My friend (that I like) blocked me from her FB and said we can't be friends anymore.

[Kain Highwind]

I'm friends with this girl (I have feelings for her), and like, until a few days ago, we texted all the time. Pretty much, around 4/5 days a week and when we did, it was all day long. We've been really good friends and like, three days ago, she was talking about how excited she was for what we were doing for my birthday.

 

Anyway, Saturday night, I find out she blocked me from her Facebook and I asked her about it Sunday and she said that our friendship can't last anymore. I ask why and she said that I'm too dependent on her

 

I don't know why she thinks that. I mean, we text a lot but like she's never minded before or anything like that. Normally, if something is bothering her, she'll say something about it and like, I did text her like twice Saturday without her replying but that's just cause it was something that we were talking about the night before.

 

This comes as a complete surprise to me and I'm really hurt by it, which I let her know. I told her that if I was really bother her for whatever reason, that she should just tell me and I'd back off and that I don't want this to happen cause she's been a really good friend. I asked if she would just give it a chance if I backed off and like I tried calling cause I said I wanted to at least talk about it, but after that first text where she said I was being dependent, she didn't reply to anything.

 

I texted her Mondau morning apologizing for texting her so much last night but that, if she wanted, I stillw anted to at least talk about it cause this is really extreme and I feel like its sort of unfair since she is ignoring everything I'm saying

 

We've been friends for two years and like, she's been my best friend for a long time. I'lla dmit that I have some feelings for her but we cleared that up (they caused a lot of drama but even then, we actually agreed like two weeks ago to put the past behind us completely and move on).

 

What can I do? I don't wanna lose her as a friend... Like, this is just weird and not like her at all. We were going from talking about my birthday one day to me being blocked on Facebook the next and now she doens't wanna be friends anymore

 

I can't believe I'm asking this, but could it possibly have to do with her time of month or something cause this is just ridiculous to me.

 

What can I do? She's on anxiety medication and has anxiety problems, so cuold that be it?

Edited August 24, 2011 by Kain Highwind
Edited tense since I posted this somewhere else yesterday

[UpDownAllAround]

You sure she hasn't found a new boyfriend and at his request blocked all past relationships and potential relationships from contacting her?

[Kain Highwind]

You sure she hasn't found a new boyfriend and at his request blocked all past relationships and potential relationships from contacting her?

 

I wouldn't think so. I mean, just a day before this happened, we were talkign about going to the movies for my birthday...

[ConfoosedOne]

You gotta keep an eye out for backstabbers. You also have to watch your words. Sometimes, friends are not who they seem (your other friends, not her) and may spill something you have told them purposely. Make sure there are no "double-agents" in your life. It could be one of the few reasons this is happening. In my experience, it's quite odd for a person to start hating someone even when you haven't done any harm to them. There is no way it can be your fault.

[Goldenspoon]

What you have been doing ever since she blocked you CLEARLY shows that she's right....you're too dependent on her.

 

You need to back off; you're becoming a pest. It's borderlining scary.

[Kain Highwind]

Not really. I'm just confused since like, we were just fine and she suggested going out for my birthday the day before this happened

 

I mean this just came out of nowhere and I'm just trying to fix it cause like this is really unlike her to pull a complete 180 like this over the course of a day

[TrueColors]

Kain, I agree that it is totally confusing behaviour. Have you considered the possibility that when she accused you of being too dependent on her, she might have been feeling the same way about you? Perhaps for her it was a long time coming but for you it was totally out of the blue.

 

It is appropriate to want to know why she seemingly suddenly had a change of heart, but it is no longer within your control. The best you can do is back off; leave her be. She may eventually come round. She may not. But right now you've got to now concentrate on your own life.

 

Do whatever it takes to get closure, but without her input. If it's really getting you down, talk to someone about it.

 

Good luck!

Edited August 26, 2011 by TrueColors

[Kain Highwind]

Kain, I agree that it is totally confusing behaviour. Have you considered the possibility that when she accused you of being too dependent on her, she might have been feeling the same way about you? Perhaps for her it was a long time coming but for you it was totally out of the blue.

 

It is appropriate to want to know why she seemingly suddenly had a change of heart, but it is no longer within your control. The best you can do is back off; leave her be. She may eventually come round. She may not. But right now you've got to now concentrate on your own life.

 

Do whatever it takes to get closure, but without her input. If it's really getting you down, talk to someone about it.

 

Good luck!

Sorry, I'm really tired right now, but do you mean that like have been feeling the same way, that she felt like she was dependent on me or something?

 

And I was planning on leaving her alone and texting her in like two/three weeks (since that'll be like our longest break since like January). Would that be a bad idea?

[Greatdrs]

Hey there,this is Frankyh,glad to join this forum and glad to meet you here

[TrueColors]

Sorry, I'm really tired right now, but do you mean that like have been feeling the same way, that she felt like she was dependent on me or something?

