Has pornography ruined a generation?

[Des]

Yes, there are a lot of topics on here about porn. But that is because it is becoming a bigger and bigger issue and frustration for young people and relationships in general. It's become such a problem that message boards like LS almost need a section specifically devoted to helping people with porn related struggles.

 

I think pornography has done it's damage to the youngest generation of adults and teens these days. I not sure if it's a reversible kind of damage either.

 

 

What prompted me to make this topic was a horrible reminder of it's effects thrown in my face. I was browsing a different message board and came across a topic posted by a teenage girl titled something like "he wants me to puke", where she explained how her boyfriend had told her that he wanted her to deep throat his penis until it made her puke on purpose, and that he had been fantasizing about it a lot. She explained how she didn't understand where this was coming from or if it was normal, but commented she knew he watched porn though she does not. And explained how she was a bit shocked and doesn't like the idea, but despite that said she is going to go through with it because ultimately she wants to do things that turn him on and not be sexually boring to him... So she's basically competing to stay more interesting and exciting to him than the porn where he got this from.

 

Hearing about this just bummed me out. What is pornography turning these young minds into? Can the damage ever be undone? They say that it's not causing any harm and that addiction to it does not exist and that it's a good thing. That guys aren't buying in to what they watch, and that women aren't affected by their habitual use.

 

I think this mass produced and consumed porn has ruined the healthy and natural sexualities of so many. What happened to sex that wasn't selfish and fetishistic, one-sided or sadistic, demoralizing or dehumanizing? Sex that was about doing what felt right rather than what feels most wrong? Or dare I say mutual intimacy rather than looking at your partner as just a body that can be manipulated in any number of ways. I think porn happened. I think we really need to wake up, this problem is getting worse by the day.

Edited August 24, 2011 by Des

[Feelin Frisky]

I think you are projecting a lot from limited information. But having said that, Internet porn IS having impacts in many quarters. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's ruined a generation but it is a source of unhappiness in couples. men are availing themselves to porn instantaneously and that sometimes leaves and audit trail which snoopy partners then follow. Everyone is entitled to fantasies but without this instant porn we'd have to create our own and learn to keep them inside our heads so that our SOs don't feel marginalized. There are of course extremes too that today's porn make seem valid (like the choking and puking scenario). Who you conceive of something like that themselves and look to have their SO do that? That's clearly an excessive fantasy that should not be expected to be fulfilled. No doubt some porn chick, who was getting paid, put on a smile think "gee mom, everyone at school is doing it". They are not.

[Casablanca]

The situation the OP described is the VAST VAST minority.

[Des]

I think you are projecting a lot from limited information. But having said that, Internet porn IS having impacts in many quarters. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's ruined a generation but it is a source of unhappiness in couples. men are availing themselves to porn instantaneously and that sometimes leaves and audit trail which snoopy partners then follow. Everyone is entitled to fantasies but without this instant porn we'd have to create our own and learn to keep them inside our heads so that our SOs don't feel marginalized. There are of course extremes too that today's porn make seem valid (like the choking and puking scenario). Who you conceive of something like that themselves and look to have their SO do that? That's clearly an excessive fantasy that should not be expected to be fulfilled. No doubt some porn chick, who was getting paid, put on a smile think "gee mom, everyone at school is doing it". They are not.

 

What's wrong with created one's own fantasy? That's the way it was always done before. Porn promotes it's own ideas and projects them into the minds of viewers. They can't dress anything up and sell it as something you want.

 

My point is had it not been for porn, this young girl would never have to choke on her own vomit to feel sexually appealing to her boyfriend, because he would not be carrying around a fantasy of desecrating her. She wouldn't feel like there was some sort other source of his interest she needed to compare to.

 

I think that young people these days are understanding less and less that this stuff is NOT supposed to be a guide to sexuality, and not something to compare themselves with. But that is certainly the message with a 16 year old goes online and is bombarded with these images. Nobody talks about it with them because it's quite frankly too graphic for most people's comfort.

[Des]

The situation the OP described is the VAST VAST minority.

