reimeivn Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 actually today i got home and cried a whole bunch. i feel really sad. so i guess its not just a bit. i tried to be brave and hang out with this group of people that i knew would ask me about the breakup. i tried to open up to people. but one of them told me that it was my fault that i didnt let the ex have the friends he wanted. those friends hurt me in the first place so, yes, i did have difficulties he chose to hang out with them and not back me up anyways. but i did learn, did let my guard down, did change for him. i really dont think its my fault since all the friends we ever hanged out with are his friends. he didnt like every single of my friend. not like me, except that group, every body else of his friends loves me. now ask me why he chose to hang out with that group only. so i told her it just didnt work out. and she said she heard that he loved me a lot. now that hurt my feelings. i havent felt that way for a long time. and now i am questioning myself if i was the one who asked for too much. why didnt i feel that he loved me, i dont know. i just know that he stopped loving me long time ago. when he forgot my bday. when i came all the way over to his place and he left me sit by myself so that he could go out with his friends. when i went to bed alone late at night and he never cared. i tried staying at the party but i couldnt. i opened myself up but all that people do is hurting me. why is that he dumped me and still i am the one who broke his heart like people say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 i dont feel like my life is gonna get any better anytime soon. i dont know why but people just made me feel like i just lost too much. i would never be able to find anybody like him. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I am in the same situation. If he dumped you and is still hurting, it's his poor relationship skills that he is really mad at... except, that doesn't really make sense, so he transfers that blame to you. I was a great partner who wanted a better and stronger relationship. I was willing to work for it too and tried to get him on the same page. The relationship had bug issues that he did not want to address. People love in different ways, but your ex sounds like he was insensitive and emotionally unavailable. It is not your fault. And you will find someone better than him, you have A LOT of life left to live and he is only one guy in a sea of millions! Keep moving forward, you're doing great Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 i feel like there is something wrong with me. i dont know why i am hurt this much. nobody cares really. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 There is nothing wrong with you. People do care about you, but it's your perception/depression/sadness that is preventing you from seeing that. When you're down in a hole it's hard to see any light... so a lot of things seem/feel worse than they are. And for the record, any friend that will hurt you is not a friend worth having. You can make new friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 right after he dumped me he said something about him being really sad on facebook, its like i was the one who broke his heart. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Rather than work on the relationship, HE DUMPED YOU. You don't owe him anything, including pity. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. But, clearly his unhappiness with you was worse than his unhappiness now without you. He has ownership in this, so don't think that it was just you. He left. His choice. His misery. Don't shoulder the burden for him, this is his to carry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 i am really sad. i dont have any friends. friday i am home alone. saturday i am home alone. every night i am home alone. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 i am really sad. i dont have any friends. friday i am home alone. saturday i am home alone. every night i am home alone. I am home alone too a lot! And last night when I went out it blew up in my face: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t294432/ But, I will keep going out and figure out ways to make new connections. I will make new friends and I will have fun, it just takes time and adjusting. And you know why this will happen? Because I am a good person and people can see that when they meet me. I have something to offer. You need to get yourself out sometime. The gym, a coffee shop, a social group (reading, sports, anything), volunteer. What do you like to do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 i really dont think anybody is gonna like me, other than him. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 #1: the pity party for yourself STOPS NOW. No one is going to want someone that doesn't even seem to want themself. You need to build your self esteem. #2 GET OUT AND DO THINGS! #3: In that picture of you I see a pretty young lady, and thats what a lot of other people see too ... so keep smiling! Link to post Share on other sites
Finch Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Rei: Sci-Girl is right. You need to stop the negative self-talk and pity. You are young and you WILL meet more people. Thinking that no one is ever going to be interested in you again is just wrong. It's hard for you to see it now, but it will happen. Also, I think you need to get out and meet some new people, stop hanging around with the same group that knew your ex and that think they know everything that happened. You need friends that are just for you. You're in school right? Is it college? If so, consider joining an on-campus club or society. They are a good way to get to know new people and are generally very accepting of new members. If you lived in the same city as me I would definitely be friends with you. I'd take you out for ice-cream. You'll find a place where you feel comfortable. When I was in my teens I spent a lot of time alone - I was a late bloomer, and I suspect you might be too. High school was not fun for me. But after that I got out on my own, and made a real effort to meet new people and push myself to be more outgoing. It was difficult at first because I feel shy and out of place a lot, but it gets easier and easier. I know you can do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 i mean i wouldnt be this lonely i guess but its the beginning of the school year so the clubs havent met yet. i know next weekend i wouldnt be this lonely. i really dont know why but tonight is the hardest. it hit me like a tons of bricks that 1. i dont have friends. 