The other side...would YOU ever be a BS?

[mzdolphin]

I don't believe they are the same thing either. The BS is married legally to the person. Whether she is invested morally or in love...who knows. But no I don't perceive the affair is the same level.

 

 

These two things are different, even for the MM. The legal part is more than paper. They have probably built a home, financial security (one of the perks of marriage), family, friends, community. Those things are not easy to walk away from. Even if a man has fallen "out of love or lust" with is wife, he might now be ready to walk away from that. And whether its the kids, the money, the house, the friends, the neighbors, etc. whatever keeps him there, keeps him in a marriage that he feels strongly enough about to stay in.

 

As the OW, you've invested your time, self esteem and heart. Those are painful to walk away from, but come with more upside than leaving a marriage. Unless the marriage is abusive.

 

And in the end, you don't want to be a taxi, the vehicle waiting to pick him up when she grows tired of his cheating. Because that's usually how this ends. She throws the bum out. Then some other poor woman is left with him. You want a MAN. A real MAN, who faces his issues. If it is over, then he will respect his wife and tell her the truth and then leave. Then if he comes to you, it's because he wanted to start a life with you, not because she got sick of his foolishness. Don't you see how different that sounds, feels?

[skywriter]

Just thinking about things tonight. My MM has had two D days, and his wife is aware we are still in contact. I've wondered how I would react if I was in that position. If you found out your spouse had cheated, would you reconcile, or would that be the end for you? Why do you think BS stay?

 

 

I was a BS. My marriage started off on the wrong foot all together. I should've gotten it annuled, but I listened to him cry and threaten to kill himself if I did.

 

I was young and thousands of miles from home, so I convinced myself that I should give it a proper chance.

 

In the end, a couple of months shy of our 17th anniversary, he came to me and announced, that he'd already rented a place, and would be gone in two days.

[donnamaybe]

Then your point should have been made in a different way rather than at my comments about a situation that involved no infidelity but was meant as an explanation of why men tend to think twice about leaving their kids.

Interesting viewpoint, especially in light of the fact that you answered a post of mine in which I was questioning a MM's mindset based on what the OP had written about her MM. Perhaps, if you want to discuss your MM, you should start your own thread. At the veryleast, when you interject yourself into someone's musings on a particular situation you should try not to get bent when the topic of conversation doesn't suddenly turn to you. Edited September 1, 2011 by donnamaybe

[Summer Breeze]

Interesting viewpoint, especially in light of the fact that you answered a post of mine in which I was questioning a MM's mindset based on what the OP had written about her MM. Perhaps, if you want to discuss your MM, you should start your own thread. At the veryleast, when you interject yourself into someone's musings on a particular situation you should try not to get bent when the topic of conversation doesn't suddenly turn to you.

 

You made a relatively generic comment about 2 happy homes vs 1 unhappy home. I commented using the example of my brother's situation-not the MM previously talked about and not about my xMM. You came back and made a comment about the previously mentioned MM. I commented back that my comment had not even mentioned it so if you had wanted to talk about that situation as opposed to mine you shouldn't have replied to my post.

 

You will note my xMM was not mentioned in my post at all-it was my brother. I could care less if the topic doesn't turn to me. I learn more from reading and listening than I do writing and talking. Once I said those words to someone and they reminded me that others are reading and listening and my words might give someone something. I'll talk about me but I sure don't get bent if the conversation doesn't revolve around me.

 

Next.

[teacher1994]

the real question should be why r u waiting around when the man never left his wife yet? lol

he had two d days n he stayed. if i were u i would feel cheated n a fool. he could leave anytime for u dear but he hasnt. putting the end of the marriage in his wifes hands only allows u to blaim her and not him.

 

the wife has more to lose than u. house, finances and kids father. she is more commited. but u need to see it is the man not the wife who should make the call. and after two d days.........HES STILL THERE! why r u still waiting?

im not being rude, pls dont think im disrespecting u. im just saying its not her duty.its his. put the blaim on him.

[donnamaybe]

You made a relatively generic comment about 2 happy homes vs 1 unhappy home. I commented using the example of my brother's situation-not the MM previously talked about and not about my xMM. You came back and made a comment about the previously mentioned MM. I commented back that my comment had not even mentioned it so if you had wanted to talk about that situation as opposed to mine you shouldn't have replied to my post.

 

You will note my xMM was not mentioned in my post at all-it was my brother. I could care less if the topic doesn't turn to me. I learn more from reading and listening than I do writing and talking. Once I said those words to someone and they reminded me that others are reading and listening and my words might give someone something. I'll talk about me but I sure don't get bent if the conversation doesn't revolve around me.

 

Next.

 

Nice try, but I was discussing the OP's MM with her when you quoted and responded to my post.

Next.

[Summer Breeze]

Nice try, but I was discussing the OP's MM with her when you quoted and responded to my post.

Next.

 

No worries. One of us is misinterpreting it and having looked it yet again I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. I'm happy to bow out gracefully and let you have this, right or wrong.

 

Next.

[ccgirl]

will someone please tell me what BS stands for... I get OW and MM...thanks!