Broken up for 6 months - my ex still tells me he wants to marry me

[joanpaupau]

Hi,

 

Basically, we've been broken up for 6 months. I honestly thought we would be back together by now. I have tried to not contact him at all, but every month or less, he would always send me an email or a text message. He says I'm still his best friend, and that he still loves me very much and can't go on a day without thinking about me. but he also says he isnt ready to be in a relationship with me again. His step-sister recently had a baby. He took me to see them when his niece was born. He told me in a couple of years he hopes him and I will have our own together, and that he brought me to see them because he still loves me and still considers me a part of the family, and because we will have our own family in the future. He says in his heart of hearts he wants us to have a baby and share a life with me. However, right now he has to "re-establish" his life. I should also tell you that despite what he says to me, he still goes on "dates" with other girls. I also know he invites other girls out to have drinks with him. So you can tell how confused I am. Should I even believe what he says? I spent the night at his house the other day, I thought he was going to sleep on the couch like he said, but instead crawled in bed with me when he got home. He didn't try to sleep with me, but me being less disciplined, tried to. He refused and said he didn't want to hurt me because he wants to leave the door open for the future. But eventually we did and stopped right away because I started crying. I don't know what to think. He says he needs to learn to find and accept himself and make something of himself first before he can be in a relationship again and that I broke his heart and is himself trying to heal. He is my best friend, and I love him sooo much and miss him. But I don't want to be taken in as a fool. I don't know if he thinks he's just giving me a piece of bone so I would stay and take him back just in case he doesn't find someone else. But for him to say he wants to have a child with me and still share a life with me.....well, that's pretty low. Tell me what you think please. Obviously I have deep emotions invested, so I can't always see the obvious. Also, before we broke up, we were in a 10 year relationship, a very long time. And despite what he says about marriage and all, he says there is no guarantee what the future holds, but that this is what his heart wants.

 

He says he wants to rebuild our friendship again...we had a life-altering fight, that was the reason for our break-up.

 

Should I cut off all ties and let him go and be free until he "finds' himself again? Or should I go along with "rebuilding" our friendship? Or should I just completely ignore him, move on and start healing myself?

 

Thanks!!

Edited August 28, 2011 by joanpaupau

[FrankieD]

You are in a tough situation.Maybe this little bit of info can help.

If your ex shows you a bit of interest, or seem more interested in finding and spending time with you more than ever, or if you notice signs that your ex is trying to flirt with you, it's a good bit of hope that it is how to get your ex back, but you must avoid jumping the gun .You ask yourself, "This is my ex do they want me back?" But even if you want to get back your ex you should not simply jump into things.The best way of interpreting things is to play hard to get (in moderation), which is probably what is best suited to any case. If you simply jump into things full force, then you may find your ex pushing you back again. In fact, if your ex is giving indications that he or she wants you back, then the odds are, it was you playing hard to get that led to the renewed interest in the first place.Usually when you break with your ex, or that he or she breaks up with you, there is a natural level of losing each other, or the desire to get back together. This is especially true following a relationship of a year or longer. Your ex is probably going to miss you no matter what, because of how many memories were shared together during this period of time.But there are other emotions at play, including the latest lament.If you're wondering, "How to get your ex back" is probably what you may be thinking .Sometimes, when an ex is interested again after a break, however, is just a game. They may see that you love them, and they may simply be trying to get attention, without actually intending to get you back.They can spend time together because they have no other prospects on the horizon.And worst of all, they can see it from far away, to avenge a perceived wrong.That's why it is important to not jump the gun, and why you should focus on reading the situation before acting on it.

 

This is common, and a lot of people find themselves wondering "does my ex want to get back with me?",and how to get your ex back, but the truth is, its better to get a feel for the situation before you act.In fact, if your ex wants to really get back to you when playing hard to get (in moderation)is the best situation because it does not allow you to get hurt. There is a lot more info here,Good luck Frankie D

http://www.getbacktheex.org/

Edited August 28, 2011 by FrankieD

[Coupedriver]

Wow FrankieD...you work with TW Jackson too..?? Help promote his book for a KICK-BACK of some sorts..? Get discounts..?? Your just another scam artist PRAYING on peoples emotions so you and TW can make money.You see Frankie..we have all of the LINKS to that book..The Magic of Making Up and its just like all of the OTHER.Why dot you go pedal your stuff some place else.

[Graceful]

I don't want to be disrespectful, because I know you are hurting, but you have to hear this, loud and clear. Just know I am saying what I am about to say to help you, because apparently no one else is helping you see what is right in front of your face. Okay?

 

So here it is.

 

Your ex is a seriously selfish, mentally ill, manipulative, delusional, commitment phobic nutcase.

 

Phew. Now that the cat is out of the bag, can you honestly tell me you didn't already know that? I had to pick my jaw up off the ground when you said you've been with this man for 10 YEARS, and you're still hanging on for hope, still don't see him for who and what he is, he's still manipulating you, and you're still falling for it hook, line and sinker.

