A7X Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Hey guys, thanks for reading. Quick Background About 3 weeks ago we broke up, well she left me. It had almost been a year that we had started dating. At first we were head over heels in love and couldn't get enough of each other. About 8 months into the relationship we started arguin a lot, I was away a lot working on house renovations and neglecting her by spending time with my friends. We would have 2 awesome weeks and 2 bad weeks for almost 4 months. Since we've broken up I've had time to think of what our relationship was and the things I didn't do out of selfishness and what not. I really love her a lot deep down in my heart and regret a lot of my actions/non actions that took place during our relationship. I've learned a lot about myself and even though people don't change, perspectives on life change and I feel like I could give her what she's ever wanted and more at this point. Current Situation I've approached her and told her about my feelings, that I miss her a lot and love her more then ever. I would really like for us to get back together or at least start seeing each other every now and then to rebuild what we once had together. We've seen each other a few times, we've slept together (a couple times). Last night we went out as friends, we talked about everything, no arguing, as adults. She has told me she misses me, I get xox from her by text, she tells me she loves me, she's told me recently that she thinks it'll never be truly over between us, that we have to strong of a bond and chemistry together. The problem is she's scared that we'll get back to the routine of fighting, I can understand her fear, yet knowing that I was a big cause of the fighting, I know that things will change in that aspect of our relationship. It's weird to say, but I feel like we use to have lust and now I feel genuine love for her, maybe we moved to quickly at first I don't know. Like last night, waiting for our coffee at the coffee shop, we are looking at each other and I say; You know how hard it is to not give you a huge kiss right now? She said; I know I feel the same way. Question I don't want to convince her things will change, I don't want to make promises, I don't want to hassel her to give it another chance. What should I do to get a chance of proving myself? Proving that we could have what we had in the beginning? I don't want to pressure her into a decision, yet I want some time with her. Please help!! It would be greatly appreciated.. Link to post Share on other sites
karf Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I think in your situation I would just keep doing what you're doing. Don't push her into getting back together "officially" or anything like that. Keep meeting up with her and having a great time together. Randomly let her know that you're thinking of her. Just be sweet, charming, lovely to her and make it into a habit. She's probably scared of taking you back only to find that you start taking her for granted again. If you demonstrate through your actions that you really value her presence in your life, that you really enjoy being with her and that she's important to you even when you're *not* together then I think that's going to give you the best chance of getting back together. Remember, she broke it off, so it has to be her choice to reconcile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Thanks Karf. Somehow I know that deep inside of me, and only time can fix things. My impatient side gets the best of me sometimes, don't we all want a quick fix sometimes It's hard being away, even though I still live my life to the fullest there is that part missing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 So she decided to break things off, saying that we would be better apart and finding someone else. When she told me this she said she would love to talk from time to time, I don't understand what that means. The other day I talked to her by text and she said she wouldn't be a stranger xox, again not sure what to make out of that. This morning I had a good morning text from her, I really don't know what to make of everything, plus you add that she said she loved me and missed me in the past. I don't know what to do or think. I really want her back and love her even more everyday that goes by. Where do I go from here? NC? Let her know once in a while I'm thinking of her? Send her flowers at work in a couple weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 I give up She is already moved on and said she will be dating again soon. All there is left to do is try and forget? This hurts and I want the pain to go away, I was so sure I could fix everything, in the end I just hurt myself more. Lessons learned I suppose, it's hard to find a positive side of this. Link to post Share on other sites
silly_panda Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Man... I truly know how you feel... I took my ex for granted too... But there is a huge different between your case and mine... My ex already has someone new within a week after our break up... Yours don't... You said you wanted a chance to show her that you are really serious this time..? You are living it now man... This is your chance... If you are truly confident enough, keep doing what you are doing... And these kinda things... Needs patience... A lot of it... My friend (same case as both of us), got back with her ex... But it took him 1year to do that... Cause it really take time for your ex to see that you are really sincere and accepts you again... She is scared of getting hurt again... I don't know man... You do what you think it's best for you... For me, if my ex is not with anyone else rite now... I will really prove to her that I care... Getting back together or not will depend on her love for you man... But if you both were really strong, her feelings will always be there... Going NC or keep trying is all up to you... Your choice... Good luck... And hang in there man... Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Hard to imagine that I would ever get another chance at love with her. I mean when someone tells you that they will be dating and they want you to stop believing and move on. At some point you kind of tell yourself I haven't got a shot in the world. She basically told me I'm not what she's looking for, kinda hard to believe that after a year long relationship. Specially when you start dating and have her tell you that you're everything she could ever want Link to post Share on other sites
