3 weeks of silence and its harder.

[Dblock10]

so little update guys, feels nice to be able to post here but bad in the sense that its not getting easier for me. Im still in the no contact zone with my ex.

 

i still think a lot about her, i still hate that its over, and i hate that she hasn't contacted me, i hate not being able to change my situation, which is that she is leaving the country to travel and that we have broken up because of it and that thats that!!!!

 

its really difficult for me not to contact her and not to talk to her now/again?

 

I want to inform her about my nan dying and to see and hope that she may have had a change of heart about me and the situation now that its cooled down and she has had time to adjust to everything we said. I guess i hope she still cares about me and still thinks about me.

 

if i contact her she could view it as though i'm holding onto something that isn't there anymore and i could push her further away or let her know im struggling and she would feel "sorry for me" which would be the only reason she talks to me.

 

i really do miss her.

 

the thing stopping me contacting her is everyone telling me not to. and that not having any contact from her in 3 weeks means she isn't thinking about me or feels the need to do so. plus showing her that i still want her will just give her more power than she already got during the official break up.

 

she's moving on, forgetting me now.

 

"she cant be worth it if she is behaving like this now" i hear this a lot from my girl mates.

 

 

i just don't know what to do apart from all that i can do which is "nothing"

 

 

stay NC and let time move. slowly. or break nc, try and get a response from her to see if she has any feelings for me, but then also run the risk of further rejection and then regret because of this...

 

this is very stressful.

 

funeral next week to attend to. thats also going to get to me. hard. ill end up in the pub and get pissed, then will prob end up txting her in my sorrowed state.

 

 

 

or am i just over complicating this whole situation and i just need to be straight up with myself and her. Is it just simply a case that i liked her a lot more than she did me, and i'm just caught up.

 

should I care what she thinks about me contacting her if i were to do.

 

3 weeks is good going, maybe it wouldn't be that bad. i don't know

Edited August 27, 2011 by Dblock10

[Rorschach64]

Dblock,

 

I feel you! I am sure you have read this about NC and them coming back at you to get back together but I'll repeat it. If they want you back they will come knocking at your door screaming and whailing like a Banshee! I am sure you tried to keep the relationship going but she ended it, she knows you want the relationship to keep on going so it should be her to make the initative, she knows how to get ahold of you too.

 

You are stuck up on the "What if's" and whatever, just stick to the NC and I am sorry for your loss but she has no right to know about your situation since she tossed you out like yesterday's trash. Please stay NC for your own sake, it is not worth it.

[Dblock10]

thanks for the reply friend.

 

yeah i've read it a dozen times. ultimately she is travelling, and stated she doesn't want to fall out by staying together because she is crap at communication so arguments would be common, she doesnt want re labels at this point in her life, or stresses that could ruin her time travelling. she wants to be free now she has completed her degree and uni life. she also doesnt want to commit to sticking around once back, thus cant make promises even if we stayed together. made it fairly concrete that its over in that sense...

 

yeah it should be her to make the initiative, sadly i doubt this is likely at all and thats hard to swallow. i think, i, and everyone else knows i wont here from her again before she goes away. slim chance of hearing from her once shes back. but hey thats life right... there is nothing i can do. she ultimately made the decision to leave the relationship here. and end on "good terms" as she put it. despite me displaying very keen interest to make it work and wanting it to continue all along.

 

she has no right to know the situation but it eats me to my core to know she hasn't blinked an eye since all was "said and done". she knew on that last day i saw her how i was upset about my nan's critical condition, hence why i when i left hers she knew i was driving to go say final good byes effectively.

 

she has 0 guilt for the break up clearly and never wanted to do the dirty and bring it to a head. she was happy to keep it going but was very laid back and didnt seem to fussed about the outcome. we talked it through on the phone and kind of argued about the travel. from then it was clear she didnt want anything to do with me, i was always txting her, asking to see her but she clearly didnt want to at that point, she was clear that a break up was best and then she put logic to her thought process and decided she was better off out of something with me.

