Is this really still the normal grieving process?

[Yuzuki]

Lately I've been wondering if I'm still grieving normally, or if this is worse (depression?). It's been around 1.5 months and I'm still crying several times a day. Often I'm teary-eyed the whole day and tears come out whenever I'm alone for a moment. Last Friday evening I broke down and cried for hours straight. When I see my ex or when I feel bad enough, I start shaking.

 

I think the main problem is that although a lot of people think they've lost "the one", I believe I actually did. I don't like the majority of guys. I've never even once liked a guy from my own country in my whole life (needless to say this was my first relationship). When I go on dating sites, I just feel bad because I know I would really not like these people (that's always been the case, even before this relationship). The few times I've had someone show interest in me earlier in life, I had to reject them because of this reason. And also, my main interest is something 95% of the population doesn't even know about, let alone likes.

 

This guy had dual nationality and two native languages (both different from mine), but lived closeby. He also had the exact same interest as me so for the first time in my life I could share it with someone. I guess I just think the odds of finding this again are basically zero.

 

Well, regardless. I'm really starting to doubt whether I'm still supposed to be crying about half the time I'm awake. It just doesn't seem normal to me? Or do others do this too?

[JohnEl]

Lately I've been wondering if I'm still grieving normally, or if this is worse (depression?). It's been around 1.5 months and I'm still crying several times a day. Often I'm teary-eyed the whole day and tears come out whenever I'm alone for a moment. Last Friday evening I broke down and cried for hours straight. When I see my ex or when I feel bad enough, I start shaking.

 

I think the main problem is that although a lot of people think they've lost "the one", I believe I actually did. I don't like the majority of guys. I've never even once liked a guy from my own country in my whole life (needless to say this was my first relationship). When I go on dating sites, I just feel bad because I know I would really not like these people (that's always been the case, even before this relationship). The few times I've had someone show interest in me earlier in life, I had to reject them because of this reason. And also, my main interest is something 95% of the population doesn't even know about, let alone likes.

 

This guy had dual nationality and two native languages (both different from mine), but lived closeby. He also had the exact same interest as me so for the first time in my life I could share it with someone. I guess I just think the odds of finding this again are basically zero.

 

Well, regardless. I'm really starting to doubt whether I'm still supposed to be crying about half the time I'm awake. It just doesn't seem normal to me? Or do others do this too?

 

its been about two months after the break up and two weeks of NC and i still cry everyday. i feel the same way. i feel like i lost the one peerson i can be with. i dont know how i could possible be with someone else. im so scared that im going to be alone forever or settle for someone thats not as good as she was. i think about her 24/7 and dream about her all night. i feel horrible and i blame myself for the breakup. i feel like i should be moving on or something by now but im not making much progress and im sad all the time.

[Dblock10]

its just the motions of breaking up with someone. its horrible

 

yuzuki, take up a new hobby that more people do!

 

i wish things could be easier, but they are not. just got to fight through it

[Good Arms]

1.5 months isn't long! It's perfectly natural to feel these emotions. Cry it out but tell yourself over and over that you weren't the problem and when your mind is on your ex (most of the time, no doubt, and I think that's normal) focus on the things about them you didn't like, even if they're little things.

 

I've lost my first love and I'm struggling too (9 months on )... and from the sounds of it you, like myself, have to see your ex around too. That makes it so much harder to distance yourself from the pain of the break-up. I think them being our first loves, it's hard for us to see them anything other than 'perfect', or 'the one', which is a big cruel lie that our hearts are telling us.

[Yuzuki]

Thanks guys, I feel slightly reassured. I was really getting worried... and my best friend also told me it doesn't look like I will get through this without any help. I don't really want to go to the doctor or anything though.

 

It's indeed a lot harder if you have to see your ex. I'm envious of the people who can just cut them out of their lives completely. I'm relatively okay during the weekend and on Monday morning, and a crying mess by the end of the week. But we'll get through this together (I hope).

[Migsy]

its been about two months after the break up and two weeks of NC and i still cry everyday. i feel the same way. i feel like i lost the one peerson i can be with. i dont know how i could possible be with someone else. im so scared that im going to be alone forever or settle for someone thats not as good as she was. i think about her 24/7 and dream about her all night. i feel horrible and i blame myself for the breakup. i feel like i should be moving on or something by now but im not making much progress and im sad all the time.

 

Hi,

 

I broke up with a woman which took basically 3 months for various reasons. We are now completely not speaking or have any contact. I still feel terrible and have cried and cried, analyzed, cried... this is over 3 months but I am beginning to feel better... and I just recently started taking an antdepressant which has helped beautifully... I'm not super happy and still feel sad about everything, but I don't feel overwhelmed. hang in there... it will get better.

[Yuzuki]

I'm starting to think I could also use some of that antidepressant. It's really getting ridiculous, all I do is cry. But I hate going to the doctor (especially the one I happily went to get contraceptives from only a few months ago, what is he going to think?). And I can't go without telling my parents, and a worried mother is a problem of its own.

 

Gosh.. I do hope it gets better in time. Thanks for your insight in any case.

[Good Arms]

I'm starting to think I could also use some of that antidepressant. It's really getting ridiculous, all I do is cry. But I hate going to the doctor (especially the one I happily went to get contraceptives from only a few months ago, what is he going to think?). And I can't go without telling my parents, and a worried mother is a problem of its own.

 

Gosh.. I do hope it gets better in time. Thanks for your insight in any case.

 

Don't be afraid to see your doctor if you feel you need some help. I'm the same, I'm always worried what they think, but if I look beyond my "over thinking everything", it really DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL what they think! They're just doing a job, they won't judge you, and depression (whether situational/temporary or chronic) is a very common thing for them to treat. It's just one appointment of many in their working day.

 

I'm trying to summon up the courage to go the doctor myself, as I know this is going on too long (and I know I've had some form of depression all my adult life without seeking treatment). My parents have seen how hard this has hit me and are encouraging me to go. My problem/excuse has been I don't like my registered doctor and wouldn't be comfortable going to him about this, yet social anxiety makes opening up to strangers extremely hard for me.

 

I found out recently that my brother-in-law (happily married with two young children) is permanently on anti-depressants. I had no idea. Yet he seems calm and happy with life... so it just goes to show, even when he has what we're craving - a stable, loving relationship - he feels the need for some extra help.

 

From what I've read results with different medications can vary from person to person, but by all means see a doctor, it can't hurt to try to get some extra help. There's absolutely no shame in it, just think of it as another part of your body that needs healing or pain relief. There shouldn't be any shame in telling your parents either, but I would imagine if you wanted to keep things from them then you could? Doctors will keep things confidential.