in search of answers

[tigress1126]

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Hi everyone I am new to this board and just in search of some opinions. I just moved out here to Cali 3 months ago and my b/f has been out here for like 9 months, we have been together 1 1/2 years. Okay with that said, we decided to move in together when I came out here! Now I am usually not a very insecure person, but let me say that the women out here are absolutely stunning in most cases, and EVERYTIME we are out together he can not stop gawking. He also went to Vegas with the boys a few weeks ago for 5 days and I was totally not invited, he said he did not do anything disrespectful, like bumping and grinding on people or getting lap dances and that he was just the wing man and talked to alot of chics while his friends were trying to get with people. Earlier in the relationship he had gone to a nudie bar for his birthday and gotten a few private dances and I told him that it bothered me and I thought it was crossing my comfort boundaries. I do not forbid him to go nor do I forbid him from talking to people I just ask that it does NOT get physical in any way.

 

I also asked him to keep his testosterone level to a minimum when out with me because no matter how much I know he loves me and finds me irresistable I can't help but feel kind of bothered when he stares noticable. Why don't men EVER grow out of being walking pigs? The thing is the other night he was talking to one of his chic friends from back in NY and he was like "whats up sexy?" and I got pissed, then he threw in my face that he does not think any of his behaviors are questionable and blah blah blah! And why am I so jealous, when I just think that it is a respect thing. Also, he said he cant wait to go to back to Vegas and I know he wants to go all these places to "women watch"! I can't help but feel badly when all he does is oogle women all the time. He said that he does not see a prob with his behaviours but he modifies alot for me (no lap dances etc) because he loves me and blah blah. Also he always has all these plans to go out with these scumbag pervs from his work, like last night was the babeball game, HE HATES baseball, but went with the two guys who ALLLL they ever talk about is hot women, so you know what he was paying attention to? Then tomorrow he is going with co workers to "some bar" to celebrate cinco de mayo, which I am ALSO not invited to by the way! They go to this one bar at work for lunch all the time for one reason only, THE WOMEN!!! How can a girl help but feel a little bit jealous? Is this behavior normal? How can I help him to see that I am not trying to be insecure but I only wish him to respect me when we are together and not drool all over everyone else!! Also how can I be so sure that he is holding true to his word and not getting down and dirty on the dance floor with chics or not getting lap dances, if he himself said "I dont see anything wrong with my behavior, but I modify things b/c I love you?" I wish that he could see his behavior is ok for a single man, not one in a committed relationship!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated on t his situation and how I can feel better about myself and not dwell so much on teh relationship!

[supermom]

I think you have every right be jealous! If my husband acted that way I would question it too.

 

You have to decide how much you trust him and ask him why you are never invited. Ask him if he is so innocent then why can't you come?

 

Maybe meet some girlfriends and go out yourself and not invite him and see how he likes it.

 

Good luck

[manderbug]

It sounds like this BOY needs to be single. There's nothing wrong with acting like that if you ARE single, but it is disrespectful when you are in a relationship on your level.

 

As we can't change people, I would give him the choice between living this 'single' lifestyle he seems to relish, or stepping up to the plate and being with you. This sends him a clear message, that while you care enough for him to let him be free, you also have some expectations in a relationship.

 

Who knows? He may decide he rather prefers you. Often, people want most what they can't have. (ie: YOU!)

[deesgirl]

I have the same worries. If he doesn't see it as wrong, what's to keep him from doing it, besides you? I bet if it was YOU acting the same way, his feelings might be different about what's right and wrong.