 

its just me that cant get over her now, whilst she is probably loving life and has one of her best male friends going to visit her before she leaves to travel and time off for a friends birthday.

 

makes me sick. wish i could forget her.

Edited August 27, 2011 by Dblock10

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[Rorschach64]

Dblock,

 

You tried and she wanted out, that's that. She probably already checked herself out of the relationship way before you knew it was over, which is evident in her not really caring so much about breaking up or thinking twice. It is the most horrible feeling to know that you put forth effort in to the relationship and seemingly they just walk away without a beat, but it doubly triply hurts they don't even bother to consider your feelings after the break up enough to send you at least a "Go burn in hell" text.

 

I am not saying this to give you hope or whatever but you never know what can happen in the future, but it is best for you to move on without her and try your best to forget her, not care what she thinks or feels about you, or the if's and buts of what you can do to MAYBE save the relationship.

 

PS My current situation with my ex f is similar in nature to yours so I know where you are coming from but it does get better in the long run, I promise you.

[Dblock10]

yeah thats right! thats that yeah i think she did, she knew she was always going to go travelling and we would split up, she never really considered a future for us just that this was nice for the time being... which is fair enough i guess? but its me that fell for her hard. she must have known this. maybe thats why her attitude at the end was stand off ish as she felt guilty.

 

we went to a music festival together before her going home, and before we went she informed me how she wasnt going to sleep with me incase people heard us... :S very odd. but could reflect she was emotionally checking out. when i finally saw her she didnt intimately kiss me or do anything more. just held hands, cuddled up in bed. and that was that.

 

she did say she was sorry for putting me in this position. but me being mature and nice said yeah its not your fault really. its rubbish. but you did tell me all along you were going so nothing i can do about it.

 

 

 

even if she did really like me, she just didnt want to try and make it work. i feel so guilty and hurt for almost re inforcing to her that we wouldnt work... i explained to her that i didnt mean it, the reason i said it was because i was scared she wouldnt want to commit, so i was trying to protect myself.. stupid i know but when you really fall for someone, and you realise they havent fallen as deeply for you, you do and say all sorts for mixed up things.

 

 

either way she never sounded pleased that i was willing to see her after 3 months to break the travel into two, and meet her in aus! you could tell she seemed "meh" when i mentioned it. and when i mentioned it again to her that i would wait for her etc and come see her, she was like, yeah but 3 months is still a long time!

 

i also had to be real to myself at the time, it would be hard to maintain a re with her and knowing how bad she is at communication, added to the fact that she couldn't and wouldn't make promises as to what she was doing once back... she wants to do a season. so again, going away for a prolonged amount of time.

 

true, no one knows the future i guess. i am trying to move on without her as thats all i can do and it IS best i forget her. but again... ouch

somehow i need to stop caring. i think that will only happen when i start seeing someone new and there has been some time to be myself again.

 

interesting its similar to my story, its surprising what you find when reading stories on here.

 

if its meant to be, then im sure we will happen again in the future. but who knows really who knows.

 

all i know is i am a very 1 girl type of guy. i will still think about her all the time, and if/when she does commit to someone new that will hurt me.

 

 

 

we had a night out and her ex was txting her, and i got her phone and read the txt and it said, that "he can see your with someone else now, and "i dont want to see that"

 

id feel bad for him but he cheated on her 3 times and hurt her physically.

Edited August 27, 2011 by Dblock10

[Rorschach64]

Dblock,

 

It seems like your ex at least was, for the most part, upfront about everything and at least recognize she did SOME wrong. I would also suspect from what you said at your message's end that she might have also been interested in someone else? Correct me if I am just swatting at nothing here.

 

As for my story, my ex f, after I traveled over 40 hours to see her (she lives in another country) we had sex, we made out, and everything fine the first day I saw her and then she shut herself off the very next day and the rest of the time I was there for 7 days on top of her being very occupided with texting someone she would not ID after asking out of sheer curisoity thus following defensive behavior. Eventually follow up a bunch of accusing and counter accusing to finally clearing my own name and just being left with no real solid answers, loopy bs answers, and her still possessing my laptop then on top of her not even talking to me anymore even though the lines are open to it.