silly_panda Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I cannot really tell you what to do man... You have to decide on your own... Rite now I'm at the stage of 'I love myself more than I love her'... So I'm really focusing on myself, improve (physically, financially, attitude, habit)... And I do feel better... I guess the best way to get her back or even have a chance with your ex is when you are totally over her... As many of the thread in LS suggest, the dumper will sometimes miss you but that will be after a period of time (normally months)... So by then if they do come back, the question will be do you still wan them back since you have already moved on... You just can't change her feelings towards you and her thoughts rite now... So don't let the things she say or do bring you down... It's hard... I know... But you can choose to dwell in it or to stand up and walk again... Hang in there man... Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Thx Silly!! I think I'm going to go and start NC, today being my first day since I gave in yesterday and sent her a text msg. I've only been up for a few hours and I already find this hard. Objectives; Get back to being happy like I once was, get back in shape for hockey season, keep busy with house projects. Should she decide to come back one day, she'll have a lot of explaining to do and on my side, I'll have to re-evaluate how I feel at that point in time. I promise myself to not jump at the occasion should it come. Rather take it slowly and listen to what SHE has to say. Link to post Share on other sites
silly_panda Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I'm really glad to hear that man... NC is really hard and you will go through a lot of temptation and emotional roller coaster... And when she does contact you, you will be in the limbo of whether to contact her back or not... I'm just telling you based on my experience now... Yea... Agree with you... If she does comes back, don't jump straight into it... But don't bring out your anger demanding all the answers you wanna hear either... That will scare her away... Just talk and see whether the trust is still there... But honestly... Just my thought in your situation... I don't think going NC is a good idea... I think what karf said the way to go... You don't have to shut yourself completely... Still be around her but do not show any sign of needy or desperate... Just be yourself (like the person you were before having a relationship with her)... Don't bring out your relationship stuff, don't show her that you wanna have another go with her... And really don't rush things... It really does take patience for her to be able to accept you back... Read this thread... [COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114697/[/COLOR] I really hope you will make the best decision man... I don't wanna say something wrong and then guide you to the wrong path... Go NC or proof yourself to her, it's you call man... Do what you think it's best for you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Just talked with this girl at work and she told me that being a girl she thinks that honestly she may have already met someone and has not told you about it, it can be a good thing or a bad thing. Let me explain why...girls tend to compare a lot, and if this new guy is no comparison to you she will most likely come back to you. I know you love her but when you love someone let them go... everything happens for a reason... Link to post Share on other sites
wolf1one Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Hey man, This is in no way what I think you should do ... but I can share with you my experience. A lot of people on here would smack me in the face for even giving you this advice ... so just for an *ALERT* please tread with caution!!! I want to tell you this because you wrote in the second chances forum. My current ex and I broke up for the first time last year for about a month. She ended it because of many reasons: she felt like we were two completely different people, she has a lot of stuff to deal with on her own, and plus she needed space because she thought I was way intense (but I just have lost some great women in my life, and I learned that I didn't want to lose them anymore because of neglect and "bad boyfriendry"). She also ended it at a convenient time for her, because my job had started flying me out to another state every week. So this was a tough cookie for me, and I just couldn't let go. Anyway ... she kept contact, gave me mixed signals. We would text or talk every other day as "friends" and anytime I over stepped my boundary, she would put her guard back up. I was f***ed. But I just kept being the me she fell for, without the intensity. I never talked about the relationship ... but I was subtle about romance (basically what you were doing). I was having fun with her, and since I had a strong bond with her ... I knew when she was sad. So when she was ... I would send her a small gift ... like flowers at her door. I kept talking as friends though ... and eventually she called me with a different tone in her voice, thanking me for being so caring. THIS IS NOT THE GREENLIGHT. Don't start shoving "love" down her throat just yet. But slow it down, and ask her to go on a walk or something. Remember this took me a month+ to do, and I did not beg for a thing. On our walks I would just keep things interesting ... asking her things that I always wanted to know about her, and then talk to her about things that we had in common. You can see that this is basically building a whole effing new relationship, and building new romance. Mind you, we had already told each other "i love you" before this breakup. Anyway, so one day we hugged, and I just had to kiss her forehead. I said goodbye. After this, I asked her out on a date ... which she was totally hesitant about, and kept saying that friends don't go on dates, and don't kiss on foreheads. I just kept blowing that off and saying that I would behave and it would be a friendly hangout (still called it a date). I don't think I was disrespecting her, because I was getting so many mixed signals, and I knew what I wanted ... so I was going to just go for it, and if she turned it down, then that was the final decision for her and I would respect that. So anyway, we didn't go on a date. Since I never got a super negative response on my forwardness, I decided to make a bolder move one night. I saw her walking her dog, and so I came up to her to say hi, and walked with her. I ended up walking her up to her door and we hugged and said goodbye ... but as she was turning around, I took her hand and hugged her again... I kissed her forehead ... then kissed her cheek ... and then we kissed on the lips. She had her protests ... but I felt sparks. I thought this was way to early to do ... but I told her that "I love her" and that she didn't need to say it back. I said goodnight and left ... I never got an i love you back. I kept creating moments like this until her mixed signals weren't so mixed anymore (for instance, she initiated kissing me). And I just kind of took a ballsy move and told her that "I know she loves me, and that I would like to hear it one day." Long story short, we started dating again for another 8 months... which was just stronger than before. BUT then she moved to a different state, and we were LDR for the last 5 months. We were terrible at this ... and I neglected her, and she neglected me. She ended it again stating the same reasons as our last breakup ... but I knew it was because she couldn't handle the LDR coupled with the personal issues she was having. So to say the least ... this is where I got stuck, and am on here now to learn to move on. I'm on this second chances forum just to humor myself ... sucks dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Dude that's pretty brutal, I totally know how you feel because I went threw the same thing, spending time together, building hope to just have it come crashing down. Feeling the love she has for you, yet she denies herself the happiness is what it always felt like to me. Being scared that things will fall back to what they once were... Don't you wish you could just take her and put her in your heart and mind sometimes so you could be like; see this is what we would have!! *wishful thinking* Link to post Share on other sites
