JB93 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I feel like I still need to stick to my guns and not get back together, but I wanna know how to respond. We have been in NC and yesterday she texted me... Her: "Hey J****n" (Ignored) Her again: "J****n, I know you may not want to talk to me but I love you. I have been thinking about you recently. I hope you enjoyed your break. <3" Me: "Thanks T. Its been fun! Haha. Hope you enjoyed yours too. Hope move in goes well (goin back to college). Take care:) Her: "Do you just not want me to talk to you then?" What would you say? ----------------------------------------------------------- She hinted at wanted space, and so I told her we should take a break. Its been 3 weeks approximately, but weve been apart for 2 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
karf Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 You really shouldn't have replied in the first place. It looks like she's fishing for you to respond with, "Of course not, you can always talk to me. :)" or something to that effect, and you've just given her hope that you will. It's hard to know what to say in response to such a direct question. I probably wouldn't reply to it, to be honest. If you really feel like you should, something like "I think it'll be better for both of us if we don't talk." might work. Thing is, since you've responded to her once she's going to get pretty upset the next time she texts you and you don't respond - may as well not postpone the inevitable. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 You opened the floodgates by responding to the first text. You must stick with NC and not respond. You will get a bunch more texts like this and ignoring them is the only thing that will work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JB93 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 You opened the floodgates by responding to the first text. You must stick with NC and not respond. You will get a bunch more texts like this and ignoring them is the only thing that will work. Will work? In terms of getting her back? I want 1 of 2 things to happen: 1)she realizes how much she misses me, realizes how dumb she was, and comes crawling and begging back for me and I take her back 2)see above, but I don't take her back. As mean as it is to say, I want HER to suffer in either scenario. While in the mean time I want to make a logical decision with my brain, not my heart. Selfish i know Link to post Share on other sites
Author JB93 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 And to add to it: If i were to respond- I would make sure it wasnt about our break, I wouldnt fight, I wouldnt suggest us getting back together, I wouldnt set any dates, and I would be very vague about my personal life. I think it would drive her insane not knowing what the hell is going on with my life. Sure shell hear from me, sparcly, but nothing superficial deep (like acquantances). Idk if thats a good strategy, but its another one been told to try, NC until she speaks, and when she does, wait wait wait, and respond with vague text, and keep an upbeat attitude making it seem like life is great without her. ex. see my first response to her text. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 What was the break up like - did she cheat or become nasty in some way or was it mutual because you both fell out of love? How you make contact always depends on how you broke contact, if you get me. If it were nasty and really hurt you, then I'd just simply send one last text saying "Sorry, I really don't want to talk." and then no more responses, no matter what she says. If it were mutual and things just didn't work out, but there's clearly still feelings there on both sides, then maybe something polite but still not welcoming "I'd like to talk, but don't know if I'm ready for that yet." or something similar. I guess it's up to you on how you feel about her, how hurt you've been and whether you want her back. NC is a guideline not a rule, so use it as you feel you should. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Good_Me Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I think if I were in your situation and wanted my ex back, I would say something along the lines of (obviously in your own words)... "I'm sorry, but what you have said has caught me off guard and at the moment I am over thinking things. Please give me some space to get my head straight." This text does a few things... 1. You have responded politely, nicely and maturely. 2. You haven't opened any doors yet. 3. You get to see how she'll respond to you being strong, ie, haven't ran straight back into her arms. 4. It really will give you time to sort your head out. In my opinion I don't think you should mention anything about getting back together as that potentially sets you up for a fall if she declined. Reconciliation should be initiated by her. She has told you she loves you and has been thinking about you which is common for dumpers and often falls into the breadcrumb category. She hasn't mentioned anything about reconciliation yet so I advise you play it safe. After sending this sort of text, you would probably either get nothing back (you'll be in NC again) or hopefully she'll reply with something more solid regarding what she wants. If she sends your more vague messages, ignore them as it'll confirm they're breadcrumbs. Of course it's up to you, this is just what I would do. No idea if it would be the right thing to do or not since these situations are so delicate. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Do not contact her for awhile. Silence speaks more than words... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JB93 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 The break up was a misunderstanding- I originally wanted it a month ago- not because i was over her (i was in love), but b/c for some reason my insecurities really made me believe she was interested in someone else. She texted me less and less, talked to me less and less, etc... I suggested it, she got mad, i apologized, things were fine. She assured me nothing was going on, she wasnt interested in anyone. Fast forward 2 weeks later- she now wants to take a break- she said she still isnt interested in anyone- but IS curious about kissing someone to see if there is something there... (complete disrespect). Anyway, from then on, i agreed with the break. that was about ago. And fast forward to yesterday, when she texted me. Im totally the backburner guy right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 if you're the backburner guy then don't bother sending her a text back. retain your dignity and stick to NC. as long as you respond to her you're giving her all the power. as someone else said, silence really does speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JB93 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 if you're the backburner guy then don't bother sending her a text back. retain your dignity and stick to NC. as long as you respond to her you're giving her all the power. as someone else said, silence really does speak louder than words. mmmk... :/ I just want her to miss me, which i know she does- but I want her to miss me unbearably Link to post Share on other sites
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