 

But yeah anyway, in the end she will probably will end up someone in all reality and it WILL hurt but it is better you maintain NC so you have a high chance of not finding out about it and walk off on your merry way Try to walk away as best you can, learn you are awesome kick ass apple sauce, you deserve better, and most importantly you are not doomed including there are too many people in this world to give up!

[lymtal1]

DB10,

 

He is right. If she wanted to talk to you, be with you, or anything else she would move heaven and earth to make sure you felt this. I know that sounds very tough but at this point many of us on this site need to hear that. I have a best guy that tells me that almost every day. I feel your pain as I am feeling it non-stop.

 

What we must do is take a look at reality and know that we do not have any control over what they do. We have control over what we do. What we need to do is pull ourselves up and get our lives together. We do that by focusing on us.

 

I have been one month of N/C and as much as I want contact I will never do it. Why? Because I did it for two months and it tore me up. I could not take it anymore. Yes I feel the same as you. You know what though? I do feel better that I have absolutely no clue what she is or is not doing. Do I care? Of course I do. But I tell myself that this was not my decision and I can't do anything about it. So whatever she is doing and whatever she does the rest of her life will be nothing I will ever know.

 

We have one choice in this. That is to do whatever it takes to get through it. Each day as hard as it is, wake up and be happy that we have this day. Start focusing on yourself as hard as it may be.

 

Until you come to grips with the fact that you have only control of yourself you, I and all of those who are feeling the same way as you will wallow in this state. I really am getting tired of it. I still have very bad days as was today. But the only way that I know I will be able to deal with this is knowing that there is a begining a middle and an end. The end will come at some point. But I promise you that if we don't take control it never will.

 

Keep being strong and my thoughts will be with you at the time of your nan's funeral.

[Dblock10]

interested in someone else? because of the txt messages she got? well that was very early on into the relationship, so i think she was clearing up that, he contacted her at this re union event thing, and obviously she had moved on with me.

 

we talked about it the next day and cleared it up she was sorry etc.

 

your story sounds messy, and confusing! but she is probably seeing someone else it would seem...

 

 

yeah i know what you mean about having control over yourself not them etc, and as much as i dont want to break NC, i also dont want to become a distant stranger to her.

 

i dont want to break NC as ive done it for 3 weeks now, if i txt her i dont want to feel foolish, and i dont want to regret it.

 

however, i dont want her to become just another distant memory like my first ex. It will hurt finding out she's moved on to another guy regardless of how much time in NC you have had. I want to play this one differently as in keep in contact and try and ultimately "win" if there is such a thing... but is she "really" worth all that trouble and pain.....

 

its worse in fact that you have had nothing to do with there lives for so long then suddenly find out. or look back and think jeez that was a long time ago, yeah shes moved on but have i?

 

i tried to walk away in the best possible way from this, and i think i did a good job at that. And i know that if they wanted to be with you they would, but i know she doesnt want to based on what she said and that she is off traveling, so doesnt want anything with anyone. although of course she will hook up with people. who wouldnt.

 

but seems like nows the time to contact her and just see how things go.

 

i would casually talk to her on face book, but she literally doesn't go on it these days. she works all hours to save for the travelling.

 

i just don't want to feel stupid for contacting her as my friend told me not to as she doesn't care. which seems true tbh. this is why if i txt her i may feel foolish.

 

but maybe i should and just see what happens :S

[Rorschach64]

Dblock,

 

Ah my bad on that. I guess I misread or misunderstood about that text.

 

Yes my story is messy and confuzzling, even a counsler I saw recently couldn't make heads or tails of it except she projected guilt, she wanted out, there probably was someone else, and she was indecisive on top of possible mental/emotional issues. She followed GIGs to a T basically, now I know not to ask a 22 year old to marry me lol.

