Please Stop Ruining Marriages!!

[liesandmorelies]

After reading some of these posts, I AM SICK TO MY STOMACH.

 

WHY CAN'T ALL OF YOU ADULTERERS LEAVE THE MARRIED MEN AND WOMEN ALONE. BE HONEST with your current spouse and PLEASE stop trying to TAKE AWAY SPOUSES from other marriages.

 

YOU ALL MAKE EXCUSES for your behavior (we are soulmates, etc) THAT IS BULL, you just have no ethics or morals or follow GOD'S WORD. IT IS UNACCEPTABLE, and I pray that you never try to seduce my future husband (if God blesses me with one).

 

There are no excuses for your behavior. Once you know that someone is married, HANDS OFF. I don't care how cute he or she is, steer clear of that person that you feel an attraction to. They may be vulnerable at that moment with you, but how about being a decent person and encouraging them to work it out with their spouse and then just stay away from them.

 

IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND CHEATING: That is the most vile thing you can do to your spouse, you are selfish and are stealing the time and life from your spouse. You are stealing their life from them day by day because you do not give them the opportunity to make a decision with ALL the FACTS. You need to tell them IMMEDIATELY!!! Then they have a chance to find love elsewhere or forgive you and work on fixing the problem.

[devastated]

I would have to say that you are right about the things that you said. I think that it is everyone's responsibility to respect marriage. Whether it be the spouse or someone pursuing a married person.

 

It is sad that there even has to be a place for people to go to when they have been betrayed by their spouse. I certainly wish that I never had to be here.

 

Unfortunately, I am not the first and I will not be the last to go through this and seek a place such as this, to find some sense to make of all of this.

[scottskerik1973]

I agree but the god thing, he dont have anything invested. I am a victim of adultry. This is what I learned and what discusses me. Who cares about the damage I received or her, our children were devistated and they will never outgrow or fully heal from the wifes flings. We have tried counseling for 1 year and they both still will not let it go(not saying they have to they will heal in their own ways). This makes me sick, to know that their future relationships and morals/values will more than likely be screwed up. All because of selfishness and someone not caring. If I could get one wish it would be if you committe adultry drop dead and quit screwing up the future. If getting laid thats important get divorced or seperated and keep the kids (the future) OUT OF IT!!!!!. You can try to hide an affair but they kids will know before your spouse, thats a promise.

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

I agree! AMEN! About time someone comes out and says it!

Some situations are a little different but MOST are just out right wrong! People need to learn the meaning of SELF RESPECT and HONESTY and oh my a really important one....FAITHFULNESS

[liesandmorelies]

Thank you for the positive responses. I just kept reading the posts at this site and people kept talking about soulmates and having a connection with other people outside of the marriage.

 

When I was with my boyfriend of 2.5 years (which I found out later he was only pretending to be single, but had a wife and kids living in Mexico), anyway, when I was committed to him, I barely even looked at other men in the eyes because I did not want to flirt or be taken the wrong way by them. Whenever I was introduced to a new man in the office or male aquaintance, and felt vibes coming from his side, I would make it a point to mention my boyfriend.

 

I had planned to marry him and that was my commitment to him.

 

When you are married, there are lines you just do not cross. You do not confide in other people about your marriage, you confide in your spouse.

 

That holds true for those who are not married. Please Please Please if you find a married man or woman attractive that you know, PLEASE do NOT act on those feelings. Find YOUR OWN man or woman who is not married. Do not mess with those who are SEPARATED either--B/C they are STILL MARRIED. Be the better person, why not try to influence the spouse to make steps to SAVE the marriage?

 

God will bless your own marriage one day in accordance to the self discipline that you show and the sacrifices that you make to respect the sanctity of marriage.

 

And if you know anyone who is cheating on their spouse or who is the OW/OM CONFRONT them, because it is NOT RIGHT.

 

Thanks for letting me speak my mind.

