nowwhatnow Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 i recognize now, that no matter how much i love him he is not going to come back. it has almost been a year since the break up and ive heard so many things about him - things that i do not like. he hurt me too badly and he has hurt others too. i could never see him as the person i love - he has changed. the person i love is gone, and in its place is someone i do not want to be with. i want to be with the person i fell in love with. i will always love him, but i can never have him. i think that after a year i am finally ready to think about dating someone new. i was in such a dark place for so long and i spent this past year trying to get out of this place - although i am not quite out yet. i am just scared to be hurt like that ever again. how do you get over something like that? i never want to feel like that again and sometimes i think its better not to date than to have to go through that again - but i know that is not right. Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Wish you the very best. Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickmonkey Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I believe we all have the ability to tell the difference between a partner who would treat us badly and one who wouldn't. We have the ability but I think we often aren't looking at the right things. We might look at things like physical attractiveness, money, sense of humor, or any number of qualities that we think are valuable and we might overlook the quality that could be most important. Is this a truly good person? If they fell out of love would they run away and treat you like a fool or would they be straightforward and apologize? Or would they not fall in love if they felt it wouldn't last? Would they not fall in love because they felt YOU might hurt THEM. Look at people with a new set of criteria. Are they decent and kind? Have they demonstrated a history of kindness or cruelty? We can tell the difference between someone who might hurt us and someone who would never do it but we often ignore these traits and pay too much attention to other things. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 i think lovesickmonkey is right. we do have the ability to tell if somebody is treating us right or not. sometimes we just feel like because we invested so much into the relationship, we cannot live without it. but we can. i know i can. so you would be able to also. i know i chose to ignore things, and thats why it hurts so much right now that the ex is not with me. but you will learn, and you will cross path with somebody else. maybe not soon, but it will all be good for you since you can learn and concentrate on yourself. when you meet the next one, you will know its worth it, and you will be glad that you spent the time without a bf before you meet him. Link to post Share on other sites
Coolsbreeze Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Very true, I'm in the same situation where it's been almost a year since my breakup. There are days where I miss her terribly still, and there are those nights where I dream of her face and it just brings back so much pain and misery. But after a while you start to realize that they're not coming back and happy with the person that they're with right now. Life does that to people sometimes I guess, it can shove people into walls or make you the luckiest person in the world. It's not easy getting over someone that you really cared about, and it's even harder to see when they're happy with someone else. Love is all about risk is the way I see it sometimes, yes it can come with a lot of pain but if you find the right person it can be very enjoyable. I think breakups in the end are meant to teach you to find that other person who matches you even better then your ex. One thing is certain if you're still hurting then definitely more time spent healing would be beneficial. Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 You have heard the old saying " It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. " I fell in love a couple of times in my taste with some very very handsome men. Each time it ended I thought I'll never find something as yummy as this ever ! Well it took some time and, boom, there came another hot one !!!! You described being in a dark place. That's a test for you to know that place exists. It tells you there is all of the ugliness in the world. It's the land of fear, hurt, danger, loneliness, struggle, uncertainty, pain, self examination, anger, etc. Not a place anyone wants to go to, or talk about. You can find your strength there, enough to help yourself and other people that you see go through it. " Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. " Strength to you~~~~~you will walk out of it, and LOVE again ! Queen of Hearts 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 it is almost the anniversary of the break up and i wish i did not keep count. seeing him everyday is hard. i know what he has done with other girls and i try so hard to not let it bother me but it does. i just do not know how to make this any better. some days im happy some days im not. maybe i just need to get back out there. what do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Have you dated at all? If it's been a year, I think you should try at least one date if the opportunity arises. It may be that you are holding on to him still because he is the last guy you've felt a connection with. You have to start living your life for you! Do anything and everything that brings a smile to your face, even if just a small one. What do you do for fun? hobbies? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted September 3, 2011 Author Share Posted September 3, 2011 well a couple months a go i had a few interests but i was not ready. another thing that happened over the summer is that i developed feelings for this guy friend of mine but now that school has started we do not live in the same state - although we are not THAT far away. but he will be leaving soon as he is graduating early and will be half way across the world. i never had the strength to tell him and it just seems like the timing would not work out. i wish i could just meet someone new at school but i honestly have no idea how to meet a nice, decent guy on a college campus Link to post Share on other sites
Kendal Pierce Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 We must always remember that when we decided to love someone and commit ourselves to this person, we are also letting ourselves to be in danger of being in pain. Love and pain always go together. So if you decide to get out, see and open yourself to loving another person again you are risking yourself to be in pain again. You can get hurt, but it is part and parcel of it. It is needed just so you will grow as a person and in the process you will learn. This way in your next relationship, in case someone again will come along your way and same situation comes in you know how to better handle it because you have been there. Anyhow, I am happy for you and glad that you still have that optimism in you that love meant for you will still come along. Keep it up! Link to post Share on other sites
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