Author Viv Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 Thanks JB Must be good hearing a counsellor confirm something like that... This forum really does help, I just wrote an angry email to a friend (not angry to her, but about my ex) and didn't need to send it because I can write everything here! Don't want to burden them with too much crap. Passed the first day of nc, and wasn't that hard. Link to post Share on other sites
JB93 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Great! If I can make a random stranger on a forum feel a little bit better, then that makes me feel GREAT! really great! I am in your position too Viv as Ive mentioned earlier. Im here after a fresh break up. And I will say this, the first few weeks will be tough, but it will get easier. The thing is, that time it takes to heal is all up to you. If you are 100% into committing to getting over him, you will heal. Not tmrw, not the next day, but MUCH sooner than if you keep believing in hope. For those who are going MANY MONTHS and even YEARS and still struggling- the problem is within. I would even go as far as to say you have insecurity/jealousy issues/low self esteem/lack of confidence. If you think of highly of yourself- you would then realize that your break up is THEIR LOSS, NOT YOURS! THEY SHOULD FEEL LUCKY TO EVEN HAD THE CHANCE TO DATE YOU. AFTERALL YOU ARE THE BOMB! just remember, you are not alone in this. Love to all! Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I do wish to attribute Loveshack to mostly helping me deal with my situation and my friends, god bless my one friend that constantly yelled at me that it wasn't my fault! Things do suck for awhile like JB is saying but it fades, I really promise this as I am slowly thinking of her less and less. Acceptance is the big key here, forgiveness, and you damn well know you are indeed the bomb-digity-dawg! There are too many people on this planet that can offer so much more, so never give up on hope for a better future Link to post Share on other sites
JB93 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 There are too many people on this planet that can offer so much more, so never give up on hope for a better future EXACTLY- I know of the perfect guy Hes great looking Nice body Intelligent Amazing in bed Fun and genuinely nice O wait- sounds an awful lot like me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Viv Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 Good to see it hasn't knocked your self-esteem Link to post Share on other sites
JB93 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Good to see it hasn't knocked your self-esteem What are YOU doin tonight? hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
Author Viv Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Day 2 - Please let me make it through another day with NC. It is the ONLY way. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 You seem a lot stronger than I am.I can't make it through 3 days nc. Thinking of you x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Viv Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Thankyou, you too. We can both make it, and then let them wonder what we are doing now that we no longer have time to contact them. I'm not strong, I've had to fight two 'really good reasons why I should email my ex' already today. But knowing I want to post here that I haven't makes me stronger, would be annoyed with myself if I gave in. x Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Made it through the day, yesterday, after three year mark of talking to her and as it was prophized, I feel better and is if yesterday was just another day. You guys can duuuuu eeeeet! I think my biggest hurtle as of now is keep on the straighten arrow of "I couldn't have made the situation any better in any shape or way, she was going to leave no matter what and even if things went smoothly it would have only prolonged the 'break' suffering for me." Remember to drink water damn it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Viv Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Yay! Is that what your counsellor told you? I'm having a rubbish day, can't stop crying and feel like this pain will never end. But reading everyone else's posts tells me it will. It's just hard to get on with normal life when you keep crying!? Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Well he basically said that I put more in to the relationship than she did, especially when she wanted to do a 'break and be single, open to dating people', which I later said hell not to being single but she said in our final words before departure from comms. that she didn't literally mean single and open to dating people but she did mean it like that...confusing but anyway! He said that her behavior after that was not in line with an individual trying to work things out but one of an individual that was indecisive, possessing mental issues, and there was someone else/she already checked out of the relationship plus projecting her own guilt on to me thus avoiding looking at herself as the person that was doing all the wrong things. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 In regards to the endless tears and pain, I actually enjoyed the crying when I did it, I wish I did it more but that's just me, because I felt like I released some frustration, agony, and love I had for her. The pain will last for a bit but it fades, you just gotta push past it Viv and you can do it, you MUST do it! No one is worth giving up life or hope for! Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 EEK, I had a long reply and it disappeared. Now here's a short one. You can exercise, go for walks, read self help books, draw, journal...all are good to keep you from doing NC. Exercise really, really helps and self help books are awesome too. Link to post Share on other sites