 

This relationship has caused you to stand still in your life. You're afraid to move forward, you can't go back. He's stunted your growth, you're like a child waiting for Santa Claus, even though you're way too old to believe in him. It's as though you're sitting by the chimney, expecting him, just like a child.

 

He says I'm still his best friend, and that he still loves me very much and can't go on a day without thinking about me. but he also says he isnt ready to be in a relationship with me again. His step-sister recently had a baby. He took me to see them when his niece was born. He told me in a couple of years he hopes him and I will have our own together, and that he brought me to see them because he still loves me and still considers me a part of the family,

He, he, him, him, he, him -- What about YOU?? How can this man claim you as his best friend? Do you treat your friends like he's treating you? Come here, go away, not now, wait a minute, I'm not sure, wait a few years, no wait, come back, no yes no yes -- he has more excuses and has your head so twisted up you actually believed this crap.

 

And why do you want to be his friend? You want to marry your friend? Well, I have no intention of marrying a friend, I want a whole lot more in a romantic partner than friendship, and I hope you do too, because otherwise, you don't have much of a marriage in front of you.

 

He wants to have a baby with you?

Share a life with you?

Then he dates other women. Whaaat? No, wait. Please say you're kidding.

 

He says he needs to learn to find and accept himself and make something of himself first before he can be in a relationship again and that I broke his heart and is himself trying to heal. He is my best friend, and I love him sooo much and miss him. But I don't want to be taken in as a fool.

Well, hallelujah. You don't want to be made a fool, and I don't blame you. Ten, count them ten years is not long enough for him to know which way is up and which way is down?

 

Do you really want to be with a man like that? He sounds like a child.

 

 

Tell me what you think please. Obviously I have deep emotions invested, so I can't always see the obvious. Also, before we broke up, we were in a 10 year relationship, a very long time. And despite what he says about marriage and all, he says there is no guarantee what the future holds, but that this is what his heart wants.

What I think is that you did the right thing to break off with him; in fact, it was long overdue.

 

This man is a serious head case. He might be a nice person on the outside, but he's twisted up like a pretzel psychologically.

 

If you had a life-altering fight, 10 years down the road, then be glad it happened. Probably 10 years worth of wrath unleashed all at once if it was that much of a doozie.

 

Cut him loose, and yes, all ties. Let him go. Let yourself have the gift of a future. Ignore him. Heal, yes, that's what you need to do.

 

You're not getting any younger, are you? Do you want a life, a child some day, marriage to a responsible person who loves you? Then make sure that the walking papers you gave your ex are signed, sealed and delivered, lock the door, throw away the key and get yourself into a real relationship. Best of luck and again, no turning back. Done and done. Take care.

[SillyS]

I agree with everything graceful said above, and I have to say as you can see from her response. This story is upsetting on so many degrees.

 

You really need to find strength within and walk away from this entire situation. He has been wasting your time, and even worse, he wants to string you along like so many men do when his intentions are clearly otherwise.

 

First of all, the "he wants to marry me" line, I went through that with my ex. He wanted to marry me after 4 months, he wanted to ask me after 6, and he really wanted to the month he broke up with me. It's bull****e. When a man wants to ask you or marry you, they do. They do not talk about it, they just simply go for it. The men that just spent so much time dangling the marriage bait but never do are using the institution because they know that this is what you want. He's just attempting to control you, because he's hinting at the fact that maybe he will do something in the future. Don't you think you and anyone else that has experienced this deserves better?

 

So please realize this guy is simply no good, and you cannot keep putting yourself through this stuff. Life is too short for so many women to worry about men that treat us so badly because while we are busy with these idiots we are forgoing the opportunity to meet someone better for us.

[magnus mateo]

I agree with Graceful and SillyS. It is time to stop wasting time (your life). If marriage has not happened in ten years, chances are, it is not going to happen. And in the slim chance that it does happen, it will not be the type of marriage you want or have dreamed about. The storybook realm of this relationship expired many years ago. You need to stop what you are doing right now. Cut off all ties. And, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Edited August 28, 2011 by magnus mateo
grammatical errors

[lymtal1]

Go No Contact immediately and start healing from the pain that he is putting you through. Ask yourself that question. How much pain am I in and how long am I going to feel like this?

 

I think Grace told you the truth as much as it may hurt. We don't want you to continue to be put through this. He is doing you wrong. His words mean absolutely nothing. His actions are so much more profound.

 

He is doing everything he wants and you are allowing him to do it to you. I am sorry that this is happening to you and you have to trust that the advice you are getting is to help you move in a direction that is best for you.

 

You have to stop letting him control you and you have to start controling your life. Put him on the street where he belongs. He is not treating you with the respect you deserve.

[Graceful]

Seriously awesome advice in this thread.

 

We all want what's best for the OP and we backed each other up quite nicely; I can only hope she returns to her thread and listens, since we have solidarity in what she needs to do. You can lead a horse to water ... as they say. Let's hope she listens. Take care, all.