3yrs apart and we're both still in love and NOT coping

[Sunny-side-up]

Its been so long but I'm still not over it.

We broke up 3.5yrs ago (2008) after a 4 yr relationship. We toyed with getting back in the first few months but it was too soon... I started seeing someone else and so did he.

In that time we text each other from time to time.

 

Dec 2009

We were going to hook up over xmas but he called it off since he was trying to break up with his gf (Id already broken up with my bf), I told him never to contact me again.....

 

June 2010

I get a text telling me he still loves me. (I never replied)

 

July 2010

I called him to see how he was. After he sends me a text to say he hopes he gets the chance to say all the things he wanted to say but didnt whilst we were on the phone. I text him the next day "keep in touch". Then nothing.

 

Sept 2010

I text him to see how his "big deal" at work was coming along. He text me back suggesting we hook up. I called him and we got on well...

He told me how I've always been in his mind since we split, how he'd been making me music CD's but never sent them to me.

He promised that he'd send them and wanted to meet me but I was too busy at the time.

 

Oct 2010

He calls me to let me know a mutual friend is ill. I'd started seeing someone else at this point.

 

Dec 2010

Again, we were gonna meet to go to a gig but I couldnt get a babysitter and my BF wasnt happy about me meeting an ex so I cancelled.

 

JUly 2011

Since Dec I've sent him txts every now and again to see how he is. The usual happy birthday etc

 

Finally, I get a text to tell me the CD he promised back in Sept is in the post. Two arrived. The note explained how he'd dreamt of me recently

and had recorded one of the CD's whilst "getting over" this dream.

So, this CD, when I listened to it, contained "our" song.

 

I text him to thank him and ask him to clarify the "intent" of the CD. I mean... this is dragging along for sometime now.

 

He explained he'd recorded the CD for me because he'd owed it to me for sometime and he hoped that I'd like the tracks on it.

He'd selected all the tracks because he thought I might like them rather than for any sentiment that could be conveyed by the lyrics

(which just so happened to be about, "having it all", "not being alone" etc) aside of "our" tune, which, was on there because he was feeling nostalgic

after the dream he'd had. He also explained that there was a conversation he'd been meaning to have with me for sometime now but wanted to have it face to face and not by phone or text.

 

After much to and fro about meeting and long silences from him, I finally gave in and txt him "Are you happy?" and "Do you still love me?"

He responded immediatley, "of course I still love you but I need to talk to you about something, its not all good what I have to say".

So we met, that same day.... and he told me.

 

His girlfriend is 8mths pregnant. They were split for nearly 12mths (the same girl he split with in 2009) and only got back together based on the fact she became pregnant after a one night stand they had.

He's not in love with her. She wants to get married and buy a house, he's still in love with me but cant do anything about that until the baby is born.

He doesnt want to leave or upset her whilst she's having his baby.... And also because she does everything for him, clean, cook etc... shes the model wife.

However, he's planning that he'll have left her by the end of the year.

What a punch in the face that was.

Anyway, we talked and confessed our love... I also asked him for closure which he refused to give me.

He'll still think of me, he still loves me. He says. He doesnt want to make promises he cant keep to me. So, he won't leave me hanging by a thread,

nor start any kind of affair... He wont commit to being with me even though hes not committed to her, he needs his relationship to run its course.

 

We talked a couple more times on the phone. In the meantime, I'd broke it off with my BF.

 

And, I went away and thought long and hard whilst I was waiting for him to make a decision to either leave me alone or not.

 

Then I wrote him a letter. He has to let me go if he wants to make a go of it with her.

I have to move on and leave them be... its the right thing to do.

I'll still be his friend (I wont go NC like I did last time we had this scenario with her) and maybe we can catch up in the future when the birth

is over and things have settled. Perhaps then he can even tell his GF where he is next time.

 

So... what a mess...

 

My head tells me I've done the right thing. my heart hates me for it.

We've messed things up so badly...

 

I dont feel like I'll ever get over this... will I?

 

How do you get over a relationship where both parties are still in love?

 

Any advice would be appreciated.