 

But do you know that? How do you know? Do you think the "vast majority" of people are even sharing their sexual experiences online? No. I just know that for the ones who do, I hear this sort of thing far too much for comfort.

Edited August 24, 2011 by Des

[threebyfate]

I've never considered porn to be a big deal until joining this site. Since reading so many threads about the issue, it appears to create a sense of entitlement in the male psyche both with expectations of services rendered by women and their negative treatment of women in general.

 

In the past, porn wasn't a big deal for me since it was a big joke, like watching stupid comedy. It never occurred to me that there were men out there who's reality blended with fantasy.

 

I thank my very lucky stars that my husband isn't a porn user.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Put a different way, that would be like asking:

 

"Has the trend against pubic hair ruined a generation?"

 

 

It's all stuff they first saw on porn, yet in this day and age of KY Jelly and the like, nobody NEEDS pubic hair.

 

Pubic hair is a purely random preference, and nobody misses out on anything for never having/seeing it.

 

Sure you can take one extreme example and blow it out of proportion...

 

(although maybe anal sex would be better... as today's vast draw to anal sex very likely arose out of young guys seeing that in porn, and thinking they needed to try it)

 

At this point the vast numbers of people who got deep into anal sex when it first took-off among the masses, haven't aged far enough to represent much data in resulting later-life health risks.

 

In terms of coupledom, that boyfriend is certainly entitled to his fantasies, and the girlfriend is entitled to say 'no' if she wants. The issue between them might boil down more to her being "G.G.G." as a girlfriend than it does to "porn".

 

Our O.P. here can't even comfirm that the boyfriend got this idea originally from porn. (though I would guess so)

[Des]

I've never considered porn to be a big deal until joining this site. Since reading so many threads about the issue, it appears to create a sense of entitlement in the male psyche both with expectations of services rendered by women and their negative treatment of women in general.

 

In the past, porn wasn't a big deal for me since it was a big joke, like watching stupid comedy. It never occurred to me that there were men out there who's reality blended with fantasy.

 

I thank my very lucky stars that my husband isn't a porn user.

 

That is very fortunate nowadays, to not have a struggle with porn in a relationship.

 

The problem is that porn is different now than it used to be when it was just a novelty, it is much more now. Young people are so easily exposed to it in mass quantities on the internet, and the depiction of couple having sex in the classic sense has often been traded off for the concept of male dominance and the mistreatment and general use of woman's body for any number of fetishes. Obviously it's a terrible thing for the minds of developing young men to feed off of, and become addicted to.

[CarrieT]

The situation the OP described is the VAST VAST minority.

 

 

I completely disagree.

 

I am a middle-aged woman who remembers seeing her first image of a double-penetration and what a novelty it was 30-some-years ago. When I became sexually active 35 years ago, the mysteries of having sex involved "copping a feel," a blow job, and penetration.

 

Like the OP, I now get men who want extremes; deep throating to expunge puke, blood, scat, ass-to-mouth and extensive degradation; all things that my partners saw in the porn they were watching.

 

It has hardly been an isolated incident as I have been around the block a number of times. The world is getting kinkier and kinkier and needing more extreme forms of stimulation to get off and that is all driven by porn.

[Feelin Frisky]

What's wrong with created one's own fantasy? That's the way it was always done before. Porn promotes it's own ideas and projects them into the minds of viewers. They can't dress anything up and sell it as something you want.

 

My point is had it not been for porn, this young girl would never have to choke on her own vomit to feel sexually appealing to her boyfriend, because he would not be carrying around a fantasy of desecrating her. She wouldn't feel like there was some sort other source of his interest she needed to compare to.

 

I think that young people these days are understanding less and less that this stuff is NOT supposed to be a guide to sexuality, and not something to compare themselves with. But that is certainly the message with a 16 year old goes online and is bombarded with these images. Nobody talks about it with them because it's quite frankly too graphic for most people's comfort.