 

Yes. That's what I meant. Perhaps she felt uncomfortable getting too close to you, especially as you had admitted liking her as more than friends. I know you said you had talked about this already, but it could have been at the back of her mind still.

 

And I was planning on leaving her alone and texting her in like two/three weeks (since that'll be like our longest break since like January). Would that be a bad idea?

 

Let her make the 1st move. Contacting her again after she made it clear she wants to be away from you will only set things back, and will probably frustrate her even more if she's still not ready to speak to you. Not to mention reinforcing her claim that you are depending on her too much.

 

It's hard, I know, as you have formed an emotional attachment to her which has suddenly (for you) been taken away. But you've got to learn how to rise above it. Concentrate on yourself, your hobbies, not to mention your other friendships. Surely they deserve just as much care and attention as you've given to this girl?

[Citizen Erased]

Maybe she like got like tired of you like constantly saying like.

[TrueColors]

Maybe she like got like tired of you like constantly saying like.

 

I've noticed this too.

 

Kain, not this necessarily has any bearing on her decision to break off the friendship, but this could be considered an annoying habit, especially if you're typing it as well as saying it!

[somedude81]

Is this the same girl that you've been after for a while?

 

What did you decide to do with her, try to keep chasing her or stay just friends? What do you really want from her?

 

What is her relationship status?

[WTRanger]

She means there's no way on God's green Earth will she ever date a Marvin Milquetoast like yourself. So, in nice words, she's saying that you need to get a life outside of hers.

 

You still have feelings for her, she doesn't have any for you. That my friend, is not a solid friendship. That's you using the friendship as a disguise for your feelings. That's you hovering around her in the hopes that one day, the gravity of your feelings will pull her in.

 

You are only scared to lose her because then you'll have to deal with your feelings for her. You don't care about her as a friend. You care about her because you have romantic feelings for her.

 

I'll bet the farm that she's got her eye on another guy and wants you out of the picture. Last thing she needs is you getting in the way of her new boyfriend.

[Kain Highwind]

She means there's no way on God's green Earth will she ever date a Marvin Milquetoast like yourself. So, in nice words, she's saying that you need to get a life outside of hers.

 

You still have feelings for her, she doesn't have any for you. That my friend, is not a solid friendship. That's you using the friendship as a disguise for your feelings. That's you hovering around her in the hopes that one day, the gravity of your feelings will pull her in.

 

You are only scared to lose her because then you'll have to deal with your feelings for her. You don't care about her as a friend. You care about her because you have romantic feelings for her.

 

I'll bet the farm that she's got her eye on another guy and wants you out of the picture. Last thing she needs is you getting in the way of her new boyfriend.

But the thing is, we talked about my feelings and we both agreed that we just needed to put them int he past and basically start over and move on

 

We both agreed that the friendship was too important

[TrueColors]

But the thing is, we talked about my feelings and we both agreed that we just needed to put them int he past and basically start over and move on

 

We both agreed that the friendship was too important

 

Have you truly put those feelings in the past?

 

If not, you are not being completely honest with yourself. I think this is the point that WTRanger means.

 

Sometimes what people say isn't really how they feel. I know you want answers from her, but the focus should now be on you. Take a step back and try and see the bigger picture.

• Do you think you've been spending too much time and attention on her?
  
• What about your other friends?
  
• Do you have any hobbies?
  

[Kain Highwind]

Have you truly put those feelings in the past?

 

If not, you are not being completely honest with yourself. I think this is the point that WTRanger means.

 

Sometimes what people say isn't really how they feel. I know you want answers from her, but the focus should now be on you. Take a step back and try and see the bigger picture.

• Do you think you've been spending too much time and attention on her?
  
• What about your other friends?
  
• Do you have any hobbies?
  

I'll admit, no, I haven't completely, but i had pretty much given up on trying to get with her. If she wanted to, yeah, I'd do it lol but I wouldn't go out of my way trying to get with her anymore

[WTRanger]

But the thing is, we talked about my feelings and we both agreed that we just needed to put them int he past and basically start over and move on

 

We both agreed that the friendship was too important

 

Really? It doesn't sound like it is all too important to her if she's blocking you and telling you that you need to walk away from her.

 

Maybe she grew tired of always wondering if you were doing things with her as her friend or as the guy who wants more from her.

 

Wake up and start living in the real world on this one. It's over, let her go and move on.

[Kain Highwind]

Really? It doesn't sound like it is all too important to her if she's blocking you and telling you that you need to walk away from her.

 

Maybe she grew tired of always wondering if you were doing things with her as her friend or as the guy who wants more from her.

 

Wake up and start living in the real world on this one. It's over, let her go and move on.

Well, like, until then, it was as friends

 

Like, i've given up on trying tog et with her. If she wanted to, yeah, but I wouldn't ask her out again

 

And I don't see how this couldn't be somewhat important to her considering how much we talked...

