Maxdax Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Okay. This is going to be a long post but I feel that I need to start from the beginning.* I have been with my partner for 8 years and we have been married for 10 months. *I am 44 and he is 40 and we have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. He is a wonderful father and a good husband but I don't fancy him. * There has been no sex or intimacy in our marriage for over a year but there were problems before that.* I had my doubts about being with him when we first started dating. After about 6 months, I decided to end it as I found that I didn't really fancy him. He was so upset and begged me not to go but I had made up my mind. I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders as I had been worrying about it. However, after a few months we got back together - it was me that had asked to meet up. I guess I was struggling being on my own as all of my friends were in relationships. Looking back, I can see how selfish that was of me. Of course he took me back and I put in a great deal of effort to try and make up for being so awful to him. * A couple of years later, we bought our house and I started having doubts again. I put it down to getting used to living with someone and getting used to each others quirks etc. *Then we decided to try for a baby. I eventually fell pregnant but that is when things started to go downhill. *I'd like to make a point here - I love to go out and enjoy myself and have a couple of drinks and have noticed that the only time I had sex with him was after I had had a few :0(. So, now I was pregnant and not drinking (and haven't really since then) and I was starting to show. My other half lost interest in the physical side of things so I asked him what was wrong. He said that he felt 'weird' because of my pregna cy so I accepted that. Thing is, the intimacy dried up then as well. He wouldn't even touch my 'bump'! I found it a little upsetting but accepted that that was how he felt. Anyway, our daughter was born and things got worse. He loves our daughter so much but I felt un supported in those early days. I had put on 3 stone in weight and felt like I had lost my identity - I had become a Mum but not a partner/lover. The sex had continued to be non-existent and to this day, I can probably count on one hand how many times we have done it!* Now, I am 'myself' again. I lost the weight, went back to work after a year off and am doing fine. *I work full time and love my job and obviously love my daughter to bits but I am finding that I am having doubts about my marriage. * Even though I went back to work etc, the sex thing never has gotten back to normal and there is absolutely no intimacy. When he proposed to me I was shell shocked. He said 'please say yes!' and I did, even though the last time we had sex at that point was 6 months earlier. *We married quickly and to be honest, I didn't get excited about it and didn't put too much of an effort into the preparation. *And now, I have gone and done the unthinkable and have been unfaithful to him. It started just before I got married, a good night out and a quick kiss with a guy that I have known for a few years. *We work together and have always gotten along well. *Nothing else happened and I put it down to wedding jitters but we have continued to see each other when we can, outside of work which, isn't very often. *I am quite surprised as the other guy is 15 years younger than me and I expected it to fizzle out pretty quickly. I really don't think that we have a future - how can we? The age gap is huge and I often wonder if it is just a physical thing, especially as I am lacking that in my marriage and have done for a long time. *The other guy is single and is probably enjoying the intimacy without the commitment. We are always intimate but don't often have full sex but there is a connection there. *I feel terribly guilty and**my husband is now trying to be affectionate towards me but I shrink away or freeze when he touches me. I have no desire to be intimate or affectionate towards him but he never questions it. Is he in denial?? He carries on like there are no problems and talks of long term plans and i find it hard to believe that he can't see that something is wrong *Has my relationship with my husband run it's course? Maybe it is me that is in denial? I end up looking after our daughter on my own a lot of the the time as my husband works shifts which makes me think that I might be better off on my own. *When we do spend time together, I become withdrawn and never suggest anything for us to do as a couple. We did go on a honeymoon to the most romantic place on earth but There was absolutely no romance. He did try to initiate sex but I was completely turned off, so he didn't bother again. *I won't even get undressed in front of him anymore and have started wearing shorts to bed and i go to bed at a different time to him whenever i can *in fact, i am relieved if he goes to bed earlier or wants to stay up later. *How do I go about bringing this all out in the open? I know that my husband would be devastated if I leave him, but i think he would become very angry towards me. *I can't stay with him for the sake of our daughter, even though it upsets me to think that I will break her family up.* Link to post Share on other sites
Zaphod B Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 IMO it sounds to me like you're flogging a dead horse. There is nothing there and both of you will never be fulfilled in that relationship. Seems as though it's time to move on. Both of you need to find someone who can fulfill your needs and desires, because at the moment neither of you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 IMO it sounds to me like you're flogging a dead horse. There is nothing there and both of you will never be fulfilled in that relationship. Seems as though it's time to move on. Both of you need to find someone who can fulfill your needs and desires, because at the moment neither of you are. Why do people bother posting on LS when it is so friggin' obvious. Nothing there, a mistake from the beginning and time to be happy. Of course you could ask for an "open marriage"...... Yes I am sorry, but these posts sometime are so redundant and have such a simple obvious answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Barrsitter Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Toodamnpragmatic nailed it. A disaster before it began. Forget it. Move on. Nothing there. Get some help. Learn to love yourself before making another bad decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maxdax Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 Thanks all. It may seem blatantly obvious to people out there but I needed outsiders' opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 But after a while on Loveshack you read this over and over. Will it be easy? No, but for everyone involved (including your child) a happy home is most important. If that means divorce it is not the end of the world. You both deserve to be happy. I read these posts and am sad. Don't listen to the one poster labeling you a cheater. That is outside the post and a different issue. Link to post Share on other sites
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