Cold Feet

[kitvonkat]

I am engaged to be married. My fiance and I have only been together for six months and now I am having cold feet.

 

He left his job three months in the relationship and since then lost his apartment and financial barrings. I have helped him out monetarily since then and had not problem doing so, but now he has a new job and I still find myself footing the bill.

 

On top of that his emotional status has steadily deteriorated he is always upset, or stressed and I feel like it is directed to me. He has become increasingly insecure and as a result starts argument over the craziest things due to jealousy.

 

We went to fighting barely to almost everyday, to make matters worse our sex life went from everyday to once a week. I tried to attribute his bad attitude, lack of romance, insecurity and the lack of sex due to his financial situation but after two months of fighting something has to give.

 

I am starting to feel like he is just negative period and insecure period. That he has gotten lazy and thinks I am going no where. I feel like although when I confront him about helping me financially he has no desire to share the finances.

 

He partially lives with me now and lives partially with a friend because his new job is 45 minutes from my place and 10 mins from his friends.

 

I could be being uncompassionate but I feel like maybe I rushed into it and that maybe he isn't the one. IF things continue like this I am sure I will not want to marry him. Before when he was happier, healthier, sex was frequent, he was confident and he took me out often. I know financially he can't do much but there are things you can do without spending a fortune.

 

MY BFF says I am making excuses for him and so does my mom. He isn't all bad I just feel like he is in a bad situation...how do I know what is what?

[xxoo]

You've only been together 6 months, and it has already gone downhill? Don't marry. Postpone indefinitely if it makes you feel better about it, but DON'T marry unless and until you are in the relationship you want to be in (consider marriage "as is").

 

MY BFF says I am making excuses for him and so does my mom. He isn't all bad I just feel like he is in a bad situation...how do I know what is what?

 

I'm sure he's not all bad....but life and marriage are guaranteed to include a lot of tough situations. It's good that you had this experience together while dating, and you found out now--before marrying--how he functions under stress. Personally, I would be glad to have dodged a bullet, and end the engagement.

[kitvonkat]

I'm sure he's not all bad....but life and marriage are guaranteed to include a lot of tough situations. It's good that you had this experience together while dating, and you found out now--before marrying--how he functions under stress. Personally, I would be glad to have dodged a bullet, and end the engagement.

 

He is not all bad (faithful/supportive/kind/intelligent), before he left his job he was the complete opposite even under stress. I feel like it was all a front for me, recently his best friend and I were talking and he started to tell me about how my fiance is a downer and how he has never been able to handle stress, that he is generally negative and in the past he even cut off their friendship for a while because of it.

 

I agree, I am viewing the situation as is and it isn't very good right now. My married friends say things only intensify after you marry. I am a positive, strong willed person and I handle stress very well...but his attitude has been effecting me and I hate to say it but bringing me down.

 

Thanks for the advice xxoo I feel like I probably do need to hold off and see how things pan out before we jump the broom which was supposed to be in December. I'm so disappointed...

[denise_xo]

You've only been together 6 months, and it has already gone downhill? Don't marry.

 

Seconded. A lot of people 'aren't all bad'. It doesn't mean that it's a good match for a life long partner.