 

I don't understand your assertion. What I tried to put forth is that fantasies are normal and fine--they should however not be something that should leave an audit trail (web history or w/e else a g/f or wife can stumble across). This is causing problems and it's a recurrent theme here on LS where women just about weekly come on here expressing their worry that they are not enough for their man and take his porn excesses at statements of loss of love and respect for them. I don't think porn use implies that but this is a "feeling" they have. The bottom line issue is that he is SHOWING that he's fantasizing about others and that IS disrespectful. It's imperative for people to separate themselves from their fantasies and keep some things to themselves. Instantaneous Internet porn is both serving impulsive fantasies and actually driving some to extremes like the story you mentioned in your OP.

[Dust]

I wouldn't say porn has ruined a generation but I would say porn can ruin you if you let it. Naturally I’m more perverted then any porn could or would be. The stuff I see in non porn movies like the thing where the guys chest opens up and bites the other guys arms off are pretty crazy.

 

Here’s what I would say porn does to a man. It turns him into some one who would rather watch porn then go after real women. It will make him jack off more then he normally would and enter an unhealthy unsatisfying life style. It will make him want things he may otherwise had not thought of. Ruin people no. I personally realize porn isn’t good so it’s my goal to not watch it. I will admit that some times I get weak and watch some. But I go good many month stretches with out watching.

[Des]

I don't understand your assertion. What I tried to put forth is that fantasies are normal and fine--they should however not be something that should leave an audit trail (web history or w/e else a g/f or wife can stumble across). This is causing problems and it's a recurrent theme here on LS where women just about weekly come on here expressing their worry that they are not enough for their man and take his porn excesses at statements of loss of love and respect for them. I don't think porn use implies that but this is a "feeling" they have. The bottom line issue is that he is SHOWING that he's fantasizing about others and that IS disrespectful. It's imperative for people to separate themselves from their fantasies and keep some things to themselves. Instantaneous Internet porn is both serving impulsive fantasies and actually driving some to extremes like the story you mentioned in your OP.

 

Well I don't know how a fantasy such as described is "fine", but from the sound of it it doesn't seem he's so much fantasizing about a person as much as the act.

[dreamingoftigers]

Has porn ruined a generation?

 

In short: yes.

[Des]

i mean . can i ask , is spanking your partner degrading .. yes.... does it feel good.. yes.. .is it a hot.. yes..... is it common .. yes...!!!! .. so .. you know.. some degrading is in the eyse of the beholder....

 

 

The problem is in porn world, degrading is normal, it's not bad. There is no concept of self-respect for the women. They're so dehumanized that something like that often doesn't matter. This young girl didn't even seem to evaluate whether or not him wanting to make her puke was degrading or not, she just said that it sounded gross, didn't like the idea and was a little worried, but she will do it anyway because she wants to be a turn-on for him. Obviously she doesn't even understand self-respect. And it's apparent that porn has trained that this young man not considered respect for women or even the humanity of them in order for him to fantasize about doing this to her.

Edited August 24, 2011 by Des

[dreamingoftigers]

In general they are not paid very much anymore.

[Des]

Did he ask if she would be interested, or is he basically saying i wanna do this and if you dont were thru ...

 

Just to make it clear. He told her he wanted to do this and had been fantasizing about it. She explained (to us) how she found it gross and she didn't like the idea but was still going to do it to please him. It is obviously a problem in their relationship, and the main culprit is the porn, which she mentioned that he watches a lot.

Edited August 24, 2011 by Des

[betterdeal]

Yes, there are a lot of topics on here about porn. But that is because it is becoming a bigger and bigger issue and frustration for young people and relationships in general. It's become such a problem that message boards like LS almost need a section specifically devoted to helping people with porn related struggles.

 

I think pornography has done it's damage to the youngest generation of adults and teens these days. I not sure if it's a reversible kind of damage either.

 

 

What prompted me to make this topic was a horrible reminder of it's effects thrown in my face. I was browsing a different message board and came across a topic posted by a teenage girl titled something like "he wants me to puke", where she explained how her boyfriend had told her that he wanted her to deep throat his penis until it made her puke on purpose, and that he had been fantasizing about it a lot. She explained how she didn't understand where this was coming from or if it was normal, but commented she knew he watched porn though she does not. And explained how she was a bit shocked and doesn't like the idea, but despite that said she is going to go through with it because ultimately she wants to do things that turn him on and not be sexually boring to him... So she's basically competing to stay more interesting and exciting to him than the porn where he got this from.

