Angry over the Why's, and How's....

[Wesker]

I'm sure this is just part of the healing process, but lately, I've been full of anger, and sadness over the why's, and how's of my breakup. Why did she quit on me? Why didn't she say something over a year ago instead of keeping it in? How can she just throw away 8 great years with me, and jump in with someone else, move in, and be engaged just a couple weeks after dumping me? I've been wrapping my brain with these kind of questions, and going nuts because I know deep down, there are no answers to them. Jogging/working out, and hanging with friends seems to be only a temporary relief of this.

 

Taking a deep breath, and trying to think logically of this kinda helps. Just have to treat this as a hard, painful learning experience, and that I'm most likely better off not being with someone like this. I know I'm not perfect. I can point my flaws in the relationship pretty easily; but I also went above, and beyond for her in so many ways. I suppose just being 3 months out of the breakup is still pretty fresh after being together that long too. Ughhhhh..

[roundy]

I am sorry to hear this mate, I am going through a similar thing at the moment with a 6 1/2 year breakup. I too wonder why she thought that our relationship wasn't worth fighting for and how she could turn her back on it.

 

I keep trying to tell myself that no amount of anger, rage or upset will change anything and what is done is done. Water under the bridge as they say. Unfortunately it isn't working, I still want to break everything she ever got me and scream abuse at her for lying to me and saying she loved me when in fact she didn't.

 

Sorry there isn't much in the way of advice here, maybe it would be of some help though to know you are not alone in all of this, there are other people that are going through something similar. Some people will even tell you the hurt goes away, I am still waiting for this but I live in hope that one day it will for you and me both.

 

If you weren't in the USA and were in sunny old England, I'd buy you a beer

[lymtal1]

Guys I think we all need a beer or twenty.

 

I as you guys am feeling the same feelings of loss after three months, not much anger as I can't find that in the way that she left me. Wish I could it would be much easier. I was told the standard we just need a break. I am younger than you and you have had so many more opportunities in life. I need the same.

 

I know we all seem to know that we treated them so well and that we did everything we could to make it ok. Well I am sure I could have done more but there has to be a two way communication for that to happen. There was not.

 

I feel for you guys and as was said not much we can do but get it out here, support each other in anyway we can and hope soon that we move past this pain and to a better place of acceptance. Stay strong and know that you are a great person, deserve better and that day will come:)

[Wesker]

Beer is good, but a bunch of Rum & Cokes will really hit the spot. At least it's good to know that I'm not the only one going through this garbage. I'm sure time may not entirely heal all the hurt, but dull the pain enough to know that there's someone way better out there. At least I like to think that.

[Rorschach64]

Wesker try your best to conquerer the why's and how's because it will only consume you in the end. I feel your pain in every fashionable way in this as I am going through it too. I cannot promise you that her engagement or whatever stupid crap she is doing is going to fall through because of her own immaturity and other short comings.

 

What helps me though conquerer these thoughts is telling myself "I did everything possible imagined to make the relationship work and I regret nothing because of this." You already know this and you should stop trying to find answers because you will never find them and I doubt she even can give you reasonable answers too.

[M2155]

Well I shouldn't feel as bad then since it's only 2 years for me but the trying to handle hows and whys are definitely there since I was dumped over text message. Not a lot of explination in 160 characters:sick:

 

Like you will read in other posts, your ex was already mentally breaking up with you long before you had a clue. It was strategic and she figured how what she wanted while still in the conformt of your relationship. Mine did as well. I am trying to accept that fact that the whys and the hows DO NOT matter. If your ex contacts you tomorrow and tells you why or how she was able to move on so easily, it's not goinig to change anything, it's just going to give you more questions to waste your brainspace trying to understand. Its going to make you think back more to all the events leading up and what you could have made right-- you've already spent plenty of time doing that. I know you don't believe me, because I don't think I would either if I were reading this in your state, but you are broken up and she's engaged. You would be just as broken up if you knew why too. It's true we would appreciate knowing, but it's just going to open up a lot more to deal with emotionally and we'll be dealing with it alone because that person is engaged with someone new.

 

It sucks but try to remember closure is your personal coming to grips with the fact that your relationship is over, despite the reason and you have an opportunity to focus on finding someone better. It's NOT fair and not your fault that the other person was inconsiderate. Their thought process is not what matters now. Trust me, I'm scratching my head too, but trying to realize if your car is totaled, you deal with it. Doesn't really matter how the accident was caused.

[Sugarkane]

I also wonder about this too. How people stay with someone for ages and then suddenly dump them. How do they find someone so fast to be engaged? They don't seem to waste any time being single thats for sure. Why don't they do it to the next person aswell?