Bad Timing?

[luxetveritas]

Very new to the forums here. Long story short, about a month ago, I found out (from an aquaintence) that my wife of 2 years was cheating on me. We have no kids, so I told her it was over. She wasn't too bothered by this and almost seemed relieved that I'd found out the truth so quickly.

So, I'm getting a divorce. Although I'm comfortable with my decision to end things given my soon to be ex-wife's behavior, I am by no means over the relationship. Until I got that call, I thought she was the love of my life.

 

That's not what this post is baout though. This is: two weeks ago, I decided to "rip off the band-aid" and tell a few close (male) co-workers what was happening. Last week I went out with a couple of these guys after a long day at the office for my first drink in almost three weeks since finding out about my wife's infidelity. We really didn't talk about my situation at all -- just mostly relaxing and talking about life in general. Unknown to me, one of these guys is busy e-mailing with a gal we all work with. She (again unknown to me) joins us for a drink or two during which one of the guys lets slip that I'm "going through a difficult time." This gal asks why, and I decide that I'm not going to lie to her, so I just told her matter-of-factly that my wife and I are going to be getting divorced and that I don't really want to talk about it.

 

Details on this female co-worker: Although we work in completely different departments, she happens to have the office next door to mine, and we have always (since I moved in next door about 8 months ago) been freindly in a totally superficial way. Specifically, we'll talk maybe once a week about work, the weather and make jokes. On rare occasions, she'll send along a video or website she thinks is funny, but never anything even bordering on the flirtacious or affactionate. Given that I've been engaged or married as long as we've been working together, this is of course, appropriate. As far as I know (and I could be wrong), she has been single as long as I've known her.

 

Well, after this female co-worker hears my bad news, she says "what?!" and then "well. . . I don't know what to say." As far as I was concerned at the time, this was a perfectly normal reaction. The group (my two buddies and this gal) proceed to have a drink and then head home for the night.

 

The next morning, this gal says "yo" to me from her desk as I was walking past her office with a cup of coffee. She proceeds to tell me about her disappointment with the guys she's been trying to date (definitely a new topic between us) and it gets into a discussion on parenting, of all things. I gave her my opinions on the subject and she and I seemed to agree with each other. I then continued to my office and worked. Later that day, one of the buddies I was out with the night before rounds up a group for lunch and this gal decides to join us. At lunch, she really seemed to bust up at almost every little joke I made (I joke around quite a bit with all my coworkers, but to be clear, never anything even close to sexual innuendo, etc.). I still thought nothing of any of this.

 

Yesterday (Monday), she stopped by my office and asks me about a camping trip I took with some (non-work) buddies over the weekend (I mentioned this trip at lunch on Friday). After I told her about it (it was a great trip, especially given my circumstances), she says "I love camping -- haven't gone in years. I need to get a new sleeping bag and go sometime."

 

Although I've been in a relationship with my wife (serious dating, engagement or marriage) for the last five years, I can remember being single. I would swear this line from this girl co-worker about camping is an indication of interest. In fact I'm 90% sure she's interested in me based on this behavior and her general demeanor toward me while I was in a relationship (I was 100% unavailable, but on the occasions where I would talk to her, she always seemed to laugh at my jokes, etc.). For the record, I can say she's objectively beautiful and seems very nice from the little I know of her (while in a relationship, I consciously limited my one-on-one contact with any gals for fear of sending the wrong message).

 

All this said, I am JUST beginning the process of my divorce, and it isn't one I wanted. I am not at all interested in dating again, seriously or casually. I know that day will come, but I don't feel like I'm close to that point right now. Nonetheless, if I'm right and this attractive and seemingly fun co-worker is in to me, she is someone I'd normally love to take on a date to get to know better. Right now isn't normal; and I'm not interested in taking any girl out.

 

My question for everyone is: do I risk that she looses interest while I'm getting myself together if I don't do something to communicate that I like her while I'm sorting myself out? In the end, I'm okay if I can't have her due to timing (I mean, a little over a month ago, she wouldn't have even been on my radar), but she really seems to be a great gal, and I'd hate to put her off unnecessarily. Assuming she's interested, can I count on her to stay interested for a few months until my divorce is final and I'm (hopefully) in a place where the idea of dating seems fun again? To be clear, I am NOT interested in making this girl some sort of rebound. From what I know of this girl (again, could be wrong), it has been a long time since she's dated someone seriously. I'm not interested in using her.

 

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.