JB93 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 EEK, I had a long reply and it disappeared. Now here's a short one. You can exercise, go for walks, read self help books, draw, journal...all are good to keep you from doing NC. Exercise really, really helps and self help books are awesome too. I can't not stress how important working out is. You just have to go. Seriously- even if you have no motivation- just go and ull gain a lil motivation. You will feel so much better afterwards. Not only are u distracting your mind- but you will also be healthier, and look better, and feel more confident. Its not a miracle fix, you will probably sad after a couple hours when ur back home- but if you keep at it, you will love yourself more. Link to post Share on other sites
MAGGIE15 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Viv, Take it one day at a time. It is so hard trying to not contact them when you have so many questions and so much pain inside you and maybe even think that 'this time' you may get the answers or response that you need and want. It is the worst feeling in the world to fight the urge to send that last email, text, IM, whatever, but you need to stay strong and fight your way through this. I didnt think i could do it and believe me i made EVERY mistake there was hoping he would change his mind or the latest piece of info i had would open up a dialogue again and maybe we could fix whatever issues we had. But all it did to me was make me an emotional wreck everytime he responded coldly or cruelly or just didnt respond at all. I realised that contacting him and the feelings i got when he 'disgarded' me again were actually worse that the feeling of not being in contact. When you feel like you need to contcat him and the urge gets unbearable, just take one minute to think of how you would feel if you got the response you didnt want. Think of those feelings of despair when you dont get the answer you so desperately want. Think of that sick heavy feeling in your guts when they dont respond. Think of how much worse you will feel about yourself and the damage to your self esteem. They say ignorance is bliss, and in both our cases , it truly is !! Do as everyone else says to do. Exercise, vent on here, scream, cry, just let the emotions out, but never ever to him. Tomorrow is day 3 and dont be sad that he hasnt contacted you, be PROUD that you havent contacted him. Take care and stay strong. You CAN do this !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Viv Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Made it through Day 2, thank you everyone and thank goodness that wave of sadness has lifted slightly, when it's there it really feels like it will never go away. I totally agree about self-help books, feel better just ordering one of Amazon, like I'm doing something productive to heal. And I'm taking everyone's advice and setting my alarm for 7 to go for a bike ride. @ Rorschach - am going to talk to someone next week about ex, need an objective opinion too! Thanks Maggie for taking the time to write that, I've copied and pasted the bits about how I'll feel about no response and put them in my diary. With exes like ours 'ignorance truly is bliss'! Hope everyone's having a good/ok/bearable weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
JB93 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Hey guys- u guys are my therapists believe it or not. Right now im having one of those time where i feel like complete ****. I was okay earlier, but im currently on the downswing. I coulda gone out on a date tonight- and i turned that down. My heart wouldnt be in it this really sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Yeah Viv it felt kind of good going to see a professional, even though he confirmed the already known, I am going to go again in about two weeks to see the dude again. It is free so why not! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Viv Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 Day 3 - Don't even want to contact him right now. JB - at least you had a possible date! Hope you got over the downswing. Link to post Share on other sites
JB93 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Day 3 - Don't even want to contact him right now. JB - at least you had a possible date! Hope you got over the downswing. True- but it doesnt make me feel any better... Anyway, do you mind if I used this thread as a Logger as well? I might vent out from time to time- i just dont wanna create a new thread for it. Plus it kinda helps that you guys are hearing it, or reading it, or watever lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Viv Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) I'd be honored Edited August 27, 2011 by Viv Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 JB, I had a few dates lined up the end of this month, one recently canceled cause of Irene, but yes it doesn't seem to help really much at all. Plus the fact the girl seems rather insistant on being a deployment gf, that isn't going work out, including the fact she is a self proclaimed independant girl and is interested in LDR because it is something she can come home to, aka a boyfriend of convience. Does my ex want me back yet? Haha. Link to post Share on other sites
JB93 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 JB, I had a few dates lined up the end of this month, one recently canceled cause of Irene, but yes it doesn't seem to help really much at all. Plus the fact the girl seems rather insistant on being a deployment gf, that isn't going work out, including the fact she is a self proclaimed independant girl and is interested in LDR because it is something she can come home to, aka a boyfriend of convience. Does my ex want me back yet? Haha. O nice- Irene is hitting us soon too. Im up in CT. Im getting sick to my stomach cus my ex is gonna go back up to school, (we go to the same school). I hope I never run into her. Unless Im with another girl- just to make her a lil jealous;) Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Ack That must be miserable to see her at school, rather gut wrenching, I feel for you man. I guess I am blessed my ex doesn't live anywhere near me! Well here is a thought, if you are willing to be absolutely evil, how about when you see her you could make weird ass faces at her? Just a thought! Link to post Share on other sites
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