wolf1one Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Haha nice. I would actually think that they know how we feel and what we want. It's more a matter of our hearts being put into their brains to understand what it is that they want of us! I mean, I have to trust that she knows what's best for her, or else I am just being possessive or obsessive (pick your poison). Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 The hardest part for me is the month I spent proving my love and fighting to have her love in return. Hearing she loved me and missed me. Making plans for when we got back together. Basically building hope that in the end never really existed. Hearing her say that if she knew we wouldn't fight like we once did she would jump at the chance of being together. All signs of someone that wants to be with you and love you, yet stops themselves of having happiness because of a fear that things will never change. It's funny how I read the other day that a couple that never fights would be more in danger of breaking up since neither speak their mind. Link to post Share on other sites
wolf1one Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Yeah I would be one to agree with that statement. How else do you learn about each other? Still though, fighting needs to be handled/communicated just the right way. And I think in your case, maybe you two never learned how to properly communicate disagreements? My inner battle was with the "opposites attract" rule. I always kind of believed this notion. She, however thought that we didn't agree enough on anything, so we must be wrong for each other. She was always "waiting for the other shoe to drop" because we were so different. But we actually had similar life goals, and similar headstrong personalities. It's almost self-fulfilling really when the break up comes. Oh, and try this one on for size. I once dated a girl for 4 years, and we were fighting like mad in the final months. She broke up with me for that reason, but I kept working to charm her. We were also living together ... but I was working out of town. Anyway after a month of reconciliation, we had sex, and she told me she wanted to be with me forever, then that same day she said she couldn't do it anymore, and that there was someone else. I was so shocked that I went NC for 7 months. I thought that she was in a rebound, so for a couple months I stupidly entertained the thought of "winning" her back ... so I built myself up to be a better me for months, and started talking to her best friend to get an in. I found out that she was engaged to be married the next year. Her friend never even told me... but i never asked. Man, that was brutal ... and a wakeup call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Oh and did I mention she broke up with me via text!! Couldn't even do it face to face... Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Alright it's time to finalize this thread that I started. Seems that I've been played like a fool. I learned last night that my ex, who seems to have brought me a long for one hell of a ride had plans of her own the whole time no matter what she told me. She accepted an invitation to go on a trip to Italy with a douchebag that has been running after her for years, even when we were together. Let's just say it was a massive slap in the face last night when I learned this. Here I was so happy that things seemed to be heading in the right direction, when the whole time, I can only assume, this was going on in the background!! Basically she always told me this guy was a dbag, arrogant, player, etc... Now she is gone on a trip with him, maybe she thinks she'll be treated any differently then all the girls used before, including my previous ex, go figure!! At least now I know that I will never look for a second chance from her, nor will I give her one. I'm very pissed about the whole thing and can't wait for these thoughts to go away!! Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 sorry to hear about that A7X. my ex pretty much did the same to me. he made himself out to be this strong-willed no-BS kind of guy who didn't play games. yet he totally wound up falling for an alpha-female who strung him along and played him for the fool that was and still is. not to mention her game was so easily detected it's a wonder how he could have missed it. you're better off without such a wishy-washy person in your life. it's my experience that people who go into a long song and dance abt how moral and upstanding they are really have none to speak of. that's not to say they are not moral at all - - they do - - in fact know right from wrong. but they are so busy selfishly trying to get whatever needs they have at the moment fulfilled, that they conveniently ignore those morals at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 Thanks, yeah I'm definitly better off without this person in my life... Funny how she told me you don't even know me when she broke up with me, I said I know you more then you think, like the back of my hand. Now I actually saw her true colours and she's right I don't know her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 Update!! Browsing Facebook last night and what do I see, my ex decided to unblock me after I've been about 2 weeks NC. IMO, knowing her as I do, she did it because; - Thinking of me and curious - Looking to get my attention - Wants me to contact her Don't get me wrong, I'm not really making any of this and well don't really care either. If she wants to contact me then she will, I'm certainly not going too. There can be other reasons behind this as well, who knows really, only she does. Reasons as simple as none... I'll tell you what I'm not going to do, go block her since that will give her the attention she wants and know that I think of her. So I'm going to play the I didn't know card LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Diogenes Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 "Living well is the best revenge", find someone else who makes you laugh and love, forget ex and move on. Hurts like hell, but then medicine that works often tastes bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author A7X Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 That's what I've been doing and plan to keep on doing, life is good lately and I don't want to change that. I just find it funny since I told her, you know you're just going to come back so why are you even doing this.. lol Link to post Share on other sites
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