Once I get it, I don't want it anymore..

[xoxoDaniellexoxo]

I have to ask an honest question. If the genders were reversed would people feel the same way?

I sure as hell would, I think misleading, or not making your point clear is in a sense using someone. I think honesty is always the best policy and if a woman sleeps with a guy and says hey I just want sex and the guy agrees or vice versa I don't give a ****!! It is when intentions are muddled that things get messy. Woggle this is gonna make me sound like a bitch but seriously GET OVER IT!! I have had **** for relationships with guys been cheated on three times, and used twice as well as I saw my aunt manipulate my uncle up until the day he killed himseld, but I don't walk around going, oh poor me players don't get hurt they are playing a game, good for them living without pain. LIFE IS ****TY!!! It happens and we hurt we punch a wall or cry and we learn and move on, you having such resentment towards women isn't healthy, I'd say the same to women who hold the resentment for men. And I know plently of relationships, that aren't about the "upper hand" they are called healthy, no one tries to control their partner or be in charge because in the end they never work.

[dasein]

That is, that there's nothing wrong with charming somebody into giving you what you want and then immediately going cold on them afterwards. The "going cold immediately afterwards" being a clear "I just used you" message.

 

OP doesn't seem all that charming in any commonly understood sense, 23 and living at home, how truly charming could he be? In all likelihood, his charm amounts to looking real good to certain women. When I think about charm, there's more to it than looks. He says he "turns on the charm," but most of his descriptions of that are physical, eyes and smile. That's not what most people understand by charming someone. The most likely thing going on is hot young woman sees a hot young man, they chat, both get horny, and there you go. Afterwards, some of them want more but he doesn't. Everything else is conjecture, "lying," "using," etc., other than he has a cocky way of expressing himself. Most good-looking people of that age do regardless of gender. The simple conclusion is that if there's any using going on, it's running in two directions.

 

To hear the bashing contingent tell it, OP has set out on a deliberate campaign over time to conquest certain women, and will say and do anything he can to get what he wants in the process, not simply for the sex, but to set himself up as superior to these women and cast aspersions their way. Nothing he has posted leads to that conclusion. It's simple NSA sex between consenting adults who don't know each other well, and he doesn't want to get further involved with an easy woman. Like it or not, lots of men have the exact same attitude, and women have equivalent levels of "bad" attitude about selecting men. The whole bashing part of the thread is an exercise in hyperbole. No monsters under the bed or in it.

[Taramere]

To hear the bashing contingent tell it, OP has set out on a deliberate campaign over time to conquest certain women, and will say and do anything he can to get what he wants in the process, not simply for the sex, but to set himself up as superior to these women and cast aspersions their way. Nothing he has posted leads to that conclusion.

 

Not even....

 

I already told her I'm not coming out if she's gonna be a bitch, she replied with some more nonsense. After that I didn't reply, and I'm actually trying to set up a date tonight with another woman. O_O. The sick part about all of this is that I enjoy doing this to women, like it's some kind of revenge or payback.

 

?

 

Anyway, I promise you this. That one post is the only one of mine (as far as I know it's the first and it'll be the last) that will bash poor maligned mr.dream merchant. Life's too short to waste more time on this rubbish.

[sally4sara]

Every word only serving to make him sound more ignorant.

 

S&M lifestyles are not about real contempt or wanting to be treated with real contempt. Women you whispered your contempt to probably thought it was, as people who are into the varying levels of the S&M vibe do, a game that did not represent what you really thought of them. They thought it was hot because you're a liar and didn't let them know the contempt was real.

 

The S&M lifestyle is one that is built on fetish and trust. The sub has a fetish for being in a situation that they choose and have control over but on the surface seems like they have no control. This makes it seem like its the Dom who is in control. Like a rape fantasy. No one wants to actually be raped, but some do fantasize about a "rape" scenario they asked for involving only the sex acts they want with the people they want. The sub is the one really in control. The Dom in simply a person with a genuine desire to please to the point of doing things most would, without a deeper understanding, find harsh. These ignorant people who think it is harsh never consider that there was much time establishing trust and much discussion about what would or wouldn't happen in their interactions.

[bluenightowl]

Every word only serving to make him sound more ignorant.

 

S&M lifestyles are not about real contempt or wanting to be treated with real contempt. Women you whispered your contempt to probably thought it was, as people who are into the varying levels of the S&M vibe do, a game that did not represent what you really thought of them. They thought it was hot because you're a liar and didn't let them know the contempt was real.