 

Well think about it like this, is being in contact with her and finding out she is with someone else already worth the hurt? I do not think so just to be friends. Plus what would you accomplish anyway if do not become a distant memory?

 

Honestly, going from my story, only keeping contact with the dumper only seems to annoy, granted in my case she only wanted to be friends until I found out she was seeing someone already after 4 days of break up from her friend and accused her of staging the break up-funny how that goes, them and create that image that you NEED them when you don't thus appearing clingy and weak. I do not want that image and I am betting you do not want that either.

 

It is up to you in the end, sir. I highly disagree with breaking NC, obviously, as it seems like it will just serve more frustration for you and push her further away. I know the agony about wanting to talk to my ex and maybe just this one time if I talk to her I will get her to realize her choice was wrong and we will get back together, won't work like that even if you pulled off what I did and removed the original reason for the break up, they'll just find some other reason in their mind to stay broken up till they come screaming back for you.

[Dblock10]

no worries rorsch, it was a bit complicated that whole scenario anyway.

 

yeah this girl i am talking about is 21 actually.. i am 24 just now!

 

i highly doubt she is with someone else/ she is still leaving soon, so that wouldn't make much sense really :S

 

i guess i would accomplish not allowing her to forget me.. and so prevent her fully moving on, we wouldn't forget each other or become a distant memory, since the break up was mutual/inevitable this places this case in a slightly different category.

 

however yeah i dont want to look clingy and push her away at all. but I accept somewhat of her decision. i know not to try and change her mind as it wont work. only she will change it, or be able to suggest some kind of alternative if she wanted to. i feel bad for being on at her for wanting to meet her, whilst i knew she was working a lot. i think thats when i started pushing her away, she was shattered from working all the time and then having me to deal with.

 

i dont want to change her mind, i want to know she cares about me and isn't totally pushing me to one side now and forgetting me as this is how i feel, given iv'e not heard anything. i'm finding this the most difficult part.

 

help

 

i just cant decide wether to txt her, or to wait longer and txt her just before she goes, or wait even longer and txt her after shes been on her travels for a while. her birthday is about a month into her travels.

 

my friend told me "promise you wont talk to her" as your'll feel stupid for doing so esp if she doesnt reply..

 

thing is, if i do contact her, it would be hard not to mention the whole thing, but maybe i should contact her and not mention it all? maybe she might

Edited August 28, 2011 by Dblock10

[Rorschach64]

This reply will be short cause gotta do laundry and stuff so I will address the contacting her bit

 

You seem determined to talk to her so I do not think I can persuade you there. I think it might be best to send her a parting message when she leaves. Till then give her the space she desires. As for myself, I plan on doing the same thing before I go over to the desert for the Army, telling my ex I do not hate her for what she did and only want whats best so I guess I would be sort of a hypocrite in telling you to absolutely not do a parting message.

[Dblock10]

no worrries

 

yeah i guess i am determined! but maybe foolishly so..

 

hmm yeah could send a parting message. although you sound like your doing it for closure for you, as you do not wish for a reply. for me, id like a reply, and if i didnt get one, yeah i'd be gutted i guess.

 

i dont want to regret leaving it too late to speak to her.

 

argh so hard to decide what to do. i may just casually call her and just speak to her on the phone. mention my nan, ask how she is getting on. and leave it as that

[lymtal1]

db10,

 

so here are my thoughts. i would say don't do it for your self and well being and not to set you back. but that is what i think based on me and my situation and thinking about how in most instances these communications usually set us back.

 

now here is what i will tell you based on you and yours. you seem very intent of having this contact happen for your reasons. we can't know what is going to happen but if you have to do it, do it and get it over with.

 

get your mind right as to a few things. what method is best, but as said do not call? maybe a hand written letter? what do you want to say, what is the message you want to get across? don't look needy. what are you expecting to get back in return? go into this with no expectations, in fact plan for the worst that you can imagine as that will probably be what happens. it is better to believe that the worst is going to happen because it more than likely will.