 

Hearing about this just bummed me out. What is pornography turning these young minds into? Can the damage ever be undone? They say that it's not causing any harm and that addiction to it does not exist and that it's a good thing. That guys aren't buying in to what they watch, and that women aren't affected by their habitual use.

 

I think this mass produced and consumed porn has ruined the healthy and natural sexualities of so many. What happened to sex that wasn't selfish and fetishistic, one-sided or sadistic, demoralizing or dehumanizing? Sex that was about doing what felt right rather than what feels most wrong? Or dare I say mutual intimacy rather than looking at your partner as just a body that can be manipulated in any number of ways. I think porn happened. I think we really need to wake up, this problem is getting worse by the day.

 

I agree with you, Des. I've worked in a support role for the porn industry and have enjoyed using it for the past 20 years. I've seen it become progressively more contrived and as it depends on shock to maintain its customer base, it has become ever more violent as it seeks out new angles from which to get that rush of adrenalin going in the viewer / reader. By conflating the Goat.se effect with sex, you can sell more.

 

In the 90s, it was anal sex that pushed the boundaries. Then facials. Now wolf-bagging and the like. At the same time, people in porn are becoming ever more pastiches of their gender, shaven all over for the sake of the camera and their co-workers.

 

I'm in favour of a movement to revitalise real sex in movies and porn, to show people enjoying sex rather than this naked acrobatics that passes as sex these days.

[Crusoe]

I've never considered porn to be a big deal until joining this site. Since reading so many threads about the issue, it appears to create a sense of entitlement in the male psyche both with expectations of services rendered by women and their negative treatment of women in general.

 

In the past, porn wasn't a big deal for me since it was a big joke, like watching stupid comedy. It never occurred to me that there were men out there who's reality blended with fantasy.

 

 

Yup. I've never been a fan of porn but also never saw any harm in it. As I got older I became aware of the harm done to those at the bottom end of the industry, but it wasn't until I started teaching golf to kids that I saw how it was changing them and their attitudes.

 

When I was a kid you at least had to be man enough, and tall enough, to try and buy a magazine. If someone managed to do so, it resulted in little more than a bunch of lads pointing and giggling behind the bike sheds. Now I'm catching kids in their early teens with the nastiest of porn on their phones,. Many of the older lads, those in their late teens and eary twenties have a pretty dark mindset. Some of the locker room talk really isn't very nice at all. They aren't bragging abut getting laid anymore, they bragging about degrading girls. They don't just have no respect these girls, they have contempt for them. Even if half of what they say is b*llsh*t, it's still an image they are trying to live up to.

[Des]

Yup. I've never been a fan of porn but also never saw any harm in it. As I got older I became aware of the harm done to those at the bottom end of the industry, but it wasn't until I started teaching golf to kids that I saw how it was changing them and their attitudes.

 

When I was a kid you at least had to be man enough, and tall enough, to try and buy a magazine. If someone managed to do so, it resulted in little more than a bunch of lads pointing and giggling behind the bike sheds. Now I'm catching kids in their early teens with the nastiest of porn on their phones,. Many of the older lads, those in their late teens and eary twenties have a pretty dark mindset. Some of the locker room talk really isn't very nice at all. They aren't bragging abut getting laid anymore, they bragging about degrading girls. They don't just have no respect these girls, they have contempt for them. Even if half of what they say is b*llsh*t, it's still an image they are trying to live up to.

 

That's scary. Young women need to stand up to this more and be more assertive and demanding of respect. They need to not allow porn use in a relationship, and most importantly need be vocal about porn and call it on being offensive and disgusting when it is. It's imperative to get over this fear of sounding like a "prude" or turning a guy off, and just tell it like it is. Things will only worsen if so many continue to passively try adapting to this concept of degrading objectification and male dominance.

[betterdeal]

More than that, women are seeking to be degraded. I've been ridiculed for refusing to hit a woman, and for refusing to cum in her face. At the same time, she is afraid of real intimacy such as kissing and making love.

