

 

I ended it and for good reason to, that doesnt help I miss her something awful. I just cant shake this feeling of being lost. I dont give a crap about anything and it just isnt getting any better. You walk around and see people walking and talking and smiling, and I fantasize about smashing them and everything else I run into. God I just want to scream, but theirs no one their to hear it so it wont do much good. Cant sleep, cant eat, on the verge of loosing my job if I call in one more time. I'm in a really, really, bad place.

 

I swear to god I'm never doing this again I just cant take it. Its like the last 4 years just got flushed away and went swirling. The worst part of the whole thing is she so is not any good for me (or anyone else I expect). I supported her ass for the last four years and this is what I get. She finally stopped calling a few days ago and man did I think that was what I wanted but it sure didnt help. Now I know she really is gone. I want to be gone to, I cant wake up to another day of this.

 

HELP....

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

We have all been where you are. You were smart to finally end a toxic relationship. It the long run you would have been miserable. You are still young. I did not find the right person until I was in my forties. Do not settle.

You were a full and whole person before you met this woman and you will be a full and whole person afterwards. There are many great women out in the world. Do not limit yourself by looking backwards so it is nonw time to move forward.

I wish you luck.

[Papillon]

What do you say to someone who is in your position?

 

The truth is that you WILL get over it, even though it feels like your world is ending right now.

 

The best advice I can give you, and it's the advice I always give to someone who is going through this, is this:

 

When you're in a relationship for an extended period of time, you tend to lose your sense of self, and instead become a part of the relationship organism. You sacrifice the "I" for the "us". By the time you break up, you've kind of forgotten who you are as an independent individual, and that's why you feel so lost - your "fake" identity has been ripped from you (it's of course why rebound relationships are so common - the new person instantly restores that sense of "us").

 

What I advise, is for you to try and focus on the things that make you who you are, and the things YOU enjoy doing, be it playing computer games or cycling or working on cars or whatever. When you rediscover your own sense of self, you'll look upon the past differently.

 

Unfortunately it won't happen overnight, but time will give you a broader perspective.

[FreeMe]

It sounds to me like you have some anger problems you need to deal with. Maybe you should see a counselor.

 

If she was bad for you, then you won't really be any happier with her than you are without her. You need to find someone who brings out the best in you.

 

You also resent her (for your support of her all these years) and if you got back together, you would still resent her. That alone can doom the relationship.

 

You also shouldn't want to get married just because of your age. By the way, 29 for a male is not old. Not that there's anything wrong with wanting to get married and settle down, but you should find someone you'll be happy with and not settle for someone just because you've been with them awhile. A relationship that has 6 or 7 breakups doesn't sound healthy.

 

Just in the little you've said above, it doesn't sound like you would be happy with her. Try to look at the reasons she is bad for you and why it won't work. Then maybe you'll realize you deserve better and be able to put her behind you.