It's complicated...

[WhoMI]

Writing on here instead of txting my ex. It's been about 3 weeks since we broke up & last contact was a week ago. The 1st few days of our break up we talked & decided to meet up 1st week of Sept (next weekend) to talk (we r in a LDR). We broke up over skype Txting, so it'll be the 1st time to talk & face-face. That's the complicated part...part of me has this slightest hope but on the other hand a big part of me has been reminding myself that's he's gone & this will be the final meeting where I get to hear him say it's over face-face then move on.

 

Been trying hard to NC until then. He's going on a trip abroad today and honestly I hope he txt me to say good bye. A week after our break up a went on a trip abroad & I txt him at the airport to say "good bye" etc. Yup it's my own unrealistic expectations that's driving me nutz. So now I'm so tempted to txt him to say "have a nice trip" but I know it's a bad idea so here I am on this site typing away.

 

 

Am I coping?? Well I'm doing the best I can in this situation right now.

[Nohbody]

Good plan, posting here instead of contacting this guy. Yes, you are coping - but it's small steps and sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. The meeting may be unnecessary.... but if you insist on it just be ready to hear the worst and don't expect anything better than that. I'm sorry to say, if he's got it in his head to leave you... nothing you do right now can fix that.

[WhoMI]

Nohbody thanx for ur reply. I know what you're saying is correct so this last week or so I stopped trying to do "things" to change his mind. I started focusing on myself more and will start a distance study in Sept while working:-) got myself a new laptop too last weekend.

 

I admit I'm stubborn so will meet him next weekend but I'll remind myself not to expect anything. Call it a closure for myself.

 

Well gonna get out of bed & go meet a friend for lunch & shopping.

 

Hope you have a good day:-)

[Nohbody]

This has been discussed ad nauseum, but don't be surprised if you don't get ANY closure. I'm not saying it won't happen... but if it doesn't be prepared to work on developing it for yourself... crazy as that sounds.

 

Good luck.

[WhoMI]

Thanks Nohbod:) I understand there might never be closure & probably in the future I'll look back and laugh at my stupidity but at least I won't think "what if..."

The pain is still here but at least now I can sleep and eat:)

 

How are you holding up since your break up?

[Nohbody]

Dead inside.

[vsmini]

I understand there might never be closure & probably in the future I'll look back and laugh at my stupidity but at least I won't think "what if..."

?

 

The famous What Ifs of the world.

I did the what if dance and it bit me in the butt like i couldn't believe. You'll always have another excuse to call, try or meet up with him again and you'll always say "what if..."

 

Understand that there is a 99% chance that you will not get any closure from the meeting and probably be more upset by going than if you didn't. If it really is over then that is pretty much all there is to it. Be honest with yourself - are you going to see it in person or because you are hoping by him seeing you that he'll change his mind? If it's the latter then you shouldn't go.

 

You will go - this isn't to tell you not to but just be prepared. Sorry you are going through this.

[WhoMI]

Nohbody I wonder if it's better dead inside? I mean no more hopes & feelings for the ex, right?

 

vsmini thank you for ur insight. I know what ur saying about closure and possibly no closure. I get what's right to do but it's always a challenge to do the right thing. I will go b/c at my current condition now I'm just not strong enough to not go. I've been imagining the worse scenarios to prepare myself but at the same time I know somethings u just can't prepare for.

I know I'm probably gonna get hurt more by going but they say when u hit bottom the only way is up.

 

I hope both you and Nohbody are doing better than I am. Thanks again for your replies. It does feel better sharing on this site.

[WhoMI]

Just need to let this out instead of it occupying my thoughts.

 

Am I thinking about him? Yes, early morning & night. Every day that happens I'd squeeze my hands tightly, close my eyes & pray to be stronger & for these thoughts to go away soon!

 

Tell myself over & over again it's done. He's moving on enjoying his holiday & I most likely never even crossed his mind. Does that matter to me? I'd being lying if I said it doesn't but there's nothing I can do.

 

Am I still sad? Yup as ever! I'm sad that love & passion is no linfer wat it used to be. I'm sad I don't get "Gmorning & Gnite I luv u baby" txt everyday. I'm sad I'm still checking my phone for it even though I know it'll never come. I'm very very sad knowing that time will heal everything & that this person I shared so much with & care about will just be a part of my memory. Not only did I lose the luv but will also lose a great friend. Sometimes I wished we never started & stayed as friends.

 

I'm super SAD b/c I know that time will start it's work after we meet this coming weekend. It'll be take care & good bye & may be we might hear about how we're doing from mutual friends or be in touch after a few years when time has successfully done it's job.

[WhoMI]

NC since last Thu...now just overwhelmed with sadness. It's not night so the pain & emptiness not so severe b/c I'm keeping myself busy with daily routines & friends. Do not look forward to the early mornings & nights.