 

The S&M lifestyle is one that is built on fetish and trust. The sub has a fetish for being in a situation that they choose and have control over but on the surface seems like they have no control. This makes it seem like its the Dom who is in control. Like a rape fantasy. No one wants to actually be raped, but some do fantasize about a "rape" scenario they asked for involving only the sex acts they want with the people they want. The sub is the one really in control. The Dom in simply a person with a genuine desire to please to the point of doing things most would, without a deeper understanding, find harsh. These ignorant people who think it is harsh never consider that there was much time establishing trust and much discussion about what would or wouldn't happen in their interactions.

 

I'm amazed how long this thread has lasted. It has seemed to have a touched a nerve of passion in several people and yet the original post seems so lame. Some excellent examples here of male/female dynamics.

[Woggle]

The thing is that I think a good number of woman would applaud that woman. I want to reverse the genders because I feel many of the responses would be different if the OP was a woman.

[Woggle]

And...you're applauding merchant, so...........?

 

I am not applauding him and I have said it a number of times.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Woggle, you are really disappointing me on this thread.

[Woggle]

Woggle, you are really disappointing me on this thread.

 

How am I disappointing you? I have said it a number of times that I admit the way I think sometimes is unhealthy. Simply explaining the why does not in anyway mean I condone this.

[sally4sara]

I'm amazed how long this thread has lasted. It has seemed to have a touched a nerve of passion in several people and yet the original post seems so lame. Some excellent examples here of male/female dynamics.

 

Sorry. I was late to the game. This OP is one I avoid as a lost cause, but sometimes I still have hope that some of his fans can be reached.

 

I think we all know there are sick, angry, scared people out there treating dating and sex like a war. And for everyone of them there will be people who, wittingly or unwittingly make it easier for them to get their perverse kicks. But what does it say about your character to mistreat people just because you can even if they've done nothing to you?

[Woggle]

If I don't get to choose if you are applauding him then don't think you can say us women would either, especially when it hasn't even happened.

 

If other threads where women mistreat men are any indication then I think I have pretty good reason.

[dasein]

They thought it was hot because you're a liar and didn't let them know the contempt was real.

 

The only "real" contempt in this thread is that displayed by you and certain others. You aren't even subtle about it. You are literally seething at me now, bashing OP wasn't enough I guess.

 

Did you seriously think I was asking for some explanation or rationalization of the S&M lifestyle? I wasn't.

[Woggle]

What are you....TALKING about...? Is THIS not a thread about a man mistreating women?

 

There are other threads where women treat a man like garbage and they get applauded.

[dasein]

LOLz that is exactly what you and your piss poor, heart broken homies (woman hater dasein & others) are in here are doing!

 

News for you, I don't think the behavior is smart on OP's part, and have essentially said so from the start, telling him to give it a rest for awhile.

 

Woman hater? More irony, I'm the one who thinks women are adults, not children, who have the right to pursue their sexuality as they please with all the responsibility and accountability that entails, as opposed to being fawned on and treated like widdie biddie babes in the woods who need a chaperone their whole lives. How exactly is that hateful? Oh wait, I get it, anything that makes women accountable or responsible for their actions equates to "hate," right? I see.

[dasein]

What are you....TALKING about...? Is THIS not a thread about a man mistreating women?

 

I see, any time a woman doesn't get what she wants from a man, it's mistreatment.

[sally4sara]

There are other threads where women treat a man like garbage and they get applauded.

 

You've never once been able to supply an example of all this applauding on this site in the last 4 years. This is getting tired. Circular. Going nowhere that makes sense.

[dasein]

Anyway, I promise you this. That one post is the only one of mine (as far as I know it's the first and it'll be the last) that will bash poor maligned mr.dream merchant. Life's too short to waste more time on this rubbish.

 

Well that's a shame because you are actually close to the topic. I missed what he said about "payback" (among all the crazed bashing) and that would have been a productive thing to look further into if anyone here had any interest in actually giving OP some advice instead of projecting. Why does he feel a need to payback? A legit question, but most of the female posters in the thread are too intent on worrying about the women OP is supposedly "mistreating" to even explore it.

[dispatch3d]

http://www.sexhelp.com/sast.cfm

 

 

sex addict test on there

[dasein]

The OP is the one that needs to be responsible for his actions, he is the one that broadcasted his situation on a public thread & therefore he should be held accountable in our responses.

 

Is it possible that by making the thread and wondering about his attitude that he was accepting some responsibility for his actions? Would a real "user" give a sh-t? If you made a thread about your NSA sex choices without many details, and all you got was tirade after tirade, people calling you a sociopath, liar, user, etc., as opposed to giving any useful advice, would you be tempted to fan the flames in the face of such rabid insanity? I'll give him credit for not doing that. If I had made the thread and got all the irrational bashing responses he has, I'd have some fun with it, and make up all sorts of crazy ass things to see exactly just how foamy the foaming at the mouth here could get.