[somedude81]

Many girls pretend not to be creeped out by the creepy ones. They will joke on about going on visits to things (such as the cinema) when in reality they're sat cringing at your every word. Not to mention this is all (mostly) over facebook or text, you've no idea who was either participating in what was to be said or alternatively what was actually being typed. For all you know it could have been her and a bunch of her friends cracking up with laughter at you.

That's pretty horrible.

 

If it's true, I've lost some respect for women.

[spiderowl]

I don't know why she's taken such drastic action. The only thing I can say is that I've behaved a bit like her in the past. I didn't block the guy and he seemed nice but over a period of time I felt he was putting pressure on me. We were chatting in a friendly way and he just sort of got more demanding in subtle ways. He wanted me to look at his website (kept making changes to it), wanted to meet, wanted to talk on the phone for ages and, to be honest, I was finding the conversations a bit frustrating as he talked slowly.

 

As I say, he seemed nice and was quite prepared to be friends if that's what I wanted, but the feeling was creeping up on me that it wouldn't work as more than friends. I did drop a few hints and he said that's OK. But then I felt the pressure to pay attention to him continue. I don't know what happened but the creeping doubts and then feeling of pressure suddenly made me flip and I said meeting wasn't a good idea. He was upset and I felt awful. I had felt pressured but it was all these little things that added up to the sudden change. I even surprised myself by my reaction so I felt for him. I haven't changed my mind though. I still feel we weren't quite right and that I'd get frustrated with him. I felt that he was making too much of an emotional investment and it felt wrong. I guess that's why I backed off.

 

I'm not saying this is what happened with your friend but a gradual feeling of pressure like this could have triggered it. If so, back off and leave her be. If she wants to contact you, she will. If she knows it will never work with you and that friends is not really what you want, she'll be wary of starting anything up again.

 

I'm sorry this happened as it must have been a shock. I think it was for the guy I was chatting with. The only thing I can say is there were warning signs that I wasn't comfortable with the pressures and he sought to reassure me rather than back off a bit. Verbal reassurance that we can just be friends combined with actual continual pressure to be more attentive than one would normally be with a friend is a contradiction that wouldn't go unnoticed.

Edited August 31, 2011 by spiderowl

[Kain Highwind]

I don't know why she's taken such drastic action. The only thing I can say is that I've behaved a bit like her in the past. I didn't block the guy and he seemed nice but over a period of time I felt he was putting pressure on me. We were chatting in a friendly way and he just sort of got more demanding in subtle ways. He wanted me to look at his website (kept making changes to it), wanted to meet, wanted to talk on the phone for ages and, to be honest, I was finding the conversations a bit frustrating as he talked slowly.

 

As I say, he seemed nice and was quite prepared to be friends if that's what I wanted, but the feeling was creeping up on me that it wouldn't work as more than friends. I did drop a few hints and he said that's OK. But then I felt the pressure to pay attention to him continue. I don't know what happened but the creeping doubts and then feeling of pressure suddenly made me flip and I said meeting wasn't a good idea. He was upset and I felt awful. I had felt pressured but it was all these little things that added up to the sudden change. I even surprised myself by my reaction so I felt for him. I haven't changed my mind though. I still feel we weren't quite right and that I'd get frustrated with him. I felt that he was making too much of an emotional investment and it felt wrong. I guess that's why I backed off.

 

I'm not saying this is what happened with your friend but a gradual feeling of pressure like this could have triggered it. If so, back off and leave her be. If she wants to contact you, she will. If she knows it will never work with you and that friends is not really what you want, she'll be wary of starting anything up again.

 

I'm sorry this happened as it must have been a shock. I think it was for the guy I was chatting with. The only thing I can say is there were warning signs that I wasn't comfortable with the pressures and he sought to reassure me rather than back off a bit. Verbal reassurance that we can just be friends combined with actual continual pressure to be more attentive than one would normally be with a friend is a contradiction that wouldn't go unnoticed.

the thing is though, is that she's always been upfront about her feelings. If she did't want to do something or wasn't comfortable about it, she'd say so outright that she wasn't comfortable.

 

And like, our texting rate didn't change or anything. I didn't ask her to hang out more or anything like that, so.... idk

 

And I've been giving her some time but i've been wondering if I should text her in like a week or two (Next week will be two weeks since it happened), since like our longest break from talking since about Jaunary was around like 4 days. Would that be a bad idea?

[Kain Highwind]

And my friend said something interesting today

 

She's really sheltered. Like, she's 20 but she calls her dad every night and like she's always had the same circle of friends since like junior high or so and has only dated people from that circle. Could that have anything to do with it, since like I'm not in that circle at all? She's really sheltered and I'm rather new in her life compared to her other friends/past relationships...

[denise_xo]

Having read all your previous threads on this girl, my advice would be for the two of you to cut contact. The two of you have a long history of you wanting more out of the relationship than she does. You're also overanalysing aspects that are, frankly, irrelevant to the situation. It doesn't matter why she has blocked you. The crux of the matter is that she has. Accept that and move on. If you continue to contact her and pursue any kind of friendship, you are at risk of looking like a stalker. Good luck.