2. the ex is happy now that i am not with him, and that he can be with all the partier he used to not have as much time to be with since he was with me. Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 r, let me tell you something. i have read way too many of your posts on here not to know the kind of person you are. you are a great person. you have put yourself out on this site and have tried to help so many people with your thoughts and observations. do not let one comment by someone that may have made it very off-handed put you into this type of state. they do not know the real situation i am sure. the reality is that actions speak very much louder than words. you talked in great detail of specific things that he did to showed you how he may have really felt. these are real. these are things that you felt and that shaped your feelings from him and towards him. trust yourself and what you know and not a simple comment from someone that may be very insignificant in your life. you stay strong, and please do not doubt yourself. i know you are a great person from your actions on this board:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 i just want to say thanks to you guys. i bet i had a bad mood swing last night. but i do feel A LOT better when reading your words. they just help. i sometimes forget the fact that the ex did never love me enough to start with. yes i was not the perfect girlfriend, but that is not the reason for anybody to make me walk over all the times and not give me the care and love i deserve. i know in my heart that even though he tried, it was all about him, not about me. it was my fault too i let it happen. and i know it is good that i am not with him anymore. i know that it will be good for my personal well being. i know that it will be good for my classes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 * i walked over there every single time we have time to hang out. he usually just play games. or hang out with his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 reimeivn, You must have had a bad day you don't post very often. You are the one that helps everyone else on here ! Thank you for all of the advice ! You are very very special and have a lot of care for people . You give a great deal of yourself ! He is the problem with his bad behavior, Jerk and more ! Boys to men ! He has failed as a man ! There are more mature ones out there. Someone to get to know you and all the good you have to offer. Please be sad only for a day or two and then bounce back. Better days ahead ! Strength ! Queen of Hearts 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Freesia120 Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 You are such a good person you were cheering me up the other day.Somebody recently told me that dating is a trial and error type of thing so I will say the same to you. I had a setback today too,My friend called me to tell me she bumped into my X yesterday with his new GF...I felt awful,it was only recently that I was wondering how he is coping with his career problems,housing, and now he has a GF?? He had the nerve to ask her about me,I was doing "well" now this has taken me back again!! Remember you only wanted what you thought would be a good thing for your r/ship,nobody should make you feel bad about it Hope you feel better soon Link to post Share on other sites
moontiger Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 i would never be able to find anybody like him. Of course not! You'll find someone way, way better. And that is a promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 ok the he is dating somebody new havent hit me yet. it makes me sad already thinking about it. so i think i should face the fact that he is really happy to be living with some women, so thats kind of like dating already. i know he is looking for one. hey i dont know what i should feel he is dating somebody else? Link to post Share on other sites
WhoMI Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Reimeivn Yup it's very tough to fight that evil thought of ex with someone new but I just see it as part of the whole healing process. I totally empathize with ur sadness & it's more challenging when we r alone. Fortunately we have this site & some great ppl to help us get through those tough times. I dunno u but from other ppl replies u sound like a great person to be friends with. ur not alone b/c u also have ppl here to support u. Fact, we r only human and fact, the sun will eventually come out if not tomorrow then the day after or next But it will come. Link to post Share on other sites
moontiger Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 ok the he is dating somebody new havent hit me yet. it makes me sad already thinking about it. so i think i should face the fact that he is really happy to be living with some women, so thats kind of like dating already. i know he is looking for one. hey i dont know what i should feel he is dating somebody else? Relief! He's somebody else's problem now. Make a list of all the things you didn't like about him, and just think...they're somebody else's problem now. Like other folks on your thread have said, you are young and you are very pretty. I will give it to you in writing that two years from now you will not remember this guy; you will look back at him as a pothole in the road--and you will be so happy that he left, so you could meet someone better. Love, Moontiger Link to post Share on other sites
Author reimeivn Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 hey thank you people, turn out you guys care about me more than i could hope for. i think i met this one really cute guy, and i thought he hit it off really well, but then he ignored me when i sent him a message. maybe that made me a bit sad too? i feel like i really dont know guys. tell me guys, why does a guy is all over you one day, and then acts like he doesnt know you the next. he possibly just playing with you right? thats what i think, thats why i feel a bit down. nobody seems to be genuinely into me. Link to post Share on other sites
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