 

It's like the video nasties of the 80s before regulation out there. There's a middle ground between the coke-fueled, hollow-eyed likes of Peter North and the Puritans. I think that, the anglophonic world in particular needs to address its prudish yet prurient society where officially everyone is straight down the line married guys with 2.6 children and unofficially getting blowjobs of interns. It's the same in movies. Hollywood needs to change and show real sex.

 

I'm also saddened by how homogenous sex is becoming, especially the way Eastern European porn is copycatting San Fernando. The French are holding out well, but even the Germans are producing the same emotionless crap as the States now.

[betterdeal]

That's scary. Young women need to stand up to this more and be more assertive and demanding of respect. They need to not allow porn use in a relationship, and most importantly need be vocal about porn and call it on being offensive and disgusting when it is. It's imperative to get over this fear of sounding like a "prude" or turning a guy off, and just tell it like it is. Things will only worsen if so many continue to passively try adapting to this concept of degrading objectification and male dominance.

 

Well, this is the thing: lots of women enjoy porn too. And some porn is alright, IMO. I'd be called vanilla for enjoying regular sex on screen, but so be it. I'm vanilla. Men need to be just as assertive, and adults need to be guiding adolescents more, rather than leaving them to learn from the grot industry.

[Des]

Well, this is the thing: lots of women enjoy porn too. And some porn is alright, IMO. I'd be called vanilla for enjoying regular sex on screen, but so be it. I'm vanilla. Men need to be just as assertive, and adults need to be guiding adolescents more, rather than leaving them to learn from the grot industry.

 

I'm not saying that I'm wholly against porn, just that it's unnecessary in a relationship or when a real relationship could be had instead, and it certainly is beneficial when excluded from a relationship.

 

I'm just saying that women don't stand up and speak up against porn enough, I rarely ever hear of that. I couldn't begin to tell you the number of girls I've heard explain how their boyfriends constantly use porn and how it stresses them, but in discussion they are never encouraged to speak out against it by their peers, but are told to "get over it" and quit being up-tight and are assured all guys use it and are basically entitled to it. So it's no wonder so many adapt to a "if you can't beat em, joint em" mentality.

[betterdeal]

I'm not saying that I'm wholly against porn, just that it's unnecessary in a relationship or when a real relationship could be had instead, and it certainly is beneficial when excluded from a relationship.

 

Not in all cases, and it's the blanket rule, the universal truth that I disagree with. That said, I agree that women have a propensity for adapting to suit the prevailing currents. Be that from women who are assertive, mini-skirt wearing tank girls in Europe but happy to don a hijab when they visit the Middle East, to the youngsters who go along with what they think sex is all about.

 

I'm just saying that women don't stand up and speak up against porn enough, I rarely ever hear of that. I couldn't begin to tell you the number of girls I've heard explain how their boyfriends constantly use porn and how it stresses them, but in discussion they are never encouraged to speak out against it by their peers, but are told to "get over it" and quit being up-tight and are assured all guys use it and are basically entitled to it. So it's no wonder so many adapt to a "if you can't beat em, joint em" mentality.

 

I don't think another "them and us" women versus men debate needs opening. Rather an inclusive debate between people regardless of their sex, will be more fruitful. The former sets up an expectation on men and women to fit into certain positions and so further entrenches the problem rather than solves it.

[Des]

I don't think another "them and us" women versus men debate needs opening. Rather an inclusive debate between people regardless of their sex, will be more fruitful. The former sets up an expectation on men and women to fit into certain positions and so further entrenches the problem rather than solves it.

 

I'm not meaning for it to be an us vs them, but just think that women are kind of in a better position to initiate a positive change in regards to porn use and to dispute the messages that today's porn is sending out about them and their sexuality. That and it just seems more likely that they'd want to than men who are accustom to such porn.

[betterdeal]

I can see you're going to continue to ignore the fact I am a man and I object to that sort of porn and have been ridiculed by a woman for doing so. I don't and she doesn't fit into your model. I find it a touch insulting and I wonder if you can see why?