 

Try reading the Bible, because it says that God HATES divorce. So

[fathead]

I am an offending party. So I will chime in here, becuase I have the guts to do it I guess.

 

I am sorry.

 

I am sorry to all of you that people like myself have abused. You loved and trused us, and we destroyed your faith in us, and in people in general most likely. Mistakes are made in life, but this one is the worst of them all, this mistake is created by people like me.

 

I am your normal everyday guy. I work, I relax, I eat, I sleep, and I have needs like anyone else. My need at the time of my affair? Sex, and closeness. Am I going to say that my wife didn't give it to me? You bet I am. Am I going to say it is her fault? You bet I'm NOT. See, I didn't realize until now that my selfishness in life, and self centeredness made me unattractive to my wife. Thus her lack of desire to make love with me, and be close. Were either of us right? No. Should we have been in counceling? Yes. But my choice was to go find it elsewhere.

 

That was the biggest mistake of my life. I never knew how much it would hurt her, I simply never thought that far into it. I never thought how it could take away my sons father. I never thought how it effect her mother, my mother, her cousins, the friggen family dog, friends, co-workers, everyone. I hurt everyone in my life, because I couldn't look at my self for the a$$ I always was. I am sorry for that, and I am sorry to all of you for the person in your life that loved themselves more then they loved you. I have talked to Devistated a few times, and told her, that I actually feel bad talking to her, because she is "helping the enemy".

 

I don't know how she can try to help me, I did the same to my wife as her husband did to her. And that is uproot her life, make black white and white black, and destroy her dreams.

 

I am sorry to my wife, and trying to get her to reconsile, but I don't know if that can happen. I made a bigger wound then I ever imagined I could. But I will be here to help her heal, wether she wants me or not. I love her. And I am sorry to all of you, for being on the "team" of people who destroyed what you all thought was real.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you all, and your spouces that you can all do the right thing.

[Pyrannaste]

Very good post, but useless.

People who are hitting on other people's partners, and people who feel they have the 'right' to cheat because thay made up some poor excuses to themselves, won't be affected by what you wrote.

Your words- (amen to them ) won't be enough to knock some sense in all the OW and OM out there. They have to get hurt a few times, and hurt other people, to understand they are doing something wrong. And perhaps they won't understand even then.

[fathead]

Originally posted by Pyrannaste

Very good post, but useless.

People who are hitting on other people's partners, and people who feel they have the 'right' to cheat because thay made up some poor excuses to themselves, won't be affected by what you wrote.

Your words- (amen to them ) won't be enough to knock some sense in all the OW and OM out there. They have to get hurt a few times, and hurt other people, to understand they are doing something wrong. And perhaps they won't understand even then.

 

Well, I guess you are right, and I forgot to throw in there that I was married, and so was the OW.

 

 

If someone is sleeping with a married man/woman they should read my message and see what it will do to this person the supposidly "care" about or even "love". No one would put someone they love through this, if they knew ahead of time what it would be. I will say my wife tried to tell me, but I couldn't hear her.

[scottskerik1973]

thanks fathead. Unfortunetly as you are experiencing sorry doesnt heal the wounds. My wife has told me SORRY hundreds of times(never has it made me or our kids feel better). What does make me feel better or has in the past is first she acknowledged what she did, she then talked to me and tried to tell me why,what,when etc. This may sound sick but it helped (for me anyways). She then let me ask questions and talked open and honest. Although she couldn't answer all of them because she was/is still decifering what did happen and why. I think the last thing would be having my wife acknowledge she must and is earning trust(again) from me and our children.

 

once again THANKS and maybe you can use some of this to help reconcile with your wife.

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

When I was with my boyfriend of 2.5 years (which I found out later he was only pretending to be single, but had a wife and kids living in Mexico), anyway, when I was committed to him, I barely even looked at other men in the eyes because I did not want to flirt or be taken the wrong way by them. Whenever I was introduced to a new man in the office or male aquaintance, and felt vibes coming from his side, I would make it a point to mention my boyfriend.

 

It has seemed in the past that the "best" guys I met from Mexico (because in my history that's the only men i have dated) have either been "committed" or "married" back there and while trying to date me they were stringing along their kids and wife while making "supporting" them but claiming to be "supporting" their parents! Luckily I have found out before becoming seriously involved but if I hadn't and found out down the line I would have been crushed!

 

Luckily I have been with my hunny for over a year and a half and we're together from time he's off work till time he goes and I talk to his family all the time *every sunday* on the phone so cheating and him being married isn't really an issue! However I would be devastated if he cheated on me and I couldn't imagine cheating on him. I am the same way as far as making sure I don't flirt or give off the "flirtatious" vibe that I find so many other women do these days. It is down right disrespectful and I don't understand why when in a relationship with one person someone can go and search or even *accidently* find comfort and attraction with another person! I feel that if you're lacking something in the particular relationship you're in either fix it or move on! Why string someone along but then again I know there are a lot of selfish people out there who want what they want and don't care who gets hurt in the process of them getting it!

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

I made a few typos above sorry bout that!

[fathead]

Originally posted by scottskerik1973

thanks fathead. Unfortunetly as you are experiencing sorry doesnt heal the wounds. My wife has told me SORRY hundreds of times(never has it made me or our kids feel better). What does make me feel better or has in the past is first she acknowledged what she did, she then talked to me and tried to tell me why,what,when etc. This may sound sick but it helped (for me anyways). She then let me ask questions and talked open and honest. Although she couldn't answer all of them because she was/is still decifering what did happen and why. I think the last thing would be having my wife acknowledge she must and is earning trust(again) from me and our children.

 

once again THANKS and maybe you can use some of this to help reconcile with your wife.

 

I understand the shortcommings of being sorry in this situation. I have done those things,and am willing to do anything in my situation. I am not threadjacking here, but I was saying sorry to all those hurt, by people like me.

 

My whole story is in the Thread, started by myself, titled, I'm sorry, I cheated, I'm sorry, What can I do?

[devastated]

Temptation is the greatest evil anyone can succumb. If you put your self in a position where there is temptation you are playing with fire.

 

That being said.. I begged my husband not to work with this woman because I knew the type of person she was and I knew in my heart that something was going to happen before it even did. Everyone kept telling me that I was just feeling insecure and etc... Sure enough it did, before all of that happened I never could have imagined my husband having an affair. People used to tell me how lucky I was to have such a good man and I thought yeah.. yeah I am.

 

Well then came the explosion from hell. BOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!! A piece of me died. I am glad that my children are to young to understand what is going on they would be devastated. If the baby that the OW is carrying is my husband's we will have to explain to them why, and that is heartbreaking.

 

The ramifications of my husband's affair are extream.. lawyer's..legal separation, testing for STD's every day it is something new. I would'nt wish it on my worst enemy.

 

By the way glad to still see ya here Fathead.

[magda]

I've been hit on by married men so many times that I kind of have to laugh when you say to leave *them* alone. Can you tell them to stop calling me for lunch even though I tell them I'm not interested and that I have a boyfriend?

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

Calling you? How can they get your number unless you give it to them...

[magda]

I'm at work. That's how they know me.

[devastated]

I am sure that there are not many women or men for that matter that have not been "hit on" by someone that is already married.

 

I think that the point of the post is just that we all choose what we do with that moment of being "hit on". Whether we go with it or not.

[magda]

The point of my post was merely that they are trollin for an affair. Someone is going to give them one. In my opinion their marraige is already ruined - before any "other woman" becomes involved to catch the wife's wrath.

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

Very true at least Magda you have enough respect for yourself to say "no" to these creeps!

[devastated]

Most definately there is already a problem with the marriage if the spouse is "trollin" that is for sure.

 

But I would prefer that if my marriage was already having problems that an affair would not be entered into the mix.

 

But like you said someone will always be there to comply.

[befuddled11]

First let me say, cheating repulses me. I have never in any of my relationships cheated, or even come close. My ex husband was a pathological, compulsive cheater, and I've been in relationships where I was cheated on. I know the pain and devastation.

 

I have the utmost respect for marriage.

 

But having said that.....if we're going to cast blame on the "other woman" and "other men" and such, and be so furious at them for "stealing our spouses", let's think here for a minute: Nobody can be stolen without their consent.

 

For those who have or are experiencing infidelity within their marriage, it is likely EASIER to put all the blame on the Other Man/Woman........but let's be real. THEY are not the ones who walked down the aisle and committed their life to you. They are not the ones who promised in their marriage vows that they'd forsake all others. It was the husband or wife (the CHEATING husband or wife).

 

It takes 2 to tango. Any spouse, man or wife, can resist the temptations of a coniving, skanky "other man/woman" who's trying to "steal them" if they want to, and are fully committed to their spouse and marriage.

 

In addition, as we find from reading many of the posts here, a lot of Other Men/Women are lied to by these married people.........they enter into the relationship having no clue that the person is really married........or they're told big boldfaced lies about the person being "separated" or "a month away from the divorce being final" when in fact it's all BS.

 

I'm not condoning people who knowingly get involved with those who are married. I have no idea how they can feel good about themselves or sleep at night...or why they'd be willing to settle for being someone else's "side-dish", or settle for the lies and a few crumbs that their MM or MW tosses their way.......but let's not forget that there's blame to be doled out to the MARRIED PERSON...........MORE, in my opinion......as they should know better, for they stood before God and family and friends and promised to be true til death.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by magda

I've been hit on by married men so many times that I kind of have to laugh when you say to leave *them* alone. Can you tell them to stop calling me for lunch even though I tell them I'm not interested and that I have a boyfriend?

 

Indeed. What is it with some married people. I guess their own marriage sucks and they're too lazy to work on it or something so why not hit on others... What is it with married women who get all huffy and indignant when one turns them down (Well, well..you're gay aren't you!!). Sorry, but I don't mess with married women.

[lilmoma1973]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=blue][/color]

i feel the pain of all you guys been there done that ... i don't understand why people feel the need to cheat . whats the point cause 9 times out of 10 the grass isn't greener on the other side .. all relationships are the same and if you love someone you need to try to stick it out with the exceptions of abuse both physically and mentally ..

[reservoirdog1]

It's a good point, befuddled. Obviously the majority of the blame must fall on the cheating spouse, rather than the OP. The cheating spouse swore vows and made a conscious decision to break them. They knew full well what they were doing, and that it was wrong, and that they were embarking on something that was laden with disrespect, betrayal, dishonesty, and, ultimately, pain for the spouse they were cheating on.

 

And, blame can be apportioned to the OP, if he/she knew that the cheating spouse was married... and even more so, in my book, if they knew the betrayed spouse. OPs have sworn no vows with the betrayed spouse, that much is true. But they have an implicit agreement as members of the human race that they won't screw them over. It's not that much to ask; a lot of us manage to go through our day to day lives, pretty consistently NOT screwing over other people.

 

The other thing that applies in some situations and makes OPs even more reprehensible is where they know that the cheating spouse is unhappy, or have reasons to think they are. In my situation, OM#2 started screwing TBXW within about 8 weeks of the wedding. He knew she was newly married. It's a reasonable assumption that he must have thought, "hmmm, she's newly married, why in the world would she want to cheat already? She must be unhappy." He could have helped, if he'd been the "friend" she claimed he was. But no, he took his pleasure with her, for months. Basically, he used her for his own selfish ends. She was unhappy and, consequently, thoughtless and selfish. He was purely selfish. I've said this to TBXW, though I don't know if she agrees or not.

 

Anyway, that's my $0.02.

[FolderWife]

WOOOO HOOO!! AMEN LISA!!!