Boo74 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Hi, would really appreciate some advice I have been with my bf since end of November last year. We only saw each other 1 day a week as we lived in different counties and he has children he sees every saturday We split up for a few weeks in Feb as he had a kind of breakdown due to sorting out his separation from his partner/new place to live and had a lot of other stresses going on at the same time too We did get back together in mid April and everything had been great between us and he asked me to move in with him in July which I did and now we live together and I have rented out my place A few weeks ago I saw some messages on his bbm that were very dirty and questioned him about it and he told me they were from ages ago and when we weren't together. I could see this person saying dirty things and his reply was "mmm yeah" and then she sent another one which he hadn't replied to Anyway this was playing on my mind (I had totally trusted him up to this point) and so a couple of weeks ago I could see that she had contacted him again that very week. It started off a simple bbm conversation then when he said he was stressed with work she launched in dirty talk about what she would dress up in and come and sit on his desk blah blah, he replied to this and then she sent another 7 or 8 filthy messages which he just replied LOL Anyway you can imagine my world fell apart - I have spent the last 10 days in turmoil. I initally wanted to leave but he has done everything in his power to get me to stay and sort this out. I did go through his phone, checked all his messages, bbm, photos, e-mails, texts, calls, phone bills etc and can see nothing else to worry about. He has told me that when we split up he was having "physical" problems (which I did know about as he told me at the time as he went to the doctor) and started this conversation with this girl he met on fb to see if it could feel any physical reaction. He said that it went on for a few weeks after we got back together then he said as soon as we had sorted ourselves out he started ignoring her messages or not replying or saying LOL or mmm yeah as he thought it was wrong and was now bored and annoyed by the whole thing. He said he never spoke to her, never met her, never wanted to or was ever interested and she lives miles and miles away So why did he not say "I have a gf now and am happy"???? He knows he has messed up real bad and is ashamed and regretful of what he has done. I am having a hard time coming to terms with it and also stresses me out that he carried on a few times after we got back together I really want to work this out with him because I think that he just made a mistake and can see no other evidence of his potential cheating. I know this is early days in our relationship and we have been so happy and can see a future for us if I can just understand and get over this Any help would be really appreciated right now! Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 He has told me that when we split up he was having "physical" problems (which I did know about as he told me at the time as he went to the doctor) and started this conversation with this girl he met on fb to see if it could feel any physical reaction. What a crock of bullsh*t. If a man wants to see if his equipment works, he can make a couple of clicks and have all the free porn he wants right on his desktop. He actually wants you to believe that he began flirting/talking with a woman on Facebook for the SOLE purpose of her talking dirty to him so he could see if he gets an erection? LOL. That's laughable. He'd moved on during your breakup and had started up something with this woman and now that you're back, he doesn't have the guts to tell her he's no longer interested. I don't believe for a second he was using her as some kind of 'tool' to see if he'd have a physical reaction. What crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boo74 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 Mmmm not sure he had "moved on" as he said he wanted to be single and think that he did at the time. Think he was maybe looking for some fun and a bit of an ego boost at a time when he was really struggling He lived at home with his parents to access to porn sites wasn't really an option at the time for him as he would have to use their laptop and don't really think that was his thing! Link to post Share on other sites
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