 

if this will give you some relief and doing this you believe will keep you in her mind and you can take the worst scenairo, than do it get it done and lets see what happens. and regardless we will be here for you no matter.

[Rorschach64]

Well I honestly think if you were to message her a hand written letter might be more meaningful? This age of techonlogy and instant communications, a letter might seem more touching and had some effort put in to it, that's what I plan on doing myself.

 

In regards to the content of the message I think you should just lay down how you feel, to a degree nothing over the top, and wish her the bestest of the best. Basically be nice and understanding if you want an ultimate peaceful resolution, but also get out what you feel.

 

As for me, my ex f's final words to me since NC started were some where along the lines of suggesting I full of hate towards her, as she told me I could spew all my hatred out for her at the end of the talk which I didn't, and she wished to know if I wanted to still talk but didn't let me know if she wanted to. So my hopes are to create a nice image of myself, give myself peace, and a slight crack in the door for her to come back if/when she wants to. I will remain NC else wise as I prescribed for you, sir.

[Dblock10]

thanks for that lym

 

yeah set backs are not good are they. But the problem is "if" i did communicate with her via phone, she would be sympathetic and caring. thats the annoying thing.. but i feel "I" shouldn't "Have" to poke her to care or prompt her to talk to me..

 

I had a word with a best female mate and my mum. My friend reminded me that when i left hers, she KNEW i was going to see my nan. she knew her condition wasn't great. and that i was upset about it, hence telling her at the meal out we had.

 

so for her not to even txt me the next day/same day asking if i got there ok or to ask about my nan... is really not nice. my friend's ex's dad killed himself, and she told him she would support him through it made sure he was ok.

 

my reasons for contact is that I still care about her and just don't want her to forget me. i want her to care about me. and the fact she hasn't spoke to me in this long hurts me to my core. it hurts more than the break up did.

It means she just "doesn't care" and is too wrapped up in her own world and seeing her mates before she leaves.

 

I dont really want to say anything specific or about the break up, i just want her to care about me, and to show some feelings towards me. I feel completely chucked away. I want the contact to mean that we can still talk and have "something" between us instead of this not talking without reasons.

 

I thought she was really lovely and caring, so this is hard for me to deal with or to accept.

 

and right now, i have racing thoughts about her seeing someone else.... why else wouldn't i have heard from her for this long? and i don't know if i could be over analysing this, but when i went to see her, she left me in the lounge room with her mum, she disappeared down stairs for about 10 minutes. when she came back i asked what she had been doing, and she said "nothing".

 

then later on i said to her, oh where you checking cinema times then for later? she said yeah.

right now i have such a strong urge to check her face book for clues. but that would be useless i guess and make it worse. Maybe she was txting someone or something... :S

 

so yeah. my friend tells me to stay strong and don't contact her, why would i want someone in my life who is or can be like that? she said 3 weeks is good you shouldn't give into your emotions, use the brain.

 

she said, i think you will come out better for this, in future your'll be able to handle relationships better and realise when someone isnt worth it.

 

 

so yeah. feel **** again now about the whole thing.

[Rorschach64]

Dblock,

 

Yup, heard all that and thought all that about my ex, as if she didn't care about anything that just happened between you and her plus the whole relationship was for naught. I am not sure how to explain this behavior to be honest, maybe dumpers' way of coping with the break up by ignoring the other person's feeling, their own faults and trying to be critical. I guess, Ignorance is bliss in this case for the dumper? I cannot explain why she acts so flip floppy about her emotions towards you, maybe it is guilt?

 

The only way I've been keeping myself from breaking NC is just telling myself I did everything possibly right and who the hell cares what they think or feel because it isn't my problem anymore unless things are re-established yada yada yada. I know you do not want her to forget you but man you can't force her to forget you or even remember you.

 

With the whole disappearing for the 10 minutes and not talking to you, yes that maybe the very case she is seeing someone already, which would explain also her ability to just drop you like nothing. My ex did the very exact same thing last time I saw , her even though we were together, and in the end after 4 days of being broken up her friend told me she was already seeing someone else.

