Jealous In A FWB Situation

[verhrzn]

Long story short, I met a guy about two months ago. At the beginning, he said he was not interested in a romantic relationship (he said he "couldn't handle it right now" because of some event that happened a few months ago; he would not really elaborate.)

 

I thought I could handle an FWB situation, but we apparently have a very different idea of what friends-with-benefits means; I was imagining more the benefits (something akin to a f*ck buddy) and he seems to place just as much emphasis on the "friends" part.

 

Examples of this are him taking care of me when I got sick, doing activities beyond just physical stuff (video games, movies, trying new restaurants, essentially "date" stuff), him texting/calling/messaging me at least once a day since we started hanging out, and just him being generally very sweet and attentive.

 

I thought I could handle the situation, but due to all of the emotional stuff on top of the physical (his behavior is I would expect of a boyfriend) I've developed feelings for him.

 

I have not mentioned these feelings to him because I do not want to be rejected, as I am 98% sure I will be. I am very sure of this because he's slipped in one or two comments about us being "casual" and because of a certain girl.

 

He and this girl have known each other for a while, and have had a tradition (I don't know how long) of him going over to her place every 1-2 weeks and playing a particular video game very late into the night, so late he usually crashes on her couch.

 

I know this because he mentions her pretty often, and because he'll call me/text me while he's heading to her place, sometimes when he's there and when he gets home. (He texts to tell me about the video game as I am also a fan.)

 

I haven't met this girl, but I've seen pictures and she is pretty much the better version of me. She is my same physical type (short curvy brunette) except prettier. She has pretty much all the same hobbies as I do, same favorite TV shows... again, pretty much better than me. And she's single.

 

My FWB says he's not sleeping with anyone else, but I can't possibly believe that he hangs out for hours with this incredibly hot, nerdy girl late into the night and absolutely nothing happens.

 

My jealousy over her has gotten so bad that last night I had a nightmare in which I walked in on them. It was so real I woke up still shaking with emotion.

 

This is an absolutely horrible situation for me, and I really don't know how to fix it (besides obviously NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN EVER.) My instinct is to pretend I fell off the face of the Earth; block his emails, never respond to his texts.

 

The friends who I have spoken to think I am being overly harsh and paranoid. According to them, I might actually be ruining something that has good potential. None of my friends know the guy, but they say from everything I've told them (and I've told them EVERYTHING) he sounds like he really does like me and is a really decent guy, albeit a little insecure (he keeps telling me about all the girls who WANT to sleep with him or who he has slept with) and not good at dating.

 

I don't know what to think. Even hours later, I'm still angry with him, even if it was only a dream. Even if what my friends say is true, I can't imagine how to deal with my level of jealousy; I KNOW we're not dating or committed, and yet I feel so very jealous and rejected.

 

How do I handle this? What do I do?

[strawberryshortstack]

Sounds like an awful situation to be in. I know, without a doubt, I could never handle FWB with a guy, but if I were in your situation, I would probably walk away. Who knows, maybe he'll realize what he let slip away.

[Professor X]

I'm sorry verhrzn, as painful as it may sound, you know what you must do.

 

You know that currently you are in a 1 sided RS, and you also aren't a fool to think he's just talking with this other girl all night long.

 

You must realize that you can't manipulate the situation into your favor so don't try and "fix" it, since it's not broken.

 

You were fully aware to what you were getting into and I believe people advised you to step back and also told you it will get worse the longer you wait and as you can see, that's exactly what happens - and it doesn't really have a stop, it will keep getting worse and worse.

 

You're a cool person from what I've read so far (from your posts and all) and I think that all you're really missing is some self esteem.

You are a catch but others can't see it until you see it yourself.

 

So take yourself out of this current situation and take care of verhrzn.

[PegNosePete]

He and this girl have known each other for a while, and have had a tradition (I don't know how long) of him going over to her place every 1-2 weeks and playing a particular video game very late into the night, so late he usually crashes on her couch.

I can think of a few names for that "game" but I very much doubt it is Call Of Duty!!! You know something is almost certainly going on there.

 

I think you need to talk to him. Tell him that you can't handle being FWB any more and that you want to either break it off, or start a proper relationship. You say you're scared of being rejected but it is worse to carry on like you are. I think a rejection would hurt less in the long run anyway, you will be able to move on. And you never know it might not be a rejection. It may be that he feels something also, but thinks you want to carry on as FWB. Communication and honesty are needed here. One of you has to take the first step so grab the bull by the horns!