 

In actuality, this thread has been more about "woggle bashing" than OP, which seems to be the national pastime here on LS.

[Woggle]

And now you're repeating yourself. AGAIN.

 

What is the difference between what you and your boys in here are doing and what women in other threads do?

 

I'll answer that for you. The difference is lodged in between your legs.

 

Get out of here w/ your double standards.

 

There is no difference. Wrong is wrong.

[Taramere]

Well that's a shame because you are actually close to the topic. I missed what he said about "payback" (among all the crazed bashing) and that would have been a productive thing to look further into if anyone here had any interest in actually giving OP some advice instead of projecting. Why does he feel a need to payback? A legit question, but most of the female posters in the thread are too intent on worrying about the women OP is supposedly "mistreating" to even explore it.

 

I guess it's a fair point - that somebody could ask him why he felt the need to pay back. I rarely see that kind of excavation leading to anything particularly constructive which is why I tend not to bother with it any more. I get too much sense of the "bad boy baiting women to pay attention to him and try to change him" about that kind of thing.

 

My feeling is that if somebody recognises poor behaviour in themselves but doesn't show any motivation towards changing it, there's no reason for me to spend time trying to push them to have that motivation. What I've gleaned from this thread is that mr. dream merchant is aware that he loses interest in women after sleeping with them, that this translates into cold, rejecting behaviour that upsets them...that occasionally he feels "a bit bad about it lol", but generally quite enjoys the whole thing and derives a sense of payback from these interactions.

 

Presumably the mention of payback refers to a time that he felt hurt and rejected as a result of somebody else's coldness towards him. So despite presenting the thread in an "I don't know why I do this" sort of way, on closer examination it seems that he does, in fact, have fairly adequate insight into why he does it.

 

Going by what he's said, having that insight isn't going to change the fact that he does it. He knows he does it, knows that his behaviour creates negative, toxic feelings in other people rather than happy ones...but he's going to carry on behaving like this regardless. He enjoys behaving like that, it makes him feel good - and he most probably also subscribes to the belief that attractive women are sexually more receptive towards men who treat them poorly.

 

When that's the status quo, it doesn't create much scope for further discussion. What is there for people to say? They can throw out cursory noises of approval or disapproval according to how they feel about it all. Get into arguments with eachother about male/female dynamics etc etc....but as far as contributing in any meaningful way to the OP's assessment of his situation goes, I'm not seeing the potential for it.

[Woggle]

People here say that I have not grown at all but I have. I fully admit the way I think sometimes is very unhealthy but I can admit my demons and face them head on. I acknowledge those deep dark crevices of my psyche. When I tried to ignore and just be all positive all the time that is when I really crashed and became super hateful when I just couldn't take anymore. Now I admit my issues and my triggers and hopefully one day I will be able to deal with them in a healthy way without becoming a doormat.

[dasein]

When that's the status quo, it doesn't create much scope for further discussion. What is there for people to say? They can throw out cursory noises of approval or disapproval according to how they feel about it all. Get into arguments with eachother about male/female dynamics etc etc....but as far as contributing in any meaningful way to the OP's assessment of his situation goes, I'm not seeing the potential for it.

 

That rings a little hollow in a 19 page long thread. They certainly did a lot of typing to say "something." There were actually a couple of posters, male and female, who tried to address the OP's topic honestly, of course they got drowned out, and I bet he even took some of their good advice to heart. I'll admit, I haven't really offered OP that much sage advice (some though earlier on), and wasn't going to post more in the thread until the ravening got absurd.

 

Giving the poster the benefit of the doubt as they may not know the whole of what the word "sociopath" means, but this is the only forum I've ever seen on the net that professes to have communal respect standards where a poster can call ANY other poster a "sociopath," or "waste of skin" without a really, really good reason (and merely seducing women is not a good reason), and not get instantly bounced from the forums. I got 15 or so days of moderation for calling some guy "short bus." That was apparently a "heinous character assassination." Go figure. Guess some animals are more equal than others on this particular animal farm.

 

Goes a way towards explaining the overall forum quality here.

[ja123]

You are "high" on the art of seduction. You can do it. It's fun. But it's like a drug and can be a very slippery slope.

 

Why don't you tone it down for a while? You know what it is you do to seduce. So just stop it for a while and get off the high.

[mr.dream merchant]

Don't remember saying I used and mistreated her. I merely gave her what she wanted all along and kept things honest with her. There's a number of reasons why she didn't make the cut, the biggest one being her giving up the goods on the first date, the next was her not even offering to foot the bill for the movies, and because she was a cry baby. Women exercise their right to have options, as will I. What's the issue LS?