 

I say do your parting farwell message through whichever media you want to use and let it go and work on yourself.

Edited August 28, 2011 by Rorschach64

[Dblock10]

hmm, yeah i dont know anymore.

 

it must be how she is coping with it. thats all it can be. maybe she does feel guilt.. or maybe she literally doesn't feel anything.

 

 

how do you mean flip floppy?

 

 

hmm ****, dont know what to think about her potentially seeing someone else. maybe i should check her fb?

 

hmm well i said my parting farewell in person. i just didnt bag on it being the last time we actually spoke again...

 

i started a new second chance thread and here is a thought of mine taken from that >

 

have I done something wrong for the no contact on her behalf? I feel like maybe she resents me for saying it wouldn't work when she goes. or maybe she felt like I dumped her which I guess I initially initiated as she never told me what she wanted, i just assumed if she really wanted to be with me she should instantly know!

 

although I did tell her after all those phone calls that I wanted it to work etc etc and explained the only reason i said that was because i thought she didn't care, as she wasn't telling me what she wanted. i told her i was scared she wouldn't want to commit so i said those things to stop myself getting hurt. but she had made up her mind she would rather be single now and enjoy the travelling and not have to worry about me or the relationship stresses that would happen whilst she's off travelling.

 

 

but really this shouldnt be a reason not to hear from her again is it? i mean i didnt cheat on her or anything.

Edited August 28, 2011 by Dblock10

[Rorschach64]

Dblock,

 

There is no accurate way to figure out why she is doing x y z and what she is doing to the extent of seeing someone else already. I would suggest NOT checking out FB or whatever, to find out about it because it may cause more harm than good, just let her go because you already said this is what she wants and she can go do whatever she wants at this point is not your concern. It sucks hearing that and even typing that out to you but it is the truth.

 

The flip floppy part I was refering to her actually being sympathetic and caring over the phone and through any other mode of contact she is not, am I correct in that assumption?

 

Well still if you want to send a final message to her before she leaves I still think it is okay but I guess keep it short and sweet since this is a second farwell technically.

 

Well I am not that 'fluent' in your situation from what it seems. So you ended the relationship because you were afraid of her leaving so you ended things under the pretense of 'it wouldn't work when she leaves'?

 

It doesn't matter in the end since she has declared her intentions and stand points in the matter. If you wish to ask her if her NC with you is a reflection of her feelings towards you, you can do that but be prepared to open pandora's box of hurt or you might get the answer you are looking for. Plus, you already said your piece to her as to why you did what you did, so I am not sure where else you can gain ground in this situation.

 

God knows why she is doing this like I said, it might because of some made up dellusion, like my ex, to vindicate herself or she might have a very valid reason. I figure how you are going on this path you are going to contact her and what you say...well that is up to you as if you want to keep drilling her or just say good bye.

[Dblock10]

yeah thats true. well i checked her fb!!! nothing to report, just her mate who she is travelling with posting comments. and she is friends with some guy but doesnt look to be a threat tbh. oh and another guy posted telling her to "get her ass back out here and he will be around sydney for nye and x mass, then posted underneath it oops wrong "s"....

 

hope it was a mistake... not sure what to make of that, as she is out in aus around that time...

 

her guy mate "a" wrote on her wall about missing her face about and that if she can see him before she goes he can go visit her. (funny how she has already pre booked the time off for another one of her mates but not for him. i liked "a" he liked me a lot to)

 

Yeah over the phone correct, in txts she would seem distant. but shes always been that way. she isnt a great txt'er at all really.

 

yeah it would be ok i guess. but still sad shes going. and sad we broke up.

