istilllovehim Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Time after time, I read these posts on here about us OW who are letting our MM decide what they want. What really gets me is that we allow them to go home and try to work on their marriages, all the while telling them that if it don't work out, they can always come back to us. Why should we let them have that much control over us? I know it isn't really control, just us and our silly loving hearts wanting what is best for them. Why cant we just find a man who is unattached so that we don't have to be so understanding? I am getting sick of being understanding!!! I want a man who is mine!! A man willing to stand up to the world and tell anyone and everyone that our love is too strong to be broken, no matter who tries. I want a man where I don't have to feel guilty of keeping him from his family. I want a man who I can lay in his arms, and not wonder if tomorrow, will he be gone? I want a man who doesn't have to make excuses of why it is so hard to love me. I want love to be everlasting with no restrictions. Why do they have to be the victim in the situation. I mean here they are feeling torn because 2 women love them. Hey, I AM A VICTIM HERE TOO, AND SO IS SHE. Why is it that we give them the option? How many of you have ever heard of a MM/OW relationship working out in the end anyway. The statics probably aren't very high. Link to post Share on other sites
saintfrancis Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Amen to all that!! I have now put my foot down, and just as you say, he is now acting like HE'S the victim and I'M the one that's not committed enough to our relationship to see if there's a future!!!! (yes, he really did have the rotten balls to tell me that). Muther F***er. Link to post Share on other sites
Author istilllovehim Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 Yea, isn't that the greatest line. "I love you but you're not being fair, I understand your feelings and how hard this is on you but you're not being fair". My ASS. When my MM and I were talking and we decided that we wanted to be together. It was our agreement that he was to tell his wife and I was to tell my ex-husband who is currently in jail but was planning on returning to his child and me. I still have all the ex's clothes and everything. But after MM told his wife, I wrote my hubby a long and hard letter to let him know that it was over. As a matter a fact here is a copy of it: This is the hardest letter I will ever write in my life but I have to let you know where things stand. First and foremost you are ---------'s father and you always will be but I think it is time that you and I separate for good. I loved having you here in January and February but there was always that little something in me that felt as though it wasn’t going to work. You and I have been through so much and there were so many hard times and so much hurt that it is probably impossible for me to ever fully trust you again. I can’t help thinking back and feeling like such a fool. I loved you more than anything in the world including myself and you broke my heart. I will not let that happen again. And you are probably wondering if I am with someone else and if this is why I am writing you this letter. I am seeing someone else, someone from my past. I have always had strong feelings for him and he has for me too and we are going to see what the future has for us. But that is not the sole basis for my decision here. I have been giving it constant thought and feel this is the best choice for my life. You and I are just too different. We always have been. You have your life in Indiana with all of your family and friends and I have mine here in Missouri. You hated it here in Missouri and as long as you were miserable, I would be too. (Our child) has made so much improvement here and is happy here. He has a chance of having a successful life here and I am going to make sure he has it. I will give you as much visitation as you want. I will let you see him when you want, you’re his father and he loves you. I hate that you are not going to be a part of his everyday life but I have to do this. I really didn’t want to write this letter to you while you were in jail but you have the right to know. I do not want to lie to you or try to deceive you; I hope that we can have a good relationship for our son. There will obviously be some hard feelings but we are going to have to look past that for the well being of our child. I am sure you hate me right now and I can’t blame you for that but I have a chance to be truly happy and I want to try it. (Our child) will always be my number one in my heart; so don’t worry about me having someone around that isn’t good for him. I will continue to write you and let you know how (Our child) is doing if you want. I will let him know that you love him and will continue reading your letters to him. He loves you and always will. Now, I took that big step for him and he can't do it completely for me. Screw that!!! I gave up my SO for him, he promised to do it for me. I am about to become a real b*tch. I am tired of his crap. He isn't being fair to me and I am not about to lose my self-respect for him. Let's kick their a*ses. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Glad to see you're starting to come around. I HOPE and HOPE that you will continue to stand up for yourself and decide that it is NOT good enough. Now for the tough love: Hey, I AM A VICTIM HERE TOO, AND SO IS SHE. I find it hard to believe that the other woman is a victim in this situation. She can easily say 'No, I deserve my OWN man who wants to be ONLY with me" and wait for the man to be divorced before getting involved. The fact that she doesn't, doesn't make her a victim - it makes her easy prey. The reason he keeps re-appearing in your life is because you let him. You deserve more. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 I think you need to start living what you say. (Our child) will always be my number one in my heart; so don’t worry about me having someone around that isn’t good for him. I'm not saying you are a bad mom. I just think you need to remind yourself of the goal you set for yourself and to ask you to look deep inside and question if in fact you have done what you said you would. Based on previous posts, you have shown that his ex is a powderkeg ready to explode. Also he doesn't appear to be a stable, positive influence in your child's life. Get yourself and your child away from this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
saintfrancis Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 WOW! Holy Cow. I would like to kick his a$$ right now. I'll kick your MM's too!! Honestly, I don't *actually* think mine is a M** F**, but he IS acting irrationally right now, and it's making me feel really awful. I suppose I can understand, as Zara told me, HE feels like he has loved me with all his heart, and this is the way I respond. He just does NOT want to see the fact that this has been an unequal relationship for too long, and that I'm not going to accept that in my life anymore. To him, the only thing that matters is our feelings for each other. It's easy for him to feel that way when he isn't the one getting the raw deal. Feelings can only go so far and he doesn't want to wake up to that fact. Like I said in a different thread, no action. THAT'S really why I would like to kick his butt!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author istilllovehim Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 I do believe that I am a victim in this whole mess. I am a victim of my own in securities and a victim of this love and desire that I feel for him but mostly a victim of my own stupidity. I may not be his victim or her victim but I am still a victim. But, with saying that, I am not a victim because I allow it to happen but so does he. I told him last night that I was tired of feeling guilty of keeping him from living with his children. I told him that sometimes you have to sacrifice love for your children. He said, thats really scary isn't it. He also said, something kept us thinking about each other all of these years, maybe it was the way we parted. I completely understood what he said there! Maybe it was just the loss of love. Hell we had our chance all those years ago and it didn't work, what makes us think it will now. It is still the same tangled web with the same exact 3 people involved. It has always been him, her and me. She just didn't give up like I did. I got tired of it back then and took a stand. I am going to be the one taking a stand again, I just know it. She wont give him up. Link to post Share on other sites
scottskerik1973 Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Im with you but reverse the he's and she's. I think i would actually break down and cry if my wife would just plain love ME. I go to bed, work, or any where hoping when i see my beautiful wife she would have realized or woke up to what she has. (not tooting my own horn) Im a loving husband and I have and will time again stand up to this world and announce my love for her. there is no temptations out there for me i have what i want I wish she would feel or act the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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