Silent Treatment - Understood it now

[stressed7]

Hello Everyone,

 

Thanks for all the posts on this forum. I have been reading the threads for last two days and got answers to some of my questions.

 

I was in A with a CW(engaged) from work for two months. We spent lot of time together - went out during work hours(coffee, lunch, or some excuse), but never after work or on weekends. One Monday, she suddenly changed, just like someone flicked a switch. That Monday, She was at her desk with an expression-less face, the same face that would look at me and smile every time our eyes would meet. I went crazy thinking what happened and asked her several times and her only response - I am busy. She didn't go out or even spent a minute with me that day. The very same day she put in her papers and quit after a week.

 

Also the Saturday before 'that' Monday was her anniversary weekend and Friday(before the same Monday) I had the first argument with her on phone (over some different issue). This argument had got me confused and I was blaming myself all along for this fight to have ruined our A. Now I read this silent treatment stuff and do tend to think that something happened on her anniversary day. May be she thought what we were doing was wrong and she had to go back to her partner.

 

It is easy that she is not at work anymore, but I feel that she should made it clear, and if I would have remained hung up on her even after that I deserved silent treatment. Worse thing is that she brought me into this relationship and even though I knew it might go nowhere I didn't control myself. Now I just remember the days when I had no feelings for her and she was just a co-worker. Why did I fall for her ? After she quit,I met her only once for a lunch date thinking things we could get back or she would explain that Monday but I am back to square one. It simply hurts !

 

Thanks for reading so far, and sorry for making it a long story.

Edited August 25, 2011 by stressed7

[stressed7]

Thanks BB07.

 

Yes it was a huge mistake to get involved. She kept asking me out and I didn't say no, unless we agreed that we could give this a try. Suddenly she switched off. How would have she felt if I would have rebuffed her in the beginning.

 

I am not trying to disown my responsibility here, but I thought there was a chance since she had initiated it. My mistake, I could have spent time with her without getting emotional about it.

 

Again could have scenarios...I wish I get healed soon and I wish no one treats other this opportunistically.

[Gentlegirl]

Guess her silence is deafening to you.... it is the clearest sign you could have that you are as cold as yesterday's news. I don't mean th unkindly either.

 

You aren't alone. It has happened to lots of us.

 

One minute they are all over you like a soggy tissue and niext... nothing. A short explanation would have been nice.

 

With a lot of time between me and the A and xMM, I wonder why I expected any consideration. The BS doesn't get any consideration and usually exluded from what the MM/MW is doing.

 

It hurts like hell, but it was two months for you, not years.

 

Celebrate that she left your work place. Celebrate that you don't have to deal with seeing her every day anymore.

 

You are free to recover and find somebody avaialable who will treat you decently.

 

Cheers,

Gentlegirl

[stressed7]

Yes the silence is making me go mad. Also I didn't know that this is how they typically end an A. Now I understand it but it does not lessen the hurt.

 

True it was only two months and before that I never had any shred of any feeling other than that of coworker for her. Even though I kept hearing from other colleagues(few friends) that she was interested and that's why I gave it a chance. I lack terribly in judging people.

Edited August 25, 2011 by stressed7
typo

[East7]

I was in A with a CW(engaged) from work for two months. We spent lot of time together - went out during work hours(coffee, lunch, or some excuse), but never after work or on weekends. One Monday, she suddenly changed, just like someone flicked a switch. That Monday, She was at her desk with an expression-less face, the same face that would look at me and smile every time our eyes would meet. I went crazy thinking what happened and asked her several times and her only response - I am busy. She didn't go out or even spent a minute with me that day. The very same day she put in her papers and quit after a week.

 

Also the Saturday before 'that' Monday was her anniversary weekend and Friday(before the same Monday) I had the first argument with her on phone (over some different issue). This argument had got me confused and I was blaming myself all along for this fight to have ruined our A. Now I read this silent treatment stuff and do tend to think that something happened on her anniversary day. May be she thought what we were doing was wrong and she had to go back to her partner.

 

It is easy that she is not at work anymore, but I feel that she should made it clear, and if I would have remained hung up on her even after that I deserved silent treatment. Worse thing is that she brought me into this relationship and even though I knew it might go nowhere I didn't control myself. Now I just remember the days when I had no feelings for her and she was just a co-worker. Why did I fall for her ? After she quit,I met her only once for a lunch date thinking things we could get back or she would explain that Monday but I am back to square one. It simply hurts !

 

Hi stressed7.

 

She initiated the A with you because she was bored in her marriage and she enjoyed the thrill, the excitement and the adoration you gave her.

 

She wasn't looking for a relationship with you but testing and enjoying her seduction power (validation).

 

Then she had her "WTF am I doing" moment when she was about to celebrate her marriage anniversary and she decided to stop it with you, plain simple. Silent treatment is conflict avoidance, she didn't have the guts to tell you it's over.

 

You are lucky she left the company. You will not have to see her and going NC will be much easier. You haven't lost anything, this woman was never yours. It was only a 2 months fling, accept that it is over, you will get over it.

[stressed7]

Thanks East7. This perspective makes sense. I am reading your reply again and again. This helps.

[Gentlegirl]

Yes the silence is making me go mad. Also I didn't know that this is how they typically end an A. Now I understand it but it does not lessen the hurt.

 

True it was only two months and before that I never had any shred of any feeling other than that of coworker for her. Even though I kept hearing from other colleagues(few friends) that she was interested and that's why I gave it a chance. I lack terribly in judging people.

 

Nothing seems to be typical in an A.

 

 

We all lack in judgement... I was 61 and still lacked in judgement for 3 years. I am still hurting at times and wondering.. where is he,.. is he ok, what happened to him.

 

I'll never know and you probably won't either.

 

Things get better but it really does take time. If somebody dies in your life... it takes time to recover. This is almost the same.

 

I cannot understand why your so workers would set you up with a MW?

Maybe you misjudged them?

 

Gentlegirl

[whichwayisup]

I cannot understand why your so workers would set you up with a MW?

Maybe you misjudged them?

 

Gentlegirl

 

I was thinking the same thing. Obviously your co workers knew she was married. I find it odd that they would encourage you. Who care if she was interested, she wasn't available.

 

Even though I kept hearing from other colleagues(few friends) that she was interested and that's why I gave it a chance. I lack terribly in judging people.

 

I say this with kindness.. Since you lack in this department, think about fixing this about yourself counselling.

[stressed7]

Hmm, she is not married but just engaged. Hence I had some easy hope that she really was interested. Our co-worker set it up only after she expressed her desire. Guess she wanted that validation.

 

Even when I was with her, I was never satisfied, I hated that fact that I am 0800 to 1600 man and there is someone else as well, but I could never gather the strength to end it.

 

All the while I knew that A with a CP usually hurts the OP, but still I did it. If I fell for someone so wrong then what I can I say about my judgement. Frankly speaking, I am more angry at myself than at her. Hence I will accept my poor people judgement.