 

basically we live 3 hours apart. after uni finished she moved home, i went home. communication got hard as she was working lots. when i did speak to her i wanted to know what was going to happen. she didnt kno. she hadnt thought about it and i felt like i was in limbo. to me i felt that if she wanted to be with me she should or would just "know" not have to give her time to think about it, i felt she didnt realllly want to stay with me whilst travelling. as when i suggested meeting her whilst she was on it, she didnt seem interested. i also told her i had fallen for her and she told me that she really likes me.

 

and based on her wishy washness i said first that i didn't think it would work (as i was scared of being dumped before she leaves of whilst shes away or that she wouldnt want to commit to me for the travel). even when saying that i didnt think it would work, she didnt fight back and say she wanted it to etc. then i tried the approach of calling her saying i support her decision for going and ill miss her etc but we should stay in contact and she can show me the photos once shes back. she was like "could do" in a none caring way

 

so to me it seemed like she wasn't bothered at all. i removed the re status off facebook in the morning after that call and told her the next day i wasn't happy that she hasn't given me her point of view in any of this and she was leaving me to make a decision i didn't want to make. i said forget what i said. what do you want!

 

she then told me she agreed with what i said that it makes sense, we should take the pressure off, and she wouldn't want to fall out with me whilst travelling and have our re ruined for good and for her travelling to be ruined with it. I told her i would wait for her and that I would go to aus to see her but she didnt sound bothered. at THAT point we both agreed for a break as she talked of meeting up once back and see what happens etc and to me that sounded really good.

 

she sounded a bit suprised i removed the fb status when i told her at the end of that convo, but i told her its cause i felt she didnt care. i said do u have anything to say about that? she said, no i havent been on, so didnt know theres not much to say about it!

 

after that call, i wouldn't hear from her unless i contacted her and she never wanted to meet up with me... i added her back to fb and i gave it a week, but she never accepted it. i saw she was friends with one of my friends and so when i questioned her she claimed she never got the request, and that her laptop internet broke..

 

i think we spoke again and she told me she was sorry for putting me in this position with the travelling etc

 

then i finally managed to arrange to meet her in person, on her day off work, she was reluctant to meet me basically. i decided to tell her my true feelings at night after the whole day we spent together and explained why i said what i said.

 

she would say "yeah well you said it first, you must have thought it" i said well yeah i thought it would be very hard thats all, but we can make it work, it would be a true test of us. she said she doesn't want to be in a "test" im only 21 just finished uni and want to have a good time, no re stresses, etc.

even if we did stay together and made it work, i dont want to feel obliged to do something near you once back, i know its selfish but i cant make promises. like if i come back and announce im off again then what, its just not practical to stay together, you cant be in a relationship with someone you cant see for that long... she doesnt want the label. she doesnt want to act differently infront of new people if she knew she was with me. "not that i would be getting with loads of people". she doesnt want to feel guilty or worry about what i would think of that.

 

so it was too late she had made her mind up that she wants to be single, have no worries, and doesnt want to commit to something in my area when she is back, doesnt want to try and make it work, she just wants to be free and enjoy her time travelling, stress free and put uni and work behind her. she hadnt given it real thought back then as to how long 6 months is etc. and that we would just argue as she is poor at communication. she wants us to be on good terms and update each other with our lives...

she then dropped the "if you love something, let it go line"

 

at night she was sexually withdrawn, but during the night we cuddled like we normally did.

 

yeah i could ask her that, but at the same time like you say, what do i gain out of that other than hurt and letting her know its really effecting me. = weak

 

yeah i dont know why either. its hard.

 

drilling her? yeah ive said good bye already

 

just feels like we are drifting very far apart and if i dont hear from her now i wont when shes gone either and then who knows.

 

i feel like if i want a chance to be with her i need to keep in touch. but again she made it clear it was over and she is basically moving on with this travelling and then what ever else she wants to do when back, and it doesnt involve me.

 

she should be the one contacting me, as when i left her house that day, she knew i was off to see my nan in hospital, i told her id always be here for her, i told her if she wanted to meet and do something before she goes to let me know and we can arrange something.

 

she said yeah depends on money and time though with work.

i cant win.

Edited August 28, 2011 by Dblock10