Different views on marriage...Is there a compromise?

[jlove421]

I've recently posted a topic on "How long to wait for the ring?" My boyfriend and I had a conversation just last night on marriage. We've been dating for 3 years and living together for 1. Of course I want to know if this is going anywhere. But he says he doens't know if he ever wants to get married. I do. Is there a compromise in this situation?

[HokeyReligions]

Either you get married or you don't. The compromise may be living together and getting a legal contract to protect your rights should you split up (palimony, division of property) and also setting your boundaries and agreeing on how you will handle your finances and financial responsibilities. Discuss children too! Whose last-name do they take? Things like that.

[bluechocolate]

Sure there's a compromise - just keep going as you are and wait for him to change his mind.

 

I think ThinkaLot gave you some sound advice on this in your post about how long to wait for the ring and I liked the ideas mentioned by SoleMate.

 

Make a dead line and then stick by it. I understand that you are afraid to lose him but if marriage is this important to you when exactly do you say enough? 24? 25? 34? 44?

[morrigan]

Make it clear that you would like to get married at some point in your relationship with him--whether it's a year or another 3 years from now. Don't make it sound like an ultimatum--he needs to decide for himself if he wants marriage to be the next step. If at that point in time, he still is not ready to get married, you probably should break it off with him. It's never smart to demand someone to marry you.

 

You can wait until your boyfriend is ready--it may be several years, or it may never occur. It's up to you to decide what is more important to you--your boyfriend or a full relationship that includes marriage.

[reggio]

Neither of you should compromise getting married.

 

Before you get married, both of you need to be ready for it and equally agree.

 

Marriage is not about trial and error or just for the big day. It's a lifetime commitment and should not be taken for granted.

 

If he's not ready, then you need to let him know how you feel and you shouldn't push him into getting married just to please you. You will have to accept it if he doesn't and then you should consider leaving the relationship.

 

Remember this, when you compromise, you are only meeting half way (50%), this is the probable chance of your marriage succeeding.

 

If you both agree, you are at 100%, which percentage would you feel more secure with?

 

Think about it!

[Pyrannaste]

Originally posted by jlove421

I've recently posted a topic on "How long to wait for the ring?" My boyfriend and I had a conversation just last night on marriage. We've been dating for 3 years and living together for 1. Of course I want to know if this is going anywhere. But he says he doens't know if he ever wants to get married. I do. Is there a compromise in this situation?

 

It's still better than him saying he does not want to get married.

I agree with others who said you should let him know you wish to be married at some point. Was it the first time the marriage subject was brought up?)

[jlove421]

pyrannaste: We have briefly spoken about the marriage topic before. He says that he thinks it's all politics and a way to bring revenue. He also feels that just because you're married things still happen. (Like the lying and cheating)I think marriage=committment. That's all. He says that he might one day but he doesn't know. It's just ironic because I come from a broken home 4 marriages and 3 divorces, yet his parents have been married for like 30 years! I know that I love him very much. I understand that him thinking about marriage is something way far off because he is a momma's boy. He thought he would live at home until he was 35. So I know that this experience is something still new to him. I guess I just want to know exactly where he see's us. And if he says "I don't know" then what? He's the type of person who always thinks or doesn't think about the future...and that goes with anything!!