feels like i lost "the one"

[JohnEl]

i feel so alone. i screwed up with a girl that loved me more than anything in the world. she realyl did. she started to feel unappriciated and being taken for granted. she left. we were long distance for six months and two week before she moves home, she breaks up with me. i cant stop thinking about her! i dream about her, i thinkabout her no matter what im doing. i cry alot. i dont know what to do without her. i loved her so much, i just had a hard time expressing that love, especially bc she was long distance. i dont feel like ill ever get over this.. i feel like ill always be miserable unless she comes back but she wont come back. shs already dating someone else. i cant even go out with friends and have fun bc im so upset by this. i have been staying busy, working out, and trying to not be alone but it doesnt matter. i miss her no matter what i do. i want to see her so bad and i want to kiss her. i would give anything to go back in time a couple of months and be with her. i cant take this much longer. i love her so much, i was just scared to express my love for her and she took that as if i didnt love her. i was just scared of how serious it was getting but i also loved it. i didnt know what to do or how to handle it. im mad that she left. she didnt try to work on it. she said a few things here and there but nothing to make me think she wanted out.

 

i keep living in the past when thigns were good. i dont know what happened. everything sucks now. and shes so happy. im a mess. i keep thinking that she will call or text me sometime to reconcile but i know she wont. she has moved on from me and gotten on with her life. i dont know how to do that. i dont understand how she is dating someone else already. she started to date him the same week we broke up. it hurts so much. i know shes not coming back but i cant accept it. i feel like ill never find the love that she had for me ever again. i know i wont. she was the one for me and i know it. we were perfect together, just had a rough patch towards the end and she bailed too easily. im so lost right now. i dont know what to do. im doing what everyone is telling me to do (work out, stay busy etc) but nothing is working! i went out with friends last night, i almost started crying bc i miss her being out with all of us. and i thought about how shes out with her new guy and he gets to do the things i used to do with her. its been over 2 weeks of NC and everyday i think shes gonna call me and try to reconcile. i feel like NC will make her miss me but then i realize that shes happy and doesnt even think about me anymore. she doesnt love me at all anymore and its hard to understand how she can fall out of love with me so quickly. we were like family. she was basically my wife and she left me. and im blamming myself for a lot of it. i should have shown her that i cared more. i shold have made her feel loved but she didnt tell me she was so upset. how was i suppose to know. she broke up with me bc i was scared to show her how much she meant to me. i wanted to marry her but i was scared to tell her those things. i wasnt ready to take that step. i wanted to so much but just wasnt ready. so she left. after we broke up, i told her all these things and she said that its too late now. but she said if i would have told her when we were together, thigns might be different. she would have stayed with me if i wouldnt have been scared to tell her those things. that makes me feel so bad. this breakup could have been so easily avoided. we could/should still be together but were not and i dont know what to do anymore. im miserable without her. i just want her back but cant have it. i had her, and i threw